Savage Love Podcast

Check out the all new Savage Lovecast site!

Got a question for Dan Savage?
Call the Savage Love Podcast at 206-201-2720
or email Dan at mail@savagelove.net.

Savage Love Archives

More in the Archives »

More from Dan Savage

More in the Archives »

Books by Dan Savage

Want a Second Opinion?

Contact Dan Savage

Savage on YouTube

Loading...

The Sex Is Awesome

August 2, 2007

By Dan Savage

I'm an 18-year-old guy with an awesome kinky girlfriend. She likes getting tied up, blindfolded, spanked, and just about anything else we can think of. It's awesome. My question is this: We were watching some BDSM porn and they used these awesome contact lenses that worked as blindfolds because they were completely opaque. I've searched high and low and cannot find them. Help us out!

Ropes Should Come IncludedP.S. I guess I wrote in to brag a little, too.

You searched high and low for opaque contact lenses without any luck. Really? Because just .28 seconds after I Googled "opaque contact lenses," RSCI, I was clicking through a dozen websites that sell opaque contact lenses. So it would seem that bragging—about all that awesome BDSM sex you're having—was the only reason you wrote in.

Politically speaking, RSCI, this may not be the best time for teenagers to gloat about the totally awesome, amazingly kinky, and sinfully premarital sex they're having. A study released last week showed that the rate of teen sexual activity, which had long been in decline, stopped falling in 2001—despite the hundreds of millions of dollars the Bush administration has poured into abstinence education.

"The percentage of teenagers having intercourse began to plateau in 2001 and has failed to budge since," wrote the Washington Post. "Experts are unsure of the reasons for the change, but [point to] the possibility that some irreducible portion of the teenage population can never be dissuaded from having sex."

Hello, George W. Bush? You've spent hundreds of millions of dollars trying to dissuade teenagers from having sex and what are teenagers like RSCI doing? Bragging about all the awesome sex they're having. Are you going to stand for that? Or are you finally going to get serious about winning the war on teenage sex?

If you believe that premarital sex is always wrong, Mr. President, then act like it. (Let the liberals laugh about Senator David Vitter, the conservative GOP senator from Louisiana caught up in the "D.C. Madam" scandal. At least Vitter had the decency to wait until after marriage before hiring hookers to diaper him.) The current status quo is unacceptable! We can't continue to spend hundreds of millions of dollars trying to talk teenagers into remaining abstinent while their gonads and hormones implore them to do the opposite.

The time has come to take the fight to the hormones, Mr. President. The time has come to chemically castrate American teenagers.

Instead of wasting money on failed abstinence-education programs, Mr. President, put Depo-Provera and Tamoxifen, the two most effective chemical-castration drugs, into products consumed by teenagers—Doritos, Mountain Dew, lip gloss, and Axe body spray. (Some adults also consume these products, of course, but not any we want reproducing.) A chemical-castration program would not only be cheaper and more effective than your failed abstinence-education programs, Mr. President, it would also lower rates of sexually transmitted infections, decrease the number of unwanted pregnancies, save souls, prevent hurricanes, and spare elected officials who can't have kinky sex themselves anymore (thanks to fallout from the D.C. Madam scandal) from having to listen to teenagers like RSCI brag about all the kinky sex they're having.

I'm a 27-year-old lesbian, and my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. When I moved out, I left the sex toys I knew were hers and took the rest. The first night she was back after I left, she texted me to ask for specific toys back!

What should the etiquette be around sex toys when two women break up, especially when strong feelings are involved?

Babe In Toyless Land

Have two women ever broken up without strong feelings being involved?

The etiquette around the division of sex toys after a breakup is the same that applies to the division of any property post-breakup, BITL. The splitting couple has a tense discussion about divvying up their shared property; if an agreement can't be reached, they sue the shit out of each other. It would be foolish to sue an ex over a dusty collection of strap-ons and vibrators, of course, but exes have taken each other to court over dumber shit—custody of dogs, cats, kids, etc.

In the very same column in which you observed that "people tend to write to me when they have problems," you wrote that all straight women are reluctant to give head. And where did you get the @&#*^@ idea that straight women don't like giving head? From people with problems who write in to you! Guys married to women who love giving head don't write in and complain! Hello?!

I am a straight woman—AND I LOVE GIVING HEAD. All of my girlfriends LOVE giving head. So the next time you are tempted to say something based on the information you get from the people with problems who write in to you, ask yourself, "Hmmm. Do I actually know this to be true? Or is it just sexist bullshit?"

This Woman Grooves On The Mouth Feel In CanadaP.S. My sign-off is a mouthful on purpose!

Good points, TWGOTMFIC: I get letters onlyfrom straight men with complaints about the head they're not getting and/or the reluctant head they are getting. My sample is hopelessly skewed and I apologize for the crack.

But while we're on the subject, I would like to say this to women who don't give head, or give it badly in hopes of never being asked to give it again, thus prompting their boyfriends and husbands to write me about their problems, thereby hopelessly skewing my sample: You do realize, ladies, that oral-sex-free marriages are reviving the long-moribund institution of "trade," i.e., gay men giving head to straight men? The internet has made it incredibly easy for straight men to get free, NSA oral sex whenever they like—provided they're capable of clamping their eyes shut and thinking about pussy while another man goes down on them. And judging from the ads online, more and more straight men are becoming "trade capable" every day.

And, yes, many straight men who complain about not getting blowjobs have only themselves to blame. It's impossible to know just how many orally deprived straight guys would be getting blown if it weren't for poor personal hygiene, little and/or lousy cunnilingus, and just general assholery, but doubtless it's a significant percentage.

Speaking of the mouth feel: Numerous gay men who enjoy watching cunnilingus wrote in to let You Gonna Eat That? know that he's not alone. You can read their letters at www.thestranger.com/savage/enjoywatching.

Download a new Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at www.thestranger.com/savage.

mail@savagelove.net

Share via

Savage Love App
 

Commenting was not available when this article was originally published.

Comments (6) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
I think the problem here is that some women enjoy having dick in their mouths, and some don't. Some women also like pasta, and some don't. Same goes for pegging, water polo, and punk rock.
Posted by Snark811 on February 8, 2009 at 8:23 PM · Report
2
I think women who don't like giving head should reconsider their sexuality.
Srsly, if gay guy didn't like sucking dick, wouldn't that be weird?

(shhh I know it's crazy, but I bet a bunch of women, so concerned with proving their heterosexuality will give some enthusiastic BJs after this ^_^)
Posted by Caralain on April 20, 2009 at 9:30 PM · Report
tinuviel 3
Women don't generally get their ovaries in a knot trying to prove their heterosexuality, Caralain. In fact, we're constantly being told we should be less hetero and more bi-flexible, to the point where some straight women feel a bit ashamed to admit that they have no interest in eating pussy. So I don't know if your cunning plan will be quite the success you hope for.
Posted by tinuviel on November 14, 2009 at 10:55 AM · Report
4
Responding to Snark's point, I think giving head is less about a flat god-given desire to like head the way some people just like pasta more than rice. Giving head can be a shitty experience if you're dealing with a cocky, arrogant piece of shit. And if you're surrounded by arrogant pieces of shit, you might end up not realizing that giving head can be incredibly awesome and unbelievably sexy.

Like all sex acts, it isn't one way. And I know a lot of perfectly nice guys who become assholes when sex is in the picture.
Posted by Extuno on December 14, 2010 at 4:26 PM · Report
5
As a gay man who has blown lots of hot straight guys, all I can say is, ladies, keep up the good work of not giving your boyfriends head, or doing it badly. More for me!
Posted by cockyballsup on June 12, 2011 at 6:44 PM · Report
SlimJimPoisson 6
I am sure that there are women out there who love to give head, but from the anecdotal evidence I have seen they are a serious minority which includes almost every woman I have every known (much less had sex with). One time my ex-wife discussed the subject by noting how the phrase "sucks big donkey dicks" was so popular. Her contention was that no woman liked giving blow jobs (so her evidence corroborated mine) and that the larger the dick the worse the job.

For my part I stay clean physically, rarely use the "fuck the face" technique, and by my conservative estimate I have given head 200 times more than I have received it. To be clear I have been told that I am very good at it and can make my partners cum when they can. Most of my encounters in a woman's mouth included less than 30 seconds of poorly performed lackluster service that was always seen as foreplay and not a means to an end. I doubt that in my 35 years of sexual activity I have cum in a girl's mouth 20 times.
Posted by SlimJimPoisson on November 10, 2011 at 9:06 PM · Report

Add a comment