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Apr 4 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
Do people still define "vanilla" as "nothing but missionary in the dark"? That seems incredibly outdated. After all, non-kinky GLBT folk describe themselves as "vanilla", don't they?
Apr 4 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Thrilla In Vanilla.
Here's another wrinkle: what if someone has eaten mild food all their life and liked it okay, but then suddenly discovered that hey, actually, some kinds of spicy food can be really tasty?

But also, wow, the LW has some serious misconceptions about both kink and capsaicin. The idea that us spicy-food-lovers have damaged our taste buds and can no longer appreciate any flavours other than Burning Death is so ridiculous that I have to wonder if LW spends much time with actual humans. And as for the notion that kinksters have ridden the Sexcalator too high and can never return... well, Cliff Pervocracy has answered that better than I can:…
Jun 17, 2015 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: The Opposite of a Sympathy Card.
The LW describes his sister-in-law as "sweet" and "nice". He'd do well to keep in mind that these are social strategies, not character traits.

Or as someone else put it, nice is different from good.
Mar 8, 2015 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love Letters of the Day: Quick Hits.
About LW1: I, too, have to wonder what's up with marrying someone if you knew she didn't give head. But also... have you asked her WHY? If she went through some kind of sexual assault involving forced or coerced oral, then she deserves sympathy -- but also therapy. OTOH, if it's a matter of "I just think it's icky", then you may not be sexually compatible and should split up.

About LW2: don't most haircutters use Barbasol?
Feb 28, 2015 ShifterCat commented on SL Letter of the Day: Hand-Sniffing Girlfriend.
I doubt this is the same situation, but someone on a blog discussion had mentioned knowing a het couple whose female half considered sex to be a reward to her husband for his good behaviour. When she found out that he sometimes masturbated, she freaked out, because in her mind that was akin to stealing from the cookie jar.

I wonder what she'd have thought if someone asked her about female masturbation. My guess is something along the lines of, "Error error does not compute".
Feb 16, 2015 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love Letter of the Day: Can He Dump His Girlfriend Now?.
@santiagosandiego, of course it's not going to be easy to disentangle your lives after years. But here are the questions to ask yourself:

Assuming nothing changes between you and your partner, could you put up with another year of this? How about another five years? Another ten?

How much of your staying together is because you genuinely enjoy sharing your life with this person, and how much of it is the heartache and inconvenience of starting over on your own? If the scales are tipped in favour of the latter, you need to break up. Don't drag it out any further.
Jan 31, 2015 ShifterCat commented on SL Letter of the Day: Slip and Tell.
@31 "...those readers likely don't blink at "your" being used in place of "you're" as well."

You'd be surprised.

@27, a person who uses "sux" is likely not someone who is being honest when they click the "I am over 18" button anyway.
Jan 30, 2015 ShifterCat commented on SL Letter of the Day: Slip and Tell.
Re. "come" vs. "cum": as an author of written porn, the deciding factor is "which spelling is more likely to take the reader out of the experience?"

For a huge number of people, seeing "cum" on the page is jarring and a turn-off (perhaps because it causes them to wonder if the author is a thirteen-year-old).

On the other hand, even people who prefer the three-letter spelling don't even blink at seeing it spelled "come". (If there are any readers for whom it's a mood-killer, I've yet to encounter them, and must therefore consider them statistically irrelevant.)

Also, we have established conjugations for "come". The four-letter version wins, hands-down.
Dec 24, 2014 ShifterCat commented on Savage Love.
LASS, here's an important piece of advice that I'm surprised Dan left out: try doing some of the asking yourself. It will mean having to learn to handle romantic rejection... but that, frankly, is a skill everyone should learn. By choosing the partner you want and asking them yourself, you increase the chances of dating someone you want, rather than dating someone who happened to notice you.

Also, (assuming you're a straight woman) abusive men tend to look for women who act "traditionally feminine". By taking the initiative, you'll weed more of those guys out.
Nov 8, 2014 ShifterCat commented on SL Letter of the Day: A Butt Plug Blooms in Pennsylvania, Readers Respond to Jonathan, Jonathan Responds to Readers.
Jonathan, you don't get to claim to be tolerant and diversity-loving. The proof is in your actions. You also don't get to claim to be a wonderful parent whose kids never do anything behind closed doors that he wouldn't want them to -- the proof of that is in how said kids do when they're turned loose in the world.

And by the way, calling someone you've just nastily threatened "my friend" is a scummy thing to do.

If you want to know where to draw the line concerning sexual ethics, I'll echo some of the other posters: free and informed consent. Drill the principles of consent into your son's head, and he'll be far less likely to harm himself or others. And that's what you should be concerned about: not "do I think it's icky, even if I were never to find out about it" but "does it harm anyone".

Apologize properly. Learn better. Do better.