Gentlemen, I have bad news for you. You will never be a man who gets paid to have sex with women. A vast number of men have the Male Escort fantasy, and ever since I first began writing about sex, I have been questioned about this repeatedly by e-mail and phone. The letters are quite varied; some are very short and to-the-point, some long and detailed.

There is one common factor, though--the gentlemen all describe the exact dimensions of their penises ("7.6 inches in length, 3.1 in circumference...") as if there were a Male Escort Penis Inspector somewhere who will need to record this information. And they are all sure that there are women out there who want anonymous sex, desperately, and will pay for them for it--hey, they saw a movie about it! (Damn you, Richard Gere!) I was even cornered at a party once by a gentleman who felt sure that he was American Gigolo material. So I asked him, "What experiences have you had, personally, that suggest to you that there are a lot of women who would pay men for sex? Is this something you've heard women you know talk about? Did you see it on Oprah? Read about it in Ladies' Home Journal?"

Well, no, he hadn't. I then pointed out another issue: What kind of women would be most likely to hire a man for sex? Answer: Women who are not getting sex elsewhere. And why might a woman not be getting enough sex? Answer: Because women are all sexually voracious nymphos? No. Because some women are considered unattractive by many men. Hey, I am not trying to be catty--I am explaining the facts of escort life! Female escorts need some lube and some acting ability. They don't have to be attracted to the person they're having sex with. You guys, on the other hand, would have to get wood for someone you most likely wouldn't find attractive, in order to do the job.

And the competition is, shall we say, quite stiff. Women don't often go looking for anonymous sex, but for those who do, there are a lot of guys to choose from who don't expect to be paid.

Gentlemen: Sex for money, like runway modeling, is a vocational area where women rule. Please, put your Male Prostitute fantasy up on the shelf, next to Big-League Quarterback and International Rock Star: fun to think about, never to be realized.