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pastaefagoli
New York, NY
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TMI

  • Dan Savage or Charles Mudede
  • No legs and a million dollars or A million legs and no dollars
  • What song do you want played at your funeral?: anything Andrew W.K.
  • What song do you never want to hear again?: anything by your crappy band.
  • Pot or Coke

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Jul 27, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letters of the Day: TOP Has Other Options.
I guess my suggestion kind of rests on the assumption that people are knowledgeable about their own biology, which I know is not true, but still.

I wish people had a clue.
Jul 27, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letters of the Day: TOP Has Other Options.
NuvaRing is exactly the same as the pill, with a different method of administration.

I'd just like to point out, that there are in the range of 50 different FDA-approved formulations of 'the pill.' There are 8 different classes of progestin which all have differing degrees of androgenic, esterogenic and progesterogenic effects. Depending on your unwanted side effects, you can choose the correct progestin for your body's needs.

This takes some research, and don't even bother reading "reviews" on the Internet, because they are wholly useless, but there very well may be a pill out there for the people who think they just can't handle the pill.
May 23, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on Savage Love.
Yes means yes:

"Taking it off here, Boss?"

"Take it off there, Luke."

FUCKING HOT.
Well, I guess if you want to role play prison ditch digging it would be.
May 18, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
And that's why your advice doesn't apply widely Erica, you're a masochist, that's a small subset of the population.

From the beginning all I was trying to get at is that an arrangement that works for you because of yor personality, probably isn't going to work out as well for many other people and I don't thnink you see that.

Wendy said everything I was trying to say much more clearly.
May 17, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
My question goes unanswered.
May 16, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
@63: Your statement is inaccurate and serves no purpose but to attempt to insult me. The fact that you encourage swearing in response to my comments rather than discussion of the points I raise leads me to believe you're nothing but taking sides. The one insulting comment I made (gets off on degradation) partly had its roots in a comment from a while back suggesting a cheated-on spouse masturbate to the thought of the partner's transgression. That has no bearing on this discussion.

It seems that this forum is in near unanimous agreement that an asexual person should not enter a relationship with a sexual person only to lay their asexuality cards on the table years in (the bait-and-switch). Why then, is it so acceptable that a person pull the remarkably similar move of throwing out a "fetish-too-far" (multiple partners, etc.) years in? Maybe you want to, maybe you REALLY want to, but if your having multiple partners is going to hurt your spouse (in the same way that one parter's total withholding would hurt their spouse) than why is one a-ok in the eyes of this forum and the other is not? Personally, I think they are both wrong.

Discussion of these desires is, of course, encouraged. But to demand them is selfish and manipulative. There are fewer people who want open relationships (whether this is caused by societal expectations or not is moot), and I could imagine finding a primary partner would be that much harder. Same thing with asexuals. Why is one demonized and the other venerated here? I am really curious to know the answer to this.

(I know this is a blog dedicated to discussing issues regarding sex, however, I don't think that precludes holding logically consistent points of view.)
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May 15, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
MY APOLOGIES EVERYONE.

I didn't realize that dissenting opinions had no place on this blog.

But for the record, I never said people shouldn't communicate their fantasies and desires to their partners. Sometimes, the right thing to do is to go without.

If I make a monogamous commitment, I'm sticking to it, and I expect my partner to do the same. Slip-ups happen, but to throw out a "need" for ongoing fucking on the side years in is selfish. I can forgive an affair, I can't forgive a spouse who puts their wants so far ahead of my emotional security and the family we've made together.

The thought that any fleeting interest in outside sexual relationships should always be seriously considered and discussed seems absurd. Crushes happen and people get past them. Opening the door with no particular person in mind lets jealousy and insecurity come waltzing on in.

Unless both partners are equally on board, I think it's a bad idea and bad advice.

But I guess these opinions have no place on Dan's blog, so I guess I'll have to leave!
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May 15, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
@50

Do you honestly disagree with what I said, or is that not personally how you feel regarding the situation I presented?

Whether or not the majority of people would be 100% comfortable with sharing their partner had they been raised in a society that was permissive of or actively encouraged that behavior is beyond the scope of my argument.

All I'm saying is, as it stands right now, most people would have negative feelings when confronted with a partner's intentions to have sexual relations with others, regardless of their feelings on the matter.

Doesn't that sound right?
May 15, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
Erica, if you read what I wrote, I said good for you. Good for you if you're happy. All I said was that what works for you is not going to work for most. It will not make most people happy. I used myself as an example and used the word degraded to describe how I would feel if put in your situation.

You don't need to respond to my comments, you certainly shouldn't feel the need to get defensive and aggressive if this situation works for you.

Most people seem to appreciate hearing your perspective on relationships, I find it interesting, but way on the outside of the bell-curve of relationships in society today. I remember your story, and I notice the advice you give to others. I often disagree with it, and thought that in this situation it did not apply.

I'm sorry your husband was dying inside for lack of access to multiple sexual partners. I do not like to believe that monogamy causes most people die inside. I'm the more adventurous of my duo (would like perhaps to have a threesome, or go to a swinger's event and just play with each other) but I gladly give up those things for my partner. If I loved him less, perhaps I wouldn't. Here's to hoping that never happens!

I just wonder why you suggest opening up relationships to so many people, when you yourself have said that you would have preferred a monogamous arrangement? Not all partners will walk away, and some partners that would are not worth keeping.
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May 15, 2012 pastaefagoli commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hope Not Nope.
@44

My mistake, the situation was that he was going to get some strange whether you liked it or not, and you were free to walk?

Six of one, half dozen of the other.

My point still stands, that is an ultimatum and is coercive. If my partner told me that the thrill of unfamiliar genitals were more important to him than our marriage, assuming no other real issues, I would feel degraded. Most people would as well. Most people don't get off on being degraded.

Opening up a relationship where both partners aren't 100% enthusiastic and on board is a recipe for disaster in most cases. Why risk a good relationship (which are hard to build) just to be able to fuck a stranger once in a while? Why suggest this?

The *idea* of being able to fuck others is appealing to many, the reality of doing it, not so much.
 

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