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Doggy Style
November 6, 2008
Tools
Joe Newton
I'm a 32-year-old female engaged to a 34-year-old man. Some months ago, when we were both drunk, he "got up the nerve" to show me some bestiality porn and tell me how much the thought of me with a dog turns him on. He was absolutely terrified that I would leave him over this but said he couldn't hide it anymore. I was pretty inebriated at the time, and I didn't say much. We continued to watch dog-on-girl porn, which I can't say turned me off, but mainly because it turned him on so much.
Since then, he has brought up this subject when he's inebriated. I've told him that as long as this remains a fantasy, I won't make an issue of it. I also told him that when I am sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable and that it exploits the animal involved. He argued what I'm sure a lot of people into bestiality believe: It isn't cruelty or abuse if it's a male dog doing what comes instinctively to that dog. He also told me that he once had a girlfriend who allowed a dog into their sex life, him as a voyeur, her as a participant in full-on sex with the animal. At that point I changed the subject and we had good old vanilla sex with no more talk of dogs, but he was really turned on. I love this man a lot and in every other way our lives are wonderful. We have also both cut back on drinking in the past month—this is a commitment we have made to each other.
The questions I have are these: Is just the fact that he is/we are watching this kind of porn animal abuse? Can this really remain just a fantasy for him, or will he seek this out again, especially since he has had it before? Bestiality is one of the fetishes you disapprove of, Dan, but I have no one else to ask about this.
Dog Day Shafternoon
Yes, DDS, I disapprove of bestiality—because, well, ick. And that, as anonymous dog-fuckers have pointed out to me repeatedly over the years, is the same logic homophobes use to justify their bigotry. But when I go on the record about bestiality—and I'm always con—I go out of my way to throw the animal lovers a bone: If I were a sheep, I'd certainly rather be screwed than stewed.
But still. Ick.
Seeing as I'm biased against bestiality—particularly dog-fuckery, as I don't understand how people even keep dogs as pets—I'm going to recuse myself for a few paragraphs.
"In most cases, the animal is willing and able," says Martin Weinberg, a professor in the Department of Sociology at Indiana University who has studied zoophilia. "It is difficult and dangerous to try and force an animal to do something it doesn't want to do," adds Weinberg. "However, bestiality is against the law in many states, even though I do not see it as abuse unless the animal is physically forced."
And then Dr. Weinberg makes an important point, one that your fiancé needs to take to heart, one that you might wanna have tattooed backward on his forehead the next time he blacks out: "But if the girlfriend isn't interested in watching it (or in actually participating in the act), the man should be informed that trying to force her into doing so is (to me) partner abuse." (Emphasis added.)
Catch that? While your boyfriend's interests may not qualify as animal abuse—and many would debate that point—hounding you about it endlessly does qualify as girlfriend/fiancée/wife abuse.
"The man this woman is talking about, as far as we know, has never had sex with animals," says Dr. Hani Miletski, author of Understanding Bestiality & Zoophilia. "He just likes to watch, which is very common. There are numerous sites online that feature bestiality, and many curious people visit them often. For some, it's just curiosity."
And for some, it's so much more.
Will your boyfriend, in Dr. Miletski's opinion, be able to let this fantasy remain a fantasy? Or will he seek it out again?
"It's always difficult to predict what the future will bring," says Dr. Miletski, "but my guess is that he will always use the idea of bestiality as a part, probably a major part, of his sexual fantasy. He will probably try to get his current girlfriend to act it out... but if she doesn't feel comfortable with that, she should continue to do and say what she has already done and said."
I know what I would do and say: If my partner could only get it up while images of dogs fucking my ass danced in his head, that would be a deal breaker. But you're more compassionate or tolerant or indulgent than I am, DDS, and you sound inclined to stay with this guy. And when drunk, DDS, you sound like you might be tempted to give your fiancé what he wants. ("I can't say [it] turned me off, but mainly because it turned him on so much," "when I am sober it makes me fairly uncomfortable.") So here's how things are gonna play out if you stay with this dude: He's going to bring this up again and again, and his commitment to cutting back on booze will be undermined—perhaps fatally—by what booze allows him to do, i.e., lower his inhibitions enough to go there, and by what booze allows you to do, i.e., contemplate fucking dogs with some level of comfort.
I'm not saying you shouldn't stay. But you gotta know what you're signing up for: At the very least, you will be indulging him in dog-on-girl—or dog-in-girl or dog-in-you—dirty talk on a regular basis. And he will live in hope that, if you talk about this long enough, if he gets drunk and begs you often enough and can manage to get you drunk enough, you will, one day, go there.
Don't say you weren't warned.
I love my husband. But he won't eat it. Absolutely won't lick me down there. I do everything for him! We've even started ass play, with me sticking a finger in his ass while I blow him. I've explained to him that I can't come—not hard!—without it. He insists that he never will go there, and he has accused me of trying to make him do something totally against his moral code. I'm distraught to the point of wanting to cheat on him! What do I do?
Unlicky In Love
Cheat on him already, UIL.
And while you're online searching for a man who'll go down on you, UIL, I'm going to go online and Google "moral codes." I'm curious about this mysterious moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely. I know it's not a Catholic thing—I was an altar boy—but maybe it's a Mormon delusion, like magic underpants and coffeephobia and "Mitt Romney 2012."
2
As is pointed out every week, the column date is the same as the printed publication date. That's why it is always posted a day or two ahead.
3
really dan, this has got to be a record. are you so desperate to keep your mind off the returns that you're speaking gently to a gal who's willing to stay with a *dog fucker*?? or really, one who'd like her to be the dog fuckee.
i would like it to be november 6th also, though, so i'll take whatever distractions are offered, including the - yeeg - thought of boyfriends who want their women to fuck dogs, a problem i am thankful not to have.
listen, DDS, dan's on record on this point already, but the living being whose abuse you should be concerned about in bestiality porn is the women.
there are a lot more men with this fantasy than women willing to indulge them, even if they're getting paid for the acting, and they may not even be getting paid - it's very likely they're being abused or exploited to get them in the position where they're fucking dogs on camera, okay? so consider that first. if, however, it never occurred to you that women might be exploited or coerced or forced into performing for these videos by the same sort of sick bastards that abuse women (and often, children) in any other scenario, then you've never met a youth pastor, right? well, lucky you. but get out anyway, that's my advice.
i would like it to be november 6th also, though, so i'll take whatever distractions are offered, including the - yeeg - thought of boyfriends who want their women to fuck dogs, a problem i am thankful not to have.
listen, DDS, dan's on record on this point already, but the living being whose abuse you should be concerned about in bestiality porn is the women.
there are a lot more men with this fantasy than women willing to indulge them, even if they're getting paid for the acting, and they may not even be getting paid - it's very likely they're being abused or exploited to get them in the position where they're fucking dogs on camera, okay? so consider that first. if, however, it never occurred to you that women might be exploited or coerced or forced into performing for these videos by the same sort of sick bastards that abuse women (and often, children) in any other scenario, then you've never met a youth pastor, right? well, lucky you. but get out anyway, that's my advice.
4
Oral sex comes standard with the model. I recommend that you refuse a) to go down on him and/or b) to make him orgasm until he brings you the goodies. Why on earth is he refusing to lick that lollypop, and why on earth did you marry him??
Assuming that no one will budge here, can I recommend that he use toys on you? There's some yummy stuff out there. It'll be great!... until you realize it's better than he is.
Assuming that no one will budge here, can I recommend that he use toys on you? There's some yummy stuff out there. It'll be great!... until you realize it's better than he is.
5
UIL - you really have a fair beef; you are giving full-service, chrome-plated blowjobs to someone who thinks he is an acolyte of some sort of obscure god of bad sex. He totally deserves to be cheated on, and you totally deserve to find some more well-balanced fellow to work you over.
But, if you do this without giving him a clear warning, you are going to turn yourself into the bad guy of this situation. How much happier will you be when your husband is both a bad lover and convinced you are a sneaky, cheating douche-bag?
You need to tell him (1) it is your right as a human being to get munched on; and (2) if he doesn't start doing it regularly and without complaint you will find it elsewhere.
But, if you do this without giving him a clear warning, you are going to turn yourself into the bad guy of this situation. How much happier will you be when your husband is both a bad lover and convinced you are a sneaky, cheating douche-bag?
You need to tell him (1) it is your right as a human being to get munched on; and (2) if he doesn't start doing it regularly and without complaint you will find it elsewhere.
6
Just two this week Dan? Don't you have over a thousand piled up that you promised to answer due to Prop 8 contributions? Why not answer more of them here?
8
Starfireming, I'm with you on this one. Stop blowing him, and when he asks why, tell him your "moral code" forbids you from sucking the cocks of self-centred pricks.
9
that was great and really thoughtful. It's amazing to see people write with open minds even about things they are freaked out about. It makes me glad I read the stranger... and not much makes me feel that way... normally I just feel kind of dirty.
10
A finger up his ass while getting blown and pussy shy? It's not a Catholic thing or a Mormon thing, it's a homo thing.
11
I don't know, Gregg. I'm gay and can't bear the thought of being in the same room with a vagina, even if I were getting blown.
12
I love going down on my girl and the feeling of knowing I can please her. I don't understand why gals stay with a-hole guys who won't reciprocate. It's BS. GGG is a prequisite in a thriving relationship.
13
If DDS's boyfriend is into the dog thing and was able to have this interest gratified with his last girlfriend, he will keep after DDS until she gives in. And, it looks like DDS will give in as she has not set a firm boundary with him, at least according to her letter.
DDS tells her boyfriend she's only okay with the dog thing as long as it remains a fantasy. Then she says, however, that she changed the subject when he brought it up again, rather than calling him out for bringing up the subject again. Her reaction here communicates to him that she can be pushed. It's also interesting that both she and her boyfriend discuss abuse only in terms of the dog.
Run DDS, run. You're ambivalent about indulging your fiance's kink--I'd say for good reason--but you sound like you're also afraid to deny him. It's very possible you'll give in and regret it later--a lot.
Worse though then the kink itself--that is, casting aside the ick factor--he doesn't seem to care about your feelings too much or take what you say very seriously. Even though it doesn't sound like he's mean about it, his actions (i.e. continuing to push the dog thing) amount to pressuring you, if insidiously. I wonder what else he might try to pressure you into doing.
It also sounds like you're both addicted to alcohol (or at least abusing it), a condition which makes boundary setting difficult at best and tends to set the stage for shame-inducing behavior. Mixing alcohol and participating in a kink you're not fully into is a recipe for crippling self-hatred down the line (i.e. you get drunk, have sex with the dog, and get disgusted with yourself once you sober up).
This guy may have many great qualities but he's got some troublesome ones as well--a letter's not much to go on but there are some major indicators here.
Again I say, run DDS run. It's possible to find love with a man who doesn't get loaded and try to wheedle you into dog sex.
More...
DDS tells her boyfriend she's only okay with the dog thing as long as it remains a fantasy. Then she says, however, that she changed the subject when he brought it up again, rather than calling him out for bringing up the subject again. Her reaction here communicates to him that she can be pushed. It's also interesting that both she and her boyfriend discuss abuse only in terms of the dog.
Run DDS, run. You're ambivalent about indulging your fiance's kink--I'd say for good reason--but you sound like you're also afraid to deny him. It's very possible you'll give in and regret it later--a lot.
Worse though then the kink itself--that is, casting aside the ick factor--he doesn't seem to care about your feelings too much or take what you say very seriously. Even though it doesn't sound like he's mean about it, his actions (i.e. continuing to push the dog thing) amount to pressuring you, if insidiously. I wonder what else he might try to pressure you into doing.
It also sounds like you're both addicted to alcohol (or at least abusing it), a condition which makes boundary setting difficult at best and tends to set the stage for shame-inducing behavior. Mixing alcohol and participating in a kink you're not fully into is a recipe for crippling self-hatred down the line (i.e. you get drunk, have sex with the dog, and get disgusted with yourself once you sober up).
This guy may have many great qualities but he's got some troublesome ones as well--a letter's not much to go on but there are some major indicators here.
Again I say, run DDS run. It's possible to find love with a man who doesn't get loaded and try to wheedle you into dog sex.
14
Well, Rick, unless you spend all of your time in a monastery or the baths, you're probably in the same room with vaginas a lot. (You just don't see them because most of us vagina owners tend to keep them under our clothing.)
I imagine yours must be an existence of perpetual disgust. There we are, on the bus, walking past you on the sidewalk, in bars, in restaurants--I mean it, we are everywhere. Must be rough having to share the planet with all us cooter-havers.
I imagine yours must be an existence of perpetual disgust. There we are, on the bus, walking past you on the sidewalk, in bars, in restaurants--I mean it, we are everywhere. Must be rough having to share the planet with all us cooter-havers.
15
ok! I'll be honest I didn't read this article but it was the first place I could say CONGRATULATIONS on defeeting Proposition 8!
16
You said, "...hounding you about it endlessly does qualify as girlfriend/fiancée/wife abuse." "Hounding" was that a purposeful pun?
18
@Lady V
OMG, did that get defeated? I don't live in California, but I've SO been rooting for Prop 8 to get buried in a shallow grave and pissed on.
OMG, did that get defeated? I don't live in California, but I've SO been rooting for Prop 8 to get buried in a shallow grave and pissed on.
20
You guys are better than I am. I would not only stop blowing him, but stop having any sort of sexual contact with him until we were on solid even ground.
21
The question of why he wont go down on you does not even matter.The answer is you leave him now ,thats all that matters.Hundreds of millions of men out there will go down on you ,yet you stay with and beg the ONE that won`t.Wasting your precious ( I want my pussy licked) time..And that time my dear slips away faster than you can imagine..........BRAD
22
For UIL: Women often assume that they have normal odor when sometimes they are just totally rank. Perhaps "I don't go there," is easier to say than "your poon smells/tastes like a garbage truck"?
I'm forgiving Dan for missing this because he's gay and probably doesn't know how nasty it can get. Guys get stinky but the girls can get way worse.
I'm forgiving Dan for missing this because he's gay and probably doesn't know how nasty it can get. Guys get stinky but the girls can get way worse.
24
The professor sais "In most cases, the animal is willing and able," and "bestiality is against the law in many states, even though I do not see it as abuse unless the animal is physically forced."
Now replace "animal" with "12-year-old."
Now replace "animal" with "12-year-old."
25
what happened in California Dan??? How come we elected a black candidate who promises change, but slammed the door shut on gay marriage?
26
I know a really nice guy who is loving and considerate. But he cannot tolerate the smell of pussy, much less put his face in it. He is my platonic friend and I am a queer girl who adores eating pussy, but sometimes it happens, wheather due to poor hygiene or possible illness, that a pussy is too rank to enjoy. UIL's husband might be working with a bad past experience that he might need help getting past. Hypnotherapy might help him.
27
No, cheating isn't ok, regardless of whether someone's giving you oral sex or not. You were stupid enough not to find out before marriage; now you pay the price : welcome to divorceland.
Let's introduce a novel concept : you doing more does not oblige me to do the same. He wasn't providing oral sex, you did more in bed despite his statement he still wouldn't do oral sex, and now you're miffed he's being completely consistent?
No-one is obliged to be serviced orally, particularly when they've implicitly accepted the lack of oral up until a point. Nagging someone after this to go down on you in the face of continued refusal is abuse.
Agree your groundrules *before* you commit.
Let's introduce a novel concept : you doing more does not oblige me to do the same. He wasn't providing oral sex, you did more in bed despite his statement he still wouldn't do oral sex, and now you're miffed he's being completely consistent?
No-one is obliged to be serviced orally, particularly when they've implicitly accepted the lack of oral up until a point. Nagging someone after this to go down on you in the face of continued refusal is abuse.
Agree your groundrules *before* you commit.
28
I'm sorry for bot of these girls... but al least DDS's boyfriend is being honest, UIL's boyfriend seems to be a closet case.
29
There are so many bigots in this country. Time and activism are what allowed legal marriages between black and white Americans. Same goes here. It is time to out the democrats for their spineless ways; even Barak loves "seperate but equal". Shame on him for giving gay folk the back of the bus with domestic partnership.
30
Gregg raises an interesting point about the thumb up the butt deal. Perhaps his 'moral code' is simply that he thinks that the 'gina looks like "a canned ham dropped from a very great height". In a word, he's anti-pussy.
Which is not to excuse his horrible horrible refusal to indulge in munchery, but perhaps with a mouth around his cock and finger up his butt this fellow is fantasizing about a male partner. Tough, however, to imagine that you are with a man when you have a mouth full of that sweet sweet (though not to him) pussy.
I may be totally off base though, having only been blown by women. Is fellatio so very different when given by a man?
Which is not to excuse his horrible horrible refusal to indulge in munchery, but perhaps with a mouth around his cock and finger up his butt this fellow is fantasizing about a male partner. Tough, however, to imagine that you are with a man when you have a mouth full of that sweet sweet (though not to him) pussy.
I may be totally off base though, having only been blown by women. Is fellatio so very different when given by a man?
31
Pretty funny the ad served up next to this column is for Lucky Dog grooming and boarding service.
32
As happy as I am concerning Obama's victory, the fact that Prop 8 was passed, in my home state of CALIFORNIA especially, has me feeling sick and cold in disbelief. I'm truly sorry -- sorry that the lesser half of the state won, and for the people and families that have now been affected. For those kids who don't know any better than to feel like aberrations, and the men and women who now see their neighbors in a wholly different light -- as people that would see them as threats to the "sanctity of marriage", a union so sacred that 50% of heterosexual couples will ultimately kick it into the mud.
33
15 years??? Not to overlap here, but you can't teach an old dog new tricks. If he hasn't touched his mouth to her bits in 15 FUCKING YEARS no amount of threatening or begging or logic is going to result in him going down on her in any sort of satisfactory fashion.
Even if women don't care for cunnilingus, it should always be offered and even accepted (at first, if only briefly) before a blow job, just so everyone knows where they stand (or kneel). But maybe I'm just traditional.
Even if women don't care for cunnilingus, it should always be offered and even accepted (at first, if only briefly) before a blow job, just so everyone knows where they stand (or kneel). But maybe I'm just traditional.
34
Not going down on his wife is either a homo thing or a sexist thing. His moral code could be "no real man goes down"--he gets serviced, he doesn't do the servicing! Which, if true, makes him a real MF, so I'd have no problem DTMFA.
35
Hey kids! Have Dan tell you the story about the guy who married the horse in Kentucky! It's a doozie...
36
Question... how the fuck did you marry a man who refused to go down on you? Did you think the ring would change his mind?
Jesus... the shit women put up with. Get a fucking backbone and DTMFA.
Jesus... the shit women put up with. Get a fucking backbone and DTMFA.
37
UIL, I totally agree your guy needs to be cheated on. Let him know you don't want to force him to do anything against his "moral code" but that you need more than what he is giving and you're willing to go get it elsewhere. Also, while you are at it, stop blow jobs- why should you give him something he's not giving you? Actually I say divorce this loser and find someone that wants to please you, your dude is selfish in bed and I'm sure it carries over into other things as well- you deserve better!
38
Really Dan, (does Dan even read these comment? I'm guessing not but anyway)
You answered 2 questions this week, most weeks you answer 3. I'm assuming that this is your only job and that you get paid well for what you do. I know you get hundreds if not thousands of letters a week. Why not throw a few more up there. I know you don't have too as you don't but we fans clamor for more. Would it be that much harder to do say 5 or 6 questions a week. Great column we just want more.
You answered 2 questions this week, most weeks you answer 3. I'm assuming that this is your only job and that you get paid well for what you do. I know you get hundreds if not thousands of letters a week. Why not throw a few more up there. I know you don't have too as you don't but we fans clamor for more. Would it be that much harder to do say 5 or 6 questions a week. Great column we just want more.
39
Unlicky in Love, your husband doesn't deserve you. DTMFA, and find someone who'll go down on you. Most guys don't find the act morally repugnant. You shouldn't be content to stay with someone who does.
Just a thought: What would happen if you refused to go down on him?
Just a thought: What would happen if you refused to go down on him?
40
UIL maybe has a rank pussy unsuitable for munching. poor thing! or this guy is a complete creep. pussies aren't the only things that get rank. sometimes cocks/crotches aren't all too pleasant either. if it stinks, it doesn't get sucked/munched.
41
Remember that Sopranos episode where word got out that Uncle Junior gave oral to his girlfriend? Everyone in Tony's circle thought cunnilingus was never done by a real man and gave Uncle Junior rafts of shit. Uncle Junior threw his girlfriend out for letting out their "secret." Evidently, some guys think doing oral on a woman is disgusting. If they can't get over this hang-up, they deserve the kind of women who are willing to put up with this nonsense -- doormats, prudes, and frigids. If it's a hygiene issue, she should wash first (and maybe shave -- the hair traps odors) but it usually isn't.
42
Why the hell would she marry him in the first place?
And stop blowing him already. And keep your fingers to yourself.
And stop blowing him already. And keep your fingers to yourself.
43
JFC - there's nothing gay about having something up your ass. not long ago people thought girl-on-top sex or pussy-in-mouth sex meant a guy was gay. here's a tip that will help you negotiate this difficult issue: if a man is enthusiastically having sex exclusively with women, he is straight.
44
you know, i'm not entirely convinced that her husband won't eat pussy. something about the way she phrased it, and the mention of the ass play, made me think that her husband doesn't want to eat ass.
45
Unlicky, Gregg might be on to something. Why did you marry a man uninterested or terrified of pussy? Look at his eyes when you go down on him and slip the finger in. If he stares at himself and it's all about HIS cock and asshole, then he's self-centered and you need to come to terms with the fact that he just doesn't give a shit about your pleasure. Buy him a realdoll(tm) and find someone who can emotionally connect.
If he squeezes his eyes shut and goes to his happy place full of cocks and assholes -- ANY cocks and assholes, then he's just starting to unlock the closet. You're well on your way to him calling from the slammer with the "wide stance" defense. Worse yet, it's dudes in denial who hook up in bathrooms and pass along viral or bacterial presents that keep giving. Spare yourself the wasted investment and find yourself a partner who likes women.
(Disclaimer: I can't get enough of it. Seriously, I like it almost as much as full on intercourse. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my partner's belly quiver in front of my nose when I curl up my tongue inside her. I'm doubly blessed, because (A) I love looking, tasting, licking & feeling yummy gorgeous twat and (b) I love her and would floss my nostrils with her hair if it made her come hard, but luckily my love comes like a freight train on a loop when I go down on her. Utter lapping bliss.)
If he squeezes his eyes shut and goes to his happy place full of cocks and assholes -- ANY cocks and assholes, then he's just starting to unlock the closet. You're well on your way to him calling from the slammer with the "wide stance" defense. Worse yet, it's dudes in denial who hook up in bathrooms and pass along viral or bacterial presents that keep giving. Spare yourself the wasted investment and find yourself a partner who likes women.
(Disclaimer: I can't get enough of it. Seriously, I like it almost as much as full on intercourse. Nothing makes me happier than seeing my partner's belly quiver in front of my nose when I curl up my tongue inside her. I'm doubly blessed, because (A) I love looking, tasting, licking & feeling yummy gorgeous twat and (b) I love her and would floss my nostrils with her hair if it made her come hard, but luckily my love comes like a freight train on a loop when I go down on her. Utter lapping bliss.)
46
Dog fuckers: NO
Cunnilingus: YES PLEASE!
His "moral code" is shorthand for "selfish bastard". What the hell? Oral sex between partners is a 2-way street called route 69. You gotta give to get. No free lunches, buddy.
Cunnilingus: YES PLEASE!
His "moral code" is shorthand for "selfish bastard". What the hell? Oral sex between partners is a 2-way street called route 69. You gotta give to get. No free lunches, buddy.
47
OH MY GOD. Leave him. He's a fucking ass-hole. Look, if he's not willing to do something so basic and loving, what kind of a partner can he be in other areas of your life?
I can't believe there are still people who are so fucked. Why don't you get him to listen to "My Neck, My Back" by Khia.
I can't believe there are still people who are so fucked. Why don't you get him to listen to "My Neck, My Back" by Khia.
48
Savage writes: "I'm curious about this mysterious moral code your husband cites, one that permits a finger up the butt during a blowjob but forbids cunnilingus entirely."
It took about five minutes on Google to come up with a semi-plausible candidate -- whichever moral code it was which inspired the Texas sodomy statute that was struck down in the Lawrence supreme court decision.
It reads, in part:
(1) "Deviate sexual intercourse" means:
(A) any contact between any part of the genitals of one person and the mouth or anus of another person; or
(B) the penetration of the genitals or the anus of another person with an object.
Under this definition, a finger up the butt is not a problem (it's not an "object" under part B but part of a person which is not the genitals), but the cunnilingus violates part A. Of course, so does the blowjob part of a finger-up-the-butt-with-blowjob, but since he's on the receiving end of that one, he's probably less apt to think it all the way through.
It took about five minutes on Google to come up with a semi-plausible candidate -- whichever moral code it was which inspired the Texas sodomy statute that was struck down in the Lawrence supreme court decision.
It reads, in part:
(1) "Deviate sexual intercourse" means:
(A) any contact between any part of the genitals of one person and the mouth or anus of another person; or
(B) the penetration of the genitals or the anus of another person with an object.
Under this definition, a finger up the butt is not a problem (it's not an "object" under part B but part of a person which is not the genitals), but the cunnilingus violates part A. Of course, so does the blowjob part of a finger-up-the-butt-with-blowjob, but since he's on the receiving end of that one, he's probably less apt to think it all the way through.
49
UIL - Solution: Cheat on him with a woman; I did (still am) and I LOVE it!! My fiance' never goes down on me so I had to fulfill my needs without his help. It works;D
50
Hey UIL, sorry to hear that your man won't go down on you, that's a fucking drag. Personally I'll forgo a blow and eat a woman out until she orgasms, I can nut when we fuck.
51
I'm guessing you'll be ranting (and rightfully so) about the Prop 8 results next week, Dan? If not, I'd be terribly disappointed.
52
Swag: How is that not sexist? I'm citing Happylingus' Soprano's reference there.
If UIL reads Savage Love, she knows the package: Oral comes standard, if not, the return the defective model. aka DTMF! If he hasn't put out in 15 years, he ain't puttin' out!
A word about dogs:
Dogs generally "mount" for dominance. Alpha dogs mount other dogs to prove their "top dog" status. Dogs view their human companions as their alpha-dogs. Allowing a dog to mount you undermines your authority over the dog. A dog that does not see you as his master is a dog that won't heel on the leash, that expects to lead, not follow, and is more likely to lash out when you attempt to take control, because you told him that HE'S alpha.
While I understand animals, especially dogs, are all more than willing (and /not/ fucking 12-year-old children.), and thus not physically abusive, it's probably very confusing and stressful, especially for dogs with independent temperaments and strong individual personalties.
If UIL reads Savage Love, she knows the package: Oral comes standard, if not, the return the defective model. aka DTMF! If he hasn't put out in 15 years, he ain't puttin' out!
A word about dogs:
Dogs generally "mount" for dominance. Alpha dogs mount other dogs to prove their "top dog" status. Dogs view their human companions as their alpha-dogs. Allowing a dog to mount you undermines your authority over the dog. A dog that does not see you as his master is a dog that won't heel on the leash, that expects to lead, not follow, and is more likely to lash out when you attempt to take control, because you told him that HE'S alpha.
While I understand animals, especially dogs, are all more than willing (and /not/ fucking 12-year-old children.), and thus not physically abusive, it's probably very confusing and stressful, especially for dogs with independent temperaments and strong individual personalties.
53
AJ, is it not possible that a man would desire to watch a dog mount his woman but never let that dog mount him? Seems to me that would establish a comfortable hierarchy of alpha man>dog and alpha dog>woman.
Not that I support bestiality but your argument is flawed. Even a dumbass dog knows the difference between different people.
Not that I support bestiality but your argument is flawed. Even a dumbass dog knows the difference between different people.
54
I'm with Gregg. I was with a woman for 8 years and never relished pussy- I wasn't out yet. Now I munch asshole and can't get enough. I KNOW that if I were straight, I'd be pussy munching like Orange.
Caveat on the clean issue tho- I don't munch stinky asshole and I wouldn't munch stinky pussy.
Caveat on the clean issue tho- I don't munch stinky asshole and I wouldn't munch stinky pussy.
56
Sad to hear about prop 8. We're much friendlier about gay marriage / partnership in Europe (and Canada), by the way - leave the intolerant New World and come to live in peace in the Old Country!
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3f/Gay_Rights.png
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/3f/Gay_Rights.png
57
haha.. happyhedonist is right on the spot. dog fucking a woman and it is the dog that's getting abused????
that might be something very american, worrying more about the animal... here in old fashioned europe it is the person who's being abused what we care about. anyway, just don't get fucked by a dog... unless you're into it of course. ICK.
and what's with the other lass' husband?? get him to get down on you already. I personally would stop going down on him or pleasuring him altogether...
that might be something very american, worrying more about the animal... here in old fashioned europe it is the person who's being abused what we care about. anyway, just don't get fucked by a dog... unless you're into it of course. ICK.
and what's with the other lass' husband?? get him to get down on you already. I personally would stop going down on him or pleasuring him altogether...
59
If ever an excuse was needed to justify premarital sex it's the old "he won't go there" crap. If something is this vital, and I'm certainly not saying it shouldn't be, to your sexual pleasure you really should have known it before you got married. I say, show him the couch and tell him there is a quick and easy way back into bed via the Y highway.
60
UIL, Im a female and I would more then love to go down on you.
My suggestion is you find yourself a hot girlfriend on the side. Most men I know would love to see their girl get some play time with another girl. Maybe it wont feel like cheating as much if you go with a girl who loves the pussy and not a man.
My suggestion is you find yourself a hot girlfriend on the side. Most men I know would love to see their girl get some play time with another girl. Maybe it wont feel like cheating as much if you go with a girl who loves the pussy and not a man.
61
That whole "it's your right so throw down the ultimatum of eat it our yer outta here" is truly a fallacy. Sex acts aren't a matter of "rights", they're a matter of what feels good crossed with what everybody in the equation is comfortable doing. Guy doesn't like to eat pussy. Perhaps there's a really great reason for that, such as a mile-wide bush or not giving Little Kitty a good soaking from time to time or even that his old babysitter used to make him do that to her while she watched "The Young And The Restless". Point is, Unlicked there hasn't done her due diligence in talking with Pussy Shy Guy. That phrase "moral code" doesn't enter into it and she needs to call him on THAT bullshit and get down to the nitty of the matter.
62
Why are so many people suggesting she blackmail him in to eating her pussy.Even if she could she would still be stuck with an unwilling partner who probably is denying her lots of other things we don`t know about.Incompatible couples waste to much of their precious time trying to force issues when its so unnecessary.There are millions of people out their willing to please their partner.You dont have to stay stuck to one that wont...............brad
63
Regarding the dog...
What your response doesn't mention is the humiliation aspect. The guy in question doesn't want to "bring a dog into their relationship" - he wants to watch his woman get fucked by a dog, which is probably, in his mind, the ultimate humiliation, reducing a woman to less than an animal.
The problem is that this isn't role-play, and it isn't only in the bedroom. If she goes there, she really, actually fucked a dog. It wasn't just a fantasy,and you can't take it back. That's something she'd have to live with forever, long after this guy is out of her life.
Yuck.
What your response doesn't mention is the humiliation aspect. The guy in question doesn't want to "bring a dog into their relationship" - he wants to watch his woman get fucked by a dog, which is probably, in his mind, the ultimate humiliation, reducing a woman to less than an animal.
The problem is that this isn't role-play, and it isn't only in the bedroom. If she goes there, she really, actually fucked a dog. It wasn't just a fantasy,and you can't take it back. That's something she'd have to live with forever, long after this guy is out of her life.
Yuck.
65
Dan,
I dont know if you have been watching whats been going on in california since the passage of prop 8 or seen the footage of police beating protesters in Los Angeles. But if there was ever a time to speak up for the rights of lebian and gay folks in this country...
I dont know if you have been watching whats been going on in california since the passage of prop 8 or seen the footage of police beating protesters in Los Angeles. But if there was ever a time to speak up for the rights of lebian and gay folks in this country...
66
So let me check the facts
...woman shouldnt give man what he wants because she thinks its wrong or icky....OK by Dan
...man should give woman what she wants even though he thinks its icky...
Am I the only one that sees that?
...woman shouldnt give man what he wants because she thinks its wrong or icky....OK by Dan
...man should give woman what she wants even though he thinks its icky...
Am I the only one that sees that?
67
dude.. if you really think that being fucked by a dog is equivalent to oral sex, I'm really, really glad I'm not your partner. Pretty sure if the genders were reversed Dan would give the same response.
68
Does his wife *enjoy* giving him oral? If so then you're comparing apples and oranges. She's asking him to do something for her that he feels uncomfortable with in exchange for doing something for him that she actually enjoys. That's not exactly fair.
If she doesn't enjoy giving B.Js, then she should by all means stop giving them.
If all other aspects of their relationship are strong, I suggest getting some electronic toys that can help her come hard and use it before she goes down on him.
Or better yet, learn some techniques (like woman on top with lots of oil) that make it easier to come hard during intercourse.
I'm alarmed that so many people think she should cheat or dump her husband of 15 years because of a sex act that he obviously feels very strongly against doing. Would you even enjoy being serviced by someone who was so stressed and uncomfortable doing it?
Cut the guy some slack, not everyone is comfortable with every sex act out there, standard or not. And she did marry him after all...knowing it wasn't on the menu.
If she doesn't enjoy giving B.Js, then she should by all means stop giving them.
If all other aspects of their relationship are strong, I suggest getting some electronic toys that can help her come hard and use it before she goes down on him.
Or better yet, learn some techniques (like woman on top with lots of oil) that make it easier to come hard during intercourse.
I'm alarmed that so many people think she should cheat or dump her husband of 15 years because of a sex act that he obviously feels very strongly against doing. Would you even enjoy being serviced by someone who was so stressed and uncomfortable doing it?
Cut the guy some slack, not everyone is comfortable with every sex act out there, standard or not. And she did marry him after all...knowing it wasn't on the menu.
69
Did he go down on his last girlfriend? Or the one before her? And have you had your rig in the shop for a tune up lately? Just checking.
Otherwise, dump him. He's probably gay.
Otherwise, dump him. He's probably gay.
71
My BF, now husband, once made strong arguments against performing oral yet happily recieved it. Turned out it was because he didn't know how and thought that real men don't admit to sexual insecurities. He finally admitted to feeling bad about denying me, and was on some macho tip at the time. Instead of DTMFA, I simply said "If you don't know how, I'll show you" all gentle and sincere-like. 24 years and 2 kids later he's still enthusiastically practicing his 'new skill'. Maybe this helps you? Hope so. Good luck and cheers
72
Dan> a safe and less-gross alternative to watching or god forbid engaging in dog fucking would be to read bestiality erotica. I suggest the woman check out Anais Nin.
73
Junker- I can't stand people like you. So on the outlook for discrimination (against men, from a gay man!) that you fail to recognize that oral sex is absolutely nothing like letting a dog penetrate you. Nasty!
As for the LW, don't do it! You'll never be able to take it back! And he did it to a previous girlfriend? Yuck!!! He IS abusing you. How dare he allow the romance to go this far without revealing to you that he harbors such an extreme kink, which is impossible to fulfill without a dog penis in you. If he is comfortable with his kink, then he should be searching for sexual partners in bestiality groups and nowhere else. If I were you, I would resent the pressure, and the major deception.
As for the LW, don't do it! You'll never be able to take it back! And he did it to a previous girlfriend? Yuck!!! He IS abusing you. How dare he allow the romance to go this far without revealing to you that he harbors such an extreme kink, which is impossible to fulfill without a dog penis in you. If he is comfortable with his kink, then he should be searching for sexual partners in bestiality groups and nowhere else. If I were you, I would resent the pressure, and the major deception.
74
I agree- a pegged blowjob and he refuses to lick clit? I smell fag.
Either that, or some bad tuna- maybe her pussy stinks? You'd be surprised how some women are the last to know.
So have her shove something in there, and then sniff it real good, and ask herself:"would I eat this? and like it?"
Either that, or some bad tuna- maybe her pussy stinks? You'd be surprised how some women are the last to know.
So have her shove something in there, and then sniff it real good, and ask herself:"would I eat this? and like it?"
75
Dan
those comments about black homophobia were pathetic and just plain dumb. Didn't gay black people come out to vote for Obama AND against prop 8?
those comments about black homophobia were pathetic and just plain dumb. Didn't gay black people come out to vote for Obama AND against prop 8?
76
Husband?????? She married a guy who wouldn't go down on her? You knew what you were signing up for right? Or did the vows include oral?
I'm all for tit for tat, and I think he's wrong, but I still can't believe she married him.
I'm all for tit for tat, and I think he's wrong, but I still can't believe she married him.
77
To all you guys telling this woman to just suck it up-
When you eventually get married and get stuck with women who will not fuck you after they pop out a couple of kids, remember this: it is entirely your fault. Your belief that women should have to go without sexual fulfillment when you've (supposedly) gotten yours makes you the worst lovers in the world. Learn to be an equal partner and learn how to be good in bed, or learn to deal with that hell of your own making.
When you eventually get married and get stuck with women who will not fuck you after they pop out a couple of kids, remember this: it is entirely your fault. Your belief that women should have to go without sexual fulfillment when you've (supposedly) gotten yours makes you the worst lovers in the world. Learn to be an equal partner and learn how to be good in bed, or learn to deal with that hell of your own making.
78
Okay, dog-fucking. I'm not for it. But I do agree with Dan's advice. I don't think that adult dogs can compare to human children. 1. They can hurt the crap out of you if they don't want to do something. 2. They might not be possessed of full human faculties, but that doesn't mean that human morality should be applied to them. If a dog is agreeable to sex with a human, that dog isn't going to grow up scarred for life from that incident. Look at how many dogs go out of their way to hump humans without any instigation at all - the only morality a dog persues is to seek out what feels good. Humans used to be the same, just look at our closest relatives, the bonobo. Now we've risen to higher moral standards, the kind that allow some of us to say no to eating pussy, but dogs haven't. So while I have no sexual interest in dogs myself and care a lot about animal rights, I just think that people who compare it to pedophilia are barking up the wrong tree. Okay, bad pun.
As for the hubby's refusal to eat pussy - why oh WHY did you marry him in the first place? You've told him what you need to have a good orgasm, and he refuses based on an utterly bogus "moral code." I hope you don't have kids or any other reason to feel obligated to stay with this guy, because you need to DTMFA big time. I especially question that he hides this behind a "moral code." Is the pussy unclean in a Biblical sense? Is it an abomination upon the Lord to eat pussy? Have you ever asked him what exactly he finds immoral about pleasuring your pussy? Because it sounds like he has some other issue - traumatic pussy hygiene memories, missing a tongue, pure selfish laziness - that are the real reason that he doesn't want to eat you, but that he's too much of a scrotum to admit to. Instead he'll hide it behind morality because, at least in his mind, a person's moral code shouldn't be challenged. That's his way of trying to end the argument with you immediately. So DTMFA.
If for some reason you are too attached to this asshole to want to resort to that, then stop, absolutely STOP giving him pleasure in any kind of way, and be VERY clear about why you're doing this and what it will take for you to do anything for him again. Buy yourself a toy and make it obvious to him that you're using it and enjoying it much more than his lousy lays - some guys can be motivated by the idea that a machine is outperforming them. And if he finally promises to eat your pussy, make him do that FIRST, and keep on that for quite some time as his punishment for refusing for so long. At the very first sign of relapse to his old ways, immediately go back to the punishments. But only give him so much time - if he won't shape up, you really need to dump him. And please don't do anything silly between now and then that might bind you to him further so that you can make a clean break if you have to. And please, please, PLEASE try it before you buy it next time.
More...
As for the hubby's refusal to eat pussy - why oh WHY did you marry him in the first place? You've told him what you need to have a good orgasm, and he refuses based on an utterly bogus "moral code." I hope you don't have kids or any other reason to feel obligated to stay with this guy, because you need to DTMFA big time. I especially question that he hides this behind a "moral code." Is the pussy unclean in a Biblical sense? Is it an abomination upon the Lord to eat pussy? Have you ever asked him what exactly he finds immoral about pleasuring your pussy? Because it sounds like he has some other issue - traumatic pussy hygiene memories, missing a tongue, pure selfish laziness - that are the real reason that he doesn't want to eat you, but that he's too much of a scrotum to admit to. Instead he'll hide it behind morality because, at least in his mind, a person's moral code shouldn't be challenged. That's his way of trying to end the argument with you immediately. So DTMFA.
If for some reason you are too attached to this asshole to want to resort to that, then stop, absolutely STOP giving him pleasure in any kind of way, and be VERY clear about why you're doing this and what it will take for you to do anything for him again. Buy yourself a toy and make it obvious to him that you're using it and enjoying it much more than his lousy lays - some guys can be motivated by the idea that a machine is outperforming them. And if he finally promises to eat your pussy, make him do that FIRST, and keep on that for quite some time as his punishment for refusing for so long. At the very first sign of relapse to his old ways, immediately go back to the punishments. But only give him so much time - if he won't shape up, you really need to dump him. And please don't do anything silly between now and then that might bind you to him further so that you can make a clean break if you have to. And please, please, PLEASE try it before you buy it next time.
80
Hey UIL - i am one of those guys Dan mentions whose wife won't let them munch even though they desperately want to. Plenty of us are out there, find one of us......
81
UIL, I can tell you what your husbands "moral code" is... Selfish prickishness. You need to make it clear to him that no goodies for you means no goodies for him. Or even better, DTMFA and find a guy that LOVES doing it and is all the other things you need too. We are out there...
82
@Mr. K et al: Tolerance is not the same as respect. I tolerate Mormons - despite my rage over their support (even if only by tithing to the Church) for prop 8, I have not given into my urge to go hunting for a Mormon to curbstomp. But I don't respect them, because they aren't worthy of my respect. It's as simple as that.
85
to UIL
I find it hard to believe a normal man is not turned on by cunnilingus. Must be sumpin wrong with this guy. I mean when you feel those thighs squeeze your ears and hear those yummy sounds, all the while you have fingers running through your hair!!!. Yes, I have found a couple gals who are not "fresh" but the majority of women seem to take exceptional care of their birds. Could you maybe show this guy some porn where he can see how sexy this is ??
sboy
I find it hard to believe a normal man is not turned on by cunnilingus. Must be sumpin wrong with this guy. I mean when you feel those thighs squeeze your ears and hear those yummy sounds, all the while you have fingers running through your hair!!!. Yes, I have found a couple gals who are not "fresh" but the majority of women seem to take exceptional care of their birds. Could you maybe show this guy some porn where he can see how sexy this is ??
sboy
86
i concur...wants his butt fingered during bj's but wont eat clam? congrats, youre the gf of a gay guy.
87
Jane,
You are mistaken. Black folks came out in support of Obama AND Prop 8, by and large. There is a lot of homophobia among the AA population. Just because they are democrats does not mean they are ok with us fags and dykes. Ever heard of DL?
You are mistaken. Black folks came out in support of Obama AND Prop 8, by and large. There is a lot of homophobia among the AA population. Just because they are democrats does not mean they are ok with us fags and dykes. Ever heard of DL?
88
the fact that he wants you to fuck a dog is not only disgusting but absolutely wrong!!! get rid of him!!
90
Know it all, you owe me a new keyboard! Cooter-havers! Reminds me of the hilarious scene in Portnoy's Complaint where he comes to the enlightenment that every single female on the planet has a pussy.
As for the vaginaphobia that some gays are so want to display out loud, I think that is the gayest thing gays do, much more than feather boas or Broadway musicals or anything else. I've been in locker rooms with lots of cocks and I don't jump up on a chair and squeal 'Ewwww!' and then faint. So gay, so gay.
As for the vaginaphobia that some gays are so want to display out loud, I think that is the gayest thing gays do, much more than feather boas or Broadway musicals or anything else. I've been in locker rooms with lots of cocks and I don't jump up on a chair and squeal 'Ewwww!' and then faint. So gay, so gay.
91
What's with all the food and eating euphemisms people like to use for genitals and oral sex? Is it supposed to be sexy? I can't get into it. If I had to name the first edible item that came to mind when going down on most women it would certainly not be a lollipop. Sorry.
92
Rachel gets a facepalm.jpg from me. It's due to note that I titled it "A Word About Dogs..." not "Hey Chick This is What You Do..."; It was a /general/ statement, directed at any dogfuckers in the room who want to pip up with "the dog likes it, its totally ok!"
To be /specific/, if the dude wants to bang her, AND have the dog bang her, that makes him competition. Dogs fuck to breed; another "dog"[the dude] becomes a challenger. So, no, the dog might not see the guy as the alpha, but some chump mounting "his bitch"; specifically when you get to larger, more independent dogs.
True, they might get a submissive dog, but again: If you think that screwing around with the dog will only have "ICK!" consequences for /you/, remember that the way your dog sees it it totally different.
To be /specific/, if the dude wants to bang her, AND have the dog bang her, that makes him competition. Dogs fuck to breed; another "dog"[the dude] becomes a challenger. So, no, the dog might not see the guy as the alpha, but some chump mounting "his bitch"; specifically when you get to larger, more independent dogs.
True, they might get a submissive dog, but again: If you think that screwing around with the dog will only have "ICK!" consequences for /you/, remember that the way your dog sees it it totally different.
93
Just dipping my toes into the ocean with reading all the comments to a weekly sex collumn. (91 so far) Seems like a daunting task,untill you become patient like when panning for gold, and the few little nuggets start adding weigth forming a clear concensus.
The ones I have found (so far)are in my personal opinion:
A-Both topics clearly show that any relatioship most heavely depents on equal repect and consent.
B-For me, this immediately flags any sex involving animals as gross animal abuse!! And where a partner is co-erced into participation, as partner abuse!!
C-If you have to question anything about this, I would say: "Don't even concidder it and say NO!!
D-The other topic, also with a lot of retoric, tipped the scale with a bang, applies to both.
SPEND LOTS OF TIME TOGETHER DOING EVERYTHING AND A LOT OF SEX!!
(minimum 2 years)TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMPATIBLE BEFORE MARIAGE.
Sex and love are 2 different things, but equally important.
The ones I have found (so far)are in my personal opinion:
A-Both topics clearly show that any relatioship most heavely depents on equal repect and consent.
B-For me, this immediately flags any sex involving animals as gross animal abuse!! And where a partner is co-erced into participation, as partner abuse!!
C-If you have to question anything about this, I would say: "Don't even concidder it and say NO!!
D-The other topic, also with a lot of retoric, tipped the scale with a bang, applies to both.
SPEND LOTS OF TIME TOGETHER DOING EVERYTHING AND A LOT OF SEX!!
(minimum 2 years)TO MAKE SURE YOU ARE COMPATIBLE BEFORE MARIAGE.
Sex and love are 2 different things, but equally important.
94
Nothing DDS said suggested that she was being pressured or coerced into fucking a dog. Dan, your beastiophobia has tainted your response. This guy has a fantasy about his girl and a dog, but he's able to have "vanilla" sex with her while not talking about it. I don't know about you, but when I get schnockered I get a bit kinky too. He brought it up before they got married, so I'd say he was being more honest than not. Unless there was parts of the letter that you saw and we didn't, she did not say that he "could only get it up" by fantasizing about his bitch and a dog. You surmised that cuz you don't approve of his fantasy. There is no indication that he coerced his former dogfucking gf into that. Maybe that was her gig and that's how he got into it. Finally, you think that their lowered inhibitions and, thus, the greater possibility of dogfucking will guide the couple's sobriety, when, in fact, being more sober more often may just allow the fantasy to remain a fantasy. C'mon, Dan. Give the guy a break. i'm sure you do some kinky shit that DDC's mother would think was icky. And I'm sure you've fantasized about worse. But sometimes a fantasy is just a fantasy.
96
Back when I was a pussy-eating neophyte, the strength of the taste and smell sometimes put me off... though I was obsessed enough to do it anyways... but now I know the experience is best for me after my partner comes out of the shower, and when she's ovulating, I can't get enough. Maybe approach him then? --
97
It's this simple. If a man wont eat pussy he's gay. Eating pussy is the straight test. Straight men love pussy.
98
Anyone who refers to his/her crotch as "down there" is going to scare her boyfriend away from it. Who would want to lick something that the owner refused to name?
99
Hey Carib - Don't get the keyboard comment but as the only person who responded to my post, I must respond.
Gay ain't the issue here. Misogyny is. Being turned off or disinterested in something is one thing, openly relishing or downright celebrating your disgust toward it is another.
A lot of women--not all, not all--straight, lesbian, bisexual, pan sexual, yadda, yadda, yadda, are disgusted by vaginas.
Love the cooter, or well, at least don't disparage it. Mine has been good to me. Everybody got here via the cooter. It's the cosmic highway.
Gay ain't the issue here. Misogyny is. Being turned off or disinterested in something is one thing, openly relishing or downright celebrating your disgust toward it is another.
A lot of women--not all, not all--straight, lesbian, bisexual, pan sexual, yadda, yadda, yadda, are disgusted by vaginas.
Love the cooter, or well, at least don't disparage it. Mine has been good to me. Everybody got here via the cooter. It's the cosmic highway.
100
Dear Dog Day--
It might be too obvious to mention, but the "turn-on" in these beastiality scenarios is the ultimate degradation of the woman.
Specifically, this guy gets wood over the idea that you are SO eager to please him that you will submit to being fucked by a DOG. He can sit back and watch the slobbering thing scrabble on your back and hump away.
This is D/S play on a purely psychological level-- no whips and chains, just absolute dominance and submission. Are you ready for that?
Any "pleasure" you demonstrate at this humping will be manufactured for his benefit. It is the ULTIMATE power trip; you will be lowering yourself to perhaps the greatest level of degradation when you offer up your vagina in this way.
Will he meet your eyes, afterward? While you clean the dog semen out of yourself? Once you have submitted to being mounted by his dog, will you ever be able to refuse his dominance again? What happened to his ex-girlfriend, once he had triumphed over her so completely? Did he ever put his dick in her again?
I'd be shocked if other forms of dominance/submission play aren't also on this guy's menu, and I'll bet they have manifested before, despite the "vanilla" sex you describe. Probably, as you indicated, when he is drunk.
It might be too obvious to mention, but the "turn-on" in these beastiality scenarios is the ultimate degradation of the woman.
Specifically, this guy gets wood over the idea that you are SO eager to please him that you will submit to being fucked by a DOG. He can sit back and watch the slobbering thing scrabble on your back and hump away.
This is D/S play on a purely psychological level-- no whips and chains, just absolute dominance and submission. Are you ready for that?
Any "pleasure" you demonstrate at this humping will be manufactured for his benefit. It is the ULTIMATE power trip; you will be lowering yourself to perhaps the greatest level of degradation when you offer up your vagina in this way.
Will he meet your eyes, afterward? While you clean the dog semen out of yourself? Once you have submitted to being mounted by his dog, will you ever be able to refuse his dominance again? What happened to his ex-girlfriend, once he had triumphed over her so completely? Did he ever put his dick in her again?
I'd be shocked if other forms of dominance/submission play aren't also on this guy's menu, and I'll bet they have manifested before, despite the "vanilla" sex you describe. Probably, as you indicated, when he is drunk.
101
The creation of marriage was to establish the notion that women were property of men. ( See dowry ) There's nothing sacred or holy about it. So people are upset they can't participate in a sexist, mysoginistic ritual from the Ancient Book of Fairy Tales. Live in the modern world and move on.
102
Red -
I would also add that marriage was created as a way to guarantee ownership over a man's offspring. By offspring, I mean workers to help support the family--hence the tremendous sanctions against infidelity.
That said, in the contemporary world, marriage confers a whole slew of legal rights as well as social privileges and meanings--patriarchal, misogynistic or not.
On a practical level, I'd think that most of us would like to be able to be in the hospital room with a dying partner and have the power to make important decisions on her/his behalf if need be, and vice versa, for example (Please correct me if I'm mistaken here.)
I say this as a woman who has had a male partner for the past eleven years and does not plan to marry. I and my partner, however, could cash in on our heterosexual privilege by getting married at any time, should one of us become terminally ill.
I understand why others would want/need to marry. The right to be at your dying partner's side is only one of many reasons. Yes, it's a right that shouldn't be attached to marriage (viva la patriarchy) but it is. Detaching that right from the institution of marriage would be a much more difficult fight than the right for same sex couples to marry.
It's a lot easier to walk away from mainstream cultural institutions when you're young and healthy.
I would also add that marriage was created as a way to guarantee ownership over a man's offspring. By offspring, I mean workers to help support the family--hence the tremendous sanctions against infidelity.
That said, in the contemporary world, marriage confers a whole slew of legal rights as well as social privileges and meanings--patriarchal, misogynistic or not.
On a practical level, I'd think that most of us would like to be able to be in the hospital room with a dying partner and have the power to make important decisions on her/his behalf if need be, and vice versa, for example (Please correct me if I'm mistaken here.)
I say this as a woman who has had a male partner for the past eleven years and does not plan to marry. I and my partner, however, could cash in on our heterosexual privilege by getting married at any time, should one of us become terminally ill.
I understand why others would want/need to marry. The right to be at your dying partner's side is only one of many reasons. Yes, it's a right that shouldn't be attached to marriage (viva la patriarchy) but it is. Detaching that right from the institution of marriage would be a much more difficult fight than the right for same sex couples to marry.
It's a lot easier to walk away from mainstream cultural institutions when you're young and healthy.
103
Happy Hedonist's comment shouldn't be taken seriously because it's very likely he/she was abused and/or exploited into making it. Seriously, nobody could seriously believe that shit of their own free will.
104
I was in the same boat a UIL for years! The few times my ex-husband ate my pussy he looked like he was going to GAG! I made him stop. Sex got worse after that. Why did I marry him? B/c he had many other good attributes and I was too young and dumb to know better. However, his self-centeredness-- as evident by the lack of licking-- overran all of the good. I am in the process of divorcing him. I am now with a man who loves to lick and fuck me with my vibrator. He HOLDS BACK until *I* cum. And, he's everything I would want in a life partner: smart, sexy, funny, responsible, etc.
UIL - offer to your hubby to use a dental dam or a condom split open like a dam. Offer flavored lubes. If he still says no, then he doesn't really care about your emotional well-being. Take it from someone who has been there: LEAVE HIM. I bet if you think hard enough, he neglects you in other ways, too.
UIL - offer to your hubby to use a dental dam or a condom split open like a dam. Offer flavored lubes. If he still says no, then he doesn't really care about your emotional well-being. Take it from someone who has been there: LEAVE HIM. I bet if you think hard enough, he neglects you in other ways, too.
105
About the guy with the dog-sex fetish... Let me tell you how fetishes work. If he gets turned on by his fetish now, he will keep focusing on it. Over time, he won't be able to get erect without the thoughts about the fetish. Therefore, whether you go there or not, he will always think these thoughts, unless he's committed to stopping, and it doesn't sound like he is. So, there are only three choices here: he's going to give up on this fetish (unlikely), he's going to limit himself to just thinking about it (is that likely?), or he keeps pressuring you to give in. Your choices are: give in, leave him. One or the other will happen, so might as well happen sooner. Personally, I'd DTMFA. You can do better.
106
Hello, this is DDS.
Your responses have been interesting, and for the most part surprisingly thoughtful.
For the record, my fiance does not pressure me about this fetish. In all, I believe the topic has come up perhaps 3 times since he first told me about it. I have no intention of ever having sex with a dog, and he knows this. I don't much mind the fantasy and talking about it, for the most part, except the idea that even watching bestiality porn could be considered animal abuse.
I just wanted to know peoples thoughts on whether even watching bestiality pornography was animal abuse, and whether people think that he will want his fantasy to become a reality again(as he DID have it in his past) to the point that he seeks it out, obviously, not with me, as I am not willing.
Thank you all, especially Dan.
DDS
Your responses have been interesting, and for the most part surprisingly thoughtful.
For the record, my fiance does not pressure me about this fetish. In all, I believe the topic has come up perhaps 3 times since he first told me about it. I have no intention of ever having sex with a dog, and he knows this. I don't much mind the fantasy and talking about it, for the most part, except the idea that even watching bestiality porn could be considered animal abuse.
I just wanted to know peoples thoughts on whether even watching bestiality pornography was animal abuse, and whether people think that he will want his fantasy to become a reality again(as he DID have it in his past) to the point that he seeks it out, obviously, not with me, as I am not willing.
Thank you all, especially Dan.
DDS
108
I know just how "rick" feels..I can't stand to be in the same room with a faggot at any time, expecially since I learned that they find it "amusing" to share out with the rest of us, the myriad of germs and diseases that most are carrying around with them, such as E.coli, MRSA, VRE, Hepatitis A, and God alone knows what else.
109
I had a boyfriend like that, I dumped him and was glad I did. I agree, munching is standard fare. And BTW its only fair that if he is receiving (blowjobs), he should be willing to return the favor, its only fair and polite.
110
DCKathy, fetishes may work the way you dictate (or they may not) but not all fantasies or even all recurring fantasies are fetishes, despite the tendency to call them so around here. Over my sexual life I've had a very broad range of fantasies, including all kinds of sick and deviant and all kinds of vanilla. I focus on them for a while, let myself have what I need emotionally and sensorily from them, then they disappear. I am not chained to them forever, nor am I on a slippery slope of extremity. I'm sure I'm not the only one, but the more we talk like fantasies are permanent fixations, the more it SEEMS like they are.
111
Unwillingness to go down could indeed be connected to past sexual abuse - let's not forget that it is EXTREMELY difficult for men in our culture to admit this has happened to them, so it would be one reason to make up bullshit excuses. My partner is erratic at best with the provision of ye olde tongue-lashings; it can feel scary and isolating for him. We're working on it. Free and easy communication does NOT come with the territory for someone with this experience, but genuine attempts at honest communication are the dealbreaker here - and the foundation of some very deep, loving connection.
112
Tim James - having been blown by both women and men, I have to say that guys give the best head by far. That's just been my experience.
113
I was taught in college if a guy won't go down on you he's probably gay. My boyfriend who wouldn't go down on me turned out to be gay. She might consider that possibility as Gregg said too.
114
Dan, you are a total idiot. Period. You give shit advice, I bet you are shit in bed too. Not shit on your bed, as I'm sure you have to clean that up often, but shit in the sack! You tiny dicked, premature shootin', fancy little man you. That's why I want to fuck you so bad. But, who doesn't??? I mean shit, you look like a retarded version of Mark Phelps. Yeah like the special olympics gold medalist in ass licking you are. Do you shave your ass lips, Danny? God I want you! Will you get a sex change for me? I want you to have an asshole installed where your mouth is. I mean, I know shit comes out of your mouth all the time, but it's way too big to enjoy.
115
If he doesn't go down on you...you should not go down on him. If he complains tell him it's a two way street and if he wants a bj then you want to be licked. I disagree with the others who say you should cheat.
116
I am a bit disappointed that no one has suggested couples counseling for this married couple!
If the guy is pussy slurping phobic, it's most likely due to some misinformation or previous bad experience. Sure, he could be gay...but let's rule out the possibility that he's just afraid of the unknown, first.
A good couples/sex counselor can help them stay married without the resentment and/or the cheating!
In the mean time, I hope she tells him what she really feels when he takes this stance -- and that is that she is most likely hurt and feeling like there's something WRONG with her.
She could get him in the shower and show him that her hot pocket is fresh and tasty, nothing to fear!
I'd also recommend that she does not cut off sex out of spite, it's only going to make him more determined if he feels like she's "forcing" him.
If the man loves her and wants to make her happy, he'll learn to pleasure her in ways that work for both of them!
Cheating never solves anything and can only lead to heartbreak, if she finds that he's unwilling to do any work on the relationship -- THEN she can tell him that if he doesn't put out, she'll find someone who will. Many men have a fetish of their women having sex with other men, maybe he's trying to set that up? Stranger things have happened!
If the guy is pussy slurping phobic, it's most likely due to some misinformation or previous bad experience. Sure, he could be gay...but let's rule out the possibility that he's just afraid of the unknown, first.
A good couples/sex counselor can help them stay married without the resentment and/or the cheating!
In the mean time, I hope she tells him what she really feels when he takes this stance -- and that is that she is most likely hurt and feeling like there's something WRONG with her.
She could get him in the shower and show him that her hot pocket is fresh and tasty, nothing to fear!
I'd also recommend that she does not cut off sex out of spite, it's only going to make him more determined if he feels like she's "forcing" him.
If the man loves her and wants to make her happy, he'll learn to pleasure her in ways that work for both of them!
Cheating never solves anything and can only lead to heartbreak, if she finds that he's unwilling to do any work on the relationship -- THEN she can tell him that if he doesn't put out, she'll find someone who will. Many men have a fetish of their women having sex with other men, maybe he's trying to set that up? Stranger things have happened!
117
Oh, I almost forgot!
She should go to her Gyn and determine that she doesn't have any infection or beasties that might make her coochie smell/taste like roadkill.
If she's healthy and clean, then there's no reason he should not be willing to go there.
As far as the guy who fantasizes about beastiality --he's acted it out before, so there's no reason to expect that he won't want to act it out with you.
Whatever the reason for this desire, she needs to decide if she wants to live with it and the possibility that he may eventually want her to act it out and if she refuses he may seek it outside the relationship.
Either way, she'd be smart to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about it and make her position very clear. If he doesn't think he can live without, then she should NOT marry him!
She should go to her Gyn and determine that she doesn't have any infection or beasties that might make her coochie smell/taste like roadkill.
If she's healthy and clean, then there's no reason he should not be willing to go there.
As far as the guy who fantasizes about beastiality --he's acted it out before, so there's no reason to expect that he won't want to act it out with you.
Whatever the reason for this desire, she needs to decide if she wants to live with it and the possibility that he may eventually want her to act it out and if she refuses he may seek it outside the relationship.
Either way, she'd be smart to sit down and have a serious conversation with him about it and make her position very clear. If he doesn't think he can live without, then she should NOT marry him!
118
As a gay man I fully understand not wanting to "eat at the Y". Yuck, Ick! But some people don't like certain sex acts. It's unfair to claim tit for tat in this instance. Get a vibrator, use your finger. It will be alot worse if he gets sick and ralphs while eating pussy.
119
DDS - I'm glad to see that you followed up with a response clarifying your position and beliefs. I'm glad your bf does not pressure you about this, and he shouldn't, if he ever does, dtmfa.
My opinion and belief about sex is that it should be between consenting adults. Animals are not able to give consent, period. Even if they seem like they enjoy it or are doing what comes "naturally". Secondly, I wouldn't want to be around any animal that has been conditioned to receive sexual gratification from interacting with humans. Dogs tend to hump what they want when they want to, try to explain that to the neighbors or your visiting niece. Additionally, there are other things to consider, like what you might catch from a sexual interaction with an animal.
I had a friend who was sexually abused as a child and what he hated most and was ashamed of was the part of himself that enjoyed parts of it and took pleasure in the orgasm - but no matter what - it was still child rape and it screwed him up plenty. So saying the animal enjoys it and therefore that makes it ok does not justify this to me. I could coerce a child into having sex with me and he may enjoy it(and plenty)and have an orgasm, but it's still rape. Animals and children(and even the developmentally disabled)are simply not able to give consent, no matter what the circumstances or how much they seem to be enjoying it.
Basically, you have to decide what's best for you, and what your beliefs and values are. If you are fine being with someone who enjoys bestialty, then so be it. If you believe it harms animals or is wrong(for whatever reason), then you should move on, and not remain in a relationship with someone whose basic belief structure is in direct conflict with yours.
good luck.
More...
My opinion and belief about sex is that it should be between consenting adults. Animals are not able to give consent, period. Even if they seem like they enjoy it or are doing what comes "naturally". Secondly, I wouldn't want to be around any animal that has been conditioned to receive sexual gratification from interacting with humans. Dogs tend to hump what they want when they want to, try to explain that to the neighbors or your visiting niece. Additionally, there are other things to consider, like what you might catch from a sexual interaction with an animal.
I had a friend who was sexually abused as a child and what he hated most and was ashamed of was the part of himself that enjoyed parts of it and took pleasure in the orgasm - but no matter what - it was still child rape and it screwed him up plenty. So saying the animal enjoys it and therefore that makes it ok does not justify this to me. I could coerce a child into having sex with me and he may enjoy it(and plenty)and have an orgasm, but it's still rape. Animals and children(and even the developmentally disabled)are simply not able to give consent, no matter what the circumstances or how much they seem to be enjoying it.
Basically, you have to decide what's best for you, and what your beliefs and values are. If you are fine being with someone who enjoys bestialty, then so be it. If you believe it harms animals or is wrong(for whatever reason), then you should move on, and not remain in a relationship with someone whose basic belief structure is in direct conflict with yours.
good luck.
120
Wow. I never got around to commenting on this, but nobody stood in for me. Let me say this: I have no evidence, but DDS's boyfriend sounds like just another het fratboy type with an interesting, if not particularly inventive fantasy life -- he's picked up an extreme fetish, but out of the subset of fairly ordinary porn with conventional gender roles (where, unfortunately, conventional gender roles tend to be about subjugation of women). I base this assumption on the fact that the kind of beastie action he's looking for can be found by surfing no more than two clicks from any regular 'Barely Legal' site and not even pausing to put down the Budweiser.
If DDS cared to, there's a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy's urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by "a dog," but with one condition -- *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he'll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently "nasty" or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn't a shared interest, it's a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I've "pegged" her boy's type, he'd probably swear up and down he's not a "furry" -- but he'd also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
If DDS cared to, there's a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy's urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by "a dog," but with one condition -- *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he'll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently "nasty" or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn't a shared interest, it's a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I've "pegged" her boy's type, he'd probably swear up and down he's not a "furry" -- but he'd also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
121
Wow. I never got around to commenting on this, but nobody stood in for me. Let me say this: I have no evidence, but DDS's boyfriend sounds like just another het fratboy type with an interesting, if not particularly inventive fantasy life -- he's picked up an extreme fetish, but out of the subset of fairly ordinary porn with conventional gender roles (where, unfortunately, conventional gender roles tend to be about subjugation of women). I base this assumption on the fact that the kind of beastie action he's looking for can be found by surfing no more than two clicks from any regular 'Barely Legal' site and not even pausing to put down the Budweiser.
If DDS cared to, there's a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy's urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by "a dog," but with one condition -- *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he'll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently "nasty" or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn't a shared interest, it's a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I've "pegged" her boy's type, he'd probably swear up and down he's not a "furry" -- but he'd also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
If DDS cared to, there's a creative solution to this problem that might satisfy her boy's urges while also directing him into a healthier form of roleplay: She can agree to be fucked by "a dog," but with one condition -- *he* has to be the dog. Turn the tables, pull out the leash and the bowl, make him beg, and either he'll turn out to appreciate the scenario (whether simply for being sufficiently "nasty" or on some deeper level), grow bored with the whole idea and move on to some new fixation, or reveal himself to only be interested in the subjugation aspects. (In this last case, if subjugation isn't a shared interest, it's a cue to DTMFA and wish him luck finding someone who actually enjoys that.) However it works out, DDS would get to stay in control, and the only doggy dick involved would be imaginary.
Look at it this way: if I've "pegged" her boy's type, he'd probably swear up and down he's not a "furry" -- but he'd also be much easier to deal with if he were one.
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