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www.ppin.org

May 18, 2011

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I suppose you are going to call me an asshole once you have finished reading my letter, but I hope you have some advice for me regardless.

I am a 45-year-old heterosexual male. My last relationship lasted nearly seven years. I am currently single. I am discouraged. One of the reasons for my discouragement: I have to get too far into a relationship before I can determine if it will work out with any particular woman. An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties. And this is where my problem lies. A woman can have the sweetest personality, she can be pretty and hardworking, but if her pussy isn't bald and her "little man in the boat" doesn't fit comfortably in my mouth, I am NOT turned on. I require a shaved pussy and a big clit.

I have asked women with whom I've become close to go bald. If the answer is no, there is no need to return. I respect a woman's control over her own body, of course, but I like a big clit. She may or may not be bald, but if the clit isn't big enough, there's no sense in returning. I have heard women say that they were disappointed to find that a man's dick was too small or too large, or they didn't like that it curved to the left or right. Do I have a right to a similar preference? What do I do? Is there a way to ask about these issues before emotion, time, and effort are invested?

Call Me Asshole

Knowing that she could be disqualified due to the size of her clit, which she can do nothing about, or the presence of pubic hair, which she can do something about (but might not want to), is information a woman might want before she invests a lot of emotion, time, and effort in you, CMA. Or any emotion, time, and effort. But there's literally no way to ask a woman to show you her clit or to verify either her "baldness" or willingness to go bald in advance of that crucial first date. Even women with six-inch clits who suffer from neck-down alopecia (credit: www.tinyurl.com/5vle95) are going to run screaming after hearing a request like that.

Don't get me wrong, CMA: It's a fine thing to have preferences, to be aware of them, and to be able to articulate them. And most people would prefer to be with someone whose preferences roughly jibe with their attributes. But most of us would also like to think—even if it's not true—that our personalities are so winning that our partners would love us even if, say, our clits were tiny and our pubes towering.

So what do you do? Well, CMA, since being up-front about your very particular, deal-breaking preferences would result in your never seeing another pussy again in your life, I think you keep your mouth shut. You're just going to have to date and invest the time. And then if you discover once you get into her pants that her clit is too small or her pussy is too hairy, CMA, just make up a nice, polite it's-not-you-it's-me lie. It wouldn't be fair to leave her wondering what the hell is wrong with her, when in actual fact there's something wrong with you.


Kinky female here, age 26. For as long as I've been sexually active, I've been ridiculously turned on by guys with huge cocks. I love the way they look and feel in my hands and when they're inside me. This isn't to say that I'd date a guy purely on cock enormity alone; I wouldn't. But I'm not sure what to do about my current situation: I'm dating someone now who shares my same values—he's flamingly liberal and actually enjoys RuPaul's Drag Race—but we don't have the greatest sexual chemistry. Some of it's because he's pretty vanilla, although he's GGG, but a lot of it is that his dick is average. Sadly. Am I wrong to want a guy with the lower half of a horse? If so, can I retrain myself to accept, and even want, an average or below-average penis?

Female Phallophiliac

You don't say how long you've been dating this guy, FP.

If you've been fucking him for a while and you still haven't found a groove, well, it might be best to move on. Liberalism and RuPaul's Drag Race are nice, but they're not enough to sustain a long-term romantic relationship.

But if you've been dating him a short time, FP, and there's been some noticeable improvement on the chemistry front, you might want to stick around. Sometimes the chemistry is there and obvious from the start; sometimes chemistry kicks into gear after a few weeks or months. If you dig him—and it sounds like you do—then he's worth the investment of a little time. As for the little dick, well...

How big is his forearm?


I'm a partnered gay man who happens to have a small cock. When I was younger, I was often embarrassed, but I have gotten used to it and I can't change it and I know how to enjoy it now.

Among my friends, small-dick jokes are common. Not directed at me, but generic jokes and comments suggesting that guys with small dicks aren't real men, or should always bottom, or aren't worth dating. Stuff like that. And it has begun to make me feel much more self-conscious, especially since a couple of the guys I've heard making these jokes are intimately familiar with my cock. They know I'm small. It wasn't an issue, because they initiated the sex and wanted it more than once. I had a six-month fuck-buddy relationship with one of these guys and I topped him, so I know he didn't have an issue with my size.

So my dilemma is this: Is this just some self-esteem issue that I've been unaware of and need to deal with? Or should I say something, at least to the two guys I've had sex with? They are my closest friends and know that I struggled with my size when I was younger.

Sensitive Matters And Lessons Learned

You should definitely say something to the two ingrates you've had sex with, SMALL, and to anyone else who makes small-dick jokes in your presence. You don't have to volunteer to men you haven't fucked that you happen to have a small dick yourself. Just point out that in any group, there are going to be guys with smaller-than-average endowments and that it's just not cool to make those guys feel bad or inadequate—particularly when studies show that the partners of men with smaller-than-average dicks report higher levels of sexual satisfaction than people whose partners have larger-than-average dicks.


STRAIGHT RIGHTS WATCH: Indiana's right-wing Republican governor signed a bill into law that strips Planned Parenthood in that state of federal funds. This is going to lead to more abortions in Indiana, not fewer, but facts don't matter to right-wing shit-piles like Mitch "Social Issues Truce" Daniels. Now would be a good time to make a donation—even if all you can afford is a small, symbolic one—to Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Go to www.ppin.org, and click "Donate Now!" Then do everything you can to defeat the GOP in 2012.

Find the Savage Lovecast (my weekly podcast) every Tuesday at thestranger.com/savage.

mail@savagelove.net

 

Comments (223) RSS

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1
I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.

Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood - $0-100, depending on the person's income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.

Cost of pap smear at regular doctor - $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.

Cost to taxpayers - I don't know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I'm low income, I'm guessing it's lower than a doctor's office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I'm guessing paperwork's a bitch).

So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:

Cost to taxpayers if I don't go because I can't afford to pay $175 or I'm in the wrong part of the country - anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.

Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) - it's mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.

The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.

So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We're (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room - which a lot of poor people use for primary care - is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can't turn people away, and that's why everyone else's insurance costs so much - they have to cover the people who can't pay.

I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.
More...
Posted by A Williams, Kalamazoo MI on May 17, 2011 at 6:08 PM · Report this
2
I go to the doctor once a year, for a pap smear and a basic physical. No tests, nothing fancy, no prescriptions other than the pill, just height, weight, blood pressure, pap smear. This is my only source of medical care.

Cost of pap smear at Planned Parenthood - $0-100, depending on the person's income. I usually donate about $25, more if there are protesters outside.

Cost of pap smear at regular doctor - $175 and up, if they will see new patients, and if I can end up in the right part of the country at the right time to see the same doctor. I can go to PP anywhere.

Cost to taxpayers - I don't know. The state of Michigan pays part of mine because I'm low income, I'm guessing it's lower than a doctor's office that has nice couches and has to process a lot of insurance paperwork (when I do go to a real doctor, they almost always discount for cash by about 50%, so I'm guessing paperwork's a bitch).

So I luck out because I get close to free care. But, on a pragmatic level:

Cost to taxpayers if I don't go because I can't afford to pay $175 or I'm in the wrong part of the country - anywhere from 0-100,000, which is what it will cost me to die of cervical cancer in the emergency room, my backup source of care. The first symptom of cervical cancer is a bad pap smear, the second symptom is you start bleeding uncontrollably and die soon after. I have now had cancer twice, both times caught by pap smear and treated at a cost of about $600 to me (to the surgeon and anesthesiologist) and probably about $1500 to the taxpayer. Keeping me alive is cheaper. One in three women will have early-stage cervical cancer in her lifetime. I know five.

Most of what Planned Parenthood does is prevent unwanted pregnancies. Very little of that is by abortion (a hot-button issue) - it's mostly through education and free or cheap birth control.

The estimated cost of raising a child to adulthood is about $300,000. While that number reflects middle class families that pay their own way, poor families use food stamps, welfare, Head Start, after-school programs, Medicaid, and Pell Grants, all of which are paid by taxpayers. $500 worth of condoms over a reproductive lifetime, or even three or four $600 abortions are still a lot easier on the pocketbook, not to mention reducing the number of unwanted babies, some of whom will be drug-addled criminals and some who are just, well, unwanted. Which sucks for them and costs money in therapy later.

So I would argue that fighting the creep of welfare, fighting the ever-enlarging Medicaid budget, and keeping women from dying in emergency rooms of cervical cancer, saves money for everyone in the long run. We're (mostly) not a country that lets people die on the street, and anyone who is admitted to the emergency room - which a lot of poor people use for primary care - is going to cost everyone a lot more money than providing them with health care to begin with. A hospital can't turn people away, and that's why everyone else's insurance costs so much - they have to cover the people who can't pay.

I would then passionately add that any senator or government official whose excellent health-insurance plan (enabling him and his family to see the doctor of their choice, go in when sick rather than solely for catastrophe, and access resources like therapy and life-enhancing medication) is paid for by my tax dollars has no business begrudging me my one doctor visit a year on his tax nickels.
More...
Posted by A Williams, Kalamazoo MI on May 17, 2011 at 6:09 PM · Report this
3
CMA

There are all sorts of very personal things that take time to get to know. Just keep doing what you're doing. You might be described as having a preference so specific and important to you that it's a fetish. But having a fetish doesn't make you an asshole.
Posted by Mr. J on May 17, 2011 at 6:20 PM · Report this
4
SMALL: DO NOT LISTEN TO DAN. It is impossible to make such comments without sounding defensive, insecure, and self-incriminating. I'm in the exact same boat - in fact, I'm currently fucking around with an ex who made tons of off-putting comments about small dicks. But I still top him, he still loves it, and I still often feel insecure - sometimes to the point where the sex is not as enjoyable. But I deal with it because I fucking love huge cocks too, and I get the attraction to/obsession with them. So, learn to ignore it. Just don't listen to Dan - I promise you, it would make no difference to the guys you were lecturing, and it would not make you look good.
Posted by also-small on May 17, 2011 at 6:22 PM · Report this
Robin8 5
#3 beat me to it, CMA. One diagnostic of a fetish is: Do you need it to get an erection? If yes, it's a fetish. And I'm guessing you're so self-absorbed about meeting your needs that when you finally do meet a woman like this, you're not going to satisfy her needs. Good luck; you're gonna need it.
Posted by Robin8 http://shutyoureverlovingpiehole.wordpress.com on May 17, 2011 at 7:00 PM · Report this
6
CMA, lemme guess, the 7 year relationship girl had a big clit and shaved pussy, but it didn't work out?

Doesn't that tell you something?
Posted by someone_else's_girl on May 17, 2011 at 7:08 PM · Report this
7
super disappointed in the answer to the first letter. hello, it's called the internet. look for women with big clits who are shaven, like to shave, would be willing to shave...

and while i may not be one of them, i know lots of women who will shave at a partner's request so even just looking for a woman with a big clit should suffice. lots of women with larger clits are self-conscious of them so it may help (some) to know that someone out there is looking for that.

also, a really good trim can be close enough to shaved to satisfy some folks.

i don't agree that it's fair to say that "there's something wrong with you" if you have a preference of that, or almost any, kind. yes, it would be your problem if the woman did not have or desire these attributes, and neither her fault nor her problem, but there's nothing wrong with someone who wants those things.
Posted by bluemoonbaby on May 17, 2011 at 7:11 PM · Report this
nocutename 8
For letters 1 & 2: You can't help needing what you need or even liking what you like, but you can avoid being a jerk about it. This means you don't give your dates a questionnaire to fill out or ask them for an anatomical description before seeing them naked. You have to put in the time and wait, just like you would have to if the thing that was a deal-breaker couldn't be expected to manifest itself on or prior to the first date. If you find some characteristic that is too un-arousing for you and it is impossible for the person to change that (clit or cock size), you manufacture a different reason for breaking things off, nicely, and move on.

Sorry that you wasted days or perhaps (horrors) weeks of your life, but that's called "dating." Perhaps you've heard of it. It's a way to discover whether two people are compatible, and sometimes it takes more than an initial meeting to discover that you're not. (And sometimes what you thought was an insurmountable obstacle turns out not to be, if there's enough great stuff to make up for it.)

As for letter #3: When my kids were younger, they'd get so angry when someone said something that contradicted what they knew to be true. They would howl with impotent rage, wanting to correct the misapprehension or to clear their name. And I would say to them, "you know what you know. That's all that matters. You know what the truth is--that's what counts." It seems that the letter writer needs to remember that cock size is a very common topic of humor, and he can get defensive, which will probably arouse derision, or he can see it as an area that needs more awareness--kind of like the way fat jokes should be stopped, or the campaign to banish the word "retarded" as an insult or even a descriptor, or he can know what he knows about his relationship with the two men and smile to himself as he remembers topping them so well.

Or he can talk to them privately, not in the moment, and not with others around, and say, "hey, when the size comments start, I get upset. Can you please not participate?"
More...
Posted by nocutename on May 17, 2011 at 7:15 PM · Report this
9
I think I've signed every petition Dan has endorsed, even though I'm from the Philippines. I'm jealous that there are movements there that one can assist through just a few clicks, but when I Google the words "pro reproductive health bill", there isn't much to see. You guys have Planned Parenthood, but we Filipinos haven't been able to make the RH Bill take off for years now.
Posted by stuckinmanila on May 17, 2011 at 7:21 PM · Report this
10
Unlike FP, CMA seems very determined to seek out these particular physical characteristics, almost without regard to any other character traits in his partner. If that's true, I advice him to seek out sex workers (whether escorts or actresses). They will not be freaked out by his need and so he won't waste his time. If he finds one who fits his needs, and if he can manage to be nice and loving and considerate and not an asshole, then maybe he can persuade that perfect match to take him seriously as a potential life partner.
Posted by EricaP on May 17, 2011 at 7:27 PM · Report this
11
On the other hand, I wish I could just put a tag on my online personal ad that I only go bald for special occasions. Oh, I don't mind keeping it trimmed, but bald? I have sensitive skin, and the consequences afterwards are unpleasant to say the least. Waxing isn't really even an option (the one time I actually went that route, my boyfriend of the time completely freaked when he saw the skin reaction I had). And anyways, it just looks freaky in general, imho. I'm a grown woman - I'm not SUPPOSED to be bald down there.
Posted by JrzWrld on May 17, 2011 at 7:29 PM · Report this
12
Dan, about this forearm thing.. every time a guy or girl complains about his or her partner's small penis you seem to jump RIGHT to this whole fist-fucking thing like it's totally natural second-alternative. I'm no prude, trust me, but I think I've even heard you describe fisting as "varsity-level," yet you recommend it left and right to men or couples that have a tiny dick problem.

This isn't a complaint or anything, I'm just wondering if you realize that your go-to solution for small-dicked guys might seem a little intense for a lot of people. I know I'd be shocked if I asked for advice about some sex-related issue and was told the solution would be for my partner to stick her fist up my vag. Just saying.
Posted by thinningout on May 17, 2011 at 7:32 PM · Report this
13
As for SMALL, my anus prefers a small cock. Don't many bottoms? It may not be possible for you to joke lightly around this topic, but maybe you can say something like - "oh, man, when ya get fucked by a huge cock, ya can't walk for days. Me, I like them 'just right.'" If the jokes went both ways, would that make you feel better?

On the other hand, people aren't going to stop making jokes about baldness or shallow blondes just because those jokes are mean, so at some point, you may want to just accept that most humor has an edge of cruelty.
Posted by EricaP on May 17, 2011 at 7:33 PM · Report this
14
@11 - Let's please not have this disintegrate into a fight about whether men liking shaved pussies means they are pedophiles. You like hair. I keep mine trimmed for my husband, but I shave all but a little patch if I'm seeing someone new. Some people like to go bare. That doesn't make them look prepubescent. When men shave their faces that doesn't make us suddenly think they are little boys.
Posted by EricaP on May 17, 2011 at 7:38 PM · Report this
jhlagrins 15
I think if I had a small cock, being told to use my forearm instead would be about as soul-crushing a thing that lover could tell me.

I think it's time to give that one a rest, Dan, for the non-fisters of the world. Maybe you could encourage people to date people for who they are, rather than continue the objectification of boobs, dicks and similar folderol.
Posted by jhlagrins on May 17, 2011 at 7:45 PM · Report this
16
@14 - When did @11 mention pedophilia? You're the only one who used that word. I agree with JrzWrld that a shaved snatch is weird, but I don't think that men who prefer them are child molestors. But I'm not willing to go bald.
Posted by nyker on May 17, 2011 at 8:13 PM · Report this
17
@16 - I've been down this road before. She wrote: "I'm a grown woman - I'm not SUPPOSED to be bald down there." That's enough to get the fight going, in my experience.

Apologies for not posting a spoiler alert for first-time viewers of the shaved/natural fight.


Posted by EricaP on May 17, 2011 at 8:21 PM · Report this
18
Shaved or natural, it's all preference. I trim and like it that way. No beef with the ladies and gents who do bare their nethers.

I rather wish we'd get a follow up on CMA in a few years when he's wondering why he's STILL single.

As for guys with smaller than average (or not big enough for the size-queens) should consider a strap-on for those Gotta Get Drilled sessions.

Personally, I'm more interested in what a man can do with his tongue.
Posted by blah on May 17, 2011 at 8:40 PM · Report this
19
I think Dan's advice to SMALL is good.

Getting to the "however" though, there's nothing wrong with guys with bigger dicks letting it be known that they have bigger dicks.

It's a competitive world out there. And I have to say that it's true that I have met more than a few small dick guys who overcompensate in obnoxious ways for their shortcoming. In every group where sex is a possibility you get posturing and its never nice (keep in mind I think that direct insults cross the line unless provoked).

So some sympathy please for the above average endowed? Unlike women who can display their wares to the public, the well-endowed man can't easily communicate his attributes in civilized society. We are often burned by the less well endowed but obnoxious small dick man (and I'm sure there are many women who know the truth of that of which I speak).
Posted by slidebone on May 17, 2011 at 8:42 PM · Report this
20
Is it just me or are there other hetero female readers here who don't know if their clit is big, small, or medium? I mean, I know that I have smallish breasts, muscular legs, skinny arms, droopy butt, etc, because I can compare myself to other women I have seen, clothed and naked. But comparing clit sizes? I know mine grows when I'm aroused, but I never knew there was even such a thing as a big or small clit. What I do notice in CMA's letter is the absence of any emotional connection with the women whose clits he likes or dislikes. He invests all this time to get to know someone and I (wrongly I guess) assumed he waited for an emotional connection, but if her clit wasn't big enough there was "no reason to return"? Hate to be a hater, but I'm not sure CMA has what it takes to make the kind of connection that marks a truly intimate relationship.
Posted by nordica on May 17, 2011 at 8:46 PM · Report this
21
Grown women ARE supposed to be bald "down there."

IF they want to.

Or if they're willing to, to please a lover.

But for me, I sort of like'em au naturale. Something about picking hair out of my teeth that feels like a job well done...

Doc
Posted by Docme on May 17, 2011 at 8:49 PM · Report this
22
Personally, I would LOVE it if a guy told me that he dumped me for having the wrong sized clit! I would then feel no regret whatsoever, unlike other situations I've been in where the guy just up and disappears and I'm left wondering what the fuck went wrong and feeling hopeless about whether or not that something is something I can fix.

Something as specific as clit preference? I almost feel sorry for the guy, at least until I remind myself that he withholds emotional connection (seeing that as an obligation) until he sees the goods. I too think he'd be better off with adult friend finder or something like that given how specific this fetish is.

I have all kinds of questions, though. Is the size relative to the inner labia, or are the size of the inner labia irrelevant? Does color/shading matter--does a darker one look smaller?

Posted by maddy811 on May 17, 2011 at 9:22 PM · Report this
23
I like Ms Erica's solution for the first LW. He'll know he's in the right ballpark, and a potential partner with any sense will have to date him long enough so that it will have been worth her time when - oopsie, IF - she dumps him.

Now at least #2 got just about the best possible lead-in. It's unfortunate that this possibility didn't occur to her during all those years when everyone she dated was sufficiently equipped. But I'll admit to being a little irritated by people who ask if they are wrong for wanting X, whatever X may be. They come off as petulant. A want is a want. It may be wrong to act on it, or unreasonable to expect to get it and therefore foolish to hold out for it, but that is not the fault of the want.

If this were my novel, she'd deliberately give him cause to dump her and only initiate the breakup herself if he didn't. That seems best as she'd probably resent him before long. It would be interesting, though, to establish the exact nature of "not the greatest" chemistry. If his lacking the potential for As isn't a dealbreaker, does he manifest the potential to reach, say, B-minus? He does seem to have enough high grades outside of the bedroom to get the average up into A territory. Individual mileage may vary. No worries here if anyone makes an A in the bedroom indispensible for high honour roll, but I've had relationships in which it was clear going in that that grade could never get above B and yet the relationships themselves were quite delightful and I would go through the whole of each again if opportunity permitted.
Posted by vennominon on May 17, 2011 at 9:32 PM · Report this
mydriasis 24
Grown women are also SUPPOSED to have hair in their armpits but we generally don't question shaving it.

All hair does is get in the way.
Posted by mydriasis on May 17, 2011 at 9:39 PM · Report this
25
@24 - TMI time. I DON'T shave my pits. I get terrible ingrown hairs, so I just trim. Same as downstairs.
Posted by blahdiblah on May 17, 2011 at 10:12 PM · Report this
26
@ SMALL take his advice: Own your small dick baby! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xCR5r6i1r…
Next time your friends make jokes, say 'well that's not what you were saying last month!" or whatever.

@12 AMEN! It's really annoying. No, just because I have small dick problems, does not mean I want to graduate to a fist. That's like complaining a grape isn't filling enough, and suggesting someone eat an entire watermelon instead. NOT. FEASIBLE.
Posted by Caralain on May 17, 2011 at 10:16 PM · Report this
Camembert 27
It goes through me like amoebic dysentry when I read someone using enormity to refer to size like in the second letter.

PEOPLE, ENORMITY MEANS GREAT EVIL. It's a useful word. Let's keep it.
Posted by Camembert on May 17, 2011 at 10:35 PM · Report this
28
@20, I was thinking the exact same thing... How do you know what size your clit is? Obviously mine isn't large. Okay, I wonder if it's normal or small. Hmmmm. Maybe you should come over and we can compare. Just kidding, just kidding. (About the compare part anyway.)
And honestly gentlemen, (for me) girth is nice for lazy ramming sessions, but the best sex I've ever had is with smallish/regular sized cocks. There is more sensation and usually the guy works it harder, hitting more spots, and adjusting my body parts for reaching different depths. Plus I can fit it in my mouth and throat and other places too. I also found I can have sex several times a day with a smaller dicked guy. I'm a pretty small woman and I prefer a man who fits just right. I don't want my pussy stretched out. Let me give a big hell no!
Posted by iamthiswoman on May 17, 2011 at 10:39 PM · Report this
29
I don't care if your dick is small, extra large, curves to the left or right as long as you know what you're doing with your tounge, and know how to work your dick! I'm not luck enough to get off on sex alone, so size doesn't matter.

I shave, and trim. Some days I get bored with the bald, and spice it up with designs...I keep my hubby on his toes when it comes to my pussy...some people like shag carpet, and some like hardwood floors who fucking cares!
Posted by honeyybeexo on May 17, 2011 at 11:36 PM · Report this
30
@19 seriously? You want sympathy for being above well endowed? That is like really hot people asking for sympathy because they are so attractive it is causing them problems. Or rich people complaining they have to pay too much taxes since they are so rich, boo fucking hoo.

These are all luxury problems, yes there are downsides to it as well (like with anything else in life) but you are still better off than most. As such you shouldn't expect sympathy from people who wish they had what you have, it just makes you seem like a total douche.

As far small, I don't think dan's advice is the best since it doesn't come with the disclaimer that he should absolutely make sure he doesn't seem pissy or whiny when he complain about it. Make it a note in passing like "you know, you should be careful with those jokes. I once made one and it turned out some of the guys there had a small dick. It's risky since you never know if someone will flip out on you."
Posted by VB on May 18, 2011 at 12:30 AM · Report this
31
@20,28

I could take a look if you'd like. Maybe you could return the favor. It might be nice to get an opinion from someone with no agenda either way.

EricaP is right. Every time I've heard women comment on shaving it has always been to say that shaved is a little girl look. I like to shave because it uncovers more skin and thus allows more sensations. Not that many people like to lick fur.

On the other hand if you are one of those people who gets irritation or ingrown hairs when they shave then it's understandable if you don't. I like pussies either way. There are advantages to both. Maybe mix it up a bit?
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 4:07 AM · Report this
32
@27

Definition of ENORMITY
1: an outrageous, improper, vicious, or immoral act
2: the quality or state of being immoderate, monstrous, or outrageous; especially : great wickedness
3: the quality or state of being huge : immensity
4: a quality of momentous importance or impact

Usage Discussion of ENORMITY
Enormity, some people insist, is improperly used to denote large size. They insist on enormousness for this meaning, and would limit enormity to the meaning “great wickedness.” Those who urge such a limitation may not recognize the subtlety with which enormity is actually used. It regularly denotes a considerable departure from the expected or normal . When used to denote large size, either literal or figurative, it usually suggests something so large as to seem overwhelming and may even be used to suggest both great size and deviation from morality . It can also emphasize the momentousness of what has happened or of its consequences .
Posted by Peanuttez on May 18, 2011 at 4:08 AM · Report this
33
@20, I don't think they're pedophiles, just brainwashed by popular culture to think that body hair is gross or unnatural, which is silly. It sets forth an unrealistic expectation that I simply can't accommodate without a great deal of unpleasantness on my part. As the other poster noted, I mentioned the word "pedophile" precisely never in my previous post.
Posted by JrzWrld on May 18, 2011 at 4:49 AM · Report this
34
sorry - I meant @14.

And yeah, aesthetically speaking, I think it looks really weird.
Posted by JrzWrld on May 18, 2011 at 4:52 AM · Report this
Mrs. DePointe 35
As a full-body-hair woman by very conscious choice, I realize that I'm limiting my dating pool to exclude people like CMA. For some reason, that's a very comforting thought.

Just put that shit in an online dating profile, man. I've put in mine that I'm only looking for uncircumcised guys and I still get hits. No offense to the cut dudes, I know it wasn't your choice. I just don't want to mess around with a cut cock. It just doesn't do it for me, at all.
Posted by Mrs. DePointe on May 18, 2011 at 5:22 AM · Report this
Ish 36
SMALL, back home we have a say. "Better small and playful than big and boring" You go on with your bas self and small dick, as long as the bottoms enjoy it, who gives a fuck?
Posted by Ish on May 18, 2011 at 5:24 AM · Report this
37
Regarding SMALL - it isn't only closeted queers who attack the thing they are closeted for. Call the makers of small dick jokes on their insecurities. (And check the non-verbals from your former lovers carefully, they may be exhibiting passive aggressive hostility).

For FP - why not a dildo on occasion?
Posted by knitpicker on May 18, 2011 at 5:34 AM · Report this
38
Not liking the fetish haters here in the comments. Don't kid yourself--almost all men have very strong preferences about appearance/features in their partners. It might just be weight or a pretty face, but those preferences are hidden from women since men can rule out certain women simply by looking at their picture on a dating site or seeing them at a bar. I want to give words of encouragement to the big clit/shaved pussy lover--there are women out there who are beyond GGG and actively love the power that satisfying a fetish gives a woman.
Posted by Marrena on May 18, 2011 at 6:53 AM · Report this
Fancy's_Pants 39
You know, it's so juvenile to make fun of small dicks...really? Still stuck in that hypercritical/hypocritical "high school" phase, are we? Those *types* of people are the same type who picked on me for being skinny and having small tits as a young teen...the same kind who weren't around to see the knockout hot body I grew into...and the same kind I consider myself way too good for now because I grew up too, left all that high school immaturity behind, and have thoroughly enjoyed the pleasures this body has afforded me. SMALL, don't let your cock size become a self-esteem issue for you again, not after you dealt with that when you were younger and became comfortable (clearly you know how to use it right!). Believe me, this is definitely a case of "It's not me, it's you..."

As for shaved/natural...I myself get turned on by a shaved pussy in porn, so that I understand.

And finally, I thank whatever lucky stars I was born under daily that I don't live in the US. Don't get me wrong, in a lot of ways, it's a great place, but wow...place is so f*cked up when it comes to sex, sexuality, reproduction, social issues, and economics.
Posted by Fancy's_Pants on May 18, 2011 at 7:02 AM · Report this
calalally 40
Thankyou for the plug about what is happening here in Indiana. We're all very, very nervous.

But it's not just planned parenthood that's in trouble.

http://www.courierpress.com/news/2011/ma…

http://www.nwitimes.com/news/local/govt-…

mitch is workin hard to turn this state into proof that he's a good little republican.
Posted by calalally http://www.facebook.com/AMHarlow on May 18, 2011 at 7:02 AM · Report this
calalally 41
oh, can't post links, huh?

well, gay marriage/civil union ban is on its way

and now we lost have the right to resist ILLEGAL police home invasions.

they're also working hard to cut funding to poor, inner city schools so that upperclass suburbia can get more.
Posted by calalally http://www.facebook.com/AMHarlow on May 18, 2011 at 7:13 AM · Report this
42
@24. Personally, I don't think pubic hair gets in the way. I think it protects you from chafing. Armpit hair, now that really does have no purpose.
Posted by ele4phant on May 18, 2011 at 7:44 AM · Report this
shw3nn 43
@11 You're supposed to have hair down there to hold your scent. We have long brainwashed people into believing that smelling like ourselves is gross and unnatural. That ship of silly has sailed.

If you bathe and put on perfumes/lotions, you are already fighting your pubic hair. You might as well shave it off. You've already removed its purpose. All it is doing at this point is obscuring the view.

I am just like you. My cookie almost always has icing on it. I get the itchy rashes right away and the ingrown hairs days later. My husband is like Mr. J so I mix it up. I shave on special occasions and sometimes I let it go wild.

So, I'm not defensive in telling you why you got the reaction you did.

Giving a mandate on what a snatch is SUPPOSED to look like is almost like you're making a moral judgment on a grooming preference. That's a hard position to defend. While you didn't say pedophilia, defending this particular position will be almost impossible to do without dipping into the pedophilia arguments.

That's why EricaP sees it on the horizon.
Posted by shw3nn on May 18, 2011 at 7:46 AM · Report this
44
@24. Pubic hair doesn't get in the way. If protects you from chaffing. Armpit hair, now that does have no purpose.
Posted by ele4phant on May 18, 2011 at 7:47 AM · Report this
echizen_kurage 45
I don't think people should be castigated for preferring bald pussies, whether on themselves or others -- we're all entitled to our preferences, after all -- but I think that more people should be aware that those perfect peach-fuzz pussies one sees in porn are not the post-depilation default. Most of the denuded lady-bits I've encountered (my own occasionally included) looked more like newly hatched birds.
Posted by echizen_kurage on May 18, 2011 at 8:30 AM · Report this
46
@43 thanks for sparing me having to type out something quite similar.
Posted by maddy811 on May 18, 2011 at 8:32 AM · Report this
47
@20: My gut says if you don’t know what size your clit is, it is probably medium sized.

My best girlfriend (whose clit I have never seen, I must confess) says that hers is so small that no one, not even experienced lovers, can find it without a little guidance. Apparently, it is best located by touch alone (as a “small raised swelling”) than with the naked eye.

I, on the other hand, have something so large down there I have often wondered if I got too much testosterone in the womb. As another commenter pointed out, it has caused a great deal of insecurity in the past, although I’ve never had a lover that complained (“hey! It’s so easy to find!”).

My gut tells me that our parts are probably even more variable then men’s. Natural selection has been working for quite some time on penises to make sure they are the ideal size and shape for insemination. The same cannot be said of the clitoris.
Posted by Prof L on May 18, 2011 at 8:49 AM · Report this
48
I just made a donation to Indiana Planned Parenthood "in honor or of Mitch Daniels." They'll even send him a note to tell him. If you want to do the same, here's his address:
200 W Washington St # 206
Indianapolis, IN 46204-2731
Posted by rummy42 on May 18, 2011 at 9:12 AM · Report this
49
What about shaved dicks? I like a well trimmed guy with shaved balls. Is this just a gay thing or do woman like their guys to clean up down there? It's funny because I was thinking about this very thing this morning and then this letter about shaved vaginas.

As to small dicks I have always been on the low side of average and then got struck with a disease called Peyronies. Want to talk about a confidence killer. My already small dick is getting smaller. But you know what, it doesn't matter because it still works and I have lots of fun with it. If the guy I'm with doesn't like it then oh well move on.

The jokes are just juvinille and your friends should be more sensitive. But did you ever think that they don't think you are small? Maybe you are average and you just think you are small. As Dan said you should bring it up with them.
Posted by ChazRI63 on May 18, 2011 at 9:15 AM · Report this
50
CMA, you should look into dating a female bodybuilder. The majority of them take steroids which enlarge the clit. Google "female bodybuilders enlarged clit" it's all there.
Posted by kamm on May 18, 2011 at 9:26 AM · Report this
51
I'm not too interested in helping CMA but Dan for future reference a good fix for this is called a clit pump. It is a very pleasurable intense experience that heightens arousal and sensitivity in women and *dun dun dun!* makes a clit as large as you like it. And there's plenty of ladies on fetlife into it. Or heck, tell him about fetlife! There is a big clit fetish and plenty of women who have one. I know I do. But of course you're right no one is into a capital A @sshole, so if you're not willing to actually get to know people before they show you their big C, you won't find many women interested.
Posted by kate_13 on May 18, 2011 at 9:37 AM · Report this
52
@20 - If your clit protrudes past your labia majora (outer labia) when you are not aroused, you have a large clit. If it can't be found without an actual examination by interested parties, it is a small clit. Anything in between is medium sized. Tada.
Posted by gnot on May 18, 2011 at 9:45 AM · Report this
53
Hey, for those of you in NYC, I hope you can come to this benefit show for Planned Parenthood.

http://thepermanentwave.wordpress.com/20…

xo
Posted by Betty on May 18, 2011 at 9:52 AM · Report this
54
For those of you in NYC, I hope you can come to this benefit show for Planned Parenthood.

http://thepermanentwave.wordpress.com/20…

xo
Posted by Betty on May 18, 2011 at 9:58 AM · Report this
55
Response about Dan's forearm suggestion. He isn't saying those folks should immediately start fisting. He is just saying that if you use something other than your dick, you can vary the size way more. Two fingers feel like a small dick, three feel like a big one, and then there is always the option of four, and different depths of your whole hand, fingers pointed, controlling thickness. Because when women complain about a dick feeling too small, the issue is much more often girth, not length. So sure, the max is a whole fist and forearm, or two, but soooo many options leading up to that. Not all sex has to be about the dick. That is all.
Posted by olechka on May 18, 2011 at 10:11 AM · Report this
56
@49 Great post. I'm sorry to hear you have Peyronie's disease, but I thank you for educating me about it. Wiki says up to 10% of men (especially Caucasian men over 40) have the disease. And I just wanted to say that your attitude is fantastic.

Thanks again. (Oh, and to this girl, shaved balls are unnecessary because I still get my own damn hair in my mouth when I'm giving head. Less true for gay guys, I'm guessing.)
Posted by EricaP on May 18, 2011 at 10:13 AM · Report this
57
@51 - "There is a big clit fetish" and "plenty of ladies on fetlife into it"

I did not know that - thanks for spreading the word! There is a whole group devoted to "Lisa's Giant Clit and lovers of..." Good to know.
Posted by EricaP on May 18, 2011 at 10:17 AM · Report this
58
That study only applies to women who are partnered/married to guys with micropenises, not gay men. Gay men REQUIRE sizemeat!!!!!!! Or they don't-- it may or may not matter (it matters!). Listen, babydick, could it be that you're letting your insecurity get the best of you? Lil' dick jokes are hilarious...well, dick jokes in general...and to deprive people of a laugh because of your insecurity seems pretty uncool. And besides, there are plenty of big dick jokes...dick jokes! Obviously if a person measures the authenticity or presence of masculinity by the size of one's penis, one can conclude that the size of his IQ is also in single of double digits, and can be ignored. Not people that, if serious, one ought take seriously (like nascar fans). So in short, shaddup, meg! Whiny bitch. DICK JOKES! It's so big I use a hula hoop as a ****ring.
Posted by PugilistPuck on May 18, 2011 at 11:28 AM · Report this
59
Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their time and their bodies up to be approved or denied.
Posted by babyd on May 18, 2011 at 11:46 AM · Report this
60
Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their time and their bodies up to be approved or denied.
Posted by babyd on May 18, 2011 at 11:49 AM · Report this
61
Wow, Dan. You really missed the mark on #1. CAM has a very strict physical requirement, and whether that's something he can work around (forearm equivalent?) or not, it's a relationship-changing issue that women deserve to know before they become seriously involved, or before they trust their bodies to this man to be enjoyed and not judged.

Some women might not choose to sleep with him after they find out, or feel like he's shallow and uncompromising. That would really be their prerogative, though. They deserve to understand the risks involved before generously offering their bodies up to be approved or denied.
Posted by babyd on May 18, 2011 at 11:49 AM · Report this
62
@43, well, I may be defensive given that I've heard "Well my other girlfriends have kept theirs shaved" more than once, like it's supposed to be the default. By "supposed to" I'm indicating this is actually the biological default for the majority of the adult population, not making a sweeping moral judgment.

Personally, I don't view armpit hair the same way, really. It feels uncomfortable to me - I've let it grow quite a bit in winter. And it doesn't serve the all-important "buffer" purpose - shaving my armpits doesn't make me more likely to get a yeast infection. But that's my personal thing.

I think mainly I take a wide view of what is acceptable personal grooming, and I find hard and fast requirements within that range to be unreasonable. Like the guy who was very eager to be set up with me until he heard that I had a very small tattoo on my shoulder. That was just weird, though I think I dodged a bullet on that one. But then somebody might find my rather minimal personal grooming requirements rather primitive.
Posted by JrzWrld on May 18, 2011 at 12:02 PM · Report this
63
A preference is different from a demand. I prefer a big dick, but I don't demand one. My husband prefers long hair, but he isn't going to divorce me if I get a hair cut. What this man has isn't a preference; it's a fetish. A fetish so strong that he cannot function without it. It is, in some cases, a sexual dysfunction. If he can see it as a sexual dysfunction that a caring woman would have to overlook instead of a reasonable preference any decent woman would accomodate, he'll get further. But still, some day the woman will be too pregnant to shave, or too old and arthritic, and like any mammal, will grow hair. He's gonna have to live with it, or be alone forever.
Posted by charlie on May 18, 2011 at 12:25 PM · Report this
64
#1 isn't quite an asshole, he's just got a fetish that can't really be described to prospective partners in non-asshole terms. Just keep holding out, CMA, and try to be nice to the ladies who don't fit the mold.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on May 18, 2011 at 12:34 PM · Report this
65
My vagina and I really don't give a shit how you prefer to keep your vagina, we just wish that people would stop feeling the need to ADVERTISE what condition it's in. Shaved or not, you stop being classy when you start fighting about it.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on May 18, 2011 at 12:37 PM · Report this
66
@55 I'm glad somebody finally pointed out that fisting doesn't mean that you have to go elbow deep. Using your hands/fingers is a great way to be able to have penetrative sex and control girth at the same time.

My dick is so big that i'm already fucking a girl tomorrow
Posted by flounder on May 18, 2011 at 12:39 PM · Report this
67
As long as your partner gets you off then that's all that really counts. I like big dicks, but then again, anal and oral might be better with avg/slightly less than avg equipment.

Pubic hair is a question of aesthetics. No one is going to mistake a grown woman for a child. Men don't have to grow beards to prove their manhood. So why are people so uptight about what is and isn't shaved on a woman? Who cares?
Posted by Easier on my jaw on May 18, 2011 at 12:57 PM · Report this
68
When is a dick small big or average? When fully erect is 6" average? should it be below 6 small 6 average 7 or larger big? Shouldn't someone make a poll about this?
Posted by Tom H. on May 18, 2011 at 1:10 PM · Report this
69
Could CMA and FP place ads on Fetlife looking for people's who genitalia suit their desires? They would have to be GGG, but if the bald, big-clitted girl of CMA's dreams loves pegging or the like, isn't that worth the time spent looking?
Posted by tvontheradioisokiguess on May 18, 2011 at 1:15 PM · Report this
70
@68

Yes, and poles have been, ah, undertaken to gauge the size of peepees. According to what my sister's husband told her, the largest penis ever recorded was four inches long, fully erect. DICK JOKES!

IT'S SO BIG YOU NEED A LADDER TO BLOW ME!
Posted by PugilistPuck on May 18, 2011 at 1:20 PM · Report this
Tim Horton 71
There is something really off about CMA. Had he said that big clits and bald pussies drive him wild, ok. But he is NOT turned on unless he has that combo.

Sorry, not buying it. I think he has created an unrealistic scenario that he is using as an excuse as to why he is unable to have a mutually satisfying relationship. The fact that he sees getting to know the person wearing the panties as a waste of time unless he finds that combo is very telling.
Posted by Tim Horton on May 18, 2011 at 1:44 PM · Report this
72
yeah, I've been thinking about it, CMA, and there really is no graceful way to smoothly guide a conversation toward clit size. i can't really see an obvious "yes, and speaking of..." kind of intro for you. er, sorry.

jill
http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.co…
Posted by inbed http://inbedwithmarriedwomen.blogspot.com on May 18, 2011 at 1:51 PM · Report this
73
@1:

I think you missed this part of Dan's article, which goes like this:

"facts don't matter to right-wing shit-piles like Mitch "Social Issues Truce" Daniels"

Sorry, but even if it cost his *state treasury* billions more a year, his view is "you deserve what you get, you slut". Because sex is bad, mmmkay?

So don't even bother with an appeal to logic. Just call him a Socialist right out of the gate.
Posted by gromm on May 18, 2011 at 2:24 PM · Report this
74
@71 Tim Horton

So you don't believe in fetishes? He has a fetish. It's a deal breaker. He isn't devaluing the women he goes out with, he just is lamenting the inherent contradiction that it's impossible to know up front what you can't know until at least a few dates in. It doesn't matter how great the woman is if this fetish need isn't taken care of. That's honesty and realism, not assholery.
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 2:53 PM · Report this
75
Okay, so this week Dan had letters from two people who are picky about the genital size of their lovers.

It seemed like the dude was apologetic about his preferences where the female was unself-conscious in her letter. In my opinion this double standard in how you are allowed to feel about comes from our culture.

Dan didn't seem to thrilled with either person, but it seemed to me he might have been slightly less neutral with the dude. I am undecided about this, I can't really tell. What do other people think?

It seemed like the woman got a "that is life, this is how you proceed" reply about her preference for big penises whereas the guy got a "your preference, your PROBLEM" reply in regards to him wanting a woman with a big clitoris.

Thoughts?
Posted by SavageFan50 on May 18, 2011 at 2:55 PM · Report this
76
@48

Brilliant! I just made one in memory of my mom, but I'ma go back and make a token donation in honor of Mitch Daniels.
Posted by doris delores on May 18, 2011 at 3:18 PM · Report this
77
@20 - totally. I have never seen another clit, at least not one on someone older than 2, so I have no idea if I have a big or small clit. Would love to know actually, now that you mention it!
Posted by nyker on May 18, 2011 at 3:24 PM · Report this
78
@77 nyker

You've never seen porn? Also seeing the thing in person doesn't necessarily help. Men have access to rulers and still have not the slightest idea of their dick size.
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 3:49 PM · Report this
Mrs. DePointe 79
@75 Yes, he did treat the big-clit-lover more harshly. Because he absolutely refuses to be with a small-clittied woman. He'd dump her on the spot. Whereas the big-dick-lover isn't such a dick about it, she's actually dated the guy for a while and gave him a chance to light her fire (even though he isn't).

Unusual preference vs unusual *requirement* = different treatment by Dan. It has nothing to do with gender, you tickle-brained pimpernel.
Posted by Mrs. DePointe on May 18, 2011 at 4:11 PM · Report this
80
My boyfriend and I both shave because we are hair phobes who hate getting hair in our mouths. It has nothing to do with aesthetics. I get a hair in my mouth and spend like half an hour gagging and feeling like there's more stuck in my throat. I'm like Larry David in that Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.

Also, really, how long does it take CMA to get a girl to sleep with him? Most girls I know tend to do wait only 3 to 4 dates. That's not much of an emotional investment.
Posted by virginia mason on May 18, 2011 at 4:12 PM · Report this
81
This week's column reminds me of the story about two braggarts who were standing with their backs to each other, urinating off opposite sides of the bridge. One said to his buddy, "Oooh, that water's cold." The other replied, "Yeah, and it's deep, too."
Posted by John in Middle Tenn on May 18, 2011 at 4:51 PM · Report this
82
@80 But perhaps it feels like "too much" when the guy sounds like he places more importance on clit size over almost any other factor in whether he'd want to continue dating a woman...
Posted by Scribbles on May 18, 2011 at 4:52 PM · Report this
83
@79 Mrs. DePointe

He didn't say "dump on the spot." He says that there is no need to continue to pursue the relationship. Granted the use of the word "return" is unusual, but he doesn't get into the details of how gently or not he breaks the news to her.

Dating leads to marriage or it leads to breaking up. We all have dealbreakers that we get around to finding out about. Sexual incompatibility is one thing that must be addressed, and no, that doesn't negate every other factor. Don't pretend you can just overlook it.
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 5:13 PM · Report this
84
Don't shave or trim, but it's pretty much a moot point as I'm all but hairless naturally.

Having said that, I want to agree that perhaps some of the anti-shaving, "you must be a pedophile!" response may be a kind of reflex reaction to the "Eeewww, I feel so stinky and nasty if my pussy's not shaved clean - oh, but hey, I'm not judging YOU or anything" BS I've heard from other women more than once.
Posted by DF on May 18, 2011 at 5:15 PM · Report this
85
I don't like hair in my mouth, so I prefer bare. To reciprocate, I shave my gear every day. It works for me.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 18, 2011 at 5:29 PM · Report this
Tim Horton 86
@74 - Mr.J: I totally get fetishes. Although admittedly mine are pretty tame and I can get a lot out of a relationship even if the exact fetish isn't realized so I can't totally relate. The part that threw me is his confession that he gets zero out of a relationship (at least sexually) unless this one fetish is realized. Are some people so sexually narrow that only one sexual ideal gives them ANY pleasure?

I have known a few people, guys in particular, that set up an unrealistic ideal and use it as an excuse why they can't form a relationship. Either way, I don't think he is an asshole, but he may be sabotaging himself.

5 cents please.....
Posted by Tim Horton on May 18, 2011 at 5:38 PM · Report this
87
"The hair is supposed to be there."

Almost. Correct would be "was". We have millions of years of genetic struggle supporting the hair. Protection, odor retention, moisturizing, modesty, who knows? But if our current life styles do not hinge so strongly on those qualities, then the hair might not be so favorable.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 18, 2011 at 5:45 PM · Report this
88
@86 Tim Horton

I hope you don't feel I'm picking on you. We have a different idea of what a fetish is. What you describe is what I would call a preference. You may have a strong preference but as a preference it has room to be offset by other factors. A fetish is like needing a woman to have a vagina. If on date 3 you find out she doesn't have one you are going to recognize there is no point in going on. There are many other qualities that are important too, but some things can be absolute requirements.
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 6:09 PM · Report this
89
Thanks for commenting on Indiana's new repleased funding of Planned Parenthood. It did not get the press it should have. Kudos for being the ever viligant watch dog of polical BS and interference in our sexual and reproductive rights!
Posted by la_winky on May 18, 2011 at 6:22 PM · Report this
90
As to the big clit desire-- he should sample what he has available. During this journey, he is likely to find out there are a lot of more important things in a relationship than this.

Posted by Hunter78 on May 18, 2011 at 6:25 PM · Report this
Tim Horton 91
Mr. J, no offense taken, I enjoy your perspective. And in fact, I think you have accurately differentiated between a fetish and a preference. I have preferences only - I am one of those guys who really and truly is just happy to be naked with women. All kinds of women. Everything else past the "woman" is a bonus feature.

Come to think of it, I do have a vagina fetish!

Which is probably why I have never noticed a big difference in clit sizes. Mind you my sample is only a couple dozen, but they all seem relatively the same size....
Posted by Tim Horton on May 18, 2011 at 6:30 PM · Report this
92
Here is a thought for LW1-to help spare the women he may meet, not because I think much of him. Maybe there is some type of nudist colony for singles that he could go to? Everything would then be on display.

As for shaving, I am middle-aged and have never tried it because I am afraid of ingrown hairs. Also, I am really sensitive as it is, and don't need anything making me more sensitive. I'd be willing to try the "baby chick" hair level maybe. I dated someone in their mid 50s and he was a complete PITA about wanting doing me it though. I didn't think that older people would be THAT into it.
Posted by whiteorchid on May 18, 2011 at 6:36 PM · Report this
kim in portland 93
No thanks, CMA. I can't find evidence worthy of calling you names. I'm inclined to think that you have a very specific fetish, though. Perhaps you could try a dating website and put it up on your profile? Here's hoping there are some ladies that meet your requirements. Treat the ladies with respect and kindness and you be "Call Me Specific". Good luck.

AT SMALL, embrace your superpower and work it. I think attitude is more important than size. Just my $0.02.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on May 18, 2011 at 6:40 PM · Report this
94
Hi Kim!
Posted by Mr. J on May 18, 2011 at 6:55 PM · Report this
kim in portland 95
Hi Mr. J! I hope you're smiling.
Posted by kim in portland http://www.oregonlive.com/portland/index.ssf/2010/11/fast-paced_video_provides_a_fu.html on May 18, 2011 at 7:12 PM · Report this
96
@84, I agree, as someone who trims but doesn't shave, I know I can get a little defensive when confronted with the "Ewww, you don't shave, that's so gross - not that I'm judging, you can do whatever you want...even if it's pretty disgusting" response that some - by no means all! - some pro-shaving ladies (and guys!) have. Also, it's a little depressing when guys EXPECT you to shave and seem affronted (or shocked, especially if they're younger) if you're not willing. I think that sense of expectation and judgment is what tends to make non-shavers a little defensive at times.

There are good reasons to shave (smooth! no hair!) and good reasons not to shave (razor burn!) and it should really be a personal choice.
Posted by Elisabeth on May 18, 2011 at 7:12 PM · Report this
secretagent 97
I think many men think they have a "small" dick when what they really have is average. I've been with little to "that won't fit in any hole I possess", and my opinion, and that of the majority of women I know, is that it doesn't really matter, unless it's on the extreme (micropenis or baby arm) side of either. And if it is, that's a greater incentive to get good at the things most people like a lot, like oral and manual stimulation. The one person I knew who was definitely self conscious about his size was an absolute master at oral. If that's what it takes, may all men be blessed with "small".

I, too, have no idea what size my clit is. I've never even thought about it. I mean, is it hard to find if it's too tiny? Or does it get in the way (of what?) if it's too big? I don't get it.

The only thing I can think of is that some men I've met who have bi fantasies/curiosities like to imagine a clit transforming into a dick. Less "gay" perhaps? It just grows and grows and next thing you know.. In which case, get your woman to wear a strap-on and go to town!

But really, I think this calls for a clit photo comparison, sloggers. I wanna run around bragging about mine - assuming we could figure out what men prefer, what small, large and average is, and where I fall on the spectrum. Yahoo group anyone? My curiosity is afire!
Posted by secretagent on May 18, 2011 at 7:38 PM · Report this
mydriasis 98
@84

nailed it!

Women need to lay off judging eachother so much - diversity is the spice of life. If women like keeping their hair and don't think they're morally or feministically (not a word, I know) superior for doing so, then good on them. If women want to remove it, and they're not doing it because they think they "have to" then good on them too.

P.S. if anyone wants to sit in a circle and sing kumbaya later I'm down.

In response to razor burn - that's what wax was invented for. I find the idea of putting something that could cut me near one of the most sensitive and useful parts of my body to be terrifying and I wouldn't do it.

@44 what? the only people I've heard refer to "chafing" of the genital region are men... with full pubic hair. I'm confused.
Posted by mydriasis on May 18, 2011 at 8:15 PM · Report this
99
Re razor burn - your mileage may vary, but for me, the irritation & itchiness went away after a month of shaving down there. It was a really annoying month, but I've been pleasantly surprised to find I can go back and forth between shaved/trimmed and not notice any irritation.

re wax - ouch! On the other hand, I pluck the hairs which are easy to get to (ie, not the wobbly bits). So go figure.
Posted by EricaP on May 18, 2011 at 8:56 PM · Report this
100
Mr J - You're being a little too kind to CMA, not? He wants the benefits of having his fetish indulged or at least knowing it's possible without wearing the label and by so doing allowing those women who meet his requirements but who'd prefer not to date someone who's with them primarily because they pass a litmus test to opt out.

I don't want to call him names, but he's a bit cavalier for my tastes. "An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties." What if he were to date one of your favourites here, such as Ms Erica or Ms Kim or Ms Canuck or anyone else high in your esteem, finally after visits to the Opera or the Ballet on numerous occasions get the much-desired peek, and proceed to write off the acquaintance as a bad investment; would you not take exception to that? I should. I could say more, but it's late, I'm tired, and my computer ate the post over which I'd taken half an hour.
Posted by vennominon on May 18, 2011 at 8:58 PM · Report this
mydriasis 101
@EricaP

waxing barely even hurts once you've been doing it for a while - I'm less afraid of the razor burn than then thought of accidentally cutting myself. I'd probably cry!

This may be a stupid question but is there some sort of relation between clit size and sensitivity?
Posted by mydriasis on May 18, 2011 at 9:04 PM · Report this
102
@101 - I waxed my legs once, and couldn't imagine doing that again. But it's really not so bad after a few times? Other people agree?

I've nicked myself a couple of times shaving, but less often than I've cut my legs -- because I'm more careful and because I use a new blade each time.
Posted by EricaP on May 18, 2011 at 10:10 PM · Report this
Becca1975 103
Perhaps CMA would be interested in meeting this gal... http://www.someecards.com/2011/05/16/wom…
Posted by Becca1975 on May 18, 2011 at 10:12 PM · Report this
104
I agree that hair gets in the way. I shaved for awhile, until I started getting rashes/ingrown hairs. In consultation with my partner (whose more enthusiastic about going down on me when I'm shaved) we've compromised. I use a beard trimmer to get the whole lot down to about 5mm/fifth of an inch). This length isn't stubbly, it's not too long as to get in the way, it's quick and easy to do, and the absence of a razor/wax means I get to keep my skin healthy. Win for everyone!
Posted by hanzeethefish on May 18, 2011 at 10:50 PM · Report this
105
Kudos to you, A Williams (@1). I just sent your eloquent comment to my Congressman, who voted to defund PP here in TX (even though he's a Democrat).

@also-small: I agree that publicly speaking up for small-dicked guys isn't likely to do much good, but you could at least tell your tactless friend that you'll quit topping him unless he cuts out the trash talk.

@83 - "Dating leads to marriage or it leads to breaking up"? WTF?? My guy and I have been happily dating for 5 years, with no plans to marry OR break up. Get out of your box now and then, it's nice out here.

And finally -- I know a great dick joke, but it's too long to fit here.
Posted by danfan on May 18, 2011 at 11:03 PM · Report this
Neptune 106
Late to comment, but if anyone's interested, the topic of clit sizes previously came up - in more detail - in this column:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Savag…
Posted by Neptune on May 18, 2011 at 11:19 PM · Report this
107
@CMA: You're an asshole. Good luck with your unyielding sexual preferences. Maybe you should invest in a blow-up doll with a big zipper between her legs.

@SMALL: Tell 'em to fuck off! Size isn't important---you are.

That's my two cents. Dan, you ROCK!
Posted by auntie grizelda on May 19, 2011 at 2:22 AM · Report this
108
FP, I have some good news for you. When I met my OH, I'd just amicably split (moved away for uni) from a guy with a 9-inch long, 3+finger wide guy.

My OH was born with some deformities in the blader/bowel/genital area and, after spending an entire childhood having reconstructive surgery, was left with a heavily scarred, somewhat misshapen and significantly below average cock. He was also patient, open-minded, willing to experiment, a great listener and a very attentive lover. Above all else, he had a sense of humour about sex and had no ego about it.

Our first night together was only meant to be a one night stand, but 8 years later he's still hands down the best lover I've ever had, and he only gets better at it.

That doesn't mean every small guy is going to be a great lover, or that big guys aren't good too. But don't worry that size will unavoidably be a deal breaker. Sexual compatability between two GGG people gets better over time.
Posted by Bunnymaz on May 19, 2011 at 3:25 AM · Report this
109 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
110 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
111
@98 Waxing makes me bleed. Trust me. Not on the edges when I get a bikini, but if I go all the way it doesn't matter who does it, how much I pay, and how nice the fricken wax is, I will bleed. Don't assume that those who like their hair and the benefits of having it (no chaffing, biological advantage of smelling good to men, trapping of pheremones to aid in finding compatible lovers, etc) could find another way if they just tried. Plus, when that hair grows back in IT'S PAINFUL. It sticks up and gets caught in things and it blows. So leave me and my hair alone. And the chaffing comes from bare skin being rubbed against by a penis and your lover's nethers. Having some buffer eliminates this problem for me.
Posted by Srsly on May 19, 2011 at 4:31 AM · Report this
112
@100 vennominon

Yes, I am being kind to CMA. His way of expressing himself gives him an air of callousness. I'm willing to forgive his choice of words and address his valid questions.

My chief concern is that commenters don't seem to allow for the possibility that a fetish constrains a person's sexuality, and that that doesn't make a person one-dimensional.

CMA has a hard limit. If you are straight you have a hard limit about dating those of the same sex as yourself. It makes no sense to lecture someone about all the fine qualities that people of the incompatible sex have. Be thankful that your hard limit is not something that is kept secret by social convention.

It is indeed unfortunate for those who date CMA to finally reach the level of intimacy required for him to assess his hard limit only to find out that there is no match. He wrote to Dan asking if there is a way to avoid this. We might just as well look at that plea as an effort to spare the feeling of others.
Posted by Mr. J on May 19, 2011 at 5:36 AM · Report this
113
CMA -- I'm divided on him. On one hand, I understand the fetish argument. You can't control what turns you on for the most part. But would be a fetish if he said, "you know, I'm only turned on by a woman that is 5'4" - 5"6" DD breasts or larger with a 22" waist or smaller. Literally, I can't be turned on by anything other than this very specific type"? Or a woman said, "I'm only turned on by a man that is at least 6'3", dark hair and an 8"+ cock -- anything else simply won't do"? I don't know. To me, that's getting dangerously close to a very shallow asshat...Sure he has the right to have such a specific ideal (and be so shallow and limiting), but that such a hard preference qualify as a fetish or just general shallowness?

I also suspect as others have mentioned that there are bigger psychological issues afoot and he's using it as an excuse not to enter into a truly intimate relationship (or perhaps is incapable of that). If the latter, then perhaps he should stick with sex workers...
Posted by KL on May 19, 2011 at 5:47 AM · Report this
BigThickDk 114
Big Dicks and Big Clits to that side of the Room and little dicks and little clits to the Opposite side of the Room, Hairy Pubes to the Rear and shaved pubes to the Middle of the Room and I'll Sort you all out! The Human condition makes it so that we are DISSIMILAR! We all have preferences and we all have physical Characteristics that we can obsess on. I can tell you that having a GREAT BIG COCK is not all that fun either! I've had several situations where my partners clamped up with the thought of me driving my Mack Truck through their tiny tunnels. There are other pressing matters that we should give our time, energy and efforts to.

For those Right Winged Conservative Purist Christian GOP'ers or Christian Conservative Democrats or Islamic, Buddhist, Hindu Autocrats around the world that believe only in the union of man and woman; and that women don't have the right to exercise Their choice; and that God only allows Heterosexual Married Sex and everything else is an ABOMINATION; WE should address them!! Everyday, minute, second of our time we should Let them know........

That the world is Not Flat and the Sun doesn't move around it, And there may be more to Peoples Beliefs/Religions than the Judeo-Christian Islamic construct. In-fact there are some beliefs/religions that are older than theirs. We Should let them know that some people choose to be monogamous and would love the same benefits and rights that "married" couples have, That Same Sex Unions are Real. That Sexuality should be defined as what one does to get off with sane consenting adults regardless of Gender or Kink or Sexual Perversion. That Women can be Empowered with their Sexuality and have the Right to Decide to Procreate or not too with Federal Funding. That Equality is not an Ideal to Study and Conceptualize but something that we all should work towards in this the "Greatest Country of the World"!!! Genital Differences and Hairy/Hairless Pubes really to me Not an Issue!
More...
Posted by BigThickDk on May 19, 2011 at 6:06 AM · Report this
115
>>>PEOPLE, ENORMITY MEANS GREAT EVIL. It's a useful word. Let's keep it.<<<<

Learn the difference between connotation and denotation, and stop lecturing the rest of us.
Posted by jussmbdy on May 19, 2011 at 6:28 AM · Report this
116
I get the distinct feeling that even if you pass muster with CMA, genitally speaking, he'll be a controlling, unyielding asshole in other aspects of your life together. I didn't get that feeling at all from the "I like big cocks" woman.
Posted by Sunnyhorse on May 19, 2011 at 6:38 AM · Report this
117
YAY! My two huge favorites - Tim Minchin AND Dan Savage all in one post! Yay!
Posted by that one chick on May 19, 2011 at 7:47 AM · Report this
seandr 118
@44: Pubic hair doesn't get in the way.

Look, I have no agenda against pubic hair - I can appreciate pussies (and armpits) both hairy and shaved.

But pussy hair absolutely does get in the way. If I have to hold your hair out of the way with my hands in order to lick your clit, that means my hands aren't doing other fun things. And long pussy hairs inevitably end up chafing when you fuck.
Posted by seandr on May 19, 2011 at 8:28 AM · Report this
119
@75 SavageFan, yes, the size issue is a little bit of a double standard, but not entirely. Clit size may have psychological value for some people, but unless we're talking 3+ inches there's little or no PHYSICAL effect on a woman's partner. Whereas a man's dick directly impacts how his partner feels during sex. Long or short, thick or thin, straight or curved - how the parts fit together makes a difference.
Posted by Bee More on May 19, 2011 at 8:35 AM · Report this
120
I love the way my boyfriend's facial hair feels, especially when he goes down on me. He has a full beard, and I like my vulva to be totally hairless, because it maximizes sensation for me (waxed vagina + bearded face = oh my god yes). I also find that my "baldness" allows for greater lubrication during intercourse.

Posted by nocal on May 19, 2011 at 8:59 AM · Report this
121
Regarding SMALL:
No way. It's not your right to not be teased for physical attributes you can't control. And telling them they're hurting your feelings avoids the real issue, which is that you clearly are sensitive about the size of your cock. That's like the guy with the bad sunburn asking everyone in the world to close their blinds so he can enjoy his tank top. It's your job to desensitize yourself, or do something constructive with your sensitivity. Own it, girlfriend.

Make a game out of it. Confront the guys doing the joking in a public awkward way, either by loudly stating that they weren't complaining about your small cock topping them for all those months, or by citing the study Dan refers to about smaller men having more satisfied partners. If you ACT like you're not ashamed of your small cock, by talking about it proudly and matter of factly, you will stop FEELING ashamed of your small cock. Doing it Dan's way just reinforces the notion that you have something to be ashamed of, and that they need to be sensitive to your "disability."
Also, it makes you sound like a total wuss.
Posted by samzystrange on May 19, 2011 at 9:05 AM · Report this
nocutename 122
I've waxed for 8 years now, and it barely hurts at all most times (every so often, for some inexplicable reason, it does hurt, but the pain only lasts for a fraction of a second). I stay nice and smooth for several weeks before hair returns, and when it does come back, it doesn't have that prickly, itchy quality it does if I've shaved. Shaving gives me razor burn and ingrown, and no matter how cleanly I've shaved, I get those prickly, itchy stubby hairs in two-three days.
Waxing is expensive, however, so I can't do it more than every 5-6 weeks--by which time I look neatly trimmed, not completely bare.

As far as odor goes, I thought I would hold less fragrance without the hair, but that appears not to be the case.
And it feels wonderful: so smooth and soft. I don't know why it makes either oral or penetrative sex--or even masturbation--better to be hairless, but it does, for me.
So ultimately, that's who the hair removal is for: me. If a partner requested it, I'd be happy to indulge him, and if he preferred the natural, I'd think of the money I was saving and indulge him, too. But if someone *demanded* any style of hair--whether on my pubis or head--or thought that if I didn't remove it, there was "no point in returning" to be with me, I'd be out the door damn fast.
Posted by nocutename on May 19, 2011 at 9:46 AM · Report this
123
Save some money for Planned Parenthood of Texas too! We're about to do the same thing (and, predictably, they're blaming the Democrats!)!
Posted by AgLee on May 19, 2011 at 10:16 AM · Report this
124
Savage Love is a great column, informative and fun to read. Thanks Dan - we should thank you more often.

@nordica: I felt the same way reading that question.

Does anyone else think he was joking when he said "How do you feel about a forearm?" I laughed out loud when I read that.
Posted by SaraJean on May 19, 2011 at 11:13 AM · Report this
125
FINALLY! Jaysus Dan, FINALLY some direct action for Planned Parenthood!
Posted by Ms.11 on May 19, 2011 at 11:15 AM · Report this
126
@118. I've never had any problems with it or felt my pleasure was being compromised, nor have I received any complaints (unless a guy tells me its an issue, I'll take it at face value and assume its not). But I have gotten all sorts of irritated when I'm bare. If you require a girl that keeps it shaved for you, that's fine, there are plenty out there who will oblige, but I am gonna be one who does. Sorry
Posted by ele4phant on May 19, 2011 at 12:02 PM · Report this
127
Excuse me. I meant say "I am NOT gonna be one who does"
Posted by ele4phant on May 19, 2011 at 12:03 PM · Report this
128
@98. Maybe I have sensitive skin? I don't know, I can only speak from my own experience, but I don't like being shaved because it is uncomfortable for me.
Posted by ele4phant on May 19, 2011 at 12:08 PM · Report this
129
As for planned parenthood, it is a great organization but why should MY tax dollars pay for it. I am so tired of everyone expecting government to take care of everything. I work hard and pay for my insurance and my co pay is more than what you feel like paying at planned parenthood. I know I am going against the grain here but I am so tired of no one taking personal responsibility. I am a gay woman but I can think and take care of myself with God's help. Only in extreme emergency should we expect other's tax dollars to care of our personal problems.
Posted by tanne on May 19, 2011 at 12:18 PM · Report this
130
@104: That is what we do too, and it is a perfect solution. A "beard trim" (haha) does me for 2-3 weeks, then when it starts to grow and get kind of itchy I know its time to shave again.

Added benefit: Recycling! When my husband's shaver becomes too worn out (motor? I dunno) for a close face-shave, it is in perfect condition for a not-so-close pelvis shave. And the timing is perfect since we're both shaved at the same time ;-)

"Stubly the razor says, 'Only YOU can prevent thigh irritation!'"
Posted by wxPDX on May 19, 2011 at 12:28 PM · Report this
131
Haha, Dan referencing a Tim Minchin Song just made my day! Bet he likes the Pope Song as well..

As for the shaving discussion, I'm there with #104 and #130: A beard trimmer leaves me smooth, but I don't have to deal with ingrown hair or the constant itching.
Posted by kroschfoenigin on May 19, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report this
132
I shave my lower region completely bald cause, for some odd reason, having hair down there makes me itch and feel unclean. It also makes my lower region irritated if it stays unshaved for more than a day... so I do my best to stay bald and smooth. I also have an above average clit. It is not HUGE towhere it looks like a small penis... but the size is definitely above average. You know what though? I dislike men sucking on my clit, so his little fetish would be no go. Also, if I found out he was dating me primarily for my nethers, I would dump him in a heart beat. Saying something like "I've been waiting for a bald, oversized clit women..." would lead to a dumping quickly. Most women can pick up when an emotional connection is fake. If I got the hint he was not truely connecting to me, I would dump him without ever romping him in bed. I wonder how many bald, oversized clit women dumped him before ever hitting him in the sack cause he was not "investing" in them emotionally?...
Posted by oversized woman on May 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM · Report this
133
Will someone please tell me if something is wrong with me? (I suspect the answer is going to be yes.)

Shaving of any sort on any part of my body gives me a rash and ingrown hairs. The only exception is leg shaving, IN the direction of hair growth (which leaves prickly stubble, which makes my calves itch when I wear skinny jeans or socks that go above the ankle).

I will not bore you with the numbers of different razors, shaving techniques, and post- and between-shave lotions, salves, and concoctions I have tried.

Waxing gives me a rash and ingrown hairs. Plus I can't afford it.

Epilation (mechanical pulling out by the roots) gives me a rash and ingrown hairs.

Nair did not work for me, and it gave me chemical burns. (And yes, I only tried it on my legs.)

Trimming makes me feel like someone is stabbing me with hundreds of tiny pins in the genitals and pubic area. Not the trimming itself, the walking around with trimmed pubes afterwards. I do NOT get used to the sensation, it only goes away until my pubes have regrown to their usual, natural length, which takes months. A little trimming, a lot of trimming, makes no difference.

I cannot afford laser hair removal. I'd get it in a second if I could. My skin is light and my body hair is dark and coarse and I fucking hate it. I don't know whether to blame my German mother or my Slavic father, but this is definitely *somebody's* damn fault.

And oh yeah, my pubes don't just spring forth from my "bikini area." They also grow on the insides and front of my thighs. Needless to say, I do not go swimming.

I'm just grateful I'm in my late 30s, so the guys I sleep with are old enough to know what pubes look like and don't expect me to be porn-star bald. That's about all I got going for me.
More...
Posted by Herry monster on May 19, 2011 at 1:41 PM · Report this
134
Dan - you might add the address of the governor's mansion in your request for donations to Planned Parenthood in Indiana so people can make donations and have him notified that they are in his honor.

Mitch "Jackass" Daniels
4750 N. Meridian Street
Indianapolis, IN 46208
Posted by Crabbey on May 19, 2011 at 2:01 PM · Report this
RavenLightholme 135
Regarding Dan's answer to FP, a dick is a dick. Genitals are highly eroticized for good reason. Just because a forearm could possibly do the same job doesn't mean she WANTS a forearm to do the same job: it's the cock that matters. It's symbolic.
Posted by RavenLightholme http://www.freedomoffetish.com on May 19, 2011 at 2:04 PM · Report this
136
@129: if women in need (those who cannot afford the health insurance that you can) end up needing TREATMENT rather than PREVENTION, then more of your tax dollars will go to that than would have gone to PP. The fact is, not everyone has the sort of job that gives them health insurance, and not everyone can afford it. It is ridiculous that our tax dollars should go to fund wars that most Americans don't support, subsidies that we do not support, but somehow shouldn't go to very basic, relatively inexpensive healthcare.
Posted by brokephilosopher on May 19, 2011 at 2:04 PM · Report this
muzyqman 137
Regarding SMALL's problem (small cock), this is a real problem not only because many men obsess about it, but also because pornography tends to feature men with HUGE cocks - not average cocks, but HUGE cocks. So it makes many guys feel like 7-8" is average, when the average is really more like 6". And frankly, I'd rather have a guy with 6" and technique, who cares about my enjoyment, than a guy with 8" and no technique who only cares about his own orgasm.
Posted by muzyqman on May 19, 2011 at 2:12 PM · Report this
138
I don't like hair in my mouth, so I prefer bare. I like to think my likes the same, so I shave my gear every day. It works.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 19, 2011 at 2:36 PM · Report this
139
The problem with the first dude is that he acts like women have no value to him at all unless they turn him on - so even chicks who have what he's looking for will probably run screaming from his entitled asshole attitude.

When I had an online personal ad, I listed some pretty specific physical preferences in a partner (Caucasian or Asian, within a particular height range, painfully skinny, no body hair, submissive leanings, willing to crossdress, kind of effeminate, head-hair long enough to grab) but I also made it clear that I was willing to talk to anyone interesting, whether or not it led to anything sexual/romantic.

And lo and behold, because I asked outright for what I wanted, guys who fit that description started messaging me. I also made some wonderful friends - and because these friends knew they weren't my physical type, there was never any awkward attempt at hitting on me.

So, you can indeed ask for what you want ahead of time - online, anyway. As long as you don't come off like a shallow, fetishizing asshole, people who fit your stated type will respond - after all, don't we all want a partner who considers us their physical ideal?
Posted by perversecowgirl on May 19, 2011 at 2:45 PM · Report this
140
@85/138 - yeah, yeah, we got it the first time.

But maybe you should try asking your partner if he/she wants you to shave. I bet I'm not the only one who prefers my men a little less fussy in their personal grooming.
Posted by EricaP on May 19, 2011 at 2:58 PM · Report this
141
DSK is a rape case. Two drunken people fucking is not.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 19, 2011 at 3:05 PM · Report this
142
Erica,

"@85/138 - yeah, yeah, we got it the first time."

Sweetheart, it was an accidental double posting caused by logging on a strange computer on which I had started a msg previously.

Double postings are common enough here, but I rarely see you display your scorn for those many others. I feel like I'm in a spotlight.

To the topic, when I listen to women who don't suck cock, it's almost always, "That hairy thing?" They don't say it smells bad, tastes bad, looks bad, but they almost always say "hairy". I'll take a cue from what they say, not from you-- because you have interpreted everything thing about your husband as wonderful. Good for you. I don't care.

But I thank you for your kindness.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 19, 2011 at 3:49 PM · Report this
143
@129: Shouldn't tax dollars be allocated to programs that benefit our society? Isn't that the question to ask when deciding how to spend that money? So in the case of PP, the question is "Does providing these health services at a discounted rate for those who could not otherwise afford them benefit our society?" Family planning, cancer and STI screenings? Yes, lots of people have jobs that offer health insurance, or enough money to pay for these things themselves. You appear to be one of them, as am I. However, if I lost my job tomorrow, I would not be able to afford premiums without my employer's contribution and I would lose my insurance and my ability to pay in one fell swoop. I don't think I'm alone in this, and in the last few years, a lot of folks have found themselves in that situation through no fault of their own. So then the choice is PP (or similar) or don't go to the doc and hope for the best. Is that OK? For me, one of the most important things that my tax dollars can pay for is keeping our citizens healthy and productive.
Posted by smidgebean on May 19, 2011 at 4:07 PM · Report this
144
@138. I don't like it. But if your lady seeing your naked balls, glad you've found one another.
Posted by ele4phant on May 19, 2011 at 4:09 PM · Report this
145
I like a man with his junk shaved, but he has to keep it maintained or it hurts like a son of a bitch during sex. I haven't encountered pubic hair in so long when going down, I'm not quite sure I'd know what to do when I got to the jungle. I typically wax, but shave in a pinch. I prefer waxing to shaving for the longevity of the smoothness--I shaved this morning, and feel vaguely bristly. I don't like shaving daily or even every other day. Waxing, however, is the best. Maybe I just like that someone else does it for me. And EricaP, it's no where near as bad as waxing your legs. I have the ridiculously sensitive skin of a redhead, I would sometimes have minior abrasions at my old salon in MN. But I've found a great place here in Denver where they use a different kind of wax, and they don't use the cloth or paper strips. All around a much better wax, with much better results.

I've kept it bare there for the past 10 years. I'm pretty sure I smell exactly like I'm supposed to, and I haven't had a yeast infection in more than a decade. I maintain the bare canvas because I like it, it's my preference.

Now, clit size is a much more interesting topic. I'm fascinated by the variety that can be observed in porn, but can't get a good enough look at my own to determine the size. I've tried with the handheld mirror trick, but invariably get distracted.
Posted by catballou on May 19, 2011 at 4:24 PM · Report this
146
@102

I find that waxing gets much easier with time--really, it only hurts the first time, and the maintenance waxing is barely even uncomfortable. To avoid ingrown hairs, gently exfoliate every day, and use an after-shave/wax skincare product--I use TendSkin. I never get ingrown hairs, and I am actually very prone to them. I've never been able to deal with shaving--it's too hard on my skin, it grows in stubbly and uncomfortable, and it doesn't last long enough. Waxing lasts for weeks, and when the hair does grow back it's much softer than it is with shaving. I love the way it looks and feels, and so does my boyfriend.
Posted by chicago girl on May 19, 2011 at 4:56 PM · Report this
147
@140 EricaP

"Fussy?" Shaving my face is a lot more fussy to do and vastly more important to Mrs. J's enjoyment of sex. My shaving below the equator is only a matter of a minute or two a couple of times a week. I did ask her about it and she said she prefers me shaved. It also increases my enjoyment because it allows more skin contact.
Posted by Mr. J on May 19, 2011 at 5:31 PM · Report this
148
Mr J - I've no problem with a hard limit at all. He should just lead with it. It would save him the "wasted" time, emotion and effort. And it would allow women to make informed decisions. The only drawback for him is that some women who have what he wants might choose not to date him because of the start of post 139.

For an Austenian, your being willing to forgive his choice of words is a little surprising. After all, how do we know what to make of Lucy Steele early on but by her grammar?

Now if you wanted to exhort him to treat women with a little (or perhaps not such a little) (more) kindness and consideration, as Ms Kim does, whether they fit his bill or not, you'd be on to something. As things are, he's at best not doing himself justice and at worst digging his own grave.
Posted by vennominon on May 19, 2011 at 7:25 PM · Report this
ean 149
Dan: I like the links that you've begun adding to your column. Keep it up.
Posted by ean on May 19, 2011 at 7:32 PM · Report this
150
I just want to make a comment in response to your most recent podcast about dating the earth.
I'm a geologist so i feel its my responsibility to tell you that your partly wrong. Carbon dating is effective but only accurate within about 15,000-20,000 years since carbon-14 only has a half life of about 5200 years. other common isotopes like potassium-40 however has a half life of 1 trillion years, making it ideal for radioactive decay dating.
Just want to let you know since there may be a little backlash for this.
Posted by Nathan Brooks on May 19, 2011 at 7:51 PM · Report this
151
@ 136 and 143, thanks for saying most of my piece. And I would only add that tax dollars that prevent unwanted pregnancies and STDs actually reduces 129’s health care premiums along with government expenditures (I’m sure the logic speaks for itself). Now @129: I am as privileged as you to have good health insurance, but during most of my reproductive years (when I was mostly concerned with NOT being reproductive), I either did not have insurance (it took me a LONG time to put myself through college and graduate school) or the insurance (which I, like you, “”worked hard” for) paid $0 towards birth control. I could only afford birth control and regular health screenings through Planned Parenthood. I did not pay “what I felt like paying” at PP – I paid on a sliding scale relative to my income. My commitment to my own health and to the prevention of an unwanted pregnancy meant walking through throngs of protesters screaming at me about how immoral I was, every fucking time I needed to refill my prescription for birth control, which could only be done in person at the hate-surrounded local PP clinic. I was so relieved when I was finally able to get those services in a private doctor’s office. Being one who has been poor to middle class to something even a little beyond, I take issue with you accusing a person who seeks health care at the place s/he can afford it lacking in “personal responsibility.”
Posted by nordica on May 19, 2011 at 8:01 PM · Report this
152
@128 No, that happens for me too.....if I've shaved (and I have tried it before) I find it that it chafes a lot more and starts to feel numb really quickly. All in all, not fun. I don't know, maybe we're the statistical outliers here. : )
Posted by Elisabeth on May 19, 2011 at 8:02 PM · Report this
153
I just want to make a comment in response to your most recent podcast about dating the earth.
I'm a geologist so i feel its my responsibility to tell you that your partly wrong. Carbon dating is effective but only accurate within about 20,000 years since carbon-14 only has a half life of about 5200 years. other common isotopes like potassium-40 however has a half life of 1 billion years, making it ideal for radioactive decay dating.
Just want to let you know since there may be a little backlash for this.
Posted by Nathan Brooks on May 19, 2011 at 8:31 PM · Report this
154
@105 - thanks :)

@109 - your sentiment is bone-selfish but understandable. However, *reality* is that you can pay a pittance in taxes towards the most basic health care for the uninsured who use Planned Parenthood (which isn't all, or even most of the uninsured) or you can pay higher insurance premiums when we go to the emergency room and can't pay. You may not like it, but that's your choice.

Believe me, if I could afford health insurance, I'd have it. Meanwhile, my desire to be responsible for my reproductive health (avoiding using your tax dollars for welfare for an unwanted baby, or treatment for an advanced case of cervical cancer), means I walk through screaming protesters to go to the doctor.

For the record, I'm a trapeze artist. Knowing that one bad injury will sideline me with no hope of paying the doctor, no livelihood and no insurance is a terrible situation, but one I've chosen to be a part of. Please note that Planned Parenthood does not provide any orthopedic or sports medicine services. For those, I'm on my own.

Posted by A Williams, Kalamazoo MI on May 19, 2011 at 9:35 PM · Report this
155
@129: A couple of hundred dollars worth of birth control to prevent an unwanted pregnancy is a tax-reliefer's wet dream of a bargain, compared to the couple of hundred thousand it will cost to educate the kid (I don't imagine you think we should get public education off the backs of the working class too?), or the million or so it will cost to incarcerate him (in case you actually do think that).
Posted by avast2006 on May 19, 2011 at 9:45 PM · Report this
sissoucat 156
Shaving/not shaving... oh my. When I was 17 and a foreign highschool student in the mighty US of A, I discovered What Shaving Meant To Americans.

As in going swimming with a local 19-year-old girl : "yuck, you have (5-mm trimmed) armpit hair, luckily I have my razor, quick shave it before anybody else sees it, you'll make everybody puke and you may get hurt !"

As in the choir teacher explaining how bad we just had been singing : "y'all sound, like, you know ? a... HAIRY leg !"

As in being asked, in a tone of vague horror, by younger teenagers who had just seen "Home Alone" : "Is that true, that, in your country, pussies are... not shaved ?!"

And then meeting the goth girl who'd confess she did not shave her legs, because this way they would never itch her boyfriend.
Posted by sissoucat on May 20, 2011 at 1:54 AM · Report this
157
156 Sissoucat-- I'm American and grew up in the U.S. Here's what I've found Shaving Means To Americans.

I realized shaving was kind of stupid when I was 17. It was 1977. I stopped. Over the years of wearing shorts and sleeveless shirts (in a warm climate), and of changing in locker rooms where appropriate, I've gotten negative reactions maybe 5-6 times. It's always been from a stranger, and the stranger has always been female. It's been as much as a raised eyebrow or a negative expression. No one else has noticed or cared.

Everything else about my appearance is ordinary. I'm a straight female who wears jeans, dresses, bathing suits, all normal, maybe a few years out of fashion. I have an ordinary haircut, etc. The men I've slept with, if they have had a preference, haven't said anything. Their attention has been on everything else having to do with a date, things like the restaurant or the movie, then later, my breasts, foreplay, sex.

I don't doubt that you've heard negatives about not shaving from individuals. There's plenty of advertising telling women that they're not sexy if they don't shave as well. But put it in context. Do you believe everything you've heard advertised? Was everything else that 19 year old friend and that choir teacher said true? Do you really care what those women think?

Go ahead and shave or don't shave according to your preference. That would be my advice if you were asking me whether you should buy a blue shirt or a green shirt, or if you were making any other ordinary choice as to fashion, haircut, or decorating. There will always be people who disagree with you, but preferences of this nature don't make you disgusting, and they're not representative of the U.S. as a whole.
More...
Posted by Crinoline on May 20, 2011 at 4:59 AM · Report this
158
@148 vennominon

"I've no problem with a hard limit at all."
Thank you. That's 99% of what concerns me here.

"He should just lead with it."
He seeks guidance from Dan on whether and how he might do this. Those are valid questions. You would answer him "yes" to the former but are silent on the latter. Should CMA meet a random woman and immediately ask about her genitals? No, perhaps the internet is a better way to go. Whatever the solution may be at least that's where our efforts at advice should be directed.

Each time I re-read his letter I am further convinced that his wording is sufficiently vague concerning the manner in which he breaks off his liaisons as to permit any extrapolation. Here we find a Rorschach test for our commenters. You may suppose that he abruptly gets up and walks away, or you may suppose that he's a perfect gentleman in the matter. The letter gives no detail. It only states the fact of the breakup. Let him who has never broken up with someone cast the first stone.

Consider that the letter's total lack of sentimentality (it is clinical in tone) may merely be a stylistic choice for this particular letter and not the dating modus operandi of the LW. Not everyone is an Austenite.
Posted by Mr. J on May 20, 2011 at 5:44 AM · Report this
159
Ha! "Austenite" is not quite the same as "Austenian" is it? In my defense I have a bit of machine shop in me.
Posted by Mr. J on May 20, 2011 at 5:59 AM · Report this
160
Mr J - I thought you had already provided him sufficient advice on how to do so. Have I misread the thread?

Here is my thought process, and I could be wrong, I freely acknowledge it. He dates women for reasons. Becuase he does not lead with his "requirement" (and while I shall grant for purposes of discussion that it is a true need, I retain a scintilla of doubt), his reasons for dating do not entirely revolve around his speculations about their size. They have sweet personalities. They are pretty. They are hard-working. As they apparently see him more than once, I'll grant that he is capable of appearing to be worth continued investment on their part of emotion, time and effort. These are qualities which, even when mitigated by the lack of a large you-know-what, are excellent qualities in... wait for it... friends. In fact, a true friend might be even a superiour return on the investment of all that emotion, time and effort. But do any of his dates make it into the Friend Zone? Given the way he emphasizes no need to return/point in returning, I infer that they do not. And, as he missed two or three chances to express concern for the emotion, time and effort invested by the women who date him only to find out that they never stood a chance of romance anyway, I infer that that is of no concern to him. As for how he conducts the breakups, you may be entirely correct. Even if he is perfectly sweet about it, though, I think I have enough valid inferences to think that at best he does not assist his own cause to the utmost.

I don't think he has to be a prince to receive genuine and helpful advice. But how helpful is it not to address that he comes off as entitled and off-putting?
Posted by vennominon on May 20, 2011 at 6:21 AM · Report this
161
just donated.

in honor of mitch. : > i hope that burns him, even just for a few seconds.

having [total knee] surgery soon, so i'm paying for my own stuff; but maybe i can come back later and give more.

Posted by erys on May 20, 2011 at 6:58 AM · Report this
162
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRkIWB3HI… Lol

George Takei is awesome! :)
Posted by Jef on May 20, 2011 at 9:05 AM · Report this
163
@147 - Since you and your wife prefer you shaved, then by all means, shave. Hunter said he shaved to please his partners; I was pointing out that he might want to ask them what they like. Some people (me & 144 at least) prefer men with hair. If he really gets a lot of "ew, that hairy cock," (142) it does sound like a trim is in order.
Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 9:11 AM · Report this
164
@162 fucking genius!
Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 9:13 AM · Report this
165
Catballou@145 - you cracked me up with your "invariably get distracted" line. So true.

And thanks for letting me know that waxing the privates hurts less than waxing legs - don't quite see how that can be, but I take your word for it (Thanks also @101, 122, 146, for chiming in that waxing doesn't hurt much after the first time).

Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 9:19 AM · Report this
166
Maybe CMA should try sucking a dick. Its bigger then a clit and might turn him on more. Give it a try CMA
Posted by Yumietreat on May 20, 2011 at 10:13 AM · Report this
GQbd 167
I remember as 17 year old back in the 70s going to see Maria Muldaur and seeing her unshaved pits. The very concept opened up a whole new world to me and I have since then enjoyed women in their natural state whenever they came along; which in the States has not been very frequently.

Then, a few years ago I started dating a woman who had been dating on the softball team for years and she shaved her cooter. She said that all the sidebuckles who were serious about getting their pussies licked liked to shave because it heightened the sensation. That was good enough for me and I was happy to dive right in.

I've often wondered about clit size, however. The only woman that I ever had a long term relationship with who I could not consistently bring to tell-the-world-to-call-me-next-week orgasm had what was, in my experience, a tiny little button of a clit. And that's when I could find it. I always wondered whether that was the problem or whether it was something else. Probabbly the latter, but to this day I still wonder
Posted by GQbd on May 20, 2011 at 12:09 PM · Report this
168
@167 Could she bring herself to orgasm? Did you ever get to see that?
Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 12:30 PM · Report this
GQbd 169
She claimed to masturbated when she was single and was otherwise relatively game, and she had orgasms with me. But, seriously, what kind of orgasm is it when you turn on the light after sex and start balancing your checkbook or fiddling with your PDA. I remember thinking, Shit, I can do better than this; I know I can. Fortunately, since we have been divorced, I have been reassured to find that I have not lost my touch after all.
Posted by GQbd on May 20, 2011 at 1:36 PM · Report this
170
Are you kidding me? You could be making dick jokes and you're wasting everyone's life talking about your own pathetic lives and forgettable problems. No one cares about your giant clits and hairy, gross smelly bodies. DICK JOKES, MOTHERFUCKERS! Get on it.
Posted by PugilistPuck on May 20, 2011 at 2:22 PM · Report this
171
SMALL;

How about making some friends you haven't fucked? You of all people should know the DRAMA involved when your circle of friends consists of size-queens. I've got a small dick, too, well - only when it's not happy, but still - things like this are why my circle of friends include people I work with, people I went to school with, people who I have more in common with than gonadal impulses. There is a big world of friends out there just waiting to be had ... but not that way. Not all breeders judge or bite (even when you ask nicely ... and that's a good thing!).
Posted by Phantom on May 20, 2011 at 5:06 PM · Report this
BEG 172
There's a website out there with a couple of vulva galleries, for women (well, anyone) who is curious about the range and variety of vulvas out there.

http://www.the-clitoris.com/

Contains quite a bit of info besides the vulva galleries, too.
Posted by BEG http://twitter.com/#!/browneyedgirl65 on May 20, 2011 at 5:29 PM · Report this
173
@169 - she claimed she used to masturbate when she was single? But never did in front of you, her husband? I'm a big fan, personally, of watching your partner masturbate. I do think one learns a lot about what the other person likes & doesn't like.
Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 5:34 PM · Report this
LazySusan 174
$50 to Planned Parenthood of Indiana. Thanks for the heads up, Dan.
Posted by LazySusan on May 20, 2011 at 5:49 PM · Report this
175
Thanks, Dan--

Although, FYI, Planned Parenthood provides plenty of services to queers (like yours truly), including women and men, including lesbians and transmen, and so this is not just a straight rights watch! This is an everyone-watch-out, stand-up-for-ourselves-and-eachother kind of thing. But you know this, I know.

Posted by d. allen on May 20, 2011 at 7:46 PM · Report this
Spikeygrrl 176
@Erica P: When watching a male masturbate, there's actually a THERE there: THERE IS NO QUESTION whether a man with an erection is authentically aroused.

OTOH, when watching a female masturbate -- for herself, rather than for her partner -- there's no THERE there! How can it be arousing to watch a woman's hands on her vulva, barely vibrating? Women's orgasms depend on what's in her HEAD, not what's between her legs!!!

This has nothing to do with persons or personalities. Men are wired visually, women aren't.
Posted by Spikeygrrl on May 20, 2011 at 7:57 PM · Report this
177
@176 I said it would be educational, not arousing. Having your head close to her fingers would allow you to see what she actually does. Check this out if you think everyone does the same thing: http://www.bigeye.com/sexeducation/clito…

Posted by EricaP on May 20, 2011 at 8:25 PM · Report this
178
@176 If you really think there's no THERE there for a man to see when a woman masturbates for him, then you're doing it wrong.

I've not yet been with a man who hasn't been fascinated and aroused by watching me.
Posted by Kaylea on May 20, 2011 at 10:01 PM · Report this
179
176, what the hell? The fact that male arousal is super visible and female arousal is more easily faked has absolutely nothing to do with your conclusion that "men are wired visually, women aren't," which in no way follows logically from that statement. That's a straight up bizarre leap of illogic.
Posted by lilechka on May 20, 2011 at 10:07 PM · Report this
180
Belief. What does that mean to you? The path through life is unique to all. You must embace the beliefs you find personal and reject those that direct you away from your nature.
Too often we, same gender interested, people feel like we are alone in our creation. You are not!!! Look outside your world and see that we are all around you. It may not be as easy to see as the color of skin but we are still in plain site.
We are three gay men having a discussion about how we survived childhood. Being a child may not be how you see yourself but when you are feeling imprisoned in a family home there can be a feeling of hopelessness. This is your test of personal strength to grow and become who you are at the point where you can make your own decisions. Don't forget who you are and make those around you believe you are who they think you should be to survive the expectations. If you have the opportunity to be honest then by all means stand up with pride. If not, know that many of us have gone through the same as you and you can be happy.
It gets better!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by wadeisinsandiego on May 21, 2011 at 12:18 AM · Report this
Raelynn 181
CMA:
Dating is NOT about finding the "perfect" partner. If you want to find someone who meets your every desire, you'd better be prepared to spend your whole life on a search that will ultimately end in disappointment and loneliness.

Dating is about finding someone who likes us enough to ignore the majority of our faults, and even pretend to like the things that they find unattractive, like small clits or small dicks or body hair. In return, we do the same for them. And, if we need to, we vent our other desires through porn, fantasy, and masturbation.

Sure, you're entitled to your own likes and dislikes and desires. But it's simply immature, selfish, and douchey to immeditaely write off every single person you meet because they're not your ultimate sexual fantasy. Most people outgrow those things by, say, age 20. That you haven't is simply sad and pathetic, and if you don't get a wake-up call, you'll be spending the rest of your life either alone, or in a series of brief and frustrating relationships, because no woman can stand you. Which would you prefer- a small clit, or celibacy?

Also- voicing your "needs" on a first date (or second, or third) could very well leave you with a heel to the testicles. Sure, it might spare a woman from wasting any time on you. But, quite apart from that, it's extremely RUDE. Not only will it scare off any small-clitted or hairy women, it will scare off ALL women. It's kind of baffling that you don't seem to realize this.

So, keep dating, keep quiet, and load up on porn full of big-clitted women. While you're at it, imagine how you'd feel if your girlfriend told you: "We have to break up, because your dick is too small and you're too hairy. See you!" If you ultimately decide to break up with a woman for ANY physical reason, LIE ABOUT IT. When you say, "I prefer larger women", it comes out sounding like, "I am not attracted to you at all, and there's something wrong with you." And it does not go over well, just like if a woman said to you, "Sorry, but your dick is just too tiny to satisfy me." You'd be thinking about that for a while. Make something up- if you can't think of anything, just go for a cliche like "it's not you, it's me", or "it's just not working out between us".

In this situation, telling the truth is simply cruel, douchey, and immature (a pattern with you, judging from your letter). Moreover, it will get you labelled as an asshole, and your ex-girlfriends may warn their friends (who might be clean-shaven, well-endowed goddesses) to stay clear of you.
More...
Posted by Raelynn on May 21, 2011 at 2:04 AM · Report this
Raelynn 182
Another note: You compare your own desires to women being "disappointed" about dick size/shape. There is a HUGE difference between WANTING a certain quality (and being disappointed when you don't find it), and outright REFUSING to have anything to do with anyone who lacks that quality. By comparing these two ideas, you're just looking for a way to justify your ridiculous behavior and give yourself a free pass to continue acting like a 14-year-old boy.

Often, people date someone who we really like, and when it comes time for sex, we find that our someone is lacking in certain areas. It's only human to be a bit disappointed, but out of respect for the other person, we deal with it, and do NOT bring it up or otherwise indicate our disappointment. Instead, we make a judgement call- "do I like this person enough to deal with their small clit/ tiny dick/ small breasts/ man-boobs/ etc.? Or should I end this relationship now?" Most decent people will give their partners a chance, if they like each other enough, and at least give it time to figure out whether the relationship could work (see the second letter).

However, this is NOT your policy. Your policy is to immediately ditch every single woman you ever date, no matter how much you like her, no matter how much she likes you, no matter how much chemistry you have together, no matter how attractive or smart or funny or interesting she is- all over the size of her clit.

When you hear women talking about their "disappointment", do any of them absolutely refuse outright to have anything to do with a man who measures less than a certain number of inches? Or are they just voicing their preferences?

Your problem is NOT a "preference", as you put it. It's a refusal to accomodate others or treat them with respect.

pre·fer/ Verb1. Like (one thing or person) better than another or others; tend to choose: "I prefer Venice to Rome".

You're not saying "I prefer Venice to Rome". You're saying "Venice is the only place I will ever live. I won't even consider going anywhere else, ever, no matter how nice it is. I just can't stand to even visit any other place, even if I've never been there and know nothing about it. I refuse to leave Venice at all, for any reason."
More...
Posted by Raelynn on May 21, 2011 at 2:47 AM · Report this
183
@182 Raelynn-- I hate to disagree since you speak so eloquently in defense of "imperfect" people who don't meet some ridiculous standard, but you forget an important point. This man CAN'T be attracted to women who don't meet his criteria. For him, it's like telling a gay man to get over his immature attraction to men, to grow up, and to start liking breasts because they're attached to a terrific person who otherwise would make a great friend. For that reason, his best bet would be to divorce sexual attraction from relationship. Since he's unlikely to find his perfect physically endowed woman in the same place he finds his perfect woman for friendship, companionship and relationship, he needs to consider porn or sex worker for the sex and great friends for everything else. When he begins to date, that's what he needs to be upfront about, that he's not likely to want to pursue a sexual relationship with the woman he's dating.
Posted by Crinoline on May 21, 2011 at 5:21 AM · Report this
184
I can't decide how serious this post is but offer it up anyway:

I shall now delight Mr J by realizing CMA's storngest point in his favour. Please give me extra credit for this, because it is so out of my range.

When we strip away all the distraction about size, what we have on his own testimony is a heterosexual male incapable of attaining a competent state of excitement without providing oral services first. Now I emphasize again that this is not my area of expertise, but everything I have ever read about those inclined to commerce with an opposite sex suggests that Very Few Women Get Enough of That Particular Activity. No wonder his previous woman kept him for seven years. (Of course, one could always speculate about why that relationship ended, but I don't want to contradict myself.)
Posted by vennominon on May 21, 2011 at 7:40 AM · Report this
185
@129

You misunderstand. Those ain't YOUR taxes. They are OUR taxes. It's the ante you and everyone else puts into the pot so we can have this thing called society. Civilization isn't free, and America was designed to limit the tyranny of the majority. In other words the pot pays for stuff that we don't agree with individually (wars, electric chairs, welfare, abortions, etc.)

Though I'm befuddled why I would need to explain this to a gay woman...
Posted by briavael on May 21, 2011 at 8:21 AM · Report this
186
Geez, Dan - can't you see that CMA is a repressed homosexual? He is GAY...even if he doesn't realize it.

Don't look at what he says he wants; look at what he doesn't want. He is merely making up an excuse to eliminate all but the tiniest minority of women.....because he doesn't want women.

He doesn't explain why he likes this, or the woman's pleasure or even his own. He wants to suck on a woman's clit large enough for him to sub-consciously fantasize it's a cock.

CMA is gay.
Posted by Truth B Known on May 21, 2011 at 9:20 AM · Report this
187
It's obvious that everyone who finds you a disgusting skin sack is gay or lesbian, truth B known...to you.

"For him, it's like telling a gay man to get over his immature attraction to men"

No it's not, assface mcbitchcunt. Sexual fetishes, no matter how pronounced, aren't SEXUAL ORIENTATION...if so, identifying as heterosexual would indicate precisely what kind of things you were into...and if you, I'm getting a piss vibe.

Back to dick jokes, you fucking lames.

So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality!

It's not the size of the ship, but the motion of the ocean. However, only a fool takes a canoe out to sea (also a slam against people with large sloppy orifices that are disgusting. Yes, disgusting).

Three male campers were stranded in the woods overnight, and took shelter in a nearby cave. They huddled together for warmth and slept. Upon waking, one said that he had a dream that someone was pulling on his dick. The other also said he had a similar dream. The third said he dreamed he was skiing.
Posted by PugilistPuck on May 21, 2011 at 9:43 AM · Report this
188
DSK will manage to flee to Israel. Israel cannot give up a Jew for any reason, not even to the USA.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 21, 2011 at 10:44 AM · Report this
189
Truth,

You may well be right. Or he could be just a miserable hetero seeking justification for his failure to be with a woman. He has turned a simple preference for big clits into a shield against the arduous task of building a relationship.

To CMA's question-- of course he can't ask upfront about clit size. That would be creepy and likely lead him to a harassment charge.

If he really *must* have a big clit, then he'd be out on the net, looking, advertising.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 21, 2011 at 11:03 AM · Report this
190
> It wouldn't be fair to leave her wondering what the hell is wrong with her, when in actual fact there's something wrong with you.

I imagine that receiving oral sex from a man and receiving it from a woman are, in terms of physical sensation, basically the same. Yet almost everyone has a very strong preference for one over the other. So this guy seems to me to differ from the norm in degree, rather than in kind.
Posted by James Hutchings on May 21, 2011 at 12:10 PM · Report this
191
@176 I'm a woman. I'm aroused visually. Thanks for the sexism--it goes well with Rapture Saturday.
Posted by maddy811 on May 21, 2011 at 4:18 PM · Report this
192
Dan, you cannot say that cutting federal funding to Planned Parenthood will result in more abortions. Show us some data to prove that. The only thing that results in most abortions is a pregnancy perceived as inconvenient by a careless woman. Please don't insult our intelligence! There are free clinics in every city that provide free birth control. Abortion by the way, doesn't make you unpregnant, it just makes you the mother of a dead baby.
Posted by momof3inva on May 21, 2011 at 5:57 PM · Report this
Bluejean Baby 193
I feel it important to insert my 2 cents worth here... regarding shaved cock, IMHO it's a bad idea. Unless you just shaved, and even then, it is questionable, but fucking a shaved cock is downright painful, resulting in bad bad bad whisker burn on the rim of the pussy. Incredibly off-putting, like a rim of needles piercing you. Totally painful, at least for me. The guy was so pleased with his bald cock, but i told him what his shaving efforts resulted in, and quite honestly, he was shocked, never thought of it in those terms. So guys, don't bother shaving your cock, and while you're at it, leave them balls alone too :)
Posted by Bluejean Baby on May 21, 2011 at 8:10 PM · Report this
Bluejean Baby 194
I thought the same about CMA as others here have suggested, that he is still in the closet. If he wants something big in his mouth, he really should try a cock, just to see if that does it for him. Otherwise, he should stop being so picky, and perhaps he should just pay for services, cuz it seems he will not find what he's looking for in the short time we have here on this planet.
Posted by Bluejean Baby on May 21, 2011 at 8:18 PM · Report this
GQbd 195
I too have been told by various women that men are more visually aroused than women. It is certainly is not always be true but, from my experience, as as stereotypes go, it appears to have some foundation. I mean, I apprecaite it when a woman allows me to arrange the mirrors but I'm not disappointed if she is more bemused by my interest (vanity) than she is captivated by the show itself
Posted by GQbd on May 21, 2011 at 10:00 PM · Report this
196
CMA's letter is all kinds of strange, but not because of his stated preferences. Here's a guy who's clearly worried about yet expecting to be called an asshole, but who also worries about still remaining single. If his sexual preferences aren't met, he twice says he has "no reason to return", which is a particularly odd way of putting it. And why on earth is it taking him so long, with so much emotional investment, just to "get a look inside the panties"? That sounds like the lament of a 15 year old, rather than a 45 year old. I suspect his issues go far deeper than specific anatomical requirements.

How hard is it to begin dating, make out a few times, and then suggest going down on her as an alternative to pushing the relationship too quickly to intercourse? Then you have an answer about potential sexual compatibility. How many women are apt to refuse that offer, or would wait months before allowing it? This seems so obvious, simple, and rapid a way for CMA to screen partners that one immediately wonders, why isn't this happening? Did it take 7 years to find out his girlfriend's clit size? The answer to this "why" is, it seems, the crux of CMA's actual love life issues.
Posted by Suzy on May 22, 2011 at 12:02 AM · Report this
197
I don't think FP is wrong to want what she wants, any more than CMA is wrong to want what he wants. The only question is how that mixes with finding a happy relationship. Maybe FP would enjoy "average" or "smaller" if the guy who came with it was awesome enough, but maybe not, and that is okay.

The hardest relationships I've had to end were those where the guy was really great, but simply not quite the right one for me. When things are going pretty well and you have no obvious or deep reason to break up, it can seem really selfish and stupid to end a good relationship just because you want an even better one. In a world where people struggle to find love and compatibility, it can seem silly to strive for a gold medal when you've got a silver one in hand. However, if the chemistry just isn't right, and it doesn't improve despite a good faith effort on everyone's part, then that may be reason enough to move on. Whether it comes down to the size, or the vanilla, or some other random quality or behavior or compatibility issue, people have to trust their honest feelings. It's fairer both to yourself and others that way.
Posted by Suzy on May 22, 2011 at 12:24 AM · Report this
198
SMALL, I think your "friends" sound kind of like jerks. I'm not a big fan of humor that targets characteristics that way, but when you actually KNOW that your friend has that characteristic? The rule is pretty simple: your friend gets to take the lead in deciding whether humor on that subject is appealing. So if YOU were making the small dick jokes and they joined in, that would be okay. When they do it and you aren't laughing? Jerks!
Posted by Suzy on May 22, 2011 at 12:27 AM · Report this
199
Hair hides the opulent beauty of the orchid.
Posted by Hunter78 on May 22, 2011 at 5:33 AM · Report this
mydriasis 200
ugggh can people stop being so uptight?

women TEND to be more sexually stimulated by touch and men TEND to be more sexually stimulated by visual, that doesn't mean women aren't turned on visually or that some don't break that trend.

it's not like you hear left handed people getting all upset any time someone makes a casual reference to the tendancy for right-handedness
Posted by mydriasis on May 22, 2011 at 8:36 AM · Report this
201
Couldn't the dude with the bald pussy/big clit fetish look for women on a site like AFF? He could clearly state his preference and see who responds. I met my awesome bf 1 1/2 yrs ago on AFF. The reason we were on there is that our previous partners didn't value sex the way we do. We put up profiles that expressed our preferences and we are currently having a blast.
Posted by roxanne r on May 22, 2011 at 10:21 AM · Report this
202
@176: You're kidding, right? Just stirring up the hornet's nest?
Posted by monkeywithcarkeys on May 22, 2011 at 1:23 PM · Report this
203
Just want to point out that not only straight/women get abortions... while certainly very important to straights and women, abortion rights are everyone's rights. Too often reproductive rights language renders invisible the queer women or trans people or others.
Posted by some lady on May 22, 2011 at 2:22 PM · Report this
204
well, if the first guy can get her aroused enough, her clit will be bigger...only for a while :)
AND as for small dicks,...let's not forget penile enhancement tools, like the cyberskin 2" extension...then you can have it either way you'd like..some days more, some days less
Posted by it'sjustme on May 22, 2011 at 3:07 PM · Report this
205
well, if the first guy can get her aroused enough, her clit will be bigger...only for a while :)
AND as for small dicks,...let's not forget penile enhancement tools, like the cyberskin 2" extension...then you can have it either way you'd like..some days more, some days less
Posted by it'sjustme on May 22, 2011 at 3:12 PM · Report this
mydriasis 206
@203

go on?
Posted by mydriasis on May 22, 2011 at 9:42 PM · Report this
207
@201: AFF was my first thought too. Dan is usually so good about telling kinky people to look for other people who meet their kinks through the Internet.
Posted by BlackRose on May 23, 2011 at 1:56 AM · Report this
208
@ 13, read #39's post. I'd like to add, that "yes, it DOES get 'better'" and one day when you spend most of your time with mature, adults, you will find that most of the world does NOT tinge their humour with "an edge of cruelty."
Also, you may wish to take a long hard look at those with whom you keep your company. I haven't heard a "blonde" joke for about 25 years nor do I hear "cruel" jokes. Why? Because I choose to spend my time with mature people who have more to offer the world and with that maturity comes a completely different level of humour as well. There are plenty of people who, it wouldn't even occur to them to make a cruel joke if they know it will hurt someone else.
That's just life.
Posted by Frederica Bimble on May 23, 2011 at 7:33 AM · Report this
209
@75 - the woman wanting a big dick stated clearly that she wouldn't date a guy for that reason alone and and also wanted to know if it is possible to "retrain to like smaller cocks" but the man in the first letter doesn't understand that long term relationships are based on more than just body parts. He would dump a woman with whom, by his own admission "invested time and his emotions" into simply because she doesn't have the body parts HE has convinced himself he needs. Yes, he is a bit of an asshole and he knows it to be the case because he wouldn't have brought it up in the first place. THAT goes out to all those folks who keep trying to say his actions "don't make him an asshole." Give it a rest, folks, he already KNOWS it.
As for YOU, stop looking for things that aren't there. To answer your question: no, it isn't a "double standard." It is two very different situations regardless of it being a man and a woman. In your mind, change the second letter writer to a man and THEN you will see what is obvious to the rest of the world. Or, change them both to women.
Remember that what you focus upon multiplies so if you look for chances for the world to sell you short, it WILL.
By the way, just so you are aware, "double standards" STILL exist and they benefit MEN 99% of the time.
You may be too young to understand this but go take a term in "Women's Studies" and you will then see the "double standards."
Yep, you got to be young to not see that to get bent out of shape because a woman says she likes a big dick but is willing to CHANGE and is more than capable of accepting her partner as he is, big dick or not, has nothing to do with self-created notions of "double standards."
Honey, when you go to work and make 30% less money than those of the other sex and have most of society calling you derogatory names for daring to enjoy the act of sex, THEN, you may have cause to whinge about "double standards" but until then, keep your ears and your eyes open and LISTEN when those who are more experienced are teaching.
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Posted by Frederica Bimble on May 23, 2011 at 8:03 AM · Report this
210
Letter writer #1 needs to date letter writer #3. The first man has made it clear that he doesn't put a high priority on the emotions or feelings of others and only cares about what HE wants and it sounds like he could very well be satisfied with a man with a very small penis.
Just thought I'd throw that out there. He SAYS he's heterosexual but how does he know he wouldn't like a small dick if he hasn't tried it? Ok, ok...
Fetishes arise, most of the time in males more than women, when usually a traumatic or "life imprinting" event happens around the same time or during a sexual awakening to a person in their pre-pubescent years. The memory of this event becomes internalised and unless the person attempts to work through whatever issues he has experienced to cause the fetish, he will then spend the rest of his life "accepting" that he has to "live with it."
Often, most fetishes are so common that it doesn't cause a problem for the person who experiences them but sometimes, as in the case of this man, they can be detrimental and a block to creating a long term relationship with another.
He needs to speak to a therapist who specialises in sexual issues and work through it and he would be much more comfortable with himself.
Right now, he's just creating problems that don't need to be there.
There is so much fear attached to fetishes such as these that something as enriching to life as sex can be ruined or made so difficult as to create other imagined problems.
He doesn't "need" a big clit anymore than he "needs" to drink or smoke or to write a sonnet or to spend an evening sitting on a mountain top. What he "needs" is food, sleep and water. So, to those who are making fetishes out to be some "grand vision" of what people need, you are incorrect in your assumption. He can work through and get over this fetish the same way anyone else can if they choose to do so.
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Posted by Frederica Bimble on May 23, 2011 at 8:28 AM · Report this
211
@208 - I'm glad you've found people who share your sense of humor. I hope you'll forgive my laughter at the idea that one day, when I'm finally mature, I'll see that most humor is kind and gentle.
Posted by EricaP on May 23, 2011 at 9:51 AM · Report this
Anna Anna Anna 212
"An awful lot of emotion, time, and effort are required to get that first look into a woman's panties."

Does not match:

"I require a shaved pussy and a big clit."

Figure out if you're a deep or shallow person. Then go from there.
Posted by Anna Anna Anna on May 23, 2011 at 1:45 PM · Report this
GymGoth 213
I'd really like to understand why Planned Parenthood, a private organization, needs to receive any direct money from taxpayers (state or local)?

If women on Medicaid can go to any provider who accepts Medicaid, then I have no problem with PP being an approved provider. But women with health insurance should be going to their own primary physician for medical care.

If the health insurance law goes into effect in a couple years, everyone is supposed to be covered. If PP is an approved provider, then by all means go to PP. But there is no reason why PP (or a host of other private groups) should be receiving direct state or federal tax money.
Posted by GymGoth on May 23, 2011 at 6:35 PM · Report this
214
GymGoth, Its hard for me to figure out if you are simply ill informed, naive, or dangerously incompetent. The health insurance law you reference, as you note, doesn't come online for years. So waiting for it to come online means letting a lot of people get fucked over in the mean time. Then there's the undeniable fact that large portions of the population have neither Medicaid nor private health insurance. Moreover, many health plans do not cover many types of women's health services and even those with insurance have to pay out of pocket. Add that to the fact that Planned Parenthood is often the only provider of a wide range of women's health services and there's good reason for its existence. Please take the time to realize that having a healthy population is a good thing for our country and that women's health services are a part of the equation.

Finally, you're whining about the government funding private organizations? That's what the government does all the time. Mitch Daniels' and his ilk's attacks on Planned Parenthood are all the more egregious since they are the ones that constantly privatize government services; everything from auctioning off the proceeds of government owned toll roads to providing tax payer money for private schools. He and his cronies yell a shrill cry of "Communism" and "Socialism" any time the government provides an actual service to its citizens. Yes, in a different world the essential services that Planned Parenthood provides would be offered by the state directly without middlemen, even if they are non-profits like Planned Parenthood as opposed to corporations making a literal killing off people's healthcare. But that doesn't exist in the US and Indiana's governor and his Conservative friends are doing everything they can to make sure it never will.
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Posted by RadianSuper on May 23, 2011 at 8:57 PM · Report this
sissoucat 215
@157 Crinoline : my post was meant to be tongue in cheek. And I did write that I met an American girl who did not to shave...

Don't take it out of context. I was 17, and a foreigner in highschool. I came to the USA to meet people, not to gross them out by sticking to my own cultural choices. So I made the very choice to conform to whatever was the norm - at least in public. I did keep on drinking hot milk every morning in my exchange family, though it grossed them out.

Once in the US, I learned that shaving (and wearing a lot of make up) was a big part of conforming in highschool, and that came as a big surprise, since both are non-issues in highschool in my home country.

Especially I had never been put before in a situation where I had to discuss with a bunch of 13-year-olds my home country's pussy-shaving habits. Which I had no clue about, shaving the legs and the armpits yes, but I didn't even know that some people were shaving their pussy. That was surreal.

OK, it happened in Austin, Texas (a great place) - but don't tell me it's because Texans are different. I'm pretty sure it would have happened in any US highschool.

My point is : whether you or I shave or don't, in the 90s there was more pressure on shaving in the US than in Europe - and since I haven't seen a hairy armpit in any US movie since, I guess it hasn't changed much.
Posted by sissoucat on May 24, 2011 at 2:31 AM · Report this
Raelynn 216
People with fetishes are not rendered completely incapable of ever having, and enjoying, vanilla sex. People with fetishes commonly have satisfying LTRs with partners who are unwilling, or even unable, to indulge them. They find ways to deal. Maybe they get creative with their partner, using role play, sex toys, anything that might satisfy their desires. Maybe they watch a lot of porn. Maybe they visit sex workers. Maybe they have open relationships- or maybe they cheat.

But the key difference is, if they find someone who they really care about, and "click" with, they don't feel "no need to return" if that someone does not fit in with their fetish. In fact, I'd wager that MOST people with fetishes are actually in LTRs, and they don't even tell their partners about their desires. People tend to feel ashamed of their fetishes, even common ones like BDSM and feet. Remember those columns a while ago about men who enjoyed smelly tennis shoes? A lot of fetishes are like that. You feel the need to satisfy your fetish at least occasionally, but it can be done discreetly (whether through porn or through borrowing someone's used tennis shoes). Outside of those occasions, you probably have pretty normal-seeming relationships with others.

In other words, a fetish does not prevent you from enjoying "vanilla" sex or intimacy. And CMA claims that he feels "no need to return" to any woman who has an average-sized clit or a bit of hair, which rules out like 99% of females, and makes his chances of finding a woman who he "clicks" with, AND who satisfies his desires, pretty much nil. This is a problem if he wants to a) ever get laid again, and b) get laid with women who he actually enjoys being around and who enjoy being around him.

TL;DR version: CMA does not have a need or a fetish. His problem is either a) he's just an asshole, or b) he needs therapy to solve his deep-seated intimacy issues.
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Posted by Raelynn on May 24, 2011 at 7:13 AM · Report this
Raelynn 217
I don't buy the idea that a fetish is a sexual need just like orientation. And frankly, I think it's a bit insulting to those (myself included) whose orientations deviate from the "straight" norm. I don't buy that this guy "needs" big clits in the same way that gay men need other men and gay women need other women and straight women need men and etc.

If you believe, as I do, that sexual orientation is "born" and not "made" ("nature" more than "nurture"), then it is biologically "set" and cannot be changed. If fetishes are the same thing, then are we also "born with" our fetishes? We come out of the womb with them and they cannot ever be changed throughout the course of our lives?

I, and most psychologists I have read, would disagree with that. From what I understand, fetishes are developed during childhood (as our sexuality develops), and are based on outside stimuli ("nurture"), not inner biology ("nature"). Most fetishes tend to be mild and not cause any problems (i.e., foot fetishes)- or, people with fetishes find other outlets (porn, sex toys, role play, even sex workers).

For those who feel burdened by their fetishes, therapy can be helpful. I don't think that fetishes can be "cured", or that they should be at all pathologized. But some people with fetishes are quite miserable about having them, and therapy can either a) help them accept the fetish as part of who they are, and/or b) decrease the power that their fetish holds over them.

Whatever the case, I believe it's safe to conclude that CMA should give some therapy a try (preferably with an open and sex-positive therapist).
Posted by Raelynn on May 24, 2011 at 7:19 AM · Report this
218
215-sissoucat-- Thanks for your note. I didn't catch the tongue-in-cheek the first time around. I agree that U.S. fashions as regards shaving are strongly pro-shaving and haven't changed much through the 70s to the present. The part that I find so interesting is where the pressure to shave comes from. To a large degree, it's the fashion industry. They're the ones that dictate what's supposedly normal and beautiful. Individuals disagree all the time, but they may feel pressured into saying, at least publicly,that they agree with the norm. On a personal front, I've found that it's the straight women who take the pressure most personally. They're the ones who internalize it. Straight men (in general) don't care. So you end up with all these women shaving because they think they have to in order to be attractive to men, when in reality, they're doing it to appear normal for women.
Posted by Crinoline on May 24, 2011 at 7:23 AM · Report this
219
Hasn't CMA ever heard of fingering? I think you could judge baldness and size by that. If it meets your specs then proceed. If it doesn't float your boat, get her off without intercourse and then do the "it's not you, it's me" a week or so later.
Posted by jbyam on May 24, 2011 at 9:13 AM · Report this
GQbd 220
Raelynn makes a valid distinction between orientation and fetish but I am wondering where preference fits into this. Is it a triangle or part of a continuum? I'm not sure.

I suppose I question whether CMA has a fetish as opposed to a preference. I mean, I tend to think that I have a preference for someone who is smart, attractive, has a good sense of humor, and who likes lots and lots of good sex. That is not to say that I haven't bedded people who are unattractive, dull, and/or who can't fuck worth a damn, but it was never going to be a relationship. Still, even though my preferences may be deal killers, they do not seem like fetishes.

When does a preference become a fetish? Is wanting a shaved pussy different from wanting a man who has no facial hair? The size of the clit thing may be puzzling to many of the correspondents here but how different is it from preferring long legs or a tight ass, or a big butt, or any of the myriad things that get us hard or make us wet?
Posted by GQbd on May 24, 2011 at 10:19 AM · Report this
221
@213 - do you know that there are a fair number of women who are both uninsured and don't qualify for Medicaid? You have to be a certain amount of well-off to get insurance. You have to be a certain amount of poor to get Medicaid. There are people who end up in the middle.

Posted by A Williams, Kalamazoo MI on May 24, 2011 at 5:01 PM · Report this
lyllyth 222
um...
Razor Burn = Why God Invented COCOA BUTTER.

Seriously, it's $2 at the beauty supply, it's slippery, it smells faintly of chocolate, it's edible, AND has amazing powers of skin rejuvenation. And it smells yummy.

God is a crazy-smart woman.

Did I mention it smells good? and is edible?
Posted by lyllyth on May 26, 2011 at 4:55 PM · Report this
223
SMALL - I'm a straight dude. When I was a tween the intense anxiety I felt about my penis size kept me up at night, regularly. When I was fifteen, my mom accidentally walked in on me while I was dressing - which prompted her to later initiate a mortifying talk about 'late-bloomers'... in front of my dad. Before I learned to 'work-it' I had a lot of humiliating and horrible one night stands. When I was 18, my second partner told everybody I knew that I had a small dick. My 3rd and 4th partners were not to be, once they grabbed my cock they evacuated in a rush - without a word, and never spoke to me again. I was a 'jock' in school, I went to the Army, all my friends are alpha-male types with huge dicks. Somewhere along the line though, maybe it was a partner's multiple orgasms, I just said fuck it and accepted myself. Not as identifying as a small-dicked dude, but as a man. I have a cock, and it's a powerful thing - smallish or not. After a few satisfied partners, I just came to terms with my manhood, my adequacy. I have more than once been called a the best sex of somebody's life - and not from choir-girls. If an ex-partner, who had liked our sex and came back for more, made jokes about small dicks in front of me to the laughter of others, this is how I would turn that around: she liked it - and her jokes are a front, not about me - which makes her comments double-worthless. Secondly, if she's willing to make that joke in front of me - maybe she doesn't think my dick is 'too small'. Maybe it isn't too small. My best advice, and this is childish, is to fuck the shit outta somebody. And when you are done, store that feeling in your chest, nurture that sense, because it will soon be way more powerful and lasting than the fear of shame. The cock doesn't make the man, the man makes the cock.
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Posted by manbearded on August 16, 2011 at 11:49 AM · Report this

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