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Well, the big news this week is that the world hasn't quite ended yet. (Oy! The Israelis! What? They don't know from "overreaction" already? OY! OY!) Other than that, Lance Bass is a big, gay fag. This news might come as a terrible shock, if, indeed, you are living under a pile of shit in a ditch trillions of miles from earth or have somehow forgotten scores of my earlier reports on the matter, including this one from Celebrity I Saw U, June 26, 2003: "A source as true as the pope's Sunday panties told me that a certain particular (and blond? Probably...) ex-boy-banding bandido has—in fact!—developed a palate for high-end prostitutes of the penis-having persuasion..." And if that isn't as clear as a bell, I don't know what isn't.
Honestly.
Stranger Personals
The skinny: Frosty McFaggylocks (who also travels under the aliases "Lance Bass" and "HEY! FAG!" and "the other blond turdpounder from *NSYNC") has been photographed fagging all over some other huge h-mo in a Provincetown, Massachusetts, gay bar. The fag he was gay-fagging all over is also a famous gay fag, faggishly famous for winning the Amazing fagging Race or whatever. Provincetown has been a popular tourist destination for hell-bound, ass-suckling sodomites of every fudgepackery sort for many excruciatingly gay generations, and the Amazing fagging Race or whatever is a bad reality show. And Lance Bass is a big, gay fag. Like I reported three years ago—eons before Page 6 finally woke up and smelled Lance Bass's big, gay coffee. And I therefore deserve a parade. And a raise. And a good fagging. And I never read Page fucking 6. Give me a break.
"Adrian, At the Saturday Storm game we saw Howard Stern with several cups of Miller Lite. I tried not to freak... so of course, I wound up giving him a big old high five. I think he still had a cup of beer in his hand. I am sorry to report that there were no naked chicks with him.—Sharon and Braden"
Dear Sharon and Braden, I know exactly how those poor cups of Miller Lite feel.—Adrian
"Dear Adrian, What's happened to the updates on our favorite blond news-anchor klepto? A threatened lawsuit, perhaps?"—Morticiantom
Dear Scary-Named Person, I can't walk around the block without stepping in a big, stinking pile of that very question. "Where is the news-anchoring klepto? Has she retired at last from her discounted five-fingery ways? And if so, has the security force at Nordstrom been decimated by layoffs?" Well, the truth is that she... wait. What were we talking about?—Adrian
Send!: adrian@adrianryan.com!
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