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Ask a Pro
July 19, 2001
This girl I'm seeing is a stripper and an escort. I'm fine with the stripping, but the idea of her alone in hotel rooms with old horny men bothers me. I'm fairly naive about the escort scene, and lately this woman who used to be a stripper has been filling my head with all sorts of horror stories, trying to convince me that 80 percent of all escorts have sex with their clients. I finally had to ask my girlfriend about her job, and she got hella pissed. Now I feel awful that I inadvertently implied that she has sexual contact with her clients.
Do you know anyone in the business who might be able to give me a heads-up on how frequently sex does occur?
Personally, I've never heard of an escort who doesn't sleep with her clients, and I assumed your girlfriend was lying when she denied that she had any physical contact with creepy men in hotel rooms. However, your letter arrived on the same day as a press release promoting the release of Turning Pro: A Guide to Sex Work for the Ambitious and the Intrigued. The author of Turning Pro, Magdalene Meretrix, "has worked as a prostitute, escort, phone sex worker, professional submissive, and porn film actress," which means Ms. Meretrix is better qualified to answer your question.
"His girlfriend might work for an agency where there's no physical contact with clients," Meretrix said. "There are agencies that send girls out to do lap dances, or touch themselves while clients watch, or use toys on themselves, but with no sexual contact with the client. It's possible his girlfriend is working for one of these agencies."
Since I'm the suspicious type, I asked Ms. Meretrix why your girlfriend was so touchy and defensive. If she isn't hiding anything, why does she get hella mad when her boyfriend asks perfectly reasonable questions about her job? "She may well be lying," Ms. Meretrix conceded. "A sneaky way to find out if she's telling the truth is to call the agency on a night his girlfriend's not working. If he calls a girl and she agrees to have sex, it's a pretty good indication that his girlfriend is lying to him."
After years of truly trying to make a living in the "straight" world of office drudgery, I've decided to pursue a career as a professional dominatrix. The problem is, after exhausting the Internet, asking every acquaintance I know, and scanning the classified ads, I have hit a brick wall. I finally realized that you, Dan, would be the perfect person to give me advice on this subject.
How can I get a break into this line of work? Can I apprentice under an experienced pro-dom? How can I connect with pro-doms and let them know I'm eager and ready to go to work? I think I would make a great dominatrix. I have always attracted men who invariably want me to dress them up like little girls and spank them, so why shouldn't I get paid for doing it?
Looking for Work
Being a professional dominatrix isn't something you do on a whim--and the money isn't as easy as you seem to think it is. "The equipment costs are so expensive--$10,000 or more to set up a real dungeon," said Ms. Meretrix. "The doms who are any good, they're not doing it to work through their anger toward men or because they think it's easy money. If you want to make easy money, be a prostitute. There's a high level of skill involved in being a dom, and the expenditure for costumes and equipment can be steep.
"Working under another dom is an excellent idea. Some cities like Atlanta have communal dungeons with several doms, and those places are often willing to train new doms. It will be much harder to find an independent dom who's willing to train you. There's one in California: Mistress Cleo Dubois. She's willing to train people for money."
I am thinking about becoming a professional escort (transvestite). I see a lot of ads come and go here in Toronto. Not too many people seem to stay in the business very long. Are there not enough clients to go around?
Wondering About Sex Work
Ads come and go because there's a high burnout rate among sex workers, but Ms. Meretrix assured me you'll find plenty of work in a city like Toronto. "There's a huge demand for that in all major cities, and most of the demand is for people who aren't totally through with the change," she said. "Your clients will want someone with breasts and a functional penis," so if you've still got a dick, you're set up.
How many guys will eat a whore out? I love going down on a woman; it's something I have to do in order to get off. When I hire a whore--convenience factor and all--I nibble on the thighs and stay around the area to look and smell around before I do the deed. It's not like I dive right in or anything.
Curious and Wondering
"If the woman is a pro, she should be cleaning herself in between clients," said Ms. Meretrix. "But it's a good idea to work your way up to it and check her out first." Does your willingness to eat out whores make you unique among clients? "There are a lot of guys who are more than happy to go down on a hooker. When I worked in a brothel, all the guys wanted to eat me out. And when they were down there, they would all look up and say, 'I bet nobody ever does this to you.' I would just smile and say, 'Oh, you do it so good, honey,' instead of saying, 'This happens to me every day!'"
Is it possible for a 30-year-old, straight, attractive, intelligent, in-shape man who has no problem meeting sexy ladies to find a gay male (on the feminine side) willing to have a sexual encounter with a straight man? I've had this fantasy for a long time and it only seems to be getting stronger. I'm mainly interested in being serviced orally but have yet to fulfill this longing. The problem is that I can't seem to meet any gay men. I'm sure I've met gay men, but how do you approach such a subject? And I've heard that most gay men find straight men repulsive sexually.
Desperate in Denver
"If you want to have no strings attached, the most ethical way is to go see a pro," said our pro Ms. Meretrix. "With a pro, you don't have to lie to someone, break his or her heart, or give them false expectations to get them into bed. And when it's over, you won't have someone calling you at your office, calling your home, or trying to track you down. Somebody once said that you don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay her to go away afterwards. That applies in your case as well."
Confidential to Savage Love Readers: I'm looking to meet and interview a straight feeder/gainer couple, and also a straight couple who will be attending the Lifestyles Convention in Las Vegas in late July. It's for a book I'm writing, and all interviews will be strictly confidential. Please write me at email@example.com. Thanks.