Dear Lindy,

Want to get married?

Chris

P.S. I'm a dude.

Dear Chris,

REQUIREMENTS MET. I AWAIT YOU IN THE BOUDOIR.

Lindy

Dear Lindy West:

There is no doubt that the trial of the century was John Wayne Gacy's, the infamous monster who was responsible for the heinous deaths of 33 young men and boys. Gacy was tried, convicted, and sentenced to death. Gacy's lawyer is now telling his story for the first time, of how he defended one of the worst serial killers in America's history, in his new book, Defending a Monster. Please read the following press release and let me know if I may set up a riveting interview with author Judge Sam Amirante or coauthor Danny Broderick, or if I may send a copy of this book for a review. Thank you.

Lissy

Dear Lissy,

You are SO right. There certainly is no doubt that the trial of John Wayne Gacy (obviously guilty clown rapist who lived in a bungalow made of soggy guts and boy-bones) was the trial of the century, beating out complete snoozers like Roe v. Wade, Brown v. Board of Education, and R. Kelly's Urine v. A Teenager's Face. However, I will not be requiring a review copy of Defending a Monster, as I was the defense attorney at Mothra's DUI trial—a landmark case I wrote about in my tell-all book Defending an Actual Monster. Let me know if you would like to set up a riveting interview with me.

Lindy

Someone should remind Lindy (or tell her—maybe she never knew) that the Smurfs were initially a series of comic books set in the Middle Ages. So maybe she should do some research before insulting people who take the time to write something thorough and well-informed on Wikipedia. But of course, we know she won't—that would spoil the fun, wouldn't it?

Ricardo

Dear Ricardo,

Your mom is set in the Middle Ages.

Lindy

Send Lindy West your stupid fucking questions at lindy@thestranger.com.