A guy named Joe Francis is still making millions off his Girls Gone Wild franchise. MILLIONS. All because he figured out that, duh, after 14 shots of Watermelon Pucker, drunk straight girls will suddenly and temporarily turn GAY—their clothes will dissolve, and they'll start molesting each other right in front of his camera. Well, straight boys get gay for me all the time. Where's my cool million? Are you there, God? It's me, Kelly... and I WANT MY MONEY!

Kyle says, "It's not rape; it's surprise sex." Hey, he said it, not me. Also, HAPPY BIRTH to someone named Ben.