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Buttpons

September 16, 2010

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I'm sorry about sending this letter to you via snail mail. I don't want to send an e-mail because I'd rather not have a record of this living forever on some server somewhere.

About six months ago, after watching my girlfriend insert a tampon, I asked if I could do it for her next time. She thought it was an odd request but agreed. After "helping" a few times, the conversation turned to what it felt like to wear one. Her response was, "Want to try one yourself?" With her help—and a little lube—soon there was a string hanging out of my butt. This has now become a regular feature of our sex life. And I have started doing this when I masturbate alone. I went out and got my own box of tampons—Tampax Pearl Plastic Regular are the best (they're the easiest to insert)—which I keep hidden.

I have a few questions:

1. Why do I get such a euphoric feeling when I pull the tampon out when I'm coming? Does it have something to do with my prostate?

2. Am I doing any damage to myself?

3. Just how deviant is this practice?

The Ass Man's Peculiar Anal Xccentricity

1. The tampon in your ass swells as it absorbs lube and rectal mucus and whatever else, TAMPAX, and stimulates—yes, indeed—your prostate as it swells. Yanking the tampon out when you're coming further stimulates your prostate at the exact moment it's being zapped by orgasmic contractions—contractions that involve your anal sphincter, which you're also stimulating as you yank. A butt plug would provide you with the exact same sensations—well, the exact same physical sensations. Part of the tampon-related thrill for you, I suspect, is the gender-transgression aspect of this. You're not just penetrating yourself, TAMPAX, you're penetrating yourself with an absorbent feminine talisman. Not all men who enjoy anal penetration are interested in being symbolically feminized—ahem—but clearly you are, TAMPAX.

2. My hunch: As long as you're using lube and not leaving 'em in for days at a time, you should be fine. And a medical expert I consulted—who wished to remain anonymous (he didn't want his name linked forever to anal tampon play on some server somewhere, either)—backed me up. "This would pose zero risk," says my medical expert. "Medically, there's nothing else to say about it."

3. When it comes to human sexuality, TAMPAX, deviation from imaginary and tyrannical "norms" is the norm.

I had a conversation over lunch with a gay friend who is into BDSM as a dominant. He told me he's "coaching" a novice dom, a young straight fellow who doesn't have much experience but who is into very heavy bondage and "some stuff that is potentially dangerous." My friend warned him away from the dangerous stuff and is coaching him on safer and saner pursuits. The interesting thing, however, is that, whatever they do, they must both be fully clothed at all times. The reason? The young fellow is LDS, i.e., Mormon. For most people, BDSM is inescapably tied up (no pun intended) with sexuality, but leave it to a Mormon to attempt to de-eroticize erotic bondage!

Pornography, on the other hand (also no pun intended), is a serious plague destroying the moral fiber of this country. But not to worry: Deseret Book, the Mormon Church's publishing arm, has developed the "Clean & Safe Media Pledge." You're supposed to download it, print it out, sign it, and put it near your computer. Then you don't have to worry about porn ever again!

Latter Day Taint

There's a lot of cross-orientation play in the BDSM scene these days, LDT, which has become less sexually segregated with every passing year. Skills are skills: An inexperienced straight bondage top can learn a lot from a gay bondage expert. The experience may be less erotic, or less intense, than being tied up by someone you're physically and emotionally attracted to, of course, but it is still erotic—street clothes and/or magic underpants notwithstanding.

As for the Mormon Church's "Clean & Safe Media Pledge," LDT, that seems to work about as well as those purity pledges taken by countless unwed teen moms. Utah has the highest per capita online-porn consumption rates in the country.


I recently had a delightful evening out on the town with a friend of mine. Things got a little out of hand and both of us drank a small amount of a female bartender's urine. I would say it was about one ounce each. We were pretty drunk, and I'm not quite sure what led up to it. I think we were trying to show how "badass" we were. It sounds really goddamn stupid when I type it. The urine was clear and it had little taste, but now I am concerned about the health risks. What sort of diseases could I contract? I really don't want to get hepatitis or something.

Worried About Server's Piss

You can scratch "drink a random bartender's piss" off your bucket list, WASP, but everyone else out there reading has to add it to theirs.

Drinking urine presents no risk of HIV infection and low to no risk for just about everything save cooties. Hepatitis C is mainly blood-borne, and if there wasn't any blood in your bartender's urine—and if you didn't have any cuts or open sores in your mouth—then you probably don't have anything to worry about.

But you know what? You're going to worry regardless, WASP, until you know for sure that you didn't catch anything. So go see a doctor and get your bad ass tested.


Your maple-syrup fetishist from last week—the guy who had to smell maple syrup to get off—should find someone who is working on her milk supply or really likes fenugreek. While I was trying to nurse my son, I took fenugreek—an herb that helps with milk production—and, by God, I smelled like a Waffle House in all the important places.

Intriguingly Hot Odorous Pussy

Thanks for the tip, IHOP. And you weren't the only reader with a tip for someone whose letter ran in last week's column.

Seeking Slave Food's mistress wanted to deny him the pleasures of food, and he was looking for a "slop" that was "highly nutritious but as bland-tasting as possible." I urged him to patronize vegan restaurants where he lives—much to the consternation of the vegans. (Apparently, vegans are prejudiced against BDSMers and don't want to dine with them—who knew?) But readers suggested that SSF try Nutraloaf, "a food served in United States prisons to inmates who have demonstrated significant behavioral issues," according to its Wiki page. And my readers had lots of suggestions for the man who wanted to find straight porn for his iPhone: www.mobile boner.com, www.pornhub.com, www.tube8.com, www.thehun.com, www.americansfortruth.com, and www.spankwire.com.

Savage Love: It's about people helping people... smell like maple syrup, avoid vegan restaurants, and porn out their iPhones.


mail@savagelove.net

 

Comments (121) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Fenugreek works!
Posted by SaraAW on September 14, 2010 at 6:06 PM · Report this
Chris in Vancouver WA 2
All feminine talismans should be absorbent.
Posted by Chris in Vancouver WA on September 14, 2010 at 6:08 PM · Report this
3
First post!

Let's try to name the shot...
Yellow Snow? eh.....

Bladder bomb? haha

what do you got?
Posted by streblo on September 14, 2010 at 6:20 PM · Report this
4
Am I the only one who found the first question adorable? I mean, how lucky is this guy to have an understanding girlfriend?
Posted by lymerae on September 14, 2010 at 6:50 PM · Report this
5
My wife used Fenugreek when she was nursing and I don't remember her smelling like maple syrup. Maybe it depends on your body chemistry.
Posted by BigDaddyBuddha on September 14, 2010 at 7:11 PM · Report this
6
www.sextube.com has an iphone app.
Posted by BJ on September 14, 2010 at 7:13 PM · Report this
7
Ah, the vegan pummeling continues! I love love love it! (Also I am vegan. Love all veggies great and small)
Posted by Tramu on September 14, 2010 at 7:32 PM · Report this
8
Ha ha, I thought of Nutraloaf, too.
Posted by AllisonM on September 14, 2010 at 7:38 PM · Report this
9
As my late mom used to say, "It takes all kinds to make a world."
Posted by catseye on September 14, 2010 at 7:52 PM · Report this
10
Wouldn't the tampon be at risk of slipping further up the colon than you could reach the string?
Posted by EricaP on September 14, 2010 at 8:38 PM · Report this
Danger 11
Eleventh post!!1!
Posted by Danger on September 14, 2010 at 9:07 PM · Report this
12
@4 - I was thinking the exact same thing! It's great that he was interested in what was going into her body, and that he wanted to experience it for himself. And that she didn't freak out. I love it!
Posted by sanguisuga on September 14, 2010 at 9:49 PM · Report this
13
wouldn't it be a good idea for him to tie something onto the end of the tampon so it doesn't get lots inside? There isn't that risk for women, but for men it could be a problem
Posted by emma1001 on September 14, 2010 at 9:59 PM · Report this
Urgutha Forka 14
@3, you will die of canceraids for that false first post....

But on a lighter note, why is anyone fucking LDS'ers?!? They love/hate you, they love/hate sex, don't fuck them... Let them wallow in their sexual frustration. Fucking them only furthers their hate/love of sex. Stop it already and let them find their way into the 21st century. Fucking them only furthers more prejudice and discrimination. They need to learn a lesson and witholding sex may be the only lesson they CAN learn.
Posted by Urgutha Forka on September 14, 2010 at 11:19 PM · Report this
devon rocketship 15
why would it be a problem? don't things generally go the other direction in that area, in both men and women?
Posted by devon rocketship http://swimtothemoon.livejournal.com on September 14, 2010 at 11:25 PM · Report this
16
@ 15: I love a good euphemism.

I just cannot understand yours.
Posted by barfuss on September 14, 2010 at 11:33 PM · Report this
Neptune 17
This sounds really leotarded as I type it, but it was funny at the time:

When I was a in high school and AIM was all the craze, my typo of my friend's dog's name, "Buttons," resulted in a new inside joke: Buttpons. While she was quick to define the word as "a little thing you shove up your butt," that wasn't good enough for me. I decided that a Buttpon was "an endangered bird, hunted for its long, smooth nose (not a beak), which is removed, preserved and sold to customers who use it in creative ways." I admit that sounds oddly disturbing in retrospect, but at the time it was purely comical. I was only 15. I even drew a sketch of the bird, too. It looked something like this: http://tinyurl.com/buttponbird

So, today when I saw the title of this column, I nearly hyperventilated with amusement. I hope someone out there enjoys this comment as much as I enjoyed my flashbacks.
Posted by Neptune on September 14, 2010 at 11:35 PM · Report this
18
@4 and @12, I totally agree. When I read the letter, I immediately went "aawww, that's so lovely!". Isn't it wonderful when someone has a non-mainstream kink, his/her boy/girlfriend is understanding and GGG and tries it, and the only serious thing left to ask about is 'what are the health concerns'? I wished everybody's sex problems were like that!
Posted by ankylosaur on September 14, 2010 at 11:35 PM · Report this
19
As for "Nutraloaf"
This shit was in existence for well over 20 years. It is mentioned in the 1988 Frank Zappa's album "Broadway the hard way" in the intro to "Dickie's such an asshole", dedicated to one of our greatest presidents ever, Richard Nixon.
Back then it was known as "Confinement loaf", but I guess the name was changed due to politically correctness and possibly "marketing" reasons for prison inmates.
Posted by fif on September 14, 2010 at 11:53 PM · Report this
Trinabeana 20
@17, I love your drawing of a Buttpon! And that you insisted on coming up with a creative meaning for the word. *giggle*
Posted by Trinabeana on September 15, 2010 at 12:11 AM · Report this
21
Thanks for the aside on the putridy ring thing.
My purity ring wearing college girl sister posted about watching some topless football practice recently and I pissed her off pretty well by insisting that she should have a backup plan on hand, condoms do not cause sex, those rings fail dramatically, etc.
I feel bad about pissing her off but she should come home with a degree, not a brat.
(I was civil, she was civil though pissed.)

Thanks for everything else, too.
Posted by Sifu http://www.sifumark.com on September 15, 2010 at 12:21 AM · Report this
22
Regarding the "erotic" kink vs fully-clothed kind, I'm personally happy to tie up and beat and stick sharp objects into gay men, straight men, bi men, transmen, and women of all persuasions. It's fun. Being a -lesbian-, I only really get my rocks off -shagging- other women.

Kink and sex aren't synonymous, although obviously it's a hugely grey and permeable boundary. I naturally enjoy beating up hot women who are my type who I can then shag senseless (and they can shag me thankyouverymuch) a lot MORE, but sex is not necessary to enjoy a good scene with someone.
Posted by Trix on September 15, 2010 at 1:49 AM · Report this
23
Oh and people who attend public kink parties? Please DON'T fuck (and I'm not just talking PIV) on the premises, unless it's billed as an orgy or sex-ok party (that way I can avoid it).

There's nothing worse than watching someone have grunting unappealing sex of the orientation I am not - at least I can appreciate some guy's whip technique on a skills/aesthetics basis. His fucking technique, not so much.

Posted by Trix on September 15, 2010 at 1:53 AM · Report this
24
The only risk I can think of with piss drinking is if she is on a medication that he is allergic to. If that were the case he would know by now, so he is in the clear.
Posted by LisaPizza on September 15, 2010 at 4:13 AM · Report this
25
@15, you are right, but I'm going to be more clear: if a tampon got lost up his butt, he would poop it out fairly soon, I'm sure.
Dan mentioned a butt plug having the same effect, but it sounds more like anal beads to me. Hey, they should make anal beads with a handy smooth plastic applicator!
Posted by JustAnotherSavageLover on September 15, 2010 at 5:08 AM · Report this
26
How likely is it that a bartender (male or female) will serve their own urine to a couple of shit faced patrons? Did they actually watch her pee in the cup? Was the stuff even warm? I'll bet she went into a back room and came out with two glasses of very dilute apple juice.
Posted by knitpicker on September 15, 2010 at 5:37 AM · Report this
27
re: WASP--*swoon*

that sounds like a night to remember!
Posted by peefan on September 15, 2010 at 5:42 AM · Report this
28
The letter from TAMPAX made me feel a strange deja vu, & then I realized why: Ben Wa Balls!
Posted by wayne on September 15, 2010 at 5:42 AM · Report this
MythicFox 29
"Absorbent Feminine Talisman" is going to be the name of my new band.
Posted by MythicFox on September 15, 2010 at 6:08 AM · Report this
30
Sifu wrote:
Thanks for the aside on the putridy ring thing.
My purity ring wearing college girl sister posted about watching some topless football practice recently and I pissed her off pretty well by insisting that she should have a backup plan on hand, condoms do not cause sex, those rings fail dramatically, etc.
I feel bad about pissing her off but she should come home with a degree, not a brat.
(I was civil, she was civil though pissed.)
***

That reminds me of the time I was making out with a guy, and I laughed at him when he started taking off his "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do?) bracelet. Boy, did he get pissed! It was a piece of evidence that we weren't a good match.

Regarding the idea of tampons getting lost in a guy's ass: If the string is hanging out of his butt, like he said in the letter, then there's no way the tampon is going to be traveling up too far. A tampon can't get "lost" in a woman, either.

The biggest risk involved in wearing tampons, really, is forgetting you have one in. They shouldn't be worn for more than eight hours; otherwise, you're taking a chance on getting Toxic Shock Syndrome. That wouldn't be fun.

Tampons can be useful for women after sex, too. Put one in for a couple of hours, and it'll absorb the guy's semen so you won't feel it dribbling out as you go on with your day. Don't leave it in all day, though. (The things I've learned from Glamour!)
Posted by My Name Here on September 15, 2010 at 6:40 AM · Report this
31
@29 The name of your new band is AWESOME! Let us know when and where you play your first gig.

Thanks Dan!
Posted by LAN8 on September 15, 2010 at 6:40 AM · Report this
32
A clarification: Tampons should only be worn as long as they're actually absorbing some sort of liquid.
Posted by My Name Here on September 15, 2010 at 6:44 AM · Report this
33
www.americansfortruth.com, Dan? For *straight* porn? That stuff may be obscene, but to imply that all straights like it is just mean.
Posted by Schweighsr on September 15, 2010 at 7:35 AM · Report this
echizen_kurage 34
@Trix:

You can beat me up and stick pointy things in me any day of the week!
Posted by echizen_kurage on September 15, 2010 at 7:37 AM · Report this
35
One could argue that the LDS church, with all its arcane rules, restrictions and rituals, is a form of BDSM. Same with the religion I grew up in - Catholicism.
Posted by JrzWrld on September 15, 2010 at 7:42 AM · Report this
36
I also grew up Catholic, but I wouldn't call it BDSM -- more like a nerd club.
Posted by ankylosaur on September 15, 2010 at 7:50 AM · Report this
37
@15: I guess? There's just enough ER stories about people getting stuff lost up there -- which is why God created flared butt plugs -- that I'd probably think about it too. That it's something that's designed to be absorbent and grow would be slightly worrisome too.

But yes, I found that kind of cute too. When I read the letter, I expected it to finish with some kind of insane horrible drama. Yay!
Posted by Gloria on September 15, 2010 at 7:53 AM · Report this
38
@22

I'd guess it depends on what aspect of BDSM most appeals to you. Were someone sadistic enough, I can imagine him/her getting off on causing *anyone* pain. For me, the kinky aspects are tied directly to the sexual aspects; in order to enjoy the kink, I have to want the person.

By god, though, I could go on and on about what my interests might mean for my psychology, so perhaps my brand of domination is different from what most people would fall into.

Out of curiosity, since you may have a perspective I've not heard, what's your take on the wildly different treatment of male versus female subs/slaves/pets, and the wildly different behavior of male doms/masters/owners versus female dommes/mistresses/owners?

This is largely coming because I'm a switch, and have at least some experience being both dominant and submissive, but I'm also straight. All my dommes and subs have been female, and it seems like there's a pretty vast disconnect between those groups in terms of their expectations and desires in a D/S relationship. Female subs tend to desire to have things done *to* them (tied up, "forced" to orgasm, humiliated by being "made" to perform some act, ect.) while female dommes expect things to be done *for* them (worship my feet, lick me until I orgasm, and maybe I'll let you come). If I'd ever suggested to a domme that she should tie me up and "make" me come (and have that be sufficient for the game) or that she should make me come, and then have to be the one to have sex with me, she'd laugh in my face. Yet a female sub thinks nothing amiss about basically saying "tie me up, beat me with a riding crop, make me come over and over, and then fuck me".

Do you detect the same undercurrent in your dealings?
More...
Posted by Seldon2639 on September 15, 2010 at 8:37 AM · Report this
39
@22

I'd guess it depends on what aspect of BDSM most appeals to you. Were someone sadistic enough, I can imagine him/her getting off on causing *anyone* pain. For me, the kinky aspects are tied directly to the sexual aspects; in order to enjoy the kink, I have to want the person.

By god, though, I could go on and on about what my interests might mean for my psychology, so perhaps my brand of domination is different from what most people would fall into.

Out of curiosity, since you may have a perspective I've not heard, what's your take on the wildly different treatment of male versus female subs/slaves/pets, and the wildly different behavior of male doms/masters/owners versus female dommes/mistresses/owners?

This is largely coming beca
Posted by Seldon2639 on September 15, 2010 at 8:37 AM · Report this
40
@14 exactly. When you train a dog, the first rule is that rewarding bad behaviour just leads to more bad behaviour (applies to toddlers too). Stop rewarding bad behaviour, people!
Posted by teamcanada on September 15, 2010 at 8:40 AM · Report this
41
Guy doesn't want his question ending up on some server somewhere forever? Too late, Savage Love has an internet division. It's here forever.
Posted by Stranger Servers on September 15, 2010 at 8:53 AM · Report this
42
@41 but it's not linked to the author in anyway. Duh.
Posted by think things through more. on September 15, 2010 at 9:26 AM · Report this
43
#10...ever heard of pooping?? Evacuating the bowels?? Anything that's in there is gonna get pushed out!
Posted by auntielarrie on September 15, 2010 at 9:38 AM · Report this
44
I`m a 20 year Vegan and loved Dans comment,very funny.If you can`t laugh at yourself someone else will!
Posted by bradley on September 15, 2010 at 10:14 AM · Report this
gttim 45
An old gf and I had sex one night very drunk, and I evidently pushed her tampon well up inside her. The next day she assumed the old one was out and used a 2nd one. Later she was having pains and didn't know why. Turns out it was having two tampons inside her. Even though the string was inside her as well, it was not hard to remove.

I can imagine a Coke bottle getting stuck, but a tampon should come out fairly easily of either a vagina or rectum.
Posted by gttim on September 15, 2010 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Canuck 46
Lube or not, tampons can be kind of abrasive, especially as the new ones seem to made of some manky plasticy stuff, rather than good old cotton. Just like getting funky with a zucchini never leads to good things, tampon guy should get a tampon shaped butt plug.

And just because I might never get a chance to mention it again....dogs do this too: Our Yorkshire Terrier used to eat anything. One day I noticed something hanging out of her bum...thinking it was grass, or something, I pulled it out with a paper towel...it was a tampon....eeeeeew!
Posted by Canuck on September 15, 2010 at 10:40 AM · Report this
47
@38 I think it's from the prevailing cultural idea that, when having sex, the man is the fucker and the woman is the fuckee. The straight women that you've seen in both cases wanted/expected to be the object of the action, whatever that action might be.

If you take this idea, and add that men are expected to want sex all the time, and women are expected not to want sex at all, then you've got the please-force-me-to-come female sub AND the lick-my-boots domme.

Based on your experience, switching the genders might be rarer, but I don't know why they wouldn't exist at all. Some men enjoy being tied up and "forced" to come; don't some women enjoy doing the forcing? --and then he'd still be hard and turned on and she'd get to ride him? What's not to like?
Posted by SpaceGirl on September 15, 2010 at 11:02 AM · Report this
48
@Trix - do you ever switch? Do you ever play at the Wet Spot?
Posted by labrysswinger on September 15, 2010 at 11:09 AM · Report this
49
I now want to put a tampon in my BF's butt. Best part, you just throw it out after instead of having to wash it. Let's see if he's game...
Posted by whatwhatinthebutt on September 15, 2010 at 11:44 AM · Report this
nocutename 50
I never considered the "pooping it out" idea regarding anal tampons. Maybe that would work if one went up too far to retrieve, but it doesn't sound like a good safety plan to me.
I remember being taught that the vagina is a cul-de-sac, but the anus is a freeway--there's no dead end.

That's why butt plugs have a flared base, and why I'd suggest that the LW switch to using one instead of a tampon.
But I suspect Dan's right and that part of the thrill for him is the thought that he's been "feminized."
Posted by nocutename on September 15, 2010 at 11:44 AM · Report this
51
@30--tampons can and do "get lost" inside women, most often in the manner described by @45. My gynecologist friend tells me it's the most common cause of unusual vaginal discharge & odor; she discovers 2-3 "lost tampons" a week.

And as for me, one of the lingering pleasures of sex is the cum dripping down my leg during the day, smelling it on my panties when I go to the bathroom, etc. I have no wish to hide the evidence. But then, I'm a bit of a perv.
Posted by JustAnotherSavageLover on September 15, 2010 at 11:58 AM · Report this
52
@51-- I agree, feeling and smelling my guy for several hours afterward (esp if we do it in the morning before work) keeps a smile on my face for a long time. Oddly enough, he thinks it's kind of disgusting.
Posted by Missy on September 15, 2010 at 12:21 PM · Report this
53
Hey! Pull this string!
Posted by Not my finger on September 15, 2010 at 12:54 PM · Report this
nocutename 54
#38/39 (Seldon 2639): Interesting stuff.
What does a straight male sub want? Does he want to lick his domme until she comes or does he want her to humiliate him before either making him come or allowing him to make himself come? Or is it something else entirely.

I've thought about the differences between "typical" male and female sexuality a lot, and it's long been obvious to me that whereas most men want to *do* things *to* women, most women want to have things *done to* them. Both those responses tend to reinforce existing cultural norms and I have often wondered how much of them are innate and how much of them are culturally ingrained. The fairy tale Sleeping Beauty is a very old example of how these roles and behaviors play themselves out.

I also wonder if that is what is behind a phenomenon that irritates many men: the woman isn't active enough; she just lies back and expects the man to do all the work. But she may well just be so indoctrinated in the paradigm of the man doing to and the woman getting done to that she never even thought about being a more active participant.

This doesn't apply to more kinky sex, even if the woman is submissive, as either she's being *made* to do a lot more, or she's implicitly (or explicitly) asking to have things done to her, in which case, she's an active participant.
Posted by nocutename on September 15, 2010 at 1:01 PM · Report this
55
#51 when can I "meet" you???!!!!
Posted by Horneeeee on September 15, 2010 at 1:08 PM · Report this
56
#51, when can I "meet" you???!!!!!
Posted by Horneeeee on September 15, 2010 at 1:11 PM · Report this
nocutename 57
I used to work for Planned Parenthood (a loooong time ago) and we used to tell women to cut a tampon in half to use after sex when using a spermacide foam to absorb the excess. I remember one woman said it would also be good for ordinary post sex "runoff." And I thought, "Why would anyone want to remove that smell?" It's one of my favorite things, not only in itself, but in the memories it evokes.

These days, I like to collect my own juices (and those of my partner, or the two of us intermingled) and rub them on my neck and wrists--the same pulse points that perfume manufacturers advise you to use when applying fragrance--and catch whiffs all throughout the day.
Posted by nocutename on September 15, 2010 at 1:51 PM · Report this
58
I thought Dan Savage's vegan comment was rather funny too, though it did reveal that Dan Savage didn't research that answer very well. For starters, BDSM folks are welcome in vegan restaurants, provided they realize vegan food is some of the spiciest food in the nation.

NutraLoaf is somewhat complex to make and needs to be baked. A slop of sweet potatoes and peanuts would fit the bill without requiring "mistress" to do much work herself (she could even make slave make his own slop without him needing fingers, toes, or fire), and as it is vegan it still permits Dan Savage to make jokes about vegans.

Back at the turn of the 19th century George Washington Carver proved that human beings could live off a diet of nothing but sweet potatoes and peanuts. While this kind of diet would quickly make you wish you didn't live off sweet potatoes and peanuts, it fits the bill for "mistress" perfectly.
Posted by webgiant on September 15, 2010 at 1:55 PM · Report this
59
JustAnotherSavageLover wrote:
Tampons can and do "get lost" inside women, most often in the manner described by @45. My gynecologist friend tells me it's the most common cause of unusual vaginal discharge & odor; she discovers 2-3 "lost tampons" a week.

And as for me, one of the lingering pleasures of sex is the cum dripping down my leg during the day, smelling it on my panties when I go to the bathroom, etc. I have no wish to hide the evidence. But then, I'm a bit of a perv.
***

I like that feeling when I'm staying home and sitting around grinning like an idiot, but not when I have to leave the apartment and pretend to be a normal adult. We all have our quirks!

As for the "lost" tampons, I thought I covered that when I wrote that riskiest thing about them is forgetting you've already inserted one. (I don't mix sex and tampons, myself--that's one way around the problem.)
Posted by My Name Here on September 15, 2010 at 2:00 PM · Report this
60
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzHcqcXo_…

I thought this video might give you a chuckle.

Unfortunately, she just won a primary in Delaware this week.
Posted by jwheez on September 15, 2010 at 2:15 PM · Report this
61
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzHcqcXo_…

I thought this would give you a chuckle, Dan.

Unfortunately, she just won a primary in Delaware this week.
Posted by jwheez on September 15, 2010 at 2:22 PM · Report this
62
Fenugreek really does work! my milk, underarms, and private areas all smelled lightly of maple syrup while i was taking it. it was pretty hilarious. :P
Posted by iowa girl on September 15, 2010 at 2:30 PM · Report this
63
Hey, #58, are you joking, or are you unable to perceive one yourself? I honestly can't tell. Well, I'm pretty sure you must be kidding, but I have a tiny nagging doubt. Eh, being sleep-deprived is messing with my social perceptions, very bad indeed.
Posted by fucking moron today on September 15, 2010 at 2:53 PM · Report this
64
"Utah has the highest per capita online-porn consumption rates in the country."

Nuh-UH!???
Posted by ggg on September 15, 2010 at 5:18 PM · Report this
65
i would really, really like to know dan's reaction to this article: http://gaildines.com/category/blog/

i just am not sure what to make of this. is she being accurate? is she being fair? to me, dan is the final arbiter of all things of this nature, and i need to know his take!
Posted by hb on September 15, 2010 at 5:22 PM · Report this
66
I would just like to let maple syrup guy know that that is the most ADORABLE kink, and were he my boyfriend I'd let him pour it all over me and lick it off, or I'd wear it as perfume. Seriously. That kink is not a deal breaker, and I'm pretty fucking vanilla.
Posted by katie8 on September 15, 2010 at 7:18 PM · Report this
Neptune 67
@20 I'm glad someone like it!

I realized after I posted it that I forgot one of the main elements of the bird's anatomy: its butt! The original Buttpon bird had a large butt that was basically an elongated heart shape attached to the stick figure's waist. Ah, high school.
Posted by Neptune on September 15, 2010 at 7:25 PM · Report this
Trinabeana 68
Neptune @67: I like the additional image of the butt. I saved the link you posted above so I can look at it when I need to laugh at something silly. Your definition reminds me of the "human horn" episode of Futurama.

Ah, high school indeed. Though when I was in high school (1990-94) AIM didn't exist. Or did it? All I know is that e-mail and the internet didn't exist in my life until college.
Posted by Trinabeana on September 15, 2010 at 9:56 PM · Report this
69
A reasonable method of administering fenugreek without having to just eat spoonfuls of the stuff is by getting some basterma at your local Arabic grocer. It's a distant relative of pastrami, and coated with fenugreek; fry a few slices up like you would bacon with breakfast. I know I always end up smelling like maple syrup afterwards...
Posted by alhamdulshaitan on September 15, 2010 at 11:31 PM · Report this
70
Hey Dan, I am a long time reader and lover of you, but I have to disagree about your TAMPAX butt plug theory. Anal stimulation is not always the same. For instance; my husband's finger, a tampon, and a butt plug are all very different. Given that TAMPAX used lube to insert his tampon does not mean when inserted it mimicks a butt plug or finger at all. Tampons(Tampax in fact) are made of cotton, rayon, and polyester etc. which is absorbent and contours to wherever you put it. They absorb! I feel like butt plugs and fingers don't take away whatever important layer in your rectum is there. Don't get me wrong. I want people to get off however they want or need to and I won't judge. I am just stating that butt plugs and whatever else seem safer to me because they don't absorb which is why, maybe the tampon companys haven't gotten into this. With all respect, SR St. Louis
Posted by STR on September 16, 2010 at 1:12 AM · Report this
71
"Intriguingly Hot (Mal-)Odorous Pussy" My Ex had that title Down! (I think she secretely ate a LOT of salmonella-infused tuna. Whoa!)

"..wouldn't it be a good idea for him to tie something onto the end of the tampon so it doesn't get (lost) inside?"

That's why GOD invented bricks. (And why I ALWAYS leash-up my Gerbil. Or Hamster. Whatever.) (I've lately been pondering the Idea getting a shock-collar for the little Bugger. Any thoughts?) (Oooo -- I've just had one! How's about an electrical-cord-leash? Any more thoughts?) (Don't try this at Home!)
Posted by 2embarassed2byTP on September 16, 2010 at 10:50 AM · Report this
72
@47

I'm not really sure. The bit of femdom pornography I've seen (especially jerk-off encouragement and instruction) falls kind of into two categories: (1) sweeter, I-want-you-to-feel-good encouragement, or (2) humiliating, degrading, worthless-little-baby-dicked-jerk-off-boy instructions.

Insofar as the second category tells me that there are some guys who either fetishize being in a position of inferiority, or actually feel inferior (I fear the latter, frankly), I presume some guys legitimately like the "lick my boots, worship me, you should be glad I'm letting a worthless prick like you taste my skin" domination. What confuses me is that I've never met a domme (admittedly, I've never searched specifically for one) who wasn't like that. Hell, I've seen some dommes advertising on fetlife or craigslist specifically that they would "allow" a guy to go down on them.

The final question you ask was kind of the one I was. There's no fathomable reason it *shouldn't* happen, except that it doesn't. That's my confusion. Even assuming that dommes who want to be doing this *to* her male sub and female subs who want to please (without reciprocity) her dom are at the extremes of the bell-curve, having never seen one is a curiosity to me. Though, I guess if we include some of the more disturbing and degrading BDSM relationships men post about on the interwebs, it may be different. Still, the lack of dommes of this type is still odd to me.

@54

Depends on the sub, honestly. From the female friends of mine through the interwebs who switch or domme (and seeing posts places like fetlife), there's a lot of the desire for humiliation, and at least enough desire to be servile that the dommes who offer to allow a sub to lick her out are getting responses. For me, I'm peculiar, and my interests run more toward encouragement and mild embarrassment as a sub. I'm, honestly, kind of a softie as a submissive.

Per Snow White, I'm not really sure. I've had some girlfriends who actually enjoy doing things *to* me, but who still wanted me to be the one to initiate any kind of intimacy, to say nothing of anything kinky. My last girlfriend was eager to give great oral sex, and even some kinky stuff therein, but it had to be me telling her to do it; which feels like it's still me doing it *to* her.

I think the entire paradigm of women being expected to be the more passive recipient (especially insofar as it allows women not to expect more of themselves, and requires men to accept it) does create the problem you mention.

That said, it *does* apply to kinky sex. Excluding either rape roleplays (in which she is an active participant by begging him to stop) or if she's *really* good at begging, neither explicit nor (especially) implicit "asking" to have it done to her defrays the passive nature of her role. My biggest problem with being a dom is that very mindset.

I don't consider it active for me to tie up a sub, have her legs tied apart, and her completely exposed to me, and then simply lie there and drown in pleasure while I do all of the work. It's just massively inequitable; I'm doing an awful lot of work making her come, and the only pleasure I then get is more work for me to do? Christ, I'm not lazy, but that just sucks in my opinion.
More...
Posted by Seldon2639 on September 16, 2010 at 11:41 AM · Report this
nocutename 73
@#72 Seldon2639):
With a few choice word substitutions, your description of *dominating* a woman by which you mean you do all the work ("I don't consider it active for me to tie up a sub, have her legs tied apart, and her completely exposed to me, and then simply lie there and drown in pleasure while I do all of the work. It's just massively inequitable; I'm doing an awful lot of work making her come, and the only pleasure I then get is more work for me to do? Christ, I'm not lazy, but that just sucks in my opinion.") is exactly my attitude towards going camping!

Why would I want to spend my vacation doing even more work of basically the same nature but under less comfortable conditions?
Posted by nocutename on September 16, 2010 at 1:37 PM · Report this
74
@72 (seldon), It's true that it's not easy to find someone with whom you're sexually compatible. Why blame people (female subs, female dommes) for asking for what they want? If your desires aren't compatible, then go find someone else.

That said, both parties don't have to love the activity equally. I like being beaten, but I understand that it's hard work. So I'm happy to reciprocate by donning a strap-on or whatever.

Maybe you just need more communication. Tell them (preferably in an evil voice, if you're domming) you understand that they want this activity, and in return you hope they will enthusiastically do X for you.
Posted by EricaP on September 16, 2010 at 2:18 PM · Report this
nocutename 75
#72 (Seldon):
I wouldn't identify myself as a sub in the BDSM-understanding of the term. The sex I like, while somewhat moderately kinky in its own way, would probably seem laughably vanilla to a member of the BDSM community.
But I often like being submissive without being hurt--no whips or bondage I couldn't escape from if I wanted it--and in that capacity, I've experienced both the aspect of female submission you described (do something I love to me, while I'm immobilized and on display) AND also being told or *made* to *do* something *to* my male partner. Some of these actions are ones I like doing, and some are actions I wouldn't voluntarily choose if I were setting the agenda, but which I nevertheless turn out to find very erotic.

And I also like to switch the roles, not so much in humiliating or degrading my partner, but in perhaps tying him up, and riding him, or allowing him to watch, but not touch--either me or himself--as I masturbate until he begs me to let him have some relief.

I don't know what it says that you, operating in the *real* BDSM world with clearly identified doms and subs, have only run accross those two limited and limiting options. I suspect it may have something to do with the officalness of that world and its carefully delineated roles, whereas in my undefined and unidentified role, as a non-member of any "scene," there are no expectations as to what either of us can do.

Then it becomes a matter of tailoring the events and agency to the people involved and the moods that each is in, etc.
Posted by nocutename on September 16, 2010 at 2:51 PM · Report this
76
What happened to the last part of the first letter? I saw it on the AV Club version: http://www.avclub.com/articles/september…
Posted by eli_forsure on September 16, 2010 at 5:33 PM · Report this
77
Great response, Dan, to TAMPAX!

@70: I agree, though, with STR.
Tampons are absorbent. Fingers, cocks, and butt plugs, et cetera, aren't.
Proceed with caution, TAMPAX.
Posted by auntie grizelda on September 16, 2010 at 5:45 PM · Report this
78
I want to point out that something that does not have a flared base on it should never never never be used anally! The other end of your anus is your mouth, your vagina is much much different. Any orgasm or vigorous anal contraction has the potential of pulling the item into the anus further, and then you're faced with the potential of making yourself an embarrassing doctors appointment. I like the column, but Dan! Anal play using a device that is not attached to your body necessitates a flared base!
Posted by Stephie T. on September 16, 2010 at 6:25 PM · Report this
79
@73

Precisely. If at the end of the day, the benefit to me is that I then get to simply screw her, the kink loses it's interest.

@74

I'm not assigning blame, I promise. I'm not a misogynist, and I don't feel there's anything "wrong" with how the women I've interacted with in a BDSM context feel. I'm just curious about what I see as a rather interesting tendency. I will say, I've tried your method, though. It pissed off one sub something fierce, and a domme ended up just asking me to leave.

If there is any bitterness (and perhaps there is) it's the feeling of entitlement I see a lot of women in the BDSM community possessing.

@75

Good points, in general, though I've run into the same issues in the amateur population as well (I'm not sure the right word for people into kinks, but not into the entire lifestyle).

In the interest of full-disclosure, I'm not into the lifestyle either. My interaction with the more formalized BDSM stuff is mostly through relationships with individuals involved. But...

There are elements in what I'm saying, even in your switch-based D/S relationship. He "makes" you do things to him, where he has to "beg" you for relief. *Shrugs* I dunno, maybe it's just one of those things.
Posted by Seldon2639 on September 16, 2010 at 6:51 PM · Report this
80
What about toxic shock syndrome? It's pretty rare, but something that tampon guy should know about.
Posted by warning on September 16, 2010 at 7:17 PM · Report this
nocutename 81
#79: No, no, that's not it.

Perhaps I didn't articulate it clearly enough.

When I'm being submissive, I am also being active, in that I might be told to do something, rather than just having things done to me. Sometimes the things I am *made* to do are things I would never think of orchestrating. Sometimes he gets control over who I will fuck--and I agree because I like ceding that control to him.

The "begging" on his part, comes about when I've been VERY active, controlling what he can or can't do, or teasing him long past the point at which he'd like to be allowed to come. Then he begs (I don't *make* him beg, he just gets reduced to desperation, which I love because it asserts my control--he gets reduced to a state of total submission, or I have total control over whether I'll allow him to orgasm through my agency. I may suck him off then, or stimulate his prostate while he fucks me, or something else. He's never just begging me to assume a passive role while he does the work of getting me off when I take control. But the bottom line is that I get to choose when and if he'll orgasm and whether he does that though plain old, missionary-style fucking, his goal is not about pleasing me, but about FINALLY be allowed to come.

To be honest, I've really only had this relationship with one man, and part of the reason that it worked so well was that in *real* life, I am a very assertive, strong woman, and he is extremely respectful, but has always had a strong desire to control women sexually, even though most of his other relationsips have been very egalitarian. So when we took on those other aspects of our personality, it was with an appreciation that the other was giving something up for it.
If I had been a dishrag in all aspects of my life, my submission wouldn't have come at any cost to my natural autonomy and he wouldn't have valued it so much. And because he liked to be in control sexually so much, it was a real sacrifice on his part to submit to me and my plans, which I appreciated because it made his submission more valuable because it came at greater cost.

I guess at rock bottom, there's no full escape from the dynamic that frustrates you--as long as women can be easily penetrated and men have the appendages to penetrate, as long as men typically reach orgasm more quickly and easily than most women there will probably always be an element of whatever it is that makes you sigh. But if you're invested enough in being creative, things don't have to follow such cut-and-dried roles and rules.
More...
Posted by nocutename on September 16, 2010 at 7:27 PM · Report this
kitschnsync 82
@72: I don't consider it active for me to tie up a sub, have her legs tied apart, and her completely exposed to me, and then simply lie there and drown in pleasure while I do all of the work. It's just massively inequitable; I'm doing an awful lot of work making her come, and the only pleasure I then get is more work for me to do?

It sounds like you've taken on the role of a service top, and you don't like it. Trust me, there are plenty of submissive women who love being made to perform as their dom wishes. Don't settle for partners who aren't willing to put in the effort for you.
Posted by kitschnsync on September 16, 2010 at 9:02 PM · Report this
83
Despite Dan's counsel, I'm doubtful about the safety of buttpons. Tampons, being absorbent, most likely STICK and remove a layer of crucial mucus membrane upon removal if not sufficiently lubricated. (This doesn't happen much to women since menstrual blood keeps it lubricated).
BTW I'm surprised to read that ER doctors remove 2-3 "lost" tampons a week -- I thought that was was an urban myth. It's not like there's a lotta space for them to get lost in!
But, back to safety -- a friend of mine once put a tampon up his nose at a party, for grins. It swelled, and stuck, and he had a hell of a painful time getting it out. He was (and is) a county judge. But that's Texas for you.
Posted by danfan on September 16, 2010 at 11:35 PM · Report this
84
I've always thought it unfair that only women should use tampons
Posted by watermill on September 17, 2010 at 12:02 AM · Report this
ScaryMara 85
Um, isnt the first rule of buttplugs "Thou shalt use a plug with a base?"

How is a tampon different from a tiny, cotton buttplug? It cant "get lost" in a woman because there is nowhere for it to go....but an anus seems like a mighty fine desert for a tampon to go wandering in.
Posted by ScaryMara on September 17, 2010 at 1:58 AM · Report this
jesgal 86
Best sexual advice ever given, a gay friend in SF, years ago... Always use a small tampon after anal/vaginal sex. The tampon absorbs everything, keeping it tight. It works, been doing it for years. Biggest problem is forgetting it's up there.
Posted by jesgal on September 17, 2010 at 10:29 AM · Report this
nocutename 87
#86:
Um, how does absorption of fluids keep "it tight?"
Am I missing something?
Posted by nocutename on September 17, 2010 at 12:13 PM · Report this
Posted by Master Po http://rodgerpegues.wordpress.com/ on September 17, 2010 at 12:44 PM · Report this
89
@79 Seldon, there are lots of people in the world. Try asking for what you want from more than two women before you write us off for our feelings of "entitlement."

Yeah, experienced BDSM women feel entitled to ask for they want, and to not do what they don't want to do. It's called negotiation. Try it more often, and maybe you'll get what you want. Or maybe not. Life isn't fair. But in the BDSM world, if you don't ask for what you want, you're pretty much guaranteed not to get it.
Posted by EricaP on September 17, 2010 at 1:02 PM · Report this
90
@89

Wow. You read a lot of bitterness into my post that I didn't put there. Tone is difficult to tell over text, I guess. Maybe I should use more emoticons.

You're absolutely right, there are a lot of people in the world, but please don't misinterpret "I only specifically mentioned two women" with "I only noticed this of two women". They were illustrations, not the sum total of my experiencing this phenomenon.

Like I said above, I'm not really angry about it per se, more confused. That said, your characterization of feeling "entitled to ask for what they want" is distinct from the meaning of the word "entitled" as I used it. My point was about the significant number of women I've run into on both sides of the D/S equation who *demand* that their conception of the distribution of labor be adhered to.

Not for nothing, but it isn't just women who have significant experience in BDSM. If you took any hundred random female self-identified subs, and sussed out whether they're more of the "serve and please" or "passive recipient" variety, I'd bet all the money in my pocket against all the money in yours that at least ninety of them would fit into the latter. I'd bet the divide is closer to 50/50 among men. Reverse the question, ask dom(mes). I'd bet around 90% of dommes believe the job of the sub is to serve and please, with only 10% wanting a passive recipient of whatever treatment whey want to give; and I'd wager it's closer to 50/50 among men.

Yes, I agree, negotiation is important, and insofar as I've had partners with whom I'm simply incompatible, I've walked away. My curiosity is less "bawww, I want what I want", and more "why is the difference between the genders quite so large, and quite so predictable".

You're reading bitterness and scorn where I'm simply legitimately wondering.

That said, going with "eh, life isn't fair" seems somewhat odd to me. I would imagine that if you had a female sub writing to Dan who was complaining about how every male dom she'd ever had simply demanded blowjob after blowjob, and never gave her any pleasure, you'd be a bit less glib. If I'm wrong in that assessment, I do apologize for casting aspersions.
More...
Posted by Seldon2639 on September 17, 2010 at 1:43 PM · Report this
91
Lol at the unnamed "medical expert". It would be a shame if any medical experts you know become known for anal tampons instead of, say, drinking copious amounts of urine.
Posted by Pidgeon_Rat on September 17, 2010 at 3:35 PM · Report this
nocutename 92
@92:
You know Seldon, I was thinking that it's really not about the D/S relationship, but the gendered relationship. You want to divorce the D/S from gender, so that a female S would act in a more masculinely gendered way (doing *to*), and you'd like to configure the male S to someone who gets to enjoy the traditionally female role (being done *to*).

I've been thinking about that, and wonder if you wouldn't have better success by initiating conversations about which roles both of you are fulfilling that encompasses not only "dom/domme" and "sub" roles, but also gendered roles.

Worth a try, anyhow.
Posted by nocutename on September 17, 2010 at 5:10 PM · Report this
93
Seldon --

All this whining -- pardon me, *wondering* -- about female "entitlement" is fascinating, really, but isn't there a pedophile somewhere who needs a champion?
Posted by waaaahbulance driver on September 17, 2010 at 5:18 PM · Report this
94
I think I vomited in my mouth a little.
Not that there is anything wrong with That.
Free speech can be disturbing
Posted by Can't Say No on September 17, 2010 at 10:33 PM · Report this
95
@38--there are some female dommes like you describe. I love having my partner tied up so I can have my way with him. I mean, yes, I sit on his face, but it's mostly me doing things to him, not the other way around.
Posted by Marrena on September 18, 2010 at 3:12 AM · Report this
96
This buttpons guy sounds like a typical seattle male.
Posted by SleepingWithNannyState on September 18, 2010 at 9:57 AM · Report this
97
I just discovered something mildly amusing and tres, tres au courant. If you type the words "masturbation" and "witchcraft" into Google, it leads its results with numerous links to stories about Christine O'Donnell.

You don't have to thank me. You may now return to your regularly scheduled reading.
Posted by San Fran Guy on September 18, 2010 at 5:08 PM · Report this
98
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I've made a mildly amusing and tres, tres au courant discovery: if you type the words "masturbation" and "witchcraft" into Google, it immediately pulls up links to stories about Christine O'Donnell at the top of the results.

Just sayin'...
Posted by San Fran Guy on September 18, 2010 at 5:12 PM · Report this
99
www.americansfortruth????
Posted by HelloSavage on September 18, 2010 at 8:01 PM · Report this
100
uh oh...americans for truth!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Posted by HelloSavage on September 18, 2010 at 8:09 PM · Report this
101
uh oh - dan's tricked by americansfortruth!?!?!?!
Posted by HelloSavage on September 18, 2010 at 8:10 PM · Report this
102
Dan's statistic about the Utah having the highest per capita online-porn consumption rates in the country is just delicious. It is wonderful to contemplate all those sanctimonious Mormons secretly being giant porn consumers. However, Dan's statistic is based on a study which found that Utah had the highest per capita number of paid subscriptions to online porn sites, 5.47 per 1,000 broadband users. That doesn't necessarily tell us anything about mormon enjoyment of porn.

Although a wide majority of Utahns are Mormon, if we look only at the major metropolitan areas, where broadband access is more likely, the ration of Mormons to non-Mormons is roughly 1:1. So, out of every 1,000 Utah broadband users, 500 are likely to be non-Mormon. It is not implausible to assume all or almost all of those 5.47 paid porn site subscribers come from the non-Mormon group.

Explicit porn is illegal to sell in Utah, so it's not hard to see why non-Mormon Utahns would be the most willing to part with their hard earned dough to find some good stuff. Hell, when I lived in Utah, in the days before internet porn, I used to drive all the way to Wyoming or Nevada so that I could smuggle porn back for myself.
Posted by Tom_Rakewell on September 19, 2010 at 1:48 AM · Report this
freikja 103
#32 (Nonamehere): "A clarification: Tampons should only be worn as long as they're actually absorbing some sort of liquid."

Um, why? We have a clear case of someone enjoying a tampon for something other than absorbing liquid, and it's fairly harmless. l don't understand your statement.

#78 (Stephie T): "The other end of your anus is your mouth"

Please, please tell me you aren't saying a tampon will actually make its way back through the body, up through the esophagus, and out the other end. l get promoting flared anal toys, but this is a ridiculous argument for it.

#98 (San Fran Guy): THANK YOU!!
Posted by freikja on September 19, 2010 at 5:10 AM · Report this
104
Re: Buttpons:

The differences between vagina and lower colon are both that one is short and the other is long( with lots of room for travel). I don't understand the logic that a string hanging outside will prevent travel - unless it is attached to something large that can't enter the anus. (Thats's why butt plugs have flanges!)

But another key difference is that the lower colon terminates in a sphincter muscle and the vagina doesn't. If the anal sphincter is not ready for something to pass it can take a lot of force - that's why both foreplay and lube are key for anal insertions. Tampon designers probably did not consider the worse case of anal withdrawal in specifying the strength of the string. Here there is a greater possibility that the string could break in anal removal vs. vaginal removal and at that point you have a real problem.

Rather than suggesting that tampon manufacturers advertise to this "market", perhaps TAMPAX should urge anal sex toy makers to come up with some tampon-like products that are safe.

Posted by 75016 on September 19, 2010 at 6:42 AM · Report this
105
Re: Buttpons:

The differences between vagina and lower colon are both that one is short and the other is long( with lots of room for travel). I don't understand the logic that a string hanging outside will prevent travel - unless it is attached to something large that can't enter the anus. (Thats's why butt plugs have flanges!)

But another key difference is that the lower colon terminates in a sphincter muscle and the vagina doesn't. If the anal sphincter is not ready for something to pass it can take a lot of force - that's why both foreplay and lube are key for anal insertions. Tampon designers probably did not consider the worse case of anal withdrawal in specifying the strength of the string. Here there is a greater possibility that the string could break in anal removal vs. vaginal removal and at that point you have a real problem.

Rather than suggesting that tampon manufacturers advertise to this "market", perhaps TAMPAX should urge anal sex toy makers to come up with some tampon-like products that are safe.
Posted by 75016 on September 19, 2010 at 7:00 AM · Report this
106
This could open a whole new world of marketing possibilities for Tampax.

Posted by Michaelaranda on September 19, 2010 at 12:50 PM · Report this
107
#46, " Just like getting funky with a zucchini never leads to good things..." Putting a condom on your zucchini solves the problem. Try that next time. :)
Posted by raven333 on September 19, 2010 at 2:11 PM · Report this
108
LOL, Savage just cracks me up.
Posted by Toni http://www.playvegashere.com on September 19, 2010 at 5:46 PM · Report this
109
On the whole BDSM behavioral gender imbalance thing, I think there may be a few contributing factors.
One is, as several people have pointed out, traditional gender roles.

Another is risk. Especially in nonmonogamous relationships, penetrative sex is always riskier for the penetratee than the penetrator. I suspect that, to at least some extent, part of the thrill for a sub can be the risk, but not so much for the dom.

Another is, well, the biological differences in sexual response. Generally speaking, it's pretty easy to stimulate a guy to orgasm, but it can be very difficult to get a woman to come, particularly from the aforementioned penetrative sex. So, when Master ties up and rides his sub, he's probably having most of the fun. But when Mistress ties up and rides *her* sub, *he's* still having most of the fun.
Posted by Melissa Trible on September 21, 2010 at 7:43 AM · Report this
110
#103: Um, because tampons are absorbent and if they aren't absorbing liquid, they're drying out membranes that need to remain lubricated, that's why
Posted by lilechka on September 21, 2010 at 11:19 AM · Report this
i'm pro-science and i vote 111
Ah the Stranger's bashing of vegans continues. That was kinda out of left field and a sweeping generalization, near the end there. Why?? I'm curious because vegans are such a minority, to be smearing and broad-brushing all of the time. Hire a vegan writer, get some fucking balance in this liberal-leaning rag already if you're going to constantly highlight omnivore vs vegan stuff
Posted by i'm pro-science and i vote http://www.prettyopenended.com on September 22, 2010 at 7:42 PM · Report this
112
Look at this site for the best Free Porn. There are tons of sexy girls here ready to let you watch them have hot Sex. You can even watch it on your mobile telephone with Free iPhone Porn
Posted by X Videos on February 14, 2011 at 8:05 AM · Report this
113
A Non-LDS friend of mine mentioned this letter about the LDS Dominatrix Who is learning. After reading some of the comments I realized that most of the commentators are just as prejudiced as they claim I am. I am LDS and a straight (like that's not obvious being LDS and all) woman married with kids.
What's with all the rude and snarky behavior directed at a religion? Is it because you view our beliefs as contrary to yours? Let me clear up a few things for you. First...I have no problems with anyone of any race, religion or creed. If you are a good person who lives their life not hurting others and helping those in need you are a person I would call friend. Second...your sexuality is not a problem for me either. If you like boys, girls, both or neither that your business, not mine. I would never presume to tell you how to live your life unless you asked my opinion I would keep silent. Third...there are no "magic underwear." I do however wear a garment that is like underwear that is a symbol of my personal commitment and covenants with my Heavenly Father. It is not magic. If I am faithful to my beliefs I will be protected by God in the things He wills me to be spared from. Notice the if it is His will. Each obstacle that He has given me is not necessarily for me to overcome but to live through and learn from. Each and every experience in this life is a learning one. Fourth... Your orientation is between you and your God and has nothing to do with me. Just as my orientation has nothing to do with you. Fifth...your views on my so called oppressed sexuality and the whole purity rings is laughable! How do you think all of those children born into LDS home got there? The way it works in a LDS marriage is just like any relationship in regards to what is allowed sexually. If both partners agree to it, it hurts no one and no one is brought into the marriage bed then so be it. So if both partners want to play with Dominance and Submission and all boundaries are respected than it is not forbidden. However no one will ever know how many there many be who do because we don't go telling tales about what happens in our marriages. Sixth...the reason we believe marriage is for one man and one woman is because marriage is for the procreation of children and the stability of the family. There is alot of confusion from outsiders to what we believe but my question is why worry about what we believe? Worry about what YOU believe. I don't push my religion on you and if you don't want the missionaries that may come to your door hen send them away! Just as I have the right to send away someone with a petition to open an adult bookstore in my area. If you want to marry go right ahead. But don't ask me to sign up for something if I don't want to. I do not believe alternative sexuality from mine are always evil but neither are people who go to church always good. The human condition is one of great trials and beauty bu no one is all good or all evil. All we should strive for is to do better than the day before.
That all said just for clairification my cousin is gay and married his boyfriend. Both are invited to all the normal family occasions and their children are just as beloved by everyone as any child would be. Yes he was raised LDS but decided to separate from the church as a teenager. Both are accepted into the family because they are family and we love them even if they choose to no be LDS any more.
As for the signing of the paper and putting it next to your computer. It is a reminder of the promise you made not a magical sheild to save you from your baser human desires. Just like the garments I wear it is a covenant I made and the garments are a reminder of those promises between Heavenly Father and me. That is all. I am guessing your humor toward the purity rings is sarcastic because if you couldn't figure out that it was merely a reminder to do what you made a promise to do when your hormones and mind are clouding your way.
One more thing there is no repressed sexuality in my marriage and how would you know if there were some marriages repressed anyway? It sounds like most of you have never been friends with a devout LDS couple let alone privy to their private times. As it is not common to discuss the marriage bed with others as it is inappropriate in the extreme. The only people with knowledge of what goes on in a LDS couples sexual life is the couple and possibly a therapist if there are some sort of issues that need to be worked out. For example I was sexually assaulted as a teenager and it was imperative to work through those issues when they crop up and cause a problem. There are so many things that I could enlighten you about but I suspect you are just as close minded to my ideas as you claim I am to yours. The difference is I am not prejudiced against your lifestyles of BSDM, swinging, Bi, Trans, Hetro, Homo etc. I let you live your life as you see fit as it is yours to do with as you please. Also to Dan who loves to say that you cannot be against Homosexuality because you only pick and choose the parts of the bible to listen to. For example divorce, premarital or extramarital sex, swearing, ect. I have news for you I have never done any of those things so I guess that in your exame then I am allowed to be against homosexuality? How does that work out for you? In fact I know alot of people who have never done any of those things. I also have never done drugs, drank alcohol, smoked or even drink caffeinated things. Does that make me sheltered? No, because I see the world as it is and I a so grateful for parents who taught me to listen to try and to do what is right. However I never look down on people who fail from time to time to do what they believe because we are human after all and it is why we are here on earth. To learn, to live, to love and to do what is right and repent when we fail to make it. So it seem your arguements are invalid by your own reasoning. Plus your obvious prejudiced views contradict your own teachings of tolerance and acceptance.
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