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Jan 3 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love.
YMMV dramatically on the social dance thing, but it's a good suggestion. PLEASE, though, before you go:

1) bathe
2) don't douse yourself in cologne/perfume
3) find out the social rules for the venue you're going to before you start soliciting dance partners
4) don't go in expecting to treat it like a nightclub or other hookup spot

I say this as a woman who has done her fair share of social dancing and who has been creeped on one too many times, but it's not just men who do this. Expect to find a high percentage of odd ducks in this kind of environment. Your chances of meeting someone are better if you look like you actually enjoy dancing, though, instead of acting like it's a tedious step prior to getting laid.
Jan 22, 2016 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Who's Your Survey Monkey? I'm Your Survey Monkey!.
Probably would be worth a follow-up: "ARE you in a sexless marriage? Have you been cheated on in the past?"

From the responses you've gotten from readers over the years, it sounds like a fair percentage of people are already in sexually unfulfilling marriages. That's why there's porn and erotica and fanfiction.
Aug 20, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on About Josh Duggar's Ashley Madison Account.
@3 It's not just the name on the account - it was paid for with a credit card in his name, billed to his grandmother's house, and connecting with women in the various places he was living. I mean, if you wanted to steal a credit card and then only hook up with partners where the person you stole it from was living I guess you could, but it's certainly not the easiest route.
Aug 14, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Dad Tells Teenage Daughter That Her Mom Turned Him Gay.
No, Dan, just . . . no.

A much more appropriate answer would be "Honey, it's inappropriate for your father to be complaining about his sex life to you, and I wish you didn't have to feel in the middle of things. We stopped connecting sexually a long time ago and it just took a while for our marriage to catch up and reflect that. It's not your fault or my fault and it's really not his fault either - I think he's always been interested in men, but it's taken him this long to get himself ready to admit that. He and I are both happier not being in a relationship together, but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate the time we had together and it doesn't mean we aren't glad we had you."

Yes, I know the girl is a teenager, not a small child - but divorce fucking sucks, and every kid can use the reassurance that (rational worry or not) it's not their fault.
Jul 24, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: How Can a Teacher Show Support for a Trans Student with Unsupportive Parents?.
+1 to the last name thing. I'd also see if I could talk to the student sometime early in the year to say

1) "I'm literally NOT ALLOWED to refer to you by pronouns your parents don't approve and I think that's wrong but it's out of my hands"


2) "You can come to me if you are having problems with the school or with other students and at the very least I will try to get you access to the resources you need."

Trans teens with disapproving families have VERY high rates of attempted suicide and other issues - and having even just one adult ally can be a big help. Especially if that ally is able to vet others - find out if the school nurse is transphobic but the vice-principal is not, etc.
Jun 12, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Monogamous Commitments vs. Monogamous Ultimatums.
Is there a reason "no" isn't an option? As in, "Sorry, honey, but NO I'm not able to be monogamous with you?" You're the one who's okay with the agreed-upon status quo - monogomaish, living together, picking up someone new every once in a while. If she's got a problem with that, she either needs to come up with a solution you can live with or she needs to be the one to voluntarily give up the financial support and whatnot that you're giving her. She doesn't just get to say "I want everything you offered and then some" without you getting veto power.
May 10, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Verify.
A workaround: ask your boyfriend to get a (handwritten) note from his other guy saying "yeah, whoever-you-are, I'm fine with you fucking [Boyfriend'sName] as long as X, Y, and Z conditions are met. I just don't want to know." It's not perfect - he could still ask someone else to forge it (presumably you know your boyfriend's handwriting) - but he'd at least have to put some effort into lying to you.
Apr 21, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Blown Apart.
@5 I wouldn't say that, necessarily - I love giving head and I think my own smell/taste is disgusting. (Differing biology down there and all, but still. I'd probably make a terrible lesbian.)

BLOW, have you actually sat down and talked about it? Does she object to the taste, the implied degradation (how some people interpret the act), the whole idea of having your genitals within touching distance of her mouth, or what? Is she willing to even kiss your dick, or is that too much? I think "I don't like the idea of you coming in my mouth" is a valid issue, but "ewww I won't even kiss you when you're just out of the shower and I'm touching nothing but clean skin" is totally different - and should be treated differently by both you and a therapist. (And for god's sake, find a new therapist!)
Mar 12, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: Sure You Don't..
I'm with #6 - my husband and I both have our own tastes in porn, and I'm fine with that, but we've actually talked about it and we have rules for each other. (He doesn't want my porn/fanfic/erotica to hurt our actual sex life, which is valid, and I don't want him actually spending money on anything that's not ethically sourced (for lack of a better term) or which involves a 2-way communication with someone who isn't me. I'd have a big problem with finding out he was spending money camming. It's not an unreasonable thing to take issue with - IF you actually communicate first. If you think owning a Playboy is just as bad as seeing an escort, though, how is he supposed to know where your "that's too far" limits are?
Feb 10, 2015 Slartibartfast commented on SL Letter of the Day: She Might Be Playing You.
Look at it from her point of view for a minute - she's a human being, presumably interested in a relationship, and she's got a job a lot of guys would judge her for. Where is she going to have a good chance of meeting a potential partner? She could always try the normal places, bars/dating websites/etc. - but she's probably got a pretty long history of finally telling guys about her job only to be slut-shamed for it. And then she meets you, and something clicks, and you *already* know about her job and seem to like her anyway, and you're not going to insist she quit . . . I can definitely see why dating a client might have some appeal. That's not to say that all sex workers would even consider it, but it gives her a plausible reason for "why now?" rather than that she's playing you.