Film

Concessions

This Week in Movie Trailers

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There's a bunch of stuff opening this week that we didn't get a chance to see before press time. But look! I made this preview for you!

DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS

What It's About: Paul Rudd is a businessman who has to go to a dinner... for schmucks!
Why You Should See It: Paul Rudd, Steve Carell, Zach Galifianakis, Jemaine Clement, Kristen Schaal, Ron Livingston, Larry Wilmore, and Nick Kroll! Nick Kroll, you guys!
Why You Shouldn't: Oh, it looks terrible. Like, really, really terrible.
Pro Tip: If you host a dinner party and someone spills red wine on the carpet (smooth move, Einstein!), just blot the spot with a clean, white cloth, then cover the entire area in salt and let it sit overnight. The salt will absorb the wine, and you can just vacuum it up! Don't say I never did anything for ya!

CATS & DOGS: THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE
What It's About: The bloody race war between cats and dogs reaches a temporary truce when one hairless feline named Kitty Galore attempts to take over the world. (See, it's like Pussy Galore, only minus the sexual pun that makes that name make sense in the first place, while still evoking the memory of that sexual pun and adding in the aspect of a hairless cat, which causes one to think inevitably of a woman shaving her vulva to look like a hairless child—a child whose delicate brain is exactly what this movie is trying to protect by demurely changing "Pussy" to "Kitty" in the first place, which only caused me, an otherwise respectable and noncreepy adult, to spend 15 minutes thinking about child vulvas.)
Why You Should See It: I mean... are you in some kind of trouble with the mob or something? Did you bang somebody's "gumar"? Are you in Abu Ghraib? Oh! Oh! Are you Helen Keller? Because if you're Helen Keller, go ahead. Go nuts.
Why You Shouldn't: Anything. You could literally pick anything and it would be a good reason.
Pro Tip: Did you know that cats are the world's #1 producer of cat urine, and that cat urine is the world's #1 producer of the smell of cat urine, and that the smell of cat urine is the scientific opposite of you getting laid? It's all true! To get the smell of cat urine out of carpet or linens or human hair, here's a helpful hint—try not inviting a permanent cat urine factory to live in your house with you. Also, baking soda works wonders.

CHARLIE ST. CLOUD
What It's About: Zac Efron plays baseball in a cemetery with his dead brother's ghost.
Why You Should See It: Zac Efron.
Why You Shouldn't: Baseball.
Pro Tip: To get the smell of ghost urine out of carpet, you can try baking soda, but keep in mind that it will be completely ineffective in every way (and might mutate into a noxious, sentient, creeping foam). Luckily, the odor of ghost urine is undetectable by those who are pure of heart. Also, Russians. recommended

 

Comments (14) RSS

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1
Premiere?
Posted by Anonymous Cow Herd on July 28, 2010 at 12:21 PM · Report this
2
Having a cat in your house makes your house smell like cats, but having your house smell like cats means that mice will avoid your house like the plague, and having mice avoid your house like the plague means that you don't have mice burrowing through your pantry and eating your food. Also, cats are cuddly and they purr.

I agree with you about baking soda though. That stuff rocks!
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on July 29, 2010 at 12:30 PM · Report this
3
Oxy clean will do amazing things for getting wine out of carpet too!
Posted by ariane on July 29, 2010 at 2:48 PM · Report this
mishipete 4
oh lindy west. please be my friend. Why You Should: because we will make such beautiful friendship music together that the clouds will open and rain down perfect tom hardys. one for you and one for me. Why You Shouldn't: why you should overrules why you shouldn't and who cares if i like to spoon my friends while they're sleeping? it's for warmth god dammit! Pro Tip: If you host a dinner party and someone spills red wine on the carpet and then urinates on it, get better friends..LIKE ME!
Posted by mishipete http://www.mishipete.posterous.com on July 29, 2010 at 5:00 PM · Report this
oldmanandthesea 5
This week in Lindy West couldn't even get her job done. There's plenty of people who would kill to spend their days in cinemas across the city writing intelligently about what they see and yet The Stranger empowers you, no dare I say they PAY you to not go to films and poorly edit the damn section! WTF!
Posted by oldmanandthesea http://www.lostgeneration.com/hrc.htm on July 29, 2010 at 8:20 PM · Report this
6
@oldmanandthesea It's called limited time, low pay and often short space -- she's making a lot of funny in a few words.
Posted by deannadares on July 30, 2010 at 1:11 PM · Report this
oldmanandthesea 7
Then maybe she should get out of the film section join the funny pages. At least there I expect the yucks.
Posted by oldmanandthesea http://www.lostgeneration.com/hrc.htm on July 30, 2010 at 4:31 PM · Report this
8
@7: If you were in charge of this section, what films would you have covered in this space? Just curious.
Posted by no jokes on July 30, 2010 at 5:10 PM · Report this
9 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
buddspal 10
WHY I SHOULD SEE IT: i have a four year old that loves cats... and dogs. especially ones that talk and are MMA champions.

WHY YOU SHOULD NOT SEE IT: you are a movie reviewer for an 'alternative newspaper', you are not trying to entertain a four year old, children's movies do not entertain you, you are biased against talking animal movies (see: L.W.'s 'review' of Marmaduke)

HONEST TO FUCKING GOD! STAY THE FUCK OUT OF CHILDREN'S MOVIES LINDY. so fucking lame are you, that you go to children's movies. the under 10 set does NOT read 'the stranger'. people who read 'the stranger' are not going to 'Cats and Dogs 2' to entertain themselves, but to entertain their wee companions. please stick to reviewing movies with humans, and preferably adult humans.
Posted by buddspal on August 2, 2010 at 5:45 PM · Report this
11
Why do people who hate Lindy's reviews read them, then complain about them? Your time is best spent elsewhere. Try cutting your toenails or doing your laundry once in a while.
Posted by Unregistered comment on August 2, 2010 at 9:05 PM · Report this
12
They make money every time you look at a page. Stop looking and the pages will go away.
Posted by James Early on August 3, 2010 at 8:37 AM · Report this
oldmanandthesea 13
We complain not because she reviews (but mind you this isn't a review), we complain because she's in charge of the film section and clearly doesn't give a shit.
Posted by oldmanandthesea http://www.lostgeneration.com/hrc.htm on August 3, 2010 at 12:12 PM · Report this
14
protip to persons much like our poster fresh out of high school summer reading list over here,oldmanandthesea

don't read the stranger.
it is no(t fun) for you.
just let it go.
Posted by muchsalivation on August 10, 2010 at 1:22 PM · Report this

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