This Week in Movie Trailers
There's a bunch of stuff opening this week that we didn't get a chance to see before press time. But look! I made this preview for you!
DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS
What It's About: Paul Rudd is a businessman who has to go to a dinner... for schmucks!
Why You Should See It: Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Zach Galifianakis, Jemaine Clement, Kristen Schaal, Ron Livingston, Larry Wilmore, and Nick Kroll! Nick Kroll, you guys!
Why You Shouldn't: Oh, it looks terrible. Like, really, really terrible.
Pro Tip: If you host a dinner party and someone spills red wine on the carpet (smooth move, Einstein!), just blot the spot with a clean, white cloth, then cover the entire area in salt and let it sit overnight. The salt will absorb the wine, and you can just vacuum it up! Don't say I never did anything for ya!
CATS & DOGS: THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE
What It's About: The bloody race war between cats and dogs reaches a temporary truce when one hairless feline named Kitty Galore attempts to take over the world. (See, it's like Pussy Galore, only minus the sexual pun that makes that name make sense in the first place, while still evoking the memory of that sexual pun and adding in the aspect of a hairless cat, which causes one to think inevitably of a woman shaving her vulva to look like a hairless child—a child whose delicate brain is exactly what this movie is trying to protect by demurely changing "Pussy" to "Kitty" in the first place, which only caused me, an otherwise respectable and noncreepy adult, to spend 15 minutes thinking about child vulvas.)
Why You Should See It: I mean... are you in some kind of trouble with the mob or something? Did you bang somebody's "gumar"? Are you in Abu Ghraib? Oh! Oh! Are you Helen Keller? Because if you're Helen Keller, go ahead. Go nuts.
Why You Shouldn't: Anything. You could literally pick anything and it would be a good reason.
Pro Tip: Did you know that cats are the world's #1 producer of cat urine, and that cat urine is the world's #1 producer of the smell of cat urine, and that the smell of cat urine is the scientific opposite of you getting laid? It's all true! To get the smell of cat urine out of carpet or linens or human hair, here's a helpful hint—try not inviting a permanent cat urine factory to live in your house with you. Also, baking soda works wonders.
CHARLIE ST. CLOUD
What It's About: Zac Efron plays baseball in a cemetery with his dead brother's ghost.
Why You Should See It: Zac Efron.
Why You Shouldn't: Baseball.
Pro Tip: To get the smell of ghost urine out of carpet, you can try baking soda, but keep in mind that it will be completely ineffective in every way (and might mutate into a noxious, sentient, creeping foam). Luckily, the odor of ghost urine is undetectable by those who are pure of heart. Also, Russians.