HUMP!

September 18, 2008

By Dan Savage

When are HUMP! tickets going on sale? We wait with whetted appetites and utter anticipation. Yet when I go to the HUMP! website, there's not a word about ticket sales, only about making and submitting films for HUMP!. Any information about getting our hands on tickets would be helpful! Thank you!

Tall Rough Top

HUMP! can't come if you don't.

I'm not talking about audiences, TRT, or all those Craigslist scalpers who gouge people for tickets to our porn festival every year. No, my point is this: Seattle's biggest, best, and only amateur and locally produced porn/erotica film festival can't come if Seattle's dead-sexy, adventurous, and sex-positive folks don't make pornographic and/or erotic films for HUMP!. That's why our HUMP! website—www.thestranger.com/hump—focuses on filmmakers right now and not filmgoers.

A few words to HUMP! filmmakers and HUMP! stars: The deadline for HUMP! entries is October 6, 2008. That's just a few weeks away—but there's plenty of time to make a sexy short film for HUMP!. One of last year's winning teams made its HUMP! film the day before the deadline!

If you're tempted to make a film for HUMP! but you're concerned about your privacy—if you're worried about your future great-great-grandchildren finding your HUMP! film on the interwebs one day—rest easy! We work hard to make HUMP! safe, fun, and anonymous for all. You make a film, you give it to us, we make two master screening copies (one's a backup), and return the original to you. Our only copies are destroyed live onstage after the final HUMP! screening. We've hosted DOZENS and DOZENS of HUMP! screenings over the last three years with ZERO leaks! HUMP! lets you to be a porn star for a weekend—not for life.

Let me emphasize that point again: We've got three HUMP! festivals under our belts and we've never had a leak. That's three festivals, dozens and dozens of screenings, and thousands of hooting, clapping, cheering HUMP! fans—and not one single security breach. Your dirty movie is safe with us, porn star!

Some other frequently asked HUMP! questions:

"Do I have to show my face in my film?"

Nope! We need proof of age—a photocopy of a passport or driver's license—for everyone who appears in your film, but you can be shot from the neck down. Or you can wear masks. Or makeup. Or a Sarah Palin wig and glasses. So long as your film is creative and hot, it'll make the cut!

"Does my film have to be hardcore?"

Nope! Erotica, animation, mechanical dogs, amorous saltshakers, horny napkins, and nonexplicit shorts all have a home at HUMP!.

"Are there cash prizes?"

Yep! Big-ass cash prizes have always been a part of HUMP!. We've got two $2,000 First Prizes—one for Best Hardcore and one for Best Humor—and this year we're adding a $500 Best Actor Prize and a $500 Best Actress Prize. All prizes are awarded by audience ballot!

"Anything else I should know before I get started on my film?"

Films must be shorter than eight minutes. Nothing illegal, please. No poop, no animals, no kids. Films that include shots of Red Square, Dino Rossi, Mars Hill Church, Bellevue, or a jack-o'-lantern are awarded extra points by the HUMP! jury. Films can be submitted in DVD or VHS format. Deadline for entry is October 6, 2008. HUMP! goes down at On the Boards on October 24 and 25. Release forms and more information are available at www.thestranger.com/hump.

And finally, TRT, tickets for HUMP! go on sale October 8. Watch www.thestranger.com/hump for details.

Is it possible for a man to insert his balls into a woman? It's a topic I don't want to Google. A few months ago, I was making out with a guy and he whispered that he wanted to insert his balls into me. I said, "What?!?" and he moved on to other things. I've shared this story with a couple of girlfriends. After laughing, they all said they've never heard of such a thing. Are we prudes or am I missing out on something?

Reconsidering In Toronto

Nothing shrivels the ol' dick quite as quickly as the "What?!?" bomb.

There the guy was, boned for you, and he was brave enough to put his desires out there, to make himself vulnerable (which is what the ladies are always saying they want, right?), and you lobbed the ol' "What?!?" bomb at him and made him feel like a freak. Is it any wonder that he quickly moved on to "other things" and, one would hope, better sex partners?

And that's too bad, RIT, because it sounds like you may have been a little curious, maybe even tempted, by his request. I mean, here you are, all these months later, wondering what that "What?!?" caused you to miss out on. But before I fill you in—or stuff it in—let's pause to consider just what prompted you to toss out that "What?!?" bomb in the first place.

You're not the only person whose first reaction to an unexpected request is "What?!?" Many of us feel obliged—even the sexually adventurous among us—to go on the record with slight-to-mild-to-royal shock when a new partner presents us with a request for something besides standard-issue sex organ stuffed in standard-issue orifice. Our shock—real, feigned, or exaggerated—allows us to establish our moral superiority while placing the other person in a weaker position. It forces the other person to acknowledge that he or she is the bigger pervert and that we, by even contemplating indulging his or her kinks, are doing that person a favor. Tragically for all involved, most people on the receiving end of a "What?!?" emerge less likely to share their kinks with future sex partners, resulting in less interesting sex lives for all.

On to your question: Yeah, a guy can insert his balls into a vagina—or an anus, or a mouth, or the seventh hole of the Augusta National golf course. Some guys like to do it loose; they pack the sack in by hand and the orifice then closes around their sacks, above their balls. These guys derive pleasure from having their balls trapped and tugged. Other guys like to wrap their scrabble bags with a short length of soft rope or a rubber sheath; this pushes their nuts down to the bottom of their sacks and creates, essentially, a firmer, more-easily-inserted, temporarily phallus-shaped sack that they can literally fuck the shit out of you with.

So here's what you missed out on, RIT: a safe and unique sexual experience with a guy who isn't afraid of his own desires but is, it seems, too easily spooked by the odd "What?!?" Who knows? Maybe he was "the one," but your reaction to his kink prompted him to go off in search of more indulgent, less-sex-negative partners.

Your loss, I'd say.

Tell me the name of my fetish! In intimate situations, all I want is the foreplay portion of a hookup: kissing, petting, dry humping. But it goes no further than both parties being shirtless, i.e., no oral, no penetration, no getting off. Is there a name for this fetish?

My Own Crazy Kink

Indeed there is, MOCK. It's called "second base."

At a recent party in Paris, I fucked a Spanish girl in an inflatable igloo. As we were going at it—standing up, from behind, clothes mostly on—she put a finger in her ass. Being the gentleman I am, I asked if she'd prefer something more substantial in there. She said yes. After a few minutes, I began to smell something. I prayed to the God I don't believe exists that it wasn't what I suspected. I finally looked down and saw her ass and my dick were covered in brown. Nearly vomiting, I tried to stay calm and make what I would consider a traumatic situation for her a little less embarrassing.

Thing is, she wasn't embarrassed. She didn't seem to mind. In fact, after I lost my erection, removed my socks and underwear and used them to try to clean things up, she sucked me off. The next day, I received a text from her saying that she had a great time. No apology for shitting on me, no quip to lighten things up. I'd suspect that she forgot the whole ordeal (she was drunk), but I'm confident that despite my efforts to clean up, she awoke the next day with shit on her person and skirt. In the days since, my sympathy for the cute little thing has turned into resentment. Shouldn't she have known she had to poop? Shouldn't she have apologized?

Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you—and we're talking shit here, not a splash of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on. Some folks would've freaked but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on ass, my friends, but it's still ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known."

The accidental shitter, however, owes the shittee the courtesy of being appropriately mortified; the shitter should also quickly assume all clean-up duties (oral doesn't count); and if the shittee is being cool, the shitter should thank the shittee for not making a big deal about it. Based on this girl's actions, SSBB, I'd say she was blind drunk, utterly clueless, into shit, or all of the above. Whatever her malfunction, SSBB, wipe her from your phone's memory.

I recently read on Wikipedia (which knows all) that you own Ann Landers's desk. I really enjoyed her column growing up, and now I enjoy yours. I'm wondering how you display the desk, and if you write at it.

Curious Wikipedian

Wikipedia doesn't know all, CW. For instance, the site incorrectly lists my age: I am 34, not 43. And that picture of me they're using? I may have to sue.

But I do own Ann Landers's desk. I bought it at auction after Landers passed away—after securing an okay from her daughter, Margo Howard—and when I'm not writing Savage Love in a bar, an airport, or an inflatable igloo, I write at Landers's desk. And let me tackle the obvious follow-up question: I've never had sex on Landers's desk, you sick fucks. I can't go so far as to say that Landers's desk has been entirely unmolested since it came into my possession, as I'm not the only person with after-hours access to my offices. But if this desk has been violated, it wasn't by me.

 

Comments (128) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
Hi,

A little harsh to the shocked potential ballee, doncha think?
Posted by Mywonderfulgirth on September 17, 2008 at 3:23 PM · Report
2
That story effectively ruined my appetite for the next year. Thanks!
Posted by Kristina on September 17, 2008 at 3:58 PM · Report
3
Yes! I can't believe it took this long to add comments to Savage Love. Also, points for using letters that haven't been posted to SLOG already.
Posted by Hmm on September 17, 2008 at 4:00 PM · Report
4
SSBB should have used a condom, would be easier to clean up, and Hey!... reducing you chances of getting STI from random hook-up in Paris is not a bad reason to use it either. In my opinion he deserves being shitted on!
Posted by ok on September 17, 2008 at 4:02 PM · Report
5
Did I read that right? A girl who's just shat on a penis, which was wiped 'clean' with some underwear (not so much as a babywipe) who then proceeds to suck it off might be "into shit"? Really?
Posted by HelpMeOutCptObvious on September 17, 2008 at 4:04 PM · Report
6
Hmmm - if you're 34 instead of 43, that means Terry must have been... what - about 15 when the two of you hooked up??

Keep up the good lie. Works well for McCain.
Posted by Ayden/VA on September 17, 2008 at 4:13 PM · Report
7
I get that if you shit the dick you would be embarrassed, but isn't it reasonable to suggest that if you're going to put your dick in someone's colon you should probably be prepared for the possibility that it may get shit on? This sounds like an extreme case but in the event of a little brown, it's hardly fair to make the receiving party feel terrible for something that's entirely forseeable and not 100% controllable.
Posted by Michelle on September 17, 2008 at 4:16 PM · Report
8
Well, you do have to give her points for Good Giving and Game after that. :-)
Him, too.
Posted by Jaya on September 17, 2008 at 4:16 PM · Report
9
I've never understood people who participate in anal (especially impromtu anal) and then get FREAKED OUT by shit. Come on -- If you play in the mud, you're going to get dirty. SSBB needs to calm the hell down. I think the Spanish girl couldn't have been more courteous and hospitable (she sucked him off afterward, for fuck's suck!) -- To totally write her off now is to throw away a potentially fantastic relationship.
Posted by I'm Actually A Little Jealous on September 17, 2008 at 4:19 PM · Report
10
So on your blog in the letter of the day, you tell the guy that "ANAL SEX IS NOT FIRST DATE ACTIVITY", but you neglected to mention that to the shittee in the column. And i'm thinking the guy wasn't using any form of protection. Plus, the shittee mentions that the shitter was drunk, but we don't really know about his level of sobriety.

So while the shitter should have been a little more polite and mortified (provided that she even realized), I would have liked a little more guidance to the shittee about practicing safer sex, not having anal sex with total strangers, and maybe (if he was not as equally drunk) being a little more concerned about the possibility of exploiting a person that may not have been in a mind state to exercise her best judgement.

I'm not saying she was a victim, just saying she had put herself in a position to make bad decisions - and no one (male / female / gay / straight) should take advantage of that in a sexual or nonsexual situation.

Posted by Tracey S on September 17, 2008 at 4:34 PM · Report
11
Wow. You call the Spanish girl a "tramp" because...??? She's a woman and you're a mysoginist?
I can't comprehend why you are so harsh on her, telling the dude to ditch her number because there was *gasp* shit in her ass.

I am normally a huge fan of yours but the mysoginistic undertone is thick in this weeks column.
Posted by RubySauvignon on September 17, 2008 at 4:36 PM · Report
12
Way too harsh on RIT. Expressing surprise at a request for something you didn't know was physiologically possible isn't unreasonable, and especially isn't a play for moral superiority. It is what it is - surprise.
Posted by Disappointed on September 17, 2008 at 4:43 PM · Report
13
Sometimes a "What?!" isn't a moral judgment designed to make the other person realize your own superiority, but a genuine expression of surprise when something catches you off guard. And yeah, it's too bad it might have made him feel bad, but suck it up pal! An unusual request might illicit a "What?!" response from someone caught off guard. Figure out a way to talk about it with the caught off guard person. Humor? It might help.
Posted by fluff on September 17, 2008 at 4:45 PM · Report
14
Hey....Dan!

Two things: First, I read "What!?" to mean, "Is such a thing physically possible!?" rather than, "That's too weird to be contemplated!" My reaction might have been the same, only because I had no idea it could be done. It's too bad the guy was cowed, but the What-er might have been innocent of prudery, no?

Second: The shit-prick guy: You missed a vital component of his mail. He mentions that this (presumably stranger) woman from a party was noticably drunk. That makes him a rapist and getting shit upon is the least of what he's earned. I hope he gets shit cooties, for a start.
Posted by K on September 17, 2008 at 4:50 PM · Report
15
Dan, you rock.
Posted by ms_teacher on September 17, 2008 at 4:58 PM · Report
16
sounds like the whole thing might have been a language issue. I mean, it happened in France, she was Spanish... Maybe when she put her finger up her ass it was to signify that she had to go, and the misunderstanding escalated from there.
Posted by Peut-etre on September 17, 2008 at 5:05 PM · Report
17
I think you were a little harsh on the girl with the guy who wanted to stick his balls in her. I don't know about you, but my instantaneous reaction to something I've never heard of is "what?" and its not that I'm not open to random things, its just a "wait, people do that? before a hrm...yea that could work and be fun."
Posted by Andy on September 17, 2008 at 5:10 PM · Report
18
When it comes to anal sex, you've got to be cool with poo. However, sometimes the other party doesn't realize they're getting messy. I had four fingers in a gorgeous boy once at a party, and things got messy, and I don't think he even noticed. I just asked someone else for some paper towels and kept going. When we were done, I was still gloved, so I called for more paper towels and a trash bag and cleaned him up as best I could. Then he went and cleaned up some more in the bathroom, and nothing was really said of it.

Its buttsex. Shit happens.

Though as to the comment that anal sex isn't a first date activity; well, that isn't really fair! Sometimes that's what the *plan* is on a first day, but hey, that could just be me. I'm a little butt biased.
Posted by Wendy Blackheart on September 17, 2008 at 5:27 PM · Report
19
And why should anyone who shits on a dick stuck in an ass be mortified? Seriously, folks--is anyone here surprised that shit comes out of asses?
If you have a problem with shit....don't stick your dick in an ass.
Posted by Katy on September 17, 2008 at 5:53 PM · Report
20
@Ruby--Dan Savage is homo so of course he is going to call girls tramps for doing the same shit homos do all the time lol that is part of life. He also says "the ladies", eww.

I don't think "What?!?" has anything to do with moral vs. immoral, more like...weird vs. normal. I don't think that guy should go to jail or anything, but he is suggesting something not really common so the "What?!?" is part of life.
Posted by Emmi on September 17, 2008 at 6:03 PM · Report
21
No politics, only a snarky reference to Palin's hair! Thank you, Dan.
Posted by Shellphone on September 17, 2008 at 6:17 PM · Report
22
SSBB sounds like a fake with a hang-up about anal.
Posted by cw on September 17, 2008 at 6:29 PM · Report
23
I agree - a little harsh on the What!?! comment. Guys are always pressuring women to put lord knows what into lord knows where and if they don't get it they pout. So a little bit of "WHAT!?!" is often a woman's knee jerk defensive mechanism. I understand Dan's point where it can be a real shut down when people do that, but I see both sides of this.
Posted by Lauren Z. on September 17, 2008 at 6:39 PM · Report
24
Yeah, and John McCain is 27.
Posted by jp on September 17, 2008 at 6:46 PM · Report
25
Anyone else think the Spanish girl in Paris story was made up? Hot girl, exotic location, exotic girl, inflatable igloo, shit smearing and then a suck off? That's a closet poo-player who didn't feel like sending his fantasy to Hustler.

And I agree that you were way too harsh to the What?! woman. For all we know she's still with him and asking for how-to advice.
Posted by maughta on September 17, 2008 at 6:48 PM · Report
26
Did you accidentally send in your April Fool's column?
Because if surprise is enough to drive a man away, then he's anything but "The One." If his ego is that fragile, then I think RIT dodged a bullet.
As for SSBB, I think his story is BS.
I really hope you're baiting us and that you're not really that judgemental and gullible.
Posted by Marie on September 17, 2008 at 7:45 PM · Report
27
Yeah, that Spanish girl has done that before. I'll thank this gentleman for teaching me an important lesson by example. Hopefully he neglected to mention protection because it just goes without saying.
Posted by jessemoya on September 17, 2008 at 7:50 PM · Report
28
people forget that if you are gonna take it up the ass be sure you are as clean as possible. It's only fair. If you are not clean or are not sure or had Mexican earlier that night just say no to anal. A little brown is expected, a mudslide is just disgusting and rude.
Posted by No Brown Cow on September 17, 2008 at 7:50 PM · Report
29
Oh come on, you are NOT 34.
Posted by Please on September 17, 2008 at 7:55 PM · Report
30
Glad to see all the comments on how mean the response to "What?!" was. I thought the response was over the top and pretty irrelevant. She missed out on a life of happy fucking and true love because some guy surprised her with a kink she didn't know was physically possible and her response wasn't completely positive?!? There's nothing in the letter to suggest it was a serious relationship, and if one comment could scare a guy off for life, then he's probably not the one.
Posted by ProsperitySnow on September 17, 2008 at 7:57 PM · Report
31
I would say the story about balls inside someone is less a story about not reacting to a surprise by, well, being surprised, as your advise seems to suggest, but that if you're going to surprise someone one, make sure you're also 1)know the person well enough to know it's a good surprise or 2) be prepared for some type of reaction, possibly one you don't like/want. GGG does not and should not include surpressing surprise when one is being surprised. If it had come up, in a conversation, in a setting appropriate to surprising people and not in bed, then I imagine the "What?!" wouldn't have been present.
Posted by TessH on September 17, 2008 at 8:00 PM · Report
32
Now I'm a pretty GGG girl, but I've had things said to me in the heat of passion that, while not necessarily completely, utterly inappropriate, managed to turn my stomach a bit and cause me to dry up. I didn't bust out a WHAT?!, but I was left there with him pumping away at my dried up pussy all because I didn't want to make HIM feel bad for being vulnerable. What is the appropriate action when something someone says when "baring their kinky soul" really does turn you off (or at least it does right then)?
Posted by krj on September 17, 2008 at 8:01 PM · Report
33
Dan, I love your column, but I have to agree with your critics that you do have a sexist side to you. Not sure why you seem to have such an axe to grind when you write about women, but it is getting tiresome and predictable--two adjectives that should not apply to an otherwise fun sex column.

I see this in your response to the first letter: my first reaction to reading that was also What?!?, as in "a guy can do that?" Not something any man has ever asked me to do, and not something I had ever heard of, so surprise is not such a prudish reaction.

And I also see traces of hostility in your reply to the 4th letter: while this woman sounds rather gross, this guy might have thought twice about bedding down with someone *that* drunk. Sounds like both he and she were tramps...

Again, I enjoy Savage Love, but would enjoy it more without the unnecessary snipes to the female side.
Posted by Allyson on September 17, 2008 at 8:12 PM · Report
34
43 is HOT! There is nothing wrong with honest ages and I will read and love you when you are ancient (which, at 43, is a LONG way away).
Posted by dks on September 17, 2008 at 8:17 PM · Report
35
I personally think it's rather nice that the desk remains inviolate.
Posted by Inflatable Igloo on September 17, 2008 at 8:35 PM · Report
36
Anal may not be a first date activity, but I'm pretty sure neither is inserting your balls into someone. I think that it is possible may be less than common knowledge outside of a small community.
Posted by Littletimebomb on September 17, 2008 at 8:41 PM · Report
37
Inaccurate Wikipedia actually includes a link to http://www.seattleweekly.com/2004-05-26/news/buzz.php - which discusses Dan's age. Eventually, I'm sure Wikipedia will include a link to this post.
Posted by He's still cute at 43 on September 17, 2008 at 8:44 PM · Report
38
Fer fuck's sake! You've written an utterly hypocritical column here. The woman who says, "What?!" to the potential nutsack inserter gets scolded. The guy who OFFERS to buttfuck,and buttfucks, a drunk woman, without protection, gets sympathy. And you call the woman he has consensual sex with a tramp and say that she should have been mortified. Why? He suggested, she agreed, he should be just as mortified as she; it was the first fuck for both and both, it sounds like, were drunk. That makes them both stupid fucks. And that makes you a hypocrite. In this situation at least.
Posted by Thinkin' you're idiotic on this one on September 17, 2008 at 9:29 PM · Report
39
Awfully harsh, Dan. Since when does surprise = moral superiority? Maybe sometimes it's just....wait for it...surprise! 'What?!' is not necessarily a value judgment; sometimes 'what?!' is just 'what?!'
Posted by gradgirl on September 17, 2008 at 9:36 PM · Report
40
Letter: Hey Dan I said "What" to my bf when he said he wanted to stick his balls up in me, wtf?
Dan: OH NO! You can't say "what", that's practically calling him immoral and it might hurt his feelings! What if you made him feel like a freak?!?!?! Stop trying to make moral judgments!!
Letter: Hey Dan a drunk girl pooped on my dick, wtf?
Dan: What a harlot TRAMP. :<

aahahahaha...but yea, Dan grew up in a different time that's all there is to it I don't think it means you hate females. My gramma goes on and on about the drunk "sluts" on tv (even she isn't as old fashioned as Dan in terms of vocab) but she supports female advancement 100%. It's a generation thing.
Posted by Emmi on September 17, 2008 at 10:03 PM · Report
41
Ehm... I am going to call shenanigans on shitty's letter. "Inflatable igloo?" Spanish chick in Paris? Some dude with a scat fetish just scammed you, Dan my man.
Posted by L on September 17, 2008 at 10:10 PM · Report
42
I agree with maughta - the Paris story reads as fake. Dan, you once did a whole, enlightening column on clues to fakeness. First: he nearly vomits over the shit, but a few minutes later she sucks him off - ie he ejaculates. Huh? He sure got over that ick factor pretty fast. Second: he really planned to carry his own shit-smeared underwear home in his pocket? Doubt it. Third: dick was 'covered in brown'. Doesn't read as believable. I'm an experienced buttfucker and have seen (rare) accidents; shit doesn't behave like chocolate fondue. It might cling in very small pieces, but otherwise would be mostly squeegeed down to the base by the pressure of the sphincter. He'd be more likely to discover it in his pubes. Lastly, he focuses at the end on the apology he thinks he deserves, as if he was victim of her out-of-control freakiness. It seems to me her lack of remorse is supposed to demonstrate her complete degradation - which is what I suspect this fantasy is about.
Posted by obray on September 18, 2008 at 12:04 AM · Report
43
my friends say they found a porno where a guy pulls his balls out of a girl and goes "booyah!"... anyone have a link?
Posted by wheresthebooyah on September 18, 2008 at 1:23 AM · Report
44
i'm kinking that the igloo deserved greater inclusion here
Posted by poo 'gloo on September 18, 2008 at 1:34 AM · Report
45
If for any reason I found any part of my person unexpectedly covered in shit, I would have no hesitation using my socks and undies to try to clean up. I would not plan on stuffing said undergarments in my pockets to take home: I would throw them out. What's wrong with you people?

And inflatable igloos, or "igloos gonflables" as we say around here, are not uncommon. I don't know about their presence at sex parties, but if I had sufficient space for a sex party, I would be tempted to use an inflatable igloo to provide a bit of privacy for my guests.

I agree that the harsh response to the What?!!? and to the shitter is not consistent.
Posted by marcparis on September 18, 2008 at 2:54 AM · Report
46
No Politics? Hmm, I was hoping the "lipstick on an ass" example was meant to take Obama's supposed 'pig in lipstick' Palin jab to the next level. SSBB's letter reeks in more ways than one. I have to agree that it sounds like SSBB is a scat fetishist trying to explicate himself. If the letter is real, she is a tramp, but so is he.
Regarding RIT, she admits to feeling like she might have missed out on something because of her knee-jerk reaction to a harmless, if seemingly impossible kink. She details that she was making out with this guy a few months ago, so most of her has obviously moved on, just as he did, and yet she’s still thinking of what might have been had she used a few less exclamation marks against him. I think Dan's advice is appropriate, especially if you consider that he probably hears these types of sexual regrets all of the time.
Posted by Cotoplankton on September 18, 2008 at 3:38 AM · Report
47
Ann Landers' desk bring you to a whole new level of credibility. And, hey, how old WAS Terry? Even your mom thought he was jailbait, eh?
Posted by ItzTooEarlyForaGoodPsud on September 18, 2008 at 3:39 AM · Report
48
Ruby: Yes, a woman who has drunk anonymous unprotected anal sex with a stranger is a tramp. A MAN who has drunk anonymous unproptected anal sex with a stranger is also a tramp. This would seem to include the letter writer, btw... if he weren't making the whole thing up, which I agree he is. Hot Spanish chick in Paris? He should be so lucky.
Posted by Psyche on September 18, 2008 at 4:03 AM · Report
49
Y'all should hold a "Violate Sweet Ann's Old Desk" contest with carnality on The Desk of Landers" as a prize.

Maybe charge an entry fee and give the proceeds to the O/B(b) in hopes of getting Alaska her governor back.
Posted by The Maxx on September 18, 2008 at 4:42 AM · Report
50
Geeze I love you, but the girl in Paris isn't to blame. He's an idiot. Having been in that situation before, I can say I wasn't mad at the woman. As someone else pointed out, if you play in the mud, you get dirty.

If a brown penis freaks him out, don't stick it in places that might make it brown.
Posted by AJ on September 18, 2008 at 5:37 AM · Report
51
I also thought "What?!" about the balls issue, as in questioning the possibility, and how comfortable that would be for the guy. So I asked two guys if they had ever thought about putting their balls into a woman. Both responses: "What?!"...apparently that is something they hadn't thought about. One looked rather curious, so I don't think the response has anything to do with moral superiority or prudishness.

I also feel you've been too harsh towards women in this week's column. And I also suspect shitty's letter is indeed a fake, but if it wasn't, agreed he is a tramp, and deserved whatever he got.
Posted by poogloo on September 18, 2008 at 5:41 AM · Report
52
I like the comments. But they need comment numbers like on Slog.

But I will say to Jaya - he wasn't GGG afterward, he had his cock in someone's mouth. That's pretty easy to do.
Posted by amy! on September 18, 2008 at 6:18 AM · Report
53
Gotta agree with Mywonderfulgirth, who said that your response to the would-be ballee who said "WHAT?" was pretty harsh. Yeah, it's dropping a bomb, but it's usually the first thing a person will blurt without thinking. I've accidentally embarrased a couple people with "WHAT?" in the bedroom...but I've also blurted it at work on occasion when I should have said "Right away, boss" instead. Point is, it can be pretty reflexive. If she'd said "You want to do WHAT, you sick fuck?!"...well, then there was definitely an opportunity to pause & reflect, and that's when someone really deserves to damn themselves to vanilla sex. May I suggest to people faced with weird requests that the word "REALLY?" is a much more functional suggestion. It still conveys that you're surprised (you either didn't think they'd be into it, or you've never even tried it) and it forces them to go into a bit more detail. You can say it in a much sexier way and sound intrigued rather than weirded out. And, bonus:they still have to tell you what the hell they were talking about and how exactly that would work.
Posted by thatswhatSHEsaid on September 18, 2008 at 6:34 AM · Report
54
Dude...Can I have the Spanish chick's phone number?
Posted by Cest la vie on September 18, 2008 at 7:53 AM · Report
55
better name for MOCK - cock tease. Although second base is inclusive of lesbians (but they could always be called cunt tease or clit tease or something)
Posted by pain on September 18, 2008 at 7:54 AM · Report
56
one of the best savage love columns in recent memory. thanks Dan!

-- love from texas
Posted by Broom on September 18, 2008 at 8:12 AM · Report
57
Wow, people asinine comments, can't wait to read more poo!
Posted by Anon on September 18, 2008 at 9:18 AM · Report
58
Please use the right terminology. It's not "shitted on", it's "shat upon".

So much more elegant, don't you think?
Posted by KD on September 18, 2008 at 9:23 AM · Report
59
Thanks Dan! I hope all the What?! people out there read this week and keep reading to help them get over their What?! issues. I've had to help with What?! rehab too many times. Come on people! Be who you are..ask for what you want...and be kind and open (whether you accept or not) when someone works up their courage to ask for something they want.
Posted by Katie on September 18, 2008 at 9:30 AM · Report
60
that shit story is one of the funniest I've heard in a while. Well written shitty shitty bang bang. I had to laugh out loud. Could it be she might have wanted to spread things around a bit. I mean ... she was hardly moved. And if you're sober enough to fuck and remember who you fucked, I think you're sober enough to be aware of the brown. Seriously, how could she not know. There's some big poo worshippers out there ... and they come in all forms. And some of them may not be miss manners.
Posted by poorific on September 18, 2008 at 9:58 AM · Report
61
FWIW You look cute and yummy in your wikipedia picture :) Maybe you should upload a new one.
Posted by Ricardo on September 18, 2008 at 10:07 AM · Report
62
the espanish shitter might not be such a great catch, as the chance of her getting hepatitis A or E from oral/fecal transmission is rather high.

i hope shittee was not wearing his finest undies, btw...
Posted by yamsane on September 18, 2008 at 12:06 PM · Report
63
I have had more than a few little "hook ups" in Europe and Africa and shit happens.
Posted by Anal Warrior on September 18, 2008 at 12:27 PM · Report
64
Joe Newton's artwork to go along with RIT's query this week made me giggle out loud. That's awesome! I probably would have had the same reaction if someone whispered that into my ear while making out...it's just so unusual...but intriguing! Why not? Brings a new meaning to "stuff sack".
Posted by chump on September 18, 2008 at 12:45 PM · Report
65
Dan,

It seems like years ago I wrote to you with a stuttering slumbering lilt of a question slathering with ambiguity and restless contrivances....

Could you possibly find a way to eneter into the heart of HUMP, all the little articles of faith in such a fashion as I have laid on Mike Nippers Table and desk and chairs and passed through that little slot of yours at the front lobby so as to finally lay to rest the farce and fickel nature of repugnant bigotry and judgement of innuendo for those who will NEVER SEE A HUMP and have no idead as to the nature of whimsical sarcasm and the bluff of a power-fist?

This would of course give you the pleasure of rule in HUMP for the exchange of un-observed loyalty.

Yours in tandam,
Savaged Daniel.
Posted by Dannyboy and the knuckeled lunchsacks on September 18, 2008 at 1:07 PM · Report
66
Dan, I never knew you had gotten the blessing of Ann Landers' daughter to acquiring the desk.

I enjoyed Margo Howard as the second incarnation of Slate's Dear Prudence advice columnist.  That you sought and she gave permission speaks well of both of you.
Posted by lostboy on September 18, 2008 at 1:56 PM · Report
67
Sometimes you really can't help the "what" that comes out of your mouth. It's not about moral superiority. It's about being a bit shocked and surprised. You have to smooth it over though and it can be done. A simple, "you just surprised me, but let’s talk about it" would suffice. There are just some things I’m not willing to try, but I don’t think for one minute that I’m not the sinner that the next person is. I’m sure there are things I’m into that others are not willing to try, but that doesn’t mean we can’t talk about it. Luv ya Dan!
Posted by Just some random chick on September 18, 2008 at 2:00 PM · Report
68
If your gonna go in the out door you better be prepared for the concequences and not be a crybaby about it. If he was afraid of getting shat on he shouldn't of offered to put his penis in her rectum. That's what comes out of there, after all. In fact, I think she's awesome for not getting freaked out by it and I'm sure she knew. I think he should be feeling lucky to have had sex with a cute little Spanish girl who's into anal who'll suck his dick after she shit on it. She's a freak and it sounds like she's beyond his sexual comfort level. In short, be glad you got some ass and had a chick that open.
Posted by booty butt cheeks on September 18, 2008 at 2:01 PM · Report
69
I have to agree with the folks saying the reply to RIT was pretty harsh. She didn't give a lot of context, first of all, and I've had my fair share of experience with guys with absolutely no tact who volunteer their sexual fantasies and desires before it's even clear I am interested in talking to them, let alone having sex with them. Maybe she had just met him and was like "wtf why are you telling me your weird fantasies already"

Even if they'd been having sex already, I think this letter shows there should be some sort of protocol about bringing up kinks - talking about stuff when you're NOT in the middle of anything sexual means you're more likely to be listened to and have your request considered, and less likely to be shot down and ruin whatever perfectly enjoyable vanilla experience you were having at the time. Not only can you ruin it for yourself, but you can ruin it for the other person, as another commenter pointed out.

I'm a pretty kinky GGG person, and even to me bringing up kinks to someone during sex (or immediately beforehand) comes off as rude and demanding (as in "I want to do this right now" instead of "Hey, would you like to try this thing sometime") and isn't encouraging to the other party to be open-minded.
Posted by RedPanda on September 18, 2008 at 2:04 PM · Report
70
Re: WAHT?
I think that's a pretty normal first answer when confronted with the unexpected, I don't think you have to be trying to be superior etc., you may just be surprised or caught off guard. What you say after "What?", either, "You perv!" or "Oh yeah?" is more important I think.

Re: browncock
You know, the "shittee" never mentions whether he was using a condom. He was already banging her, so either he was using one and probably kept using it, or he was not, so shame on him anyway. But, if he was, cleaning up the shit probably was not so bad, and assuming he didn't get it everywhere when taking it off, her blowing him probably didn't require her to be "into shit". Just, maybe not too grossed out by being near it. Anyway, sounds more plausible to me.

Posted by Ed Cayce on September 18, 2008 at 2:09 PM · Report
71
I'm surprised you didn't yell at Shitty Shitty Bang Bang for not wearing a condom.
Posted by Jacki Russell on September 18, 2008 at 2:19 PM · Report
72
HEY DAN!! Is it possible to have ONE column where you don't mention politics? The Democrats are losing the election (again) and there is nothing we can do about it.
Posted by Dave B on September 18, 2008 at 2:22 PM · Report
73
benny chung is gay and wants you
Posted by mc on September 18, 2008 at 2:34 PM · Report
74
SSBB's letter is so fake -- can't believe Dan doesn't mention that...
Posted by MarkV on September 18, 2008 at 2:48 PM · Report
75
my flagging middle-aged libido was not helped by ANYTHING in this week's column, i'm sad to say. in fact, i'm thinking it's time to leave it to the youngsters and devote myself completely to the pta.
Posted by ellarosa on September 18, 2008 at 4:25 PM · Report
76
A month after moving to NYC I hooked up with a guy, started to fuck him, and then noticed a funky smell. Sure enough, shit. He was embarrased, left, and then I was even more shocked/repulsed when I noticed there was shit all over my comforter, sheets, etc- I promptly threw them all in the wash, called one my friends in SF, and he wisely told me "If you keep drilling, you're bound to hit oil". 2 days later, Mr shitter called me and wanted to go out- I was debating whether I should or not, and did as I figured he'd be a good friend for a new york newbie. We ended up dating for 5 months, and to this day he was the best consistent fuck of my life. The fact that we got stoned a lot, and he introduced me to cock rings helped too. Point being, try not to get freaked out by the small shit in life- there could be great things lurking therein...
Posted by freshnycman on September 18, 2008 at 6:28 PM · Report
77
Dan Baby - I was shocked to read your reply to SSBB. Why did you refer to the Spanish hoe's actions as a 'malfunction'? I think this babe should be applauded...she wasn't fazed with the occurence of a normal bodily function. As you said, shit happens, and when you are in the throws of ecstacy, who knows what will happen. Shame on you...I expected more from you sweetie.
Posted by LeeAnn on September 18, 2008 at 8:59 PM · Report
78
Who's taken over Dan's column?

This is not Dan.

Bitching out a girl because she was surprised yet curious about a fetish? Not Dan.

Slagging off a 'tramp' because she had an understandable accident when having drunk anal sex? Not Dan.

Not noticing that the couple weren't using protection and putting in a well-placed warning about it? Definitely not Dan.

Bring Dan Savage back! Who is this imposter?!
Posted by Nikki on September 19, 2008 at 4:07 AM · Report
79
You did all the right things after that Spanish tramp shit on you—and we're talking shit here, not a splash of santorum. You pulled out, you cleaned up, you moved on. Some folks would've freaked but, eh, those folks don't get it. You can put lipstick on ass, my friends, but it's still ass. Shit happens, as the saying goes. Shit shouldn't happen. But when you're fucking ass, shit has to be regarded as a "known known."

---------

I love how you managed to get three anti-right wing political references in one paragraph!

As for the Spanish chick, it sure sounded like it was no accident.
Posted by Robin on September 19, 2008 at 7:08 AM · Report
80
Re: hump never having a leak - sounds like a challenge. ]:-)>
Posted by guy on September 19, 2008 at 8:30 AM · Report
81
Chill on RIT. She was asking an honest question, not condemning the balls-in approach.

SSBB - Ridiculously fake. The dude who wrote this (and it was a dude) has probably never had his dick anywhere warm, let alone in a poo-happy Spanish lady's ass.
Posted by tinyspark on September 19, 2008 at 10:01 AM · Report
82
Um...that igloo story is obviously a fake. I'm surprised Dan didn't call it out. How on earth would a woman, wearing a skirt and "mostly dressed", be penetrated by a penis from behind and manage to stick her own finger in her tush while standing up [in party heels?] in an inflatable igloo? Please. It sounds like some kind of weird fantasy by a man who wants to imagine a woman so humiliated that she eats her own excrement in the process of giving him a blowjob.

--LG
Posted by LG on September 19, 2008 at 10:43 AM · Report
83
As a womanwho was part of the early years of the "sexual revolution" I personally DON'T think that women need to accede to EVERY stupid, idiotic, pervy request a man makes; nor do the need to be "guilted out" about it. If you ask me, any man who comes up with requests like "I wanna fuck you with my balls" spends FAR TOO MUCH TIME with his homo friends; women never had to contend with as many of these pervy ideas before the homos slid out of their closets and started spreading notions like this around! What's next, "gerbiling" for women? PS. For those of you who heard the rumour about "gerbiling" and Richard Gere, I am here to tell you: It's TRUE. I heard if from the very best source of all: a PARAMEDIC.
Posted by vajranagini on September 19, 2008 at 10:56 AM · Report
84
I understand somewhat your negative view of how you look. You've mentioned it several times. My personal feeling is that you are above average looking and way above average sexy.

So sue me!
Posted by chuckamok on September 19, 2008 at 11:17 AM · Report
85
I don't think the balls-in girl was being sex-negative, I think she was just confused. Maybe she meant "what" as in, "I'm open to that idea, but how exactly do you mean?" But yeah, a little harsh on the breeders, Dan. You had to go there - he might have been "the one". Um, ok.

Also, I think the poop story is fake. Really? A Spanish girl in Paris in an igloo in the butt?
Posted by Kayla on September 19, 2008 at 12:44 PM · Report
86
"One of last year's winning teams made its HUMP! film the day before the deadline!"

Well, they didn't *shoot* it the previous day, right? They edited a sub-8-minute festival version from existing footage, right?

I'm not trying to reraise the barriers or anything, I'm all for people deluging you with as many entries as possible. I'm just for truth in advertising too.
Posted by Quinapalus on September 19, 2008 at 12:56 PM · Report
87
This is the fist time i have had the great pleasure of reading your articles and can i just say three words "I'm in love"
Posted by Sharpie on September 19, 2008 at 1:15 PM · Report
88
awfully brutal to the ballee
Posted by m on September 19, 2008 at 2:30 PM · Report
89
common people, just because there was no mention of condoms in this story doesn't mean their weren't any. remember, when you ASSume you might just get shit on.

oh, and the inflatable igloo makes the story more credible. who makes up that kind of shit.
Posted by jeffsd on September 19, 2008 at 2:41 PM · Report
90
I think the "what?!" might have been legit in context. Not all "what" bombs have anything to do with superiority (moral or otherwise). Sometimes a "what" is just a "what". You pretty much heaped onto her all of the condemnation you accused her of heaping on the guy. Guess that means she's less likely to ask about things in the future, "resulting in less interesting sex lives for all".
Posted by CLM on September 19, 2008 at 3:09 PM · Report
91
I agree. Too harsh on RIT by far. As a vanilla-ish straight girl, that would be my first reaction. But with a few minutes to get used to the idea, she'd probably come around.
Posted by keepingmynameprivate on September 19, 2008 at 9:51 PM · Report
92
I love you Dan but this week your advice was off and a little sexist.e

When did being GGG mean suppressing all emotions including surprise? It reminds me of the time a boy asked me if I knew what a supernova was and then asked to fuck me with champagne, mintos and then his cock. Maybe my 'what' scarred him off too. Oh well.
I have a weird fetish too actually and it is hard to tell partners but 'what' seems like a natural response.
Posted by gggrrl on September 20, 2008 at 8:19 AM · Report
93
Re: RIT and the 'What?!' bomb -- one of the best things about Savage Love is that Dan calls straight women (and others, sure) on their bullshit -- specifically, bullshit on which they are rarely called because they are straight women.

Death to Gender Hypocrisy!
Posted by George W on September 20, 2008 at 10:33 AM · Report
94
I once had a shit incident and the dude I was with totally fucking freaked out!! It didn't even get on him but when I stood up some shat came out my ass HUGE suprise. Needless to say I never gave him the booty again. Current bf loves my tight little ass and never complains about residue or scent! ;0)
Posted by B. Angie B on September 20, 2008 at 12:54 PM · Report
95
As an aspiring writer I just have to say; I idolize Dan Svage!!
Posted by Alex on September 20, 2008 at 5:18 PM · Report
96
You know Dan, it's O.K. being 43. Really, it is.
Posted by Steve on September 20, 2008 at 7:45 PM · Report
97
The guy probably said that he wanted to "go balls deep" and she had no idea what he was talking about. The fact that there is some ball dipping fetish is coincidence.
Posted by m on September 20, 2008 at 9:54 PM · Report
98
I remember a Savage Love column where a guy fucked another guy on a beach, without condom - the situation was pretty similar if I remember correctly: alcohol involved, two unknown people, a shit incident. In that case though, you told the writer he deserved being shit upon for not using a condom with a stranger in the first place, and not caring at all - "you shat on him, he shat on you" I think was the quote. Why so different perspective here?
Posted by Ka_No on September 21, 2008 at 5:13 AM · Report
99
Tracey S - I mostly agree - the girl in SSBB was not a victim, and she did put herself in a position to make bad judgments (unprotected anal sex) due to drinking too much. But I say tough luck. No sympathy or understanding from me. CAVEAT POTOR, as the Romans might have said at their orgies.
Posted by michael on September 21, 2008 at 7:37 AM · Report
100
Oh, I forgot to say, same for the guy, too!
Posted by michael on September 21, 2008 at 7:42 AM · Report
101
My boyfriend and I are avid savage love readers and we call bullshit on SSBB. This is clearly an ass-to-mouth humiliation fantasy. Also, could SSBB be more patronizing to his imaginary spanish girl?

We don't believe you, SSBB.
Posted by L & R on September 21, 2008 at 8:46 AM · Report
102
I am a little surprised that Dan didn't seem to think the "a Spanish girl in an igloo in Paris shat on me" story was a fake. You know, given that it involves all of those things.
Posted by Scrabble on September 21, 2008 at 4:58 PM · Report
103
I'm confused by why you lectured the person who said "What?" in response to something she'd never heard of in her life.

That hardly makes her an uptight, sex-negative prude: it just makes her someone who had never heard of ball-insertion before.

Perhaps rather than storming off in a huff, the guy who was interested in doing it could have taken the time to explain what it was.

Very few people say "OK" to an activity they've never heard of without some explanation.
Posted by JupiterPluvius on September 21, 2008 at 6:10 PM · Report
104
Dan, I think you were way too harsh on the girl who said 'what?' when asked to let a guy put his balls inside her. "what?" does not have to mean "ewww, you're a sick fuck", it could just mean "what? that's possible?" I think I'm pretty experienced sexually, having worked as a sex provider for the past 7 years, and having numerous lovers, enjoying swinging, b & d, fantasies, roll-play, etc.. and I've never had anyone ask to insert his balls into me! Me and my friends at the brothel were discussing your column and we couldn't figure out how it would be accomplished. Does he put his dick in and then the balls too? Or just the balls? Hell, I'd let someone try it. It's just new to me.
Posted by Perplexed, not disgusted on September 21, 2008 at 7:30 PM · Report
105
Is MOCK female? How can I meet her? --My Own Crazy Kink, 2
Posted by jay on September 22, 2008 at 2:47 AM · Report
106
I agree with the people who disagree with your answer, Dan.

"I'd suspect that she forgot the whole ordeal"

Since when is it ok to fuck, let alone ass-fuck, people when they're so drunk that you doubt they'll even remember it?!!! Um... talk about asshole (if not all-out rapist)!!

Secondly, if she WAS that absolutely drunk, than (duh...) maybe that's why she couldn't/didn't help clean up. And maybe, maybe she rightly thought that any person should know that if you fuck people in the ass (not to mention completely shit-faced strangers) that shit happens! We can be mature about it. Don't stick your dick in random assholes if you can't stomach what assholes do.

Finally, I would say a blow-job was a more than decent apology. Obviously, you accepted it and as you said, got off just fine. Well boo-hoo.

And did you eat her out? Or did you just figure she didn't deserve it because (shock!) the ass she let you put your unprotected dick in had shit in it? You fucked her in the ass, then she sucked you off, and you figure she remembered none of it, and now your whining to good ol' Dan Savage, who got it WAY wrong this time. You're an inconsiderate, squeemish asshole, who congratulaes himself on ass-fucking a drunk chick while also getting off and how superior you are, because you know, she poops. People should know to stear wayyyyy clear of you.

Posted by bothered on September 22, 2008 at 11:50 AM · Report
107
Also agree with the fact that the guy needs to be called out on it being unprotected, as Dan has done before in other scenarios. And, as this is obviously a humiliation fantasy (or a lucky, hot night for a man with a humiliation kink), then maybe we could just call it what it is and not continue to humiliate this spanish girl, who may or may not be a figment of a boner's imagination.

And yeah... way harsh on being surprised by the ball fantasy. How about people, who have tame fantasies like that one, also be just a wee bit responsible for getting their needs met, or even EXPLAINING what those needs are?! Really.. if they are so absolutely insecure that a "what?" or light giggle can turn them away and back into their poor, dark, sexual-gratification-denied caves forever and ever, then it's their partner's fault?! Everyone needs to grow up! No one can crack a smile, or you know, betray a bit of honest surprise? For a healthy sexual relationship, both partners have a right to both their desires and the truth of their emotions and responses... and both partners should be able to ask questions.

And Dan sure comes off as reactionary sometimes, not to mention a bit sexist. Hope that's just me reading into it.
Posted by bother2 on September 22, 2008 at 12:03 PM · Report
108
I agree with Tracey. What happened to "ANAL SEX IS NOT A FIRST DATE ACTIVITY?" Or is it ok if the one getting it in the ass is a woman... I see some canned hams getting angry at you in your future.
Posted by amy on September 22, 2008 at 12:04 PM · Report
109
I just thought that the Shitty Shitty Bang Bang tagline was not only really imaginative, but it made me laugh out loud!
Great sense of humor for being shat on!
Posted by Brendan on September 22, 2008 at 4:34 PM · Report
110
Dan. whats wrong with your photo on there?
Posted by nos on September 22, 2008 at 4:44 PM · Report
111
after having anally fucked a good friend and making a total mess of her ass, my dick, the bedsheets and everything within sight with feces, I went "oh god, you mean there's shit in there?'? We both burst out laughing got over it and kept banging any hole we wanted.
Posted by frank on September 22, 2008 at 6:31 PM · Report
112
I think you were too hard on the "what" bomb girl. Sometimes a what is just a what - that is, an expression of surprise at hearing something heretofore unheard of or unthought of. Surprise shouldn't automatically mean condescension or projected superiority. She should write him, apologize, tell him she thought he was a terrific lover and that she's sorry if her inexperience-based surprise came off as judgemental, especially given how intrigued she has been ever since.
Posted by bay area babe on September 22, 2008 at 6:38 PM · Report
113
Spanish girl + Paris + igloo + fancy narrative + ass-to-mouth with a brown dick... SSBB's a lier.
Posted by mokawi on September 22, 2008 at 9:20 PM · Report
114
This lucky dude found a fine looking classy Spanish broad who encourages him to tap her tailpipe on a chance meeting, and he should loose her number? You must be nuts. Big deal he has to wipe a little mud off on the drapes before he gets dressed, this gal is a keeper! Hell if she could laugh off an accidental blowout she is likely game for blumpkins, three ways with her sister or mom you name it. This dude hit the jackpot, your advice is usually on the money but this time you missed the ball.
Posted by bigdicarlo on September 23, 2008 at 7:54 PM · Report
115
I read the first writer's "what" as less "How dare you?!" and more "Is that physically possible?"

And, frankly, anyone who's into a nonstandard sexual practice should *expect* the occasional slight hesitation from prospective partners, if for no other reason than the "give me a moment to decide if I want to do that or not, I've never considered it" factor.
Posted by Melissa T on September 24, 2008 at 9:54 AM · Report
116
I need clarification. If shit happens to be in the rectum when anal sex begins, and then it ends up on the penis, this counts as "shitting on" someone? Or is it only "shitting on" if the person deliberately shits?
I'm sure my question is dumb but I want to know if I owe someone an apology...
Posted by To the Left on September 24, 2008 at 2:31 PM · Report
117
I recently told this story to a friend's boyfriend and it started a fantastic late night bar debate as to the completely off the wall expectations as far as anal goes these days. After all, when the fuck did that become an item on the menu-let alone the getting to know you portion of the meal? Men can be pretty pathetic. By the way, am I the only one who thinks this whole story was a little bit made up...hello...prostitute??!! What woman, drunk or no, who isn't getting paid, is going to suck off some random guy's shit-stick-dick??? Call me old fashioned if you must...
Posted by UrizenTravels on September 24, 2008 at 9:36 PM · Report
118
The "What?!" response is one of the worst possible reactions to any expression by someone in a vulnerable position. It's an unthinking thing, and it deserves to die.

My ex used "What?!" as an instant emasculator, yet when I did it to her, she lost her mind.

So yes, people need to keep a good grip on their thoughtless responses. Good call, Dan.
Posted by Kaltros on September 25, 2008 at 8:21 AM · Report
119
I'm pretty sure I would have had the same "What!?" reaction, but my sexual curiosity wouldn't have let him move on to other topics. I think of myself as pretty experienced and adventurous and hadn't heard of ball fucking before either. Thanks to RIT's letter in your column I'm going to have to give it a try. :)
Posted by hellie on September 25, 2008 at 2:22 PM · Report
120 Comment Pulled
121
Strange. I clearly recall you once neatly trashing a writer who had complained of being shit on during an anonymous beach fuck by "some random guy", going as far as to say that since he had shit on his random partner figuratively by skipping a condom, he deserved to be shit on literally in return.
Yet no love for our drunk Spanish slut, who unlike the shitter in the dunes, owes a sincere apology to the shittee and has all clean-up duties as well.
Something smells here, Dan, and it ain't the santorum.
Posted by Say it ain't so on September 26, 2008 at 11:44 AM · Report
122
um, i dont understand why the guy was shocked when he got shit on his dick. you have an ass, shit comes out of it, there is usually some poo in there even when you dont need to poo unless you are a porn star that has an enema before every sex act. why is this so shocking? sounds like he just doesnt understand how the human body works. she sounded like a good sport to me. i would like to reiterate that the guy also needs to look into safe sex options as well. he sounds like a clueless moron.
Posted by missann thrope on September 26, 2008 at 7:55 PM · Report
123
Any girl who will indulge in anal sex at a party, drunk or not, shitty or not, is a prize! This guy has missed the boat.

vudu8ball (using GF's account!)
Posted by vudu8ball on September 27, 2008 at 8:08 PM · Report
124
re: "What?!"


sometimes a cigar is just a cigar....iow, maybe she had never even heard of this activity...so her "What?!" was understandable.

don't be so hard on the naive...you were once
Posted by earthmother on September 28, 2008 at 9:59 AM · Report
125
Yeah... I agree. It's not exactly your fault when a Brownian motion takes place if someone sticks an oversized object inside your anus. Personally, when I top, I don't like when people apologize to me for a natural reaction of their bodies... and I don't like to apologize for it when it happens to me while bottoming.
And "nearly vomited"? Come on. It's not like it smells like roses. If you don't like anal, don't do it.
Posted by Polaco on September 29, 2008 at 10:45 AM · Report
126
I disagree with Dan's name of "second base" for the fetish described by MOCK. In my day it was called 'high school' but nowadays a more appropriate phrase would be 'junior high' or 'middle school'.
Posted by Steven S on October 2, 2008 at 4:36 PM · Report
127
for someone who claims to be interested in having people take personal responsibility for their actions dan takes a rather unreasonable tack towards the drunk spanish shitfreak. if you make a date to get fucked up the ass then there is the expectation that you will make the effort to clean out; unless you both agree that scat will be on the menu, or at least won't be a problem if it rears its taboo head. however, when i go to a party and get drunk and some guy wants to fuck me up the ass he better have sense enough to ask if i'm clean back there before he plows in. oh that's right, he was drunk too so his lapse in judgment and common sense is permissible, but just cause she's into shit and was too drunk to worry that the slut she met at this party wasn't she's the malfunctioning tramp and this poor man is a distraught victim. boo fucking hoo! i can't wait til some asshole expects me to be “appropriately mortified” because i have shit up my ass.
Posted by cos on October 3, 2008 at 6:50 PM · Report
128
Son, this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!
Posted by Walter Sobchak on October 6, 2008 at 11:01 PM · Report

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