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Oct 24, 2013 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Yeah, I would do that... If I could figure out how to get a condom on a penis correctly without ruining the mood. It's like the male equivalent of taking your bra off through your sleeve.

LOL. :D For me, the equivalent of the bra thing is undoing a guy's jeans. It seems simple in theory but in practice...not so much.

So if someone can come up with some kind of signal that says "come and get it...if you dare" for men, I'm sure I wouldn't be the only grateful woman.

Looking one's partner in the eye while beginning to jerk off seems like it would work.
Oct 23, 2013 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
She initiates when she's horny/sexually frustrated, but she obviously has a lower libido than you do and gets horny/sexually frustrated at intervals that leave you frustrated.

I actually feel like Dan is being too quick here to subscribe to the stereotype that women have lower libidos than men.

LW has explicitly said that his girlfriend always responds positively when he initiates sex, but doesn't initiate, herself, unless it's been an abnormally long time since they've fucked and she's getting frustrated.

This could mean that she has a lower libido. Or it could mean that her libido is just as high as his or higher but she's just not comfortable initiating for whatever reason. Maybe initiating just doesn't occur to her. Women aren't exactly trained by society to be sexually aggressive.

And so maybe when bf stops initiating sex for a while, gf is in fact thinking "Goddamn, I'm horny. Buuuut, if bf wanted sex, he'd start something up, so I guess he's not in the mood and I should try to respect that." Then a few more days go by and she's so horny she just snaps, overrides what she thinks is her bf's lack of interest, and jumps him.

There's no way of knowing what's actually going on in her head unless her boyfriend uses his words and asks her what's going on there.
Jun 12, 2013 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Wow. I feel like Dan really dropped the ball on letter #1. What I got from that letter wasn't "I am such a selfless person that I'm really, really invested in helping my cousin explore his kinks more," it was "my cousin is indirectly using me as a sexual outlet - talking to me about things that clearly titillate him - and it's awkward and icky because he's my goddamned cousin and I'm not interested in him or his kink, so how can I make this stop?"

And Dan essentially said "Oh, you can't. You have to just sit there and take it."

Jul 27, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
In an ltr you two should find alternate ways.

You know nothing about my relationship so it's laughable of you to try to tell me how to conduct it.
Jul 27, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Condom use is a big issue with the femenists because it is ALL about power. Men hate them. If the woman cares about her man she will try to accomadate.

Condoms can make sex less pleasurable for guys. Other methods of birth control can make a woman miserable - not just during sex but all the goddamn time.

Fucking right when I insist on condoms it's a feminist thing. I don't want to live in a world where a guy's interest in getting off to his exact satisfaction trumps my right to be healthy.
Jul 25, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
#33: I totally see what you're saying, and I agree with it - if she's not trying to leverage the sex into a relationship then he's not cheating her out of anything by fucking her and then saying "BTW, I've started dating someone so we can't have sex anymore." (If that's even where he was going with that, which we don't know for sure because the letter writer cut him off.)

BUT the post-sex "I can't do this anymore" disclosure means that they just had their last sex ever, with him knowing it the whole time and her having no idea until after the fact, which seems kind of mean. I love sex, and if I'm about to go from gettin' some on a regular basis to getting nothing, I want as much warning as possible. If I know it's the last time, I'll savour it that much more.

Having The Talk after the sex just feels sketchy, like he's withholding relevant information.
Jul 25, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.

LITL, Dan was kinder to you than you deserve.

Your guy opened up to you right at the outset and you basically squashed him. I bet that felt really warm and fuzzy to him when you shot him down that first time...

You've treated him harshly twice [emphasis mine] now. If you really truly want him back now, and want him to trust you despite how you treated him, it's time to grovel a little. Go ahead and tell him all the things Dan said. But he left out an important one: "I'm really sorry I was such a bitch."

1) You open with a weirdly bitter-sounding rant describing this woman as "squashing" a guy who "opened up to her" when all the letter actually says is "he told me that he was interested in a relationship, and I told him that I wanted to keep things purely casual." We have no idea how it actually went down.

2) You refer to her as treating him harshly twice. I presume you mean once when she kicked him out of her apartment, and once when she initially told him she didn't want a relationship with him. Again, the letter doesn't say that he fell sobbing at her feet and she shat in his mouth while screaming "You don't deserve my love, you pathetic sack of shit!" far as we know, he was like "so, I'd like us to date" and she was like "I don't think I'm into that." That's not being harsh with him; that's simply expressing that she has different expectations for their interaction. It's a harsh situation - it always sucks when the person you have feelings for doesn't return them - but unless she left a lot of stuff out of the letter, she wasn't being "harsh".

3) You say that Dan wasn't mean enough to her and essentially call her a bitch. That seems awfully judgemental - she had one incident where she acted erratic and angry with this guy because she'd been repressing feelings for him. This merits an explanation, an apology, and a note-to-self not to repress feelings again - which is pretty much what Dan recommends. But for some reason you seem to want Dan to yell at her and then for her to crawl over broken glass or something, and yeah, I can't help but link your vindictiveness to all the stuff about her "squashing" a guy who had opened up to her.

And that would be why I interpreted your original post as "a woman shouldn't be allowed to feel differently about a guy than he feels about her." You just seem entirely too hung up on the part of the story where she says she doesn't want a relationship, and how "harsh" that was and how she's a bitch who deserves to grovel.
Jul 24, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Your guy opened up to you right at the outset and you basically squashed him. I bet that felt really warm and fuzzy to him when you shot him down that first time.

So a woman is never allowed to feel differently about a guy than he feels about her? She should've put on a big fake smile and said "Okay, let's have a relationship!" through gritted teeth, but because she asserted her own opinion she's a bitch?

Yeah, it sucks to hear "I don't want to date you" right after sex. The awkwardness could have been partially defused if the two of them had had the "where is this going" discussion before sleeping together, but I guess neither of the two people involved in the sex chose to have that talk upfront.

Do you see where I'm going with this? The letter-writer could possibly have saved the guy's feelings by going "So, this is just a casual thing, right?" before the sex happened...but he could have clarified the situation at that point, too, and didn't. So let's not act like this chick is a bitch who horribly shot down some poor innocent guy.

The fact that she suddenly (from his perspective) freaked out on him at the end there certainly was unfair...but that would have been solved by her continuing to communicate her thoughts as clearly as she had at the outset. Telling the guy what she wanted from him is the solution to this problem, not the cause.

A devil's advocate type could easily blame the whole debacle on this guy's apparent tendency to drop emotional bombshells on a chick right after fucking her. (Personally I don't "blame" either of them exclusively for this mess; seems as if they both need to work on their timing and communication skills.)
Jul 12, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Secondly, while you [GIMP] quite reasonably feel deeply violated, just as any woman whose juvenile boyfriend posted her nude pics without permission might, her motives (like those of the juvenile boyfriends) might be less about exploiting you than about bragging. And there is a world of difference...most of which is made up of respect and admiration...which are the things which differentiate being objectified versus appreciated.

Um, no. I'm afraid posting a person's pics without asking permission (in fact knowing that they don't want you to!) is still objectification, even if you're doing it to brag. A person who sees their partner as a person would respect their opinions, preferences, etc. instead of just going ahead and posting pics online the same way they'd post pics of their shiny new car or iPhone.
Jul 12, 2012 perversecowgirl commented on Savage Love.
Let me get this right, GIMP. Just because someone is attracted to people in wheelchairs disqualifies that person from dating you if you are in a wheelchair?

A fetish - as others have said - is different from an attraction.

I'm 6' tall. I've been with a number of guys who said they liked this. And then there was that one guy I made out with who kept saying "you'" and just flat-out staring at me with his mouth hanging open. Whole different vibe there.

And whoever pointed out that liking a disability is really damn different from liking a particular bodily feature is bang on. I would never want to be with someone who was attracted to me because they thought I was weak or helpless. Just ewww.