Girl Come & #1

February 19, 2004

By Dan Savage
When I was young, I naively assumed that since male orgasm was accompanied by ejaculation, female orgasm must be too. When I finally asked a friend about "girl come," I was corrected. So for years I ignored talk of female ejaculation, just as I ignore talk of Bigfoot sightings. But now I've found myself wondering if this particular Bigfoot really does exist. There are so many references to women who ejaculate that it seems like there must be some truth to it all. And, as a woman who has difficulty having a truly satisfying orgasm, I've started wondering if maybe I'm holding myself back. Sometimes I'll start to feel something similar to a full bladder when I'm very aroused, and I'm always terrified I'm going to wet the bed. So what is truth and what is fiction? And if some women do ejaculate, what is the liquid and where is it coming from? I know this isn't exactly your area of expertise and I'm sorry that I didn't give you a question where you can imagine Ashton Kutcher in my place, but you have access to sexperts and I'm way too embarrassed about this to ask my family doctor.

Holding Back in Indiana

First off, HBII, I am sooooo over Ashton Kutcher. Not only did I blow off Cheaper by the Dozen and miss the whole last season of Punk'd, but the rumored-to-be-hot, male-on-male prison rape scene in Ashton Kutcher's latest flick, The Butterfly Effect, couldn't even tempt me into the theater.

On to your question, HBII: I was once a skeptic like you, doubtful that female ejaculators really existed. But after hearing numerous women claim they could ejaculate, I decided to arrange a live demonstration--live on the radio in Seattle, but don't nobody tell Michael Powell--and that's how, with my very own eyes, I came to see a girl ejaculate. This particular female ejaculator could shoot farther than I've ever been able to; I actually had to jump to get out of the way of the come! And the girl come that went flying past me wasn't yellow, and didn't smell like urine--so what was it?

"Female ejaculate, like male ejaculate, is prostatic fluid, mixed with some glucose and trace amounts of urine, minus the sperm," says Deborah Sundahl, author of Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot: Not Your Mother's Orgasm Book! (Hunter House Publishers). "The G-Spot is the female prostate, and all women have a prostate, just as all men do. When stimulated, its glands create ejaculate fluid. It is clear fluid, rather than milky white like male ejaculate."

So when a woman's is aroused, her G-spot swells with ejaculate fluid. But what causes it to go flying out of some women's bodies? "The muscles surrounding the vagina push out this fluid during orgasm," says Sundahl, "or [they] clamp down [and prevent its] release." As for that full-bladder feeling you've noticed, HBII, Sundahl believes it's your very own girl come. "Your bladder may feel full during sex," she says, "but that is ejaculate knocking on your door and it wants to come out! If you are truly aroused, you will find it difficult to pee, and very easy to ejaculate--if you let go, trust, and push out during orgasm. Learning how to do it is easy for many women, and I've been teaching women how to ejaculate for years. You can get step-by-step information in my book."

I am a mid-20s woman relatively new to masturbating. This morning when I was enjoying my vibrator in the privacy of my apartment, I thought I was going to come, but instead I PEED! All over my bed! My partner did some Internet research, and he claims it is not possible to pee when you're having an orgasm. But this was most certainly pee--it was yellow and smelled like urine. Is this normal? Am I going to pee all over my partner the next time I come during sex? What's a girl to do?

The Urinator

A girl's got to get over it, TU. It's difficult to pee when you're aroused and about to have--or are actually having--an orgasm. "It's not impossible that you peed," says Sundahl, "but it is more productive at this point to explore the possibility that you ejaculated. Usually, female ejaculate is clear and odorless, although at some points during a woman's monthly cycle, her ejaculate can smell like urine. Since you were surprised and shocked, I recommend allowing yourself to 'pee' next time you have an orgasm. Then, take an objective look and smell at your 'puddle' to see if it could be ejaculate."

And thank God for your boyfriend, TU, because he sounds like a total mensch. "You don't have to worry about your boyfriend being offended by your explorations," says Sundahl about your situation--unlike some women out there whose boyfriends run screaming at the sight of girl come. "But once a woman's male partner understands her exuberation is female 'cum' and not loss of bladder control," says Sundahl, "he usually relishes this ever-so-feminine, wet and wild, orgiastic response."

One night after my husband and I engaged in some normal lovemaking and were enjoying the post-act euphoria, I passed gas. To my husband's horror it let out this wet, juicy sound. While he checked the sheets to see if they needed to be changed, I informed him that the fart went between the lips of my vagina. Since I was wet from all the come, both his and mine, it made a wet noise, but the fart in and of itself was quite dry. That disgusted my husband even more--and then I made the mistake of telling him that my farts normally take that path.

My question to you, Dan: Does this happen to other women? After sex or not? It seems to me that the fart's path of least resistance would be through the lips of the vagina, whether post-coital or not. The butt cheeks may be a closer exit but why not go the other way around, especially if it's pre-moistened. Dan, am I a circus freak or what?

Forced Air Ruined the Sheets

Before anyone writes in to accuse me of being a misogynistic, gynophobic, woman-hatin' big gay cocksucker, I'd like to say this in my defense: I just calmly and coolly entertained two questions about female ejaculation without cracking a single joke at the expense of female anatomy. So I hope the Ms. magazine subscribers out there will forgive me for this: OH MY GOD! EESH! YUCK! Before the letter from FARTS arrived I had never, ever contemplated the precise path a woman's gas takes as it makes its way from butt-hole to the ozone layer--and, to be frank, it's not something I'm particularly pleased about having to contemplate now, FARTS. I mean, I get paid a lot to do this job but I don't get paid that much.

Still, if there are any women out there who would like to address this issue, and perhaps let FARTS know that she is not alone, I will happily do a follow-up column on this subject--not because this subject interests me, FARTS, but because it will, without a doubt, have my readers begging me to start writing columns about santorum again instead.

Oh, speaking of santorum: www.spreadingsantorum.com is now the #1 result when you search "Santorum" on Google!

mail@savagelove.net

 

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1
I dont think this is the appropriate answer for this column except--I need to ask -- being a fan of your Georgia Straigt column-- errrrrrrr
What do women want a guy to smell like.??? nothing? some testosteronic hoojab of ascerbic hormones? -- sweet? or fresh sweat/ not so fresh sweat? old underwear smells or romance and cigarettes-- the reason I ask is cuz I have NO smell of my own YES YES YES,, it is as if I were Grenouille the mass murderer of the Perfume novel. What I gotta do to get 1 women to look at me -- How do I have to smell?

Mr B in Canada
Posted by Steevie on September 7, 2008 at 9:00 PM · Report
2
Mr B in Canada--I once had a GF who remarked on my lack of smell, but I can't say I recall whether it was a turnoff for her. Anyway, my solution was simple: Switch to unscented or lightly-scented hygiene products. You'll be able to find such variants of soap, deodorant, laundry detergent, shaving cream, and the like with only minimal effort. I've had the best luck at places like natural-foods stores and grocery co-ops. After I switched, my GF said that she could smell me a little bit more than before, but that it wasn't very strong. My conclusion was that I just don't have much body odor, which can definitely be a good thing.

There's no way to determine what a woman wants a guy to smell like a priori, so you'll just have to ask. Fortunately, in my experience, most women aren't too particular as long as you shower daily and are otherwise clean, and this applies particularly when you're just trying to get women to look at you--in fact, I'd venture to say that most women who could clearly small a man's body odor on a first date wouldn't agree to a second. As for later in the relationship, you'll have to ask whether your lady wants you to be extra-clean, regular-clean, filthy, or perfumed with whatever scent she desires. Again, however, I doubt insufficiently strong body odor would be a deal-breaker.
Posted by Adam on September 28, 2008 at 8:15 PM · Report
3
No body odor for a man is a definite advantage! My guy of six years can easily go without deodorant without anyone noticing. I suspect it may vary from woman to woman, but my guy wears lightly scented man-products and they smell nice.
If women won't give you the time of day, though, there's probably a better underlying reason...make sure you're not triggering the "ew creepy" alarm.
Posted by psp on February 7, 2009 at 7:43 PM · Report

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