April 21, 2009

Columns

Drunk of the Week

A Message from the President

by Kelly O

Drunk of the Week

Kelly O

I've had a lot to drink tonight, so I'll keep this short. Most of my fellow Americans think I'm long dead and gone. But I'm still here, and I'm right here in Seattle! I don't make many public appearances anymore. Well, unless I've had a few too many whiskey pops and some girl follows me into the men's bathroom, BEGGING to see me. But I digress. What I really wanted to say is... wait, who are you? Oh yeah. Sorry. Hoo-wee! Alzheimer's is a BITCH, lemme tell ya. Do you have any jelly beans? ANNNYway... I just wanted to say to all you folks who were at the Westlake Park "teabagger" protest—what the hell WAS that?! Even I don't understand you guys. And "teabagging"? I don't think you REALLY know what that means. Let's just say, where I live now, I'm much closer to the "bag" than the "tea." My friends, teabagging is not the solution; teabagging is the PROBLEM. Tear down this bar! recommended

Share via

  • Twitter
  • Facebook
  • Newsvine
  • Reddit
  • StumbleUpon
  • del.icio.us
  • Email
Read more Columns »
 

Comments (23) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
1
This person has desecrated their butt!
Posted by Heather on April 22, 2009 at 12:26 PM · Report
2
I think that is the point Heather. Thanks Kelly, much better than that taco bar bullshit.
Posted by me on April 22, 2009 at 12:52 PM · Report
3
There is something I really like about Drunk of the Week. At first I shied away from it thinking it was too lowbrow for my pretentious NPR sensibilities. Instead, I would go for the seemingly more tantalizing, voyeuristic, and cheap thrill aspects of 'I, Anonymous' or Savage Love. Over time, I slowly gravitated here. Like a drunk to happy hour. Stumbling, unsure of foot, but the drive from the ever needing desire to drown the emptiness.

Maybe it's a way to put my alcoholic nights of drinking alone into another perspective, it could be worse. Sure these people are having more fun than me, but at what price? Drunk of the Week provides the perfect propaganda form to convince myself I am not the antithesis of my hopes and dreams...not yet anyway. It is that little something that lets me feel like I'm better than someone else. Giving me that something to look down on and ridicule others. What would I have without Drunk of the Week?

Here's to Kelly O, for showing me that my life isn't as bad as it could be.
Posted by datajunkie on April 22, 2009 at 10:08 PM · Report
4
I hope the other cheek is reserved for Maggie Thatcher
Posted by nm on April 23, 2009 at 5:48 AM · Report
5
Ronald, please come back.
Posted by JF on April 23, 2009 at 7:21 AM · Report
6
Bad Ass!
Posted by hahaha on April 23, 2009 at 8:20 AM · Report
7
A picture of a tatoo on a guy's ass in a bar restroom! AWESOME!!!!!! So hilarious.
Posted by OMG!! on April 23, 2009 at 9:52 AM · Report
8
DATAJUNKIE - thank you for your kind words - hey, if you wanna go really *REALLY* lowbrow - the lowest - you can always read my other column too:

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Film
Posted by KELLY O on April 23, 2009 at 11:38 AM · Report
9
Coyote at Apocalyspe tattoo is doing these, i wanna say for free as part of a portfolio. It has to be a portrait of an American president on your ass.

http://apocalypsetattoo.com/gallery/view…

Posted by roger rabbit on April 23, 2009 at 1:22 PM · Report
10
First person to go get their ass prezzed-up by Coyote gets to be (or pick) the Drunk of the Week for that week. DOUBLE DOG DARING YOU...
Posted by KELLY O on April 23, 2009 at 2:38 PM · Report
11
There's gotta be an asshole joke in there somewhere.
Posted by GRL on April 23, 2009 at 9:08 PM · Report
12
That butt is ripe for a spanking!
Posted by ooppoddoo on April 24, 2009 at 8:52 AM · Report
13
I'm pretty sure vice presidents must be in even higher demand.
Posted by nm on April 24, 2009 at 9:22 AM · Report
14
Why don't you do it Kelly?
Posted by Cesar Pelli on April 24, 2009 at 12:58 PM · Report
15
Maybe I will. The O stands for Obama?
Posted by KELLY O on April 24, 2009 at 4:36 PM · Report
16
Gives a whole new meaning to 'trickle down economics'...
Posted by vetagainststupidity on April 25, 2009 at 11:28 AM · Report
17
i love drunk of the week bc it makes me feel so much more sober than i actually am! and kudos to you for this ass shot!
fan-fucking-tastic!
Posted by becksta on April 25, 2009 at 12:57 PM · Report
18
Datajunkie, please shut up. For the sank of wee baby jesus, or whomever suits you, shut up and stop thinking and talking about how pretentious you clearly are. Referencing NPR, seriously? We all listen to NPR, but we don't throw that around on DOTW because we know better.
Kelly O, yet another amazingly drunk person you have brought to us, tanxxx be to you. Keep it coming!
Posted by santybap on April 26, 2009 at 3:28 AM · Report
19
George W. Bush should be at the butt-hole!
Posted by rimshot on April 26, 2009 at 5:03 AM · Report
20
Whatcha gonna do with all that prez, all that prez inside them jeans?!
Posted by Bekka the Call on April 27, 2009 at 8:42 AM · Report
21
Ronald, please comeback, we miss u babee.
Posted by goldrush on April 28, 2009 at 2:22 PM · Report
22
HOT ASS! I never wanted to make out with Ronald until now. Thanks Kelly!
Posted by vacation on April 28, 2009 at 4:45 PM · Report
23
what an ass
Posted by Fred34 on April 30, 2009 at 12:46 AM · Report

Add a comment

Most Commented in Columns