Film

Film Shorts

24 Hour Party People, Adventures of Pluto Nash, Blue Crush, Girls Can't Swim, Secret Ballot, Simone, The Good Girl, The Tuxedo

* Being John Malkovich
Hot lesbian witches! It's fucking genius! Belltown Outdoor Cinema

* Blood Work
Clint Eastwood's new joint (and no, I don't mean his hip) concerns an FBI profiler who has a heart attack and then takes revenge! Co-starring Jeff Daniels and Angelica Huston. See Movie Times for venues.

Brazil
A midnight revisit of Terry Gilliam's cult masterpiece, with its wild visuals and an Orwellian slant. Egyptian

The Chateau
Upon word of their great-uncle's passing, the brothers Granville are notified of what appears to be a rather grand inheritence--a vast chateau in the French countryside. Intercultural miscommunications complicate the pair's growing concern with what turns out to be a less than desirable estate. Paul Rudd stars. See Movie Times for venues.

Childish Film Festival
According to the Oxford English Dictionary, "childish" can mean either "of, belonging, or proper to childhood" or "not befitting mature age, puerile." Chalk this charming three week-long series up in Column One. Though the films, music, and door prizes are aimed at kids ages three and up, adults will find plenty to intrigue them in such selections as Albert Lamorisse's classic The Red Balloon (Thursday and Friday) and an animated short by Emily Hubley of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame (Saturday and Sunday). The Red Balloon tells the story of a young boy who finds a helium balloon on his way to school and frees it from its moorings, only to discover that the balloon can follow him around Paris of its own volition. There are no consumer plugs or moral lessons to be absorbed here, except perhaps "bad kids wear short pants"--and who didn't already know that? Little Theatre (ANNIE WAGNER)

Duck Soup
The film that ended the Marx Brother's contract with Paramount Pictures, Duck Soup is generally regarded as the finest film in their relatively wide cannon. Though the premise hardly matters, the story revolves around Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), a "progressive" who gains popularity as a leader in the fictional nation of Freedonia as it nears revolution. And then..., well, then everything falls apart. Jewish Community Center

Gladiator
War hero General Maximus (Russell Crowe) is stripped of his position by a scheming new Caesar (Joaquin Phoenix). Escaping too late to save his family, Maximus falls into the hands of a slaver, and with the help of a former love, seeks his revenge by finding glory within the Coliseum. (Tom Spurgeon) Fremont Outdoor Cinema

The Gong Show Movie
In a bold display of unbridled arrogance, Gong Show creator Chuck Barris acts as director, co-writer, star, and (of course) title-song performer in a film that amounts to little more than a sleazy personal homage to himself. This forgotten 1980 feature length train-wreck follows a fictional account of a-day-in-the-life of "Chuckie Baby's" television production--combining censored outtakes from the television show with staged drama, and featuring such familiar faces as the Unknown Comic, Jaye P. Morgan, Jamie Farr, and Gene Gene the Dancing Machine. Grand Illusion

I Was a Male War Bride
In this 1949 German Occupation comedy, Cary Grant is forced to endure endless humiliations (including donning a frock and horsehair wig) in his quest to wed Ann Sheridan, a lieutenant in the U.S. Army. Poor baby or lucky babe? You decide. Seattle Art Museum

Jackass: the Movie
Your girlfriend secretly wants to see this movie. Sure, she's comfortable with your six-figures and 401k, your Volvo, that IKEA couch--but don't delude yourself, pal. She may never admit it to your face, but she'd give it all up in a second for the slightest chance at a single night with one of these MTV knuckle-draggers. And no, I am not projecting. See Movie Times for venues.

Know the Score: Close Encounters
Warren Etheredge's continuing series designed to teach the public how to score. This time, Etheredge zooms in on the human cliché of orchestral accompaniment: John "maple syrup" Williams (Star Wars, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, E.T., etc.). Benaroya Hall

Man From Laramie
In his final collaboration with Jimmy Stewart, director Anthony Mann's 1955 film evolves his vision of cinematic brutality to a new extreme of clarity. A sort-of Western King Lear, Laramie follows the story of Will Lockhart (Stewart), a man obsessed with hunting down the man responsible for the death of his brother. A newly restored print of Mann's first widescreen production. Grand Illusion

Notorious C.H.O.
Comprised of footage compiled at her Paramount Theatre performance last Fall, comedianne and fag hag figurehead Margaret Cho's latest concert opus and follow-up to 1999's I'm the One That I Want promises more shouting, less clothing, and a cacophony of "You go girl!" to rival a thousand Cher concerts. Varsity

The Reid/Seacrest Olympic
This locally produced mockumentary pits two life-long rivals against each other in an improvised athletic competition. I can only hope the humorous commentary from friends and relatives of the dudes will compensate for the bland spectacle of grown men bathing in each other's sweat with nary a hint of erotic intent. Tractor Tavern

Side Street
The great Farley Granger stars in this noir thriller, about a man who, in a moment of weakness, steals $30,000 from the wrong people. Plays as part of Grand Illusion's Anthony Mann retrospective. Grand Illusion

Spy Kids 2
Spy Kids 2 wasn't a bad movie. Really, it wasn't. And if you're an eight-year-old who dreams of being a spy--something I always wanted to be when I was eight--then it's the perfect movie for you. There are some mildly funny parts (involving nose-picking or camel poop) and it's a highly predictable kids movie (which means zero brain energy needed). At least I didn't hate myself for going. And that's always a good thing. (MEGAN SELING) See Movie Times for venues.

Surprise Night!
Linda's presents the latest installment of the Summer Movie Madness series, this week featuring a screening of a mystery film you probably won't remember by the end of the evening anyway. Linda's

THE KID STAYS IN THE PICTURE
See review this issue. "This is trash that isn't afraid to be trash--trash at its most glorious and mythic." (ADAM HART) Metro, Uptown

West Side Story
Who knew knife fights could be so gay? Jewish Community Center

XXX
See review this issue. Vin Diesel and his thick-ass hot dog neck reunite with "director" Rob Cohen (The Fast and the Furious) for another insult to national intelligence. "Extreme sports athlete" (SWEET!) Xander Cage (Diesel) has a bad attitude and nothing to loose. When the world is threatened by a nihilistic terrorist group bent on global destruction, the American government realizes that it's only hope lies in Mr. Mountain Dew commercial's winning personality to save the planet from total annihilation. See Movie Times for venues.

* About a Boy
Directed by Paul and Chris Weitz (of American Pie infamy), this tale of male mid-life angst centers around Hugh Grant's Will, an idler of hilarious proportions who meets a 12-year-old boy whose depressed mother (Toni Collette) forces Will to provide guidance... except that the kid is far more mature than his begrudging father figure. (KATHLEEN WILSON)

AFEST 2002: Through the Lens
Northwest Asian American Theatre presents this "festival of Asian filmmakers." The annual festival celebrates new work by APA filmmakers here in Seattle, and beyond. Films playing over the twelve day festival include Rabbit in the Moon, Diwali, Revolutionary Love, Calling Tokyo, Yah Yah, and Vision Test. For ticket information or reservations, call 340-1049.

* Ali Zaoua: Prince of the Streets
A trio of glue-sniffing urchins scramble through urban rubble, wheeling, dealing, and stealing in order to give their fallen comrade the burial of a prince. This film is at turns grim, sentimental, and funny, much like the little boys themselves, whose harsh and horrifying existence has failed to extinguish their stubborn spirits. The director's unflinching gaze, and the astoundingly nuanced performances by these child actors lift this tale into the realm of poetry. (Tamara Paris)

* Amélie
A beautifully kinetic testament to human sweetness that has audiences lining up around the block and contrarians carping about its artificiality. I'm not saying you have to be an asshole not to like Amélie, but it would probably help.... When director Jean-Pierre Jeunet was in Seattle recently, I asked him if the criticism of the film's fairy-tale aesthetic bothered him. "In France," he laughed, "sometimes if you have too much style, they crucify you. They prefer films about men and women fighting in ugly kitchens. They think if you have style, if the film is lit well, or is poetic, then you are not making something true. The reverse is true. The style is important. I love to play with everything. I can't avoid it. You need the style to get to the emotion. It's actually more realistic, dans un certain sense. When you do a film, it's for you. Very egoist. But you can please people if you are sincere." (SEAN NELSON)

Austin Powers in Goldmember
There are chuckles here and there, but the prevailing wind is cynical, which my dictionary defines as "selfishly or callously calculating" and "skeptical of the motives of others." If there's a better way to describe Goldmember, I'd be happy to hear it. (SEAN NELSON)

The Country Bears
Disney's flawless live-action legacy continues, in this moving adaptation of everyone's favorite former Disneyland animatronic attraction. (I'm still holding out for a theatrical release of Captain Eo). Featuring Christopher Walken, Toby Huss, and the voice of "I see dead people."

The Crocodile Hunter: Collision Course
Right off the bat I should mention that this movie's plot--some bobbins about espionage and international intrigue--stinks to high heaven. Also the acting and dialogue are rather duff. In this case, however, that stuff is superfluous; this movie runs on the charisma of Steve Irwin and boy, he can fling around charisma with the ferocious abandon of a shit-throwing monkey on acid. In this film Irwin juggles poisonous snakes and spiders as well as wrestling a pair of crocodiles. It's safe to say that he's completely mental, which accounts in some part for his phenomenal screen presence... so take that, Ben Affleck. A fun matinee. (KUDZAI MUDEDE)

Eight-Legged Freaks
Not as bad as you'd think, not as good as it should've been, Eight-Legged Freaks is 90-minutes of trés stupid fun--a B-grade flick given an A-grade release during the business' busiest season. With a "pedigree" that includes the dunderheaded David Arquette, former MTV-babe Kari Wuhrer, and comedian Doug E. Doug, the story (such as it is) involves giant mutant spiders running amok over a small Arizona town. Hilarity and rampant gunfire ensues. Said hilarity reaches its climax near the end with one of the most inspired sight gags I've ever witnessed. Without giving it away: It involves a massive queen spider and a bottle of perfume, and you'll laugh, trust me. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

Elling
The success of this comedy in its native country, Norway, offers conclusive evidence that the closer one gets to the Arctic Circle the stranger the sense of humor becomes. Nothing in the world would convince anyone who lives near the equator that this film about two madmen attempting to reenter regular society as roommates is in the least bit funny. To its credit, Elling does have a few remarkable shots of Oslo. (CHARLES MUDEDE)

Full Frontal
The prospect of Steven Soderbergh having the budgetary freedom inherent in digital video was exciting. It turns out however, he goes the same route as many before him: He indulges his actors at the expense of a story. Full Frontal feels improvised, in the worst sense. (ANDY SPLETZER)

Halloween: Resurrection
Hang on a second... this is aNOTHER Halloween film? That makes five. Jamie Lee Curtis is in it, too, along with Busta Rhymes. The last one (Halloween H20--get it, 'cause 20 years?) was garbage, as were numbers two and three. So, the fact that this one deals with reality TV bodes what? Ill!

Happy Times
In Zhang Yimou's newest, an aging bachelor meets a fine young thing but can't front the money for their wedding. In order to raise the funds, he rents out an old school bus to lustful couples--only the old man is such a prude he won't let them shut the door. Looks like someone chose the wrong color parachute!

Hey Arnold! the Movie
A cartoon movie about a cartoon TV show. It's about time, too! I'm guessing Arnold is a nerd who outsmarts some greedy capitalists.

The Importance of Being Earnest
Rupert Everett looks terrible--his face appears to be sliding off his skull, and he's as neckless as a football player. And he should simply stop playing straight men, because he's the most unconvincing lover this side of Passions. Quibbles aside, this new adaptation is revolting. Thank God for Judi Dench, steamrolling her way through a terrible situation. (EMILY HALL)

* Insomnia
Every once in a great while, a film comes along that breaks the "remakes-are-always-shitty" rule. Christopher Noland's Insomnia is one of those films. Not only does it match its Danish original, but in many ways it tops it--no minor feat when you take into account the fact that it stars Robin Williams as the villain. Also starring Al Pacino, Hilary Swank, and the great Martin Donovan, Noland's thriller takes its time to unfold, giving each performer ample scenery to gnaw on before arriving at a tight finale. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

K-19: The Widowmaker
This workable Cold War intrigue plot--a Soviet nuke-sub commander is forced to risk the lives of his men (and the fate of the planet) rather than seek help from Americans--is long to begin with, but the moral tensions of the story might have been enough to carry it through... if the film weren't completely submarined by the casting of Harrison Ford in the lead role. I mean, Liam Neeson as a Russian is bad enough. We've all seen Schindler's List. We all know Neeson can't do accents. But Ford's pitiful patois makes Neeson look like Meryl Streep. It's embarrassing on a Kevin Costner scale; on a Sofia Coppola in Godfather III scale. I mean, what the fuck? Did he think we wouldn't notice? Jesus, what a botch. (SEAN NELSON)

Les Destinees
Epic French period piece by Olivier Assayas. Also very long. And did I mention French?

Like Mike
The good news: Crispin Glover is in the film, playing the Fagin-like head of a "group home" for racially diverse orphans; this means the filmmakers aren't completely callous morons. The bad news: The movie, which concerns a kid who climbs up on power lines to retrieve some magic Nikes that make him a pro basketball star, is every bit as mediocre and irresponsible as the trailer suggests. It's insulting to kids, indefensible to parents, and abominable to everyone else. At one point fairly early on, I stopped taking notes on the film and just started noting the corporate logos I saw on screen. Here's the list: Nike, Krispy Kreme, Staples, Gatorade, AT&T, TNT, NBC, Jansport, Minute Maid, Coke, Sprite, Sheraton, Crystal Geyser, Mars, Spalding, ESPN, Sharp, Rite Aid, Vicks, USA Today, Washington Mutual, Phat Farm, Scrabble, Yahoo, Independence Day (the movie). I may have missed a few.... (SEAN NELSON)

Lilo & Stitch
Most people will be going to see this film because (a) it's Disney, (b) it's faux-vintage Disney, replete with hand-painted watercolor backgrounds, or (c) because he or she is five years old. You, however, will go to see this film because the protagonist, a little orphan child named Lilo, sits around her bedroom listening to rock and roll and commanding her big sister to "Leave me alone to die!" The plot is ripped from Frankenstein, and then tweaked to make the mutant adorable and intent on reform. Not too shabby, for a Disney flick--Lilo is the studio's best since Aladdin, and it's a tad less racist, too. (ANNIE WAGNER)

* Lovely & Amazing
This follow-up to the similarly graceful Walking and Talking is a shrewdly respectful character study of a fractured family of women trying to ride herd on their raging neuroses. Fantastic acting and sensitive writing underscore the simple DV directorial approach. (SEAN NELSON)

Martin Lawrence Live: Runteldat
Martin Lawrence attacks the "bullshit" (as he calls it) sensationalist media in this bullshit (as I call it) stand-up ego-a-thon. As Lawrence waxes philosophical, existential, and mental, offering "his side" to the weapons-and-drugs run-ins he's faced of late, his disingenuousness and palpable self-love become increasingly oppressive. Best to avoid Runteldat like you'd avoid jamming your fingers in a car door-at least until the self-destructive Mr. Lawrence winds up in an asylum, at which time the value of this movie's insights will have doubled. For now, it's just tragically unfunny. (KUDZAI MUDEDE)

Master of Disguise
A brief overview should demonstrate what a miserable, puny affair this Dana Carvey vehicle is. The men in a certain Italian-American family possess a genetic predisposition toward disguising themselves as other people (and turtles, and piles of poo). Their family name: "Disguisey." The imagination that went into developing this magical universe is truly astounding: The term for this mimetic talent, for example, is "energico," and it involves the use of a device called the "Disguising Ball of Knowledge." There is a running gag that dictates that whenever the villain tries to cackle, he farts. And to top it all off, somebody had the brilliant idea of putting a pedophilia joke in a kid's movie. I can't believe this didn't go straight to video. (ANNIE WAGNER)

Men in Black II
Aside from a few signs of life, this film is an exercise in the going through of motions. Smith does his ingratiating narcissism shtick, Jones shows up after half an hour and does his stony hound dog routine, and digital spaceships crash in clouds of digital dust. When director Barry Sonnenfeld is living up the B-movie aspects of the movie's trappings--the sense of being there just to provide a foil for the special effects--Men in Black II (and no, I can't call it MIIB because fuck you) gives you the momentary sense that it was made by creative people with a good sense of humor. But all the humor is self-aware, and self-directed. It's like the whole joke is that the movie was even made. I call that crass. (SEAN NELSON)

* Minority Report
Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise team up for this well-made futuristic thriller, based on a story by Phillip K. Dick, and featuring several special effects that are identical to ones used in Attack of the Clones. Report works best when Tom Cruise is actually running--he's a future-crimes cop being set up to commit murder--and when the maddeningly glorious Samantha Morton is actually freaking out. Complex in good ways, simple in others, the film marks Spielberg's second attempt at allegorical Kubrick paean (check the allusions to A Clockwork Orange) that ends with a cop-out. Still, a worthy effort, and much more intriguing than most sci-fi. (SEAN NELSON)

Monsoon Wedding
At first, it seems like Mira Nair is just doing family drama. The film is stylish, brisk, witty, and beautifully filmed. But within the patchwork of marriage melodrama, Monsoon Wedding presents a subversive argument about the insidiousness of progress and its fluid relationship with tradition. (SEAN NELSON)

Mr. Deeds
The fundamental structure that this production preserves from Capra's original--and perhaps the only plausible grounds for that film's selection in the first place--is a roller coaster of sentimentality. Sandler's take on the sentimental is a world apart from Gary Cooper's; more sly than earnest, the requisite sappy ending functions to reassure rather than stir the viewer. (ANNIE WAGNER)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding
This romantic comedy is based on the one-woman show of Second City alumna Nia Vardalos, who also directs. It tells the story of 30-year-old Toula who searches for love and self-realization.

* My Wife is an Actress
Charlotte Gainsbourg plays a married actress who has a fling with Terence Stamp. Need I say more? I mean, how French do you want it?

Read My Lips
No, it's not the braille porno you've been waiting for, but a dark French thriller psychologique (btw, in France, they pronounce the "p"). Lips is about a hearing impaired office worker who compensates for her nagging sense of being underused by hiring a strapping young trainee to liven things up at work. The upside: He's handsome and virlie (played by the excellent Vincent Cassel). The down: He's an ex-con with no skills... except for violence.

Reign of Fire
Reign of Fire reads like a flag-waving response to recent history. It's the year 2020, New York City's in flames again, and disagreeable dragons (read terrorists) have destroyed Earth and extinguished most of the human population. It's up to swarthy British hero Quinn (Christian Bale) and American renegade Van Zan (Matthew McConaughey), who sports a suspiciously unsoiled American flag patch on his bomber jacket, to save the survivors with vigilante actions. Evil must be stopped at any cost; there's even a scene where a glowing Van Zan, bathed in silver light, leaps toward the mouth of his napalm-breathing enemy. "Is that dragon's breath?" a child asks Quinn, as a fetid wind rumples his hair. Yes it is, and boy does it stink. (TIZZY ASHER)

Reign of Terror
The Grand Illusion's Anthony Mann festival continues with 1949's camp-tinged Reign of Terror (a.k.a. The Black Boot), a film noir thriller masquerading as a French Revolutionary epic. This film is not available on video. Grand Illusion

Road to Perdition
Sam Mendes has done the impossible: He has made a film that is even more smug, phony, and wasteful than American Beauty. Road to Perdition steals its look (including several exact images) from the Coens' Miller's Crossing, purging that superior film's sense of humor and necessary awareness and replacing it with a catchpenny moralism that wants to have everything--its violence, its sympathies, and its casting--both ways. Hanks offers no menace, which means that his hit man character is all tell; not an insurmountable problem until Mendes makes the son stare guilelessly up at him for the whole film like he's a God. The film is the ultimate example of Hollywood's lamest sleight of hand: Wipe the smile off your face, spend a lot of money, make with the metaphors and somber tones and sooner or later the audience is going to have to assume that you're smarter than you really are. (SEAN NELSON)

Signs
Signs would have been exceptional if not for the necessity of elaborate surprises. All the things I like about M. Night Shyamalan's movies (the X-Files-like moodiness, the theological questions, etc.) are imprisoned by the necessities of plot twists. If liberated, this film, about a troubled man who is dealing not only with his wife's death but a massive alien invasion, would have been truly scary.

* Star Wars: Episode II, Attack of the Clones
Attack of the Clones delivers exactly what you should expect from a Star Wars movie. It is big. It is fun. It is an event. From the opening surge of John Williams' familiar score, to the final optical zooming out to the words "Directed by George Lucas," Episode II lives up to the Star Wars myth--a myth that has always meant "stupid fun." Don't agree? Go back and watch the first three. (BRADLEY STEINBACHER)

Stuart Little 2
Stuart Little is a cute little cartoon mouse with Parkinson's... wait, didn't we use that joke already? Anyway, cats and CGI mice channel the voices of Nathan Lane, Michael J. Fox, and Steve Zahn in this further bastardization of classic childhood literature.

The Sum of All Fears
Despite all appearances, there are two good things about the new Tom Clancy movie with Ben Affleck as Jack Ryan. One is a bold plot twist that comes so suddenly that it reconfigures the whole experience in an instant, and almost tricks you into thinking the film is better than it is. The other good thing, almost a great thing, is the casting of Liev Schreiber in the role of John Clark, CIA spook, and all-around spy genius. (SEAN NELSON)

Sunshine State
A cinematic soap opera of familial and neighborly drama centers around a small stretch of Florida coastline. Employing writer/director John Sayles' benchmark standards for dialogue and acting--the cast includes Edie Falco, Mary Steenburgen, Timothy Hutton, and Alan King--the film uses a tug of war over prime resort real estate to showcase both natural history and human frailty.

Tadpole
Judging by the premise--precocious 15-year-old gets the hots for an older woman (who happens to be his stepmother, who happens to be played by Sigourney Weaver)--it doesn't seem improper to assume that Tadpole will hark back to the values of early '80s classics such as Private Lessons and My Tutor, films that understood the lusty pulse of suburban adolescence. No such (bad) luck, though; Tadpole is a witty, intelligent, and unsentimental coming-of-age comedy in which the aforementioned lustful projections are part of a much larger picture, and the lusty boy is a too-smart-for-his-own-good kid who learns a lesson about snobbery and poseurdom (SEAN NELSON)