BlackRose
report this user
Feb 1, 2013 BlackRose commented on The Problem with Polynormativity.
@33: Did you see this article on polyandry? http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archive…
Jan 8, 2013 BlackRose commented on You're a Sex Addict, I'm a Sex Addict, We're All Sex Addicts.
@55: Yeah, I agree that he makes it sound too easy. It's as if he's saying "You just like being depressed and don't want to make decisions to do anything..." Agreed that it is very difficult to break habits and you can't just snap out of it.

Change of any sort is very difficult, but it is ultimately up to the person with a harmful habit to make the decision and fight for it.
Jan 8, 2013 BlackRose commented on You're a Sex Addict, I'm a Sex Addict, We're All Sex Addicts.
@34, 51: As I understand it, responsible mental health professionals diagnose and treat situations where people have a problem with compulsive sexual behavior as a type of OCD. OCD responds to medication and to cognitive therapy. There are indeed people who have sexual obsessions and compulsions, but this isn't "addiction" and mislabeling and misdiagnosing it as such not only prevents people from getting help, but also pathologizes all of us horny bastards.
Mar 29, 2012 BlackRose commented on SL Letter of the Day: Three One-Word Answers.
@78: Some people very strongly need their partner into it. Some people don't. Some people even get turned on by their partner not being into it, or raping their partner, or manipulating their partner. This last group is best served by role-playing the fantasy, obviously.
Jan 27, 2012 BlackRose commented on SL Letter of the Day: Coming Unclean.
@78,79,80:

If we lived in a world where it just wasn't realistically possible for anyone to have a non-monogamous relationship, then yes, it would be ok to lie about seeing sex workers or having an affair. Monogamy isn't reasonable, but if you have to agree to it to have a relationship, you have to agree to it and break your promise.

If we lived in a world where it was just as easy to find a non-monogamous relationship as it is to find a monogamous one, then it wouldn't be ok. There'd be no reason to lie: just break up and find a non-monogamous one.

The problem is, we're somewhere in between. Nonmonogamy is a lot more common now, but there's still some difficulty people have in finding happy non-monogamous relationships, probably more so for older people in more conservative areas. Hell, it's hard for people to find happy relationship of any kind sometimes, especially if they're unattractive for whatever reason. So I don't think this is a black and white issue.
Jan 25, 2012 BlackRose commented on Savage Love.
@264: Agreed about tickling, but that's clearly a very different situation and very different kind of "laugh" than the coy giggle Kate is talking about.
Jan 25, 2012 BlackRose commented on SL Letter of the Day: Coming Unclean.
@56: Right, if it's really a compulsion, then it won't be easy to stop. But maybe it's just something he did a bit and doesn't feel the need to do again.
Jan 25, 2012 BlackRose commented on Savage Love.
@20: That was my exact thought as well. RAW's bf is clearly a virgin also.

@9: You should never use soap on mucous membranes such as the anus and vagina.
Jan 25, 2012 BlackRose commented on Stranger Commenter Decides to Brag on Obama's Behalf.
Romney is looking better and better every single day.
Jan 25, 2012 BlackRose commented on SL Letter of the Day: Frustrated Sex Columnist.
If you insist on staying with him, here's what you do: Tell him sex is really important to you and you'll be miserable without sex every day, so he needs to give it to you even if he doesn't "feel like it," if he actually cares about you. Him not feeling like it doesn't matter: it's something he does to please you, like a massage. Tell him you can't continue the relationship otherwise, then test him out and see if he sticks to it for the next year.

That'll show you just how much he cares about you.

Same goes if the genders are reversed. I really, really wish everyone who complains about a sexless marriage/mismatched libidos would do this. Because the real issue isn't the sex, it's the partner not giving a fuck about your happiness.