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May 10 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Verify.
A workaround: ask your boyfriend to get a (handwritten) note from his other guy saying "yeah, whoever-you-are, I'm fine with you fucking [Boyfriend'sName] as long as X, Y, and Z conditions are met. I just don't want to know." It's not perfect - he could still ask someone else to forge it (presumably you know your boyfriend's handwriting) - but he'd at least have to put some effort into lying to you.
Apr 21 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Apart.
@5 I wouldn't say that, necessarily - I love giving head and I think my own smell/taste is disgusting. (Differing biology down there and all, but still. I'd probably make a terrible lesbian.)

BLOW, have you actually sat down and talked about it? Does she object to the taste, the implied degradation (how some people interpret the act), the whole idea of having your genitals within touching distance of her mouth, or what? Is she willing to even kiss your dick, or is that too much? I think "I don't like the idea of you coming in my mouth" is a valid issue, but "ewww I won't even kiss you when you're just out of the shower and I'm touching nothing but clean skin" is totally different - and should be treated differently by both you and a therapist. (And for god's sake, find a new therapist!)
Mar 12 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sure You Don't..
I'm with #6 - my husband and I both have our own tastes in porn, and I'm fine with that, but we've actually talked about it and we have rules for each other. (He doesn't want my porn/fanfic/erotica to hurt our actual sex life, which is valid, and I don't want him actually spending money on anything that's not ethically sourced (for lack of a better term) or which involves a 2-way communication with someone who isn't me. I'd have a big problem with finding out he was spending money camming. It's not an unreasonable thing to take issue with - IF you actually communicate first. If you think owning a Playboy is just as bad as seeing an escort, though, how is he supposed to know where your "that's too far" limits are?
Feb 10 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: She Might Be Playing You.
Look at it from her point of view for a minute - she's a human being, presumably interested in a relationship, and she's got a job a lot of guys would judge her for. Where is she going to have a good chance of meeting a potential partner? She could always try the normal places, bars/dating websites/etc. - but she's probably got a pretty long history of finally telling guys about her job only to be slut-shamed for it. And then she meets you, and something clicks, and you *already* know about her job and seem to like her anyway, and you're not going to insist she quit . . . I can definitely see why dating a client might have some appeal. That's not to say that all sex workers would even consider it, but it gives her a plausible reason for "why now?" rather than that she's playing you.
Feb 9 Slartibartfast commented on MSNBC Reports on First Same-Sex Marriages in Ala-Fucking-Bama.
Alabama still isn't all there yet - only seven counties in the whole state are actually issuing licenses, and most of those are flat-out refusing to do ceremonies. Mine (Madison County, the one in the picture) has a whole contingent of volunteer pastors, florists, bakers, etc. all in the square next to the courthouse, so couples can get their paperwork and then walk over to the park for a free wedding. (Any couple, not just same-sex!)

I'm taking my 6yo over there after school to hand out flowers (dandelions) - she does it all the time anyway, gives flowers to strangers, but this may be the one time in her life that people actually do appreciate it. And I'd love for her to have a story to tell her kids someday, of "I was there when."
Feb 2 Slartibartfast commented on SAVAGE LOVE.
BIBFAULT - you're not the only one out there. By far. Here's what most of the rest of us do:

1) buy vibrators, toys, etc, both for yourself and for you as a couple

2) Enjoy having sex with your husband as a loving, bonding activity, even if you rarely or never orgasm from the things he likes.

3) Watch porn, read erotica, get into fanfiction. Have a discussion with your husband in which you're both open about the other being allowed to masturbate, allowed to watch porn (within whatever parameters you're comfortable setting, e.g. no webcam chats), and neither of you feels like they have to hide it or be guilty.

4) Sometimes when you have sex together, if you're close but not quite there, pull out your vibrator and finish yourself off. Or direct HIM in how to finish you off. Or kick him out, go read dirty smutty fanfiction, and THEN get yourself off.

5) Don't let anyone tell you your sex life isn't "right" - if it's something that makes you happy, even if it's not perfect simultaneous multiple orgasms every time, it's FINE and you're doing it right.

Good luck.
Jan 31 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ball Ache.
For those of you dudes who have never been a parent and thus don't know the details about post-pregnancy fertility:

After a woman has a baby, she can't have sex for six weeks without risk of injury. Then for as long as she's breastfeeding, she can't use ANY hormonal birth control other than the progesterone-only pill, which is significantly less effective and many women can't take anyway. Breastfeeding does lower the chances of conception, but not to zero - and it's not an "on or off" thing. By the time the baby is eight or nine months old, you're usually only feeding them once a day - but you still can't use better birth control, even though the natural defenses against pregnancy are lessened. Once the woman stops breastfeeding entirely, she can go back on hormonal birth control (which takes another few weeks to kick in fully).

My guess is they weren't doing the rhythm method or whatnot - she was probably breastfeeding (with or without being on the progesterone pill) and they were counting on that to be reliable birth control. It's not. Now, if she lied about THAT - skipping pills, etc. - then yes, she's being an asshole. But if the husband just assumed that "50-90% reliability" was enough and didn't do his research, it's his own fault for not bothering to use a condom like every other new parent for the several months before regular birth control methods can be resumed.
Jan 29 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Betrayal and Ballache.
Wow, LW - way to take absolutely no fucking responsibility for your birth control decisions. "She lied about the time frame of 'being safe?'" Was your Google broken? Were you unable to take even the most basic of interests in figuring out how to prevent yourself from impregnating someone? Are you now unable to afford condoms?

The vasectomy issues suck, no question. It's a medical problem and you definitely should get that taken care of. But you need to do some serious thinking - did your wife intentionally entrap you into a second kid, or were you just too lazy to do your own research? (Or just unlucky? That happens too, you know . . .) If you can't forgive her for what you feel is a terrible deception, then yeah, your marriage is probably over, despite the kids. But if you do some soul-searching and realize that maybe - if you can get your medical problems ironed out and since you're going to be a father to two kids no matter whether you're married or not - you want to actually be there as a family for them, you might want to look into counseling or whatnot and see if there's a chance you and your wife can forgive each other.
Jan 15 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Your Kid Could Be Queer (But So Could Anyone's Kid).
@8 I post here because we don't have anything like Dan Savage in my neck of the Bible Belt. Believe it or not, sex advice is one of those nicely universal things - and people outside Seattle do, on occasion, choose to have sex.

Oh, also worth pointing out, @2 wasn't responding to me, since I wasn't the letter-writer. And the letter-writer didn't mention anything about Alabama. But good on you for your "very smart reader" skills.
Jan 15 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Your Kid Could Be Queer (But So Could Anyone's Kid).
My daughter is six. We live in Alabama. I ended up chaperoning a field trip with her first-grade class, for which one of the other chaperones was the mom of my daughter's best friend.

And on the way there, my daughter very enthusiastically told her friend's mom "They're going to change the law so boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls and when they do I'm going to marry [friend] because we love each other SO much!" The look on the mom's face was somewhere between stunned and horrified, and she still hasn't called me back about setting up a playdate.

The thing is, though, my daughter also came home recently and announced "When I grow up I want to marry a girl instead of a boy because boys say 'fart' and 'butt' a lot." With reasoning like that, I'd expect 95% of girls to grow up lesbians :-P

I think it's just a stage that kids with LGBTQ-tolerant parents will have to go through - the point at which they can't differentiate "friendship" and "love" with "romantic love." It coincides with gender identity solidifying (girls like pink, boys like blue, girls play with girls and boys play with boys) and hey, if you can marry anyone you want and all your friends are the same gender, it makes sense that you'll marry one of them! It's not until puberty hits, later on, that they suddenly figure out there's more to romantic attraction than friendship.

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