Music

Fuck You, Santa—I Hate Christmas Music

It Would Be Nice If for Once This Jew Could Walk into a Store and Not Be Whacked with Giant Candy Canes by Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

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Johnny Ryan

Being an embittered Jew, I've always despised Christmas. Among the many aspects of the season that make me want to yak (the ceaseless, crass advertising; the rancid family films; the floods of stressed-out, manic people) nothing disgusts me more than the frothy holiday music that comes belching out of speakers in malls, on the radio, and fucking everywhere.

While my loathing of Christmas has always been there, my particular hatred for holiday warhorses began when I was 19 and was hired to work at a toy store around Christmas. I had the vague idea that this job would be fun—the manager said I'd stand by the door and blow bubbles. But that manager was fired on my first day of work and there was no more blowing of bubbles. I learned to gift-wrap quickly after my first failed attempt, when an irate mom grabbed the gift away from me and insisted, "Just give me the wrapping paper! I'll take it home and do it myself!" It was just a few weeks into the job when all the somewhat annoying, but comparatively soothing children's music cassettes that we played over the store's loudspeakers were replaced with Christmas Carols for Children and Raffi's Christmas Album. While I was being verbally abused by neurotic Beverly Hills moms and dodging their slobbering, snot-nosed children, "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Deck the Halls" began to gnaw at my brain like weasely varmints. All the sickly cheerfulness seemed to be mocking me and my pathetic existence as another one of Santa's wage slaves.

But that was back before Christmas music completely took over the month of December and much of November. Jack-o'-lanterns were just beginning to rot this year when drugstores started hauling out their Yuletide teddy bear sections and inflicting Kenny G's Faith: A Holiday Album upon innocent shoppers.

However, it's not just the obvious targets that stink: the drippy holiday elevator Muzak, the poorly aging novelty tunes like "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," the bloated, twanging country versions of "Silver Bells." The myriad of jazz hipster Christmas albums also suck reindeer dick, from Diana Krall's overcooked Christmas chestnuts to Nat King Cole's eternal Yuletide blandness all the way back to Bing Crosby's earliest wintertime snoozers.

I must admit that I do have affection for songs that skewer Christmas. My favorite is Treacherous Three's old-school "Santa's Rap," wherein a young Kool Moe Dee raps about being "po'" in the ghetto—the fucked-up, hand-me-down GI Joe action figures and a decorated pole that serves as a Christmas tree.

But the most glorious seasonal classic for grinches is Christmas with the Vandals: Oi to the World!, the musical equivalent of the film Bad Santa, which trashes the holiday with spirited glee. This nasty collection of punk-rock immaturity peaks with the suicidal ballad "Hang Myself from the Tree."

These occasional stabs at the evil Christmas beast are but mere falling trees in distant wood. Christmas reigns over America in December like a gargantuan octopus swallowing a clipper ship. Songs like the moronic "Jingle Bell Rock," the less-than-funny "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," the intestinal-discomfort-causing "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" and the Abu Ghraib prison torture theme song "All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)" are like indelible lines in the Constitution. An army of Jews, Muslims, ACLU lawyers, and furious black metalers could never defeat them.

Every holiday season the retail world—as well as radio stations, restaurants, and local city councils—conveniently forget that not everybody in America is a goddamn Christian or a celebrator of Christmas. The whole Santa and elves thing has nothing to do with Jesus, they reason, so it's kosher to put up gigantic city displays and pump out ghastly Christmas music in public spaces.

Yet there is nearly no mention of Hanukkah, Ramadan, or Kwanzaa, except the occasional, unpopular postage stamp. Not that those holidays and their respective awful music need to be equally represented.

It would just be nice if for once during the holiday season this Jew could walk into a store and not be whacked with giant candy canes by Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman, forever intent on forcing their abject jolliness upon the Santa haters.

editor@thestranger.com
 

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Comments (93) RSS

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1
The point is well stated. Just tone the language down and not show so much anger. I would like to see Judah Macabee in the mall sitting next to Santa!!!
Posted by Amy on December 15, 2008 at 10:35 PM · Report this
2
screw you
Posted by santa on December 16, 2008 at 8:40 AM · Report this
3
Hilarious but oh so true. I got your back homie. Revolution!
Posted by taryn on December 19, 2008 at 8:18 PM · Report this
4
Take joy in your holiday, rather than spoil on that of others.
Learn some fucking tolerance(joke drunk sarcasm).
Posted by Dr. Phil Me on December 20, 2008 at 1:29 AM · Report this
5
You don't need to be Jewish to hate Xmas music. A lot of Christians hate it too. So do I (an atheist) and it has nothing to do with Xmas, which my family celebrates. It has everything to do with it being about the most annoying, banal type of music ever invented. I wish someone would take a scientific poll about it.

And, Dear Dr. Phil Me: Fine, listen to all the Xmas music you want -- at home or at friends houses. Just don't put it in public places, so that it can annoy me and millions of other people. (I don't mind seeing Santa Claus. I just don't want to hear him.)
Posted by Michael on December 21, 2008 at 3:15 PM · Report this
6
C'mon bro... The Jews get to control the music & entertainment industry for the other 335 days a year.
Posted by JF on December 23, 2008 at 8:33 AM · Report this
7
JF, I concur.

I mean, the Jewish population in America supposedly makes up just 1% of the population, but every other asshole I meet out here in Hollyhood is fuckin Jewish.

I was taking the mail out for my boss last week, and he had a letter addressed to the Jewish Boys & Girls Club.

What? The regular Boys & Girls Club ain't enough? Share the fuckin' love people. We unchosen folks have some talent too.
Posted by I wish my last name ended in -berg on December 23, 2008 at 8:05 PM · Report this
8
I hate Christmas too, and it's not because I'm Jewish, atheist, or whatever. Nothing to do with religion. I just hate the pressure by the Christmas Industrial Complex to BUY shit nobody needs... but even worse, all the fucking PITY drives me crazy. Oh, you don't have kids? Oh, you're single? oh, your family lives 3000 miles away? oh, you have to be alone on Christmas? poor thing.. Fuck you. Christmas sucks, and so does Christmas music.
Posted by science chick on December 24, 2008 at 6:11 AM · Report this
9
i strongly dislike christams music and wear earphones to block it out when it starts in mid-october. i hate it when someone requests that i 'play something christmas-y'
..but today is christmas eve and i'll be all zen about it and prolly try to satisfy. come friday i'll run back into hating it.
Posted by reverend dr dj riz on December 24, 2008 at 8:56 AM · Report this
10
I couldn't agree more. Whenever I hear Christmas music, I have to fight the urge to stick a pencil in my ear to make it go away.
Posted by CM on December 24, 2008 at 9:37 AM · Report this
11
"Nothing to do with religion. I just hate the pressure by the Christmas Industrial Complex to BUY shit nobody needs..."

Says the guy on the computer, commenting on a website...
Posted by JF on December 24, 2008 at 9:47 AM · Report this
12
Thank you. I wondered if anyone felt like I did. Having just finished a stint in retail hell for the season surrounded by everything that you mention (o the horror!) the Christmas music was the worst, and yes, it started right after Halloween. I wondered how stores get away with imposing thisChistian holiday muzak on the general population. We wouldn't tolerate Jehovahs Witnesses handing out leaflets all over the malls, so how come the auditory arrogance is permited?
Posted by pencilinthe ear on December 24, 2008 at 7:59 PM · Report this
13
Adam, you are so 100% right on about this! It's impossible to escape those repetitive silly songs every single year from November until the new year starts!

And I mean impossible.

I don't even live in America at the moment, or an English-speaking country for that matter. But STILL in every single store, mall and other public place people are subjected to the songs mentioned in the article. I thought this was a North American phenomenon, but clearly it has spread. The best part? I now get to hear not only the originals, but also all the local remake versions IN FINNISH, which, after the linguistic novelty wears off (about 20 seconds in), are probably about 100 times worse than the English ones.
Posted by Canadian in Helsinki on December 24, 2008 at 10:19 PM · Report this
14
I completely feel your pain; most years I can tune out the holiday crap by enjoying family time and avoiding malls. This year, I am living abroad and working in a mall, and if I hear "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" again ever it will be a projectile-vomit reaction straight from the spinal column.

But there is one good and worthy Christmas song that isn't anti-Christmas! The Pogues, "Fairytale of New York."
Posted by LC on December 25, 2008 at 1:27 AM · Report this
15
I'm not a Jew, but was a Catholic. Who said "tolerance" up there? Must be one of those Christians. Throw 'em to the lions, like the good ol' days. Yes Santa, I hate f'n Christmas. I only love the time at home with family. Yet, I would love roasting chestnuts at every burning mall and shopping center in the Los Angeles area.
Thinking back...
Charlie Brown, you were right!
Posted by Gary on December 25, 2008 at 2:38 AM · Report this
16
sidenote- has anyone seen the hanukkah card section at hallmark compared to the christmas section?? its this pathetic tiny arrangement buried in the back behind rows and rows of christmas cards to your mother, brother, and (thank god) manicurist!! dear god.
Posted by nastia on December 25, 2008 at 10:33 AM · Report this
17
Fuck yeah! right on man!
Posted by sage on December 25, 2008 at 2:59 PM · Report this
18
Yes, oh yes, science chick.

Christmas marks time, as the next hurdle after Thanksgiving. I duck and cover. I rent Planet of the Apes, make a bunch of food my partner and I like, and wait it out.

Christmas music is absolutely, unquestionably awful.

It mystifies me that Christmas makes so many people miserable (e.g. the nasty mothers Adam Bregman refers to) yet they still participate in it. While I'm sure some people genuinely enjoy it, from the outside it looks like a big obligation fest.

I am an atheist and resent Christmas being foisted up into my face every year. It used to put me into a cold sweat as a child. I've since resigned myself to it. Consumerism and Christian-domination--or to quote science chick: " the Christian Industrial Complex," a brilliant phrase by the way--will not be stopped. So I flip it the bird in my own quiet way.
Posted by know-it-all on December 25, 2008 at 9:00 PM · Report this
19
I'm totally there with you! Can't STAND Christmas music! And god forbid you don't say MERRY CHRISTMAS, and instead say happy holidays. One of my friends got yelled at by a customer at his job, just for saying happy holidays.

Oh and of course the Christians had to take over the movie theaters this year, and the last few years before this. As a kid, the only solace for a Jew like myself on Christmas day, was to go to the movies and eat chinese food because it was the only food place open and NO ONE would be there--except other Jews and non-Christians. For the last few years, however, Christians have been getting tired of staring at their families and going to the movies! OMG! You guys were the ones who said that we must close the majority of businesses just so you can have family time, and now you're going to disrupt my only available activity? bah humbug!


p.s. I said Happy Chanukah/Happy Festivus to every person who said Merry Christmas to me, and it felt GREAT
Posted by kinstler on December 26, 2008 at 1:54 AM · Report this
20
I do understand what you mean. I'm not religious, but I actually do like Christmas music. I don't know why. Don't shoot me!
Posted by kristinbell on December 26, 2008 at 2:08 AM · Report this
21
I think it's fair to say that you can hate Hallmark and everything they stand for without hating jesus or any of his ilk. Buy this buy that. Everyone is nice on this day, and everyone gets a pass at being a total shite the rest of the year and their life. Why not just be nice to each other day in and day out without the skeevy Hallmark influence. You don't have to be a jew to get sick of this time of the year (but it helps :)
Posted by Fred34 on December 26, 2008 at 2:42 AM · Report this
22
PS. Xmas can be hazardous to your health: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20081226/ap_o…

maybe best to stay away from family gatherings after all
Posted by Fred34 on December 26, 2008 at 2:49 AM · Report this
23
This article is so F'ing hilarious! And it speaks directly to me...I could have written it. As a fellow Jew embittered about Christmas, I make it a point to watch the opening scene of The Hebrew Hammer each year, which pretty much sums up my childhood experience. Thank you!
Posted by Sara on December 26, 2008 at 9:25 AM · Report this
24
You know I think you have a good point, but I think you could have argued it better, you know maybe you could have stuck to just stuck to christmas music not condeming the whole holiday. Or stereotyping the fact that ALL Christians enjoy christmas music, I for one am christian and despise the stuff. But I understand that being Jewish you and Jesus kinda have this thing going on between you... I hope you guys can resolve your issues one day...
Posted by jessem on December 26, 2008 at 11:08 PM · Report this
25
I agree with you but you forgot about Yule. How sad that the very thing that christmas is based on wasn't even mentioned. Yule is on Dec 21st this year and is the winter solstice. Yule and paganism is some scary thought to most christians even though all there holidays are taken from "heathens' and they can't admit it instead it's easier to believe that they worship the devil that doesn't even exist in wiccan/pagan beliefs.
Posted by MisPaen on December 27, 2008 at 12:57 PM · Report this
26
xmas music does suck some serious ass (for you, bregman, i'll sing: this is the one month that you can be glaaaaad ... you don't have to deal with the season, at all! / don't have to be on your best behavior/ or give to chariteee/ you don't have to go to gramma's house with your alcoholic famileeee...!")

but let's face it - music anywhere you are for a public purpose is horrible and should be banned like smoking in workplaces. elevator music, shopping music, hold music, hold music interrupted frequently to tell you loudly that THE NEXT AVAILABLE REPRESENTATIVE WILL BE RIGHT WITH YOU, or FOR ALL THE INFORMATION WE THINK YOU'RE CALLING TO GET BUT REALLY ARE NOT, CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE YOU ALREADY FAILED TO SOLVE THE PROBLEM WITH AT WWW DOT WE-SUCK-AT-CUSTOMER-SERVICE DOT COM, the music that some fool thought was really hip for the young people, so they added it to the educational display at the aquarium... all of it. all that music needs to go. if i want a song i hate stuck in my head, i'll pick it out myself. the obsessive music-players of the world must all gallop over a cliff and die now.
Posted by happyhedonist on December 27, 2008 at 7:02 PM · Report this
27
Oh boo-hoo..."I personally dislike X type of music." Why is this even an article? I hate the crap retailers play year round, can I get paid to write about that?

If you don't like the music, stop shopping at the store and write them a note as to why.
Posted by Whut on December 28, 2008 at 10:54 AM · Report this
28
While I might agree with you, there are potentially other people who absolutely adore Christmas music and hate all other types of music. So what makes us right and them wrong?

That's your question to answer, not mine. You're the one who gets to write fancy articles for a fancy paper.

This piece was humorous and enlightening. Not.
Posted by a.b. on December 28, 2008 at 11:31 AM · Report this
29
I bet the song selection at Israeli malls during Hanukkah suck just as bad.
Posted by AllMallMusicSucks on December 28, 2008 at 6:21 PM · Report this
30
You fucking CHRIST KILLERS!!! I will get you!!!!!
Posted by Jesus of Nazareth on December 28, 2008 at 6:36 PM · Report this
31
I hate any kind of music played or piped in stores or restaurants, it is such an irritant. Christmas music I can handle for an hour or two any more than that and I evolve in too and ass-hole. But until next August it's all over now.
Posted by Mikey on December 28, 2008 at 7:26 PM · Report this
32
oh nice. you killed Jesus now you wanna kill Santa, too!!
Posted by Lloyd on December 28, 2008 at 11:37 PM · Report this
33
Blah Blah Blah...

Jewish people crying over Christmas...

Next topic...
Posted by Ezra on December 29, 2008 at 12:20 AM · Report this
34
In my 62 years, I've only heard one winter (not really Christmas) tune that I liked: The Cocteau Twins' version of Frosty the Snowman. The rest is annoying crap.
Posted by db on December 29, 2008 at 6:52 AM · Report this
35
well too fucking bad...i am tired of having a goddamn menorah waved in my face every christmas by a bunch of chicken twirlers
Posted by Shootingsparks on December 29, 2008 at 8:08 AM · Report this
36
I got stuck at JFK during a snow storm for about five hours last week and the worst part about it wasn't that my flight was delayed, but that they played the same effin' Christmas songs on a loop for the whole effin' time. Even the restrooms offered no escape. The last hour in the terminal was among the worst of my life. Sheer torture. The one thing I hate more than Xmas: Xmas songs.
Posted by Slacks11 on December 29, 2008 at 10:54 AM · Report this
37
Once December hits, all I listen to is Christmas music. It reminds me of the times with my family. We didn't have much, but we did have Christmas music. And I agree, some of it is not good, but some of it is.
Posted by ILikeIt on December 29, 2008 at 2:04 PM · Report this
38
Jewish people are constantly reminding us that they are the most persecuted group in the history of humanity. This article is the penultimate truth to that argument. Those poor, persecuted Jews... When WILL they get their revenge???
Posted by Flavius Josephus on December 29, 2008 at 4:50 PM · Report this
39
Tom Lehrer recorded "Hanukkah in Santa Monica," and most choruses these days do Hanukkah songs as well as a Kwanzaa tune or two as part of their repertoire. (Or maybe I just got lucky with the Men's Choruses of Seattle, Portland, and SF.) Also, there are more than a few non-Christian holiday songs--"Winter Wonderland" "Let it Snow" "Frosty the Snowman" etc.

I'd like to be more sympathetic, but I frankly have the opposite problem: I like to leave decorations up & celebrate through January 6th, and I get tired of snarky remarks and funny looks from people: "You haven't taken things down YET?!" Gee, sorry, no I didn't rip everything down Dec. 26th. Welcome to rainy, depressing, bill-filled January--happy?
Posted by Dback on December 29, 2008 at 5:41 PM · Report this
40
You wouldn't be so bitter if you found true love on a holiday. That holiday would forever be held dear in your heart; at least until the day your true love goes insane and leaves you forever. Then you'll have a reason to despise the holiday, the days leading up to it, and every thing associated with it. Until then, you're a whiney amateur.
Posted by WenG on December 30, 2008 at 12:42 AM · Report this
41
You chose a fringe religion to worship within, so now you must be prepared to deal with mainstream life as an outsider.

Such is life. :)

http://www.jews4jeez.com
Posted by Uncle Leo Seinfeld on December 30, 2008 at 10:38 AM · Report this
42
As a Jew I find Christmas to be fascinating. Some how the Christians got a fat bearded guy to give out presents by flying in a magic sled pulled by magic reindeer. And then the Christians all wear ugly sweaters and drink frothed eggnog. Wonderful, isn't it in its absurdity?

Channukah just can't compete.

And Adam, get over yourself. Bitter Jew, how stereotypical.
Posted by Aaron Hanavi on December 30, 2008 at 10:42 AM · Report this
43
When the weather outside is frightful,
The tree on fire is so delightful.
When the height of it is way down low,
Let it glow, let it glow, let it glow.
Posted by Satan Claws on December 30, 2008 at 10:45 AM · Report this
44
OK, Christmas is done with. You all survived with only a few punctured and bleeding eardrums. New Years is next. Surely, someone on the staff at The Stranger can find SOMETHING about New Years to whine about. A Muslim or Asian person who follows a different calender, perhaps? Or some pussy-ass pseudointellectual microbrew drinker complaining that they don't have Rabid Weasel Ale on tap? C'mon folks, you can do it. I have faith in you.
Posted by Chris down in The Couv on December 30, 2008 at 12:02 PM · Report this
45
"I would like to see Judah Macabee in the mall sitting next to Santa!!!"

I'll thank you to keep your grubby, commercialized paws of MY fucking holiday.
Posted by Sarah on December 30, 2008 at 12:22 PM · Report this
46
You said it. X mas is lame and further spoiled by tasteless consumerism. And by the way, Jesus was not even born on Dec 26 but most people are too stupid to check or care.
Posted by yesman on December 30, 2008 at 7:10 PM · Report this
47
Well put, especially the first paragraph. If it weren't for the first four words (which I can't coopt), I'd be embroidering it on a fucking quilt right now.
Posted by hillpagan on December 31, 2008 at 10:28 AM · Report this
48
Somehow, I don't think "I'm Dreaming of a White Kwanzaa" would go over very well.
Posted by Arlo's Mama on December 31, 2008 at 10:39 AM · Report this
49
I hate Christmas music too. It's totally fucking annoying.
Posted by monkey on December 31, 2008 at 11:26 AM · Report this
50
Oh WAHHHHHH! Get over it, there are FAR worse things you could have to endure in life.
Posted by Eraserhead on December 31, 2008 at 12:33 PM · Report this
51
You´re all missing the point here. No one ever went broke underestimating the musical taste of the American Public, H.L. Menken said in so many words.

The undifferentiated masses have won because THEY ARE THE MAJORITY. It just so happens that the majority also celebrate Xmas and not Hanakkah, Kwanza, or whatever.

Like the writer, I am also a Jewish Christ-Killer (thank you Adolf:-)
I accept that we´re outnumbered. But outnumbered in the sense that some of us, regardless of our upbringing have taste and would do almost anything to hear Handel´s Messiah or Bach´s wonderous Christmas Oratorio, or even the Fuckin´Four Seasons instead of the earworms we´re forced to endure.
Posted by Allan Segall on December 31, 2008 at 1:22 PM · Report this
52
The Jews can drive everyone crazy with their promised land, and the Christians can drive everyone crazy with their promised month.
Posted by sockpuppet on December 31, 2008 at 5:21 PM · Report this
53
Waah, waah, waah. Christmas sucks. Well tell us something we don't already fucking know. This was the same rant I used to sprew out when I was 17 years old and still recovering from years of mind-numbing Catholicism. Now at 40, I accept that this vulgar display of Yuletide gluttony is just part of the western capitalist condition. Consume, consume, consume no matter how un-"Christian"-like you become in the process.

But cheer up Ebenezer, in due time there'll be a lot less consuming going around when we're all a stone throw away from all out economic depression. With any luck, maybe the Yuletide schmaltz will come down a few notches when so many will be forced to focus on more pertinent matters like the recent foreclosure of their home. If war, poverty, and the general brutality of most of this planet will not compel us to give a damn about something more than getting the latest Xbox or ill-fitted clothing from some nameless sweatshop; well then hit us in the pocketbook! $4 per gallon gas sure made some soon-to-be Humvee consumers think twice. Maybe a sizeable reduction in income and benefits will teach us “the true meaning of Christmas” and Santa will leave the building not because we told him to fuck off but rather because there simply was less of a need to have him there at all.


Posted by Billyzoom on January 1, 2009 at 11:21 AM · Report this
54
i fucking hate christmas music. and i am a catholic. it makes me want to hang myself.
Posted by jk on January 1, 2009 at 1:31 PM · Report this
55
I'm an atheist and I like xmas music - makes me happy. Especially the old stuff - really stirs something up from my childhood.

I think this entire article is completely contrived. Like people who are "afraid" of clowns. I call bullshit.

If not a hoax, then I'm sorry you're a gigantic, intolerant, self-important asshole, Adam. And sorry for your family, too.
Posted by Marco in Seattle on January 1, 2009 at 4:56 PM · Report this
56
this is horrible. it is people like Mr. Bregman who make the holidays hell for everyone. No matter what your denomination, or lack thereof, the winter holiday season is not only about religion. While 75% or more of Americans are Christian or similar denominations, people know that not everyone is. Unfortunately, the advertising business was created as a revenue catalyst and targets the majority. Short of a constitutional amendment, there is nothing that can be done to prevent people shoving holiday cheer down your throat. My advice is to just suck it up and deal with it. Just because you don't like the overabundance of holiday music, food and spirit does not give you the right to shit down everyone else's chimney, so to speak. I am a journalist as well and I more than understand getting your opinion out there, but I think that the level of professional decorum expected doesn't involve talking about reindeer dick.
Posted by Gabe on January 1, 2009 at 8:12 PM · Report this
57
I'm agnostic and I hate Xmas Muzak and all the commercialism that goes with it.
IF I were a Christian, I think I'd truly abhor what has been done to what was once a religious festival. (But some Christians of earlier eras, such as pre-Revolutionary America, banned the celebration of Xmas. Maybe they had some premonition of what a crass commercial farce it might turn out to be.)
Here's why I have no issue with Easter:
1.It's not a "season". It's a weekend.
Sure, some Christians do Lent which is over a month but they tend to be quiet about it. And Lent, giving up something, is anti-commercial.
2. Easter is still, at least for adults, a religious holiday. The adults who celebrate it tend to be Christian and in general have a clue as to what the holiday's about.
3. No Frigging Easter Carols/MUZAK!!

When someone wishes me "merry xmas" I say "happy solstice." If after solstice, I say "happy new year."

When someone asks me if I'm "ready for Xmas" I say that I'm not Christian so I don't celebrate Xmas. It's so fun to see their reaction since most people either don't associate Xmas with Christianity OR (I hope this isn't the case) they have trouble realizing that there are non-Christians in the world.

Xmas Muzak is the most annoying aspect of this Commercial Insanity. But I really don't like it when IN NOV., someone "compliments" me on my "Xmas sweater" because it happens to be red. Why is red red most of the year, but in Nov. and Dec., it suddenly becomes "Christmasy"?? Vomit!!
Posted by Glad It's Over for 10 Months on January 1, 2009 at 9:20 PM · Report this
58
While I can sympathize your annoyance, I personally believe are taking it too seriously.

Christmas comes around one time a year. Grab an ipod and go about your time free from the music.

I don't like obnoxious kids but I am forced to deal with them in public 365 days a year. I think you can survive a few weeks of Santa and his music during the Christmas season. :)
Posted by niblik on January 2, 2009 at 1:33 PM · Report this
59
x-mess does suck reindeer dick i agree.
Posted by b-rad on January 2, 2009 at 10:52 PM · Report this
60
And the absolute worse are the sellout Jews cranking out xmas albums: Barbra Streisand, Barry Manilow, Neil Diamond.

I complained about having to sing xmas carols in school when I was there in the un-pc 70s when they were allowed to be religious; I complain about my kids having to sing them now, when they're not supposed to be but are.

And yeah, I would like to be able to buy my damned groceries w/o listening to the damned bells. That's on the loudspeaker or (really sharpen your knives for me now) in the hands of the salvation army too.
Posted by sj on January 3, 2009 at 7:38 PM · Report this
61
everything I want to write would be flagged for indecency, so I will just say that you are a boob and must have had absolutely nothing else to write. Instead, why not focus on the hundreds of women and children your countrymen are killing in Gaza? Surely that is a more important topic. But I know, it must be hard. It must be hard being a Jew in Beverly Hills.
Posted by Iheartpalestine on January 3, 2009 at 9:46 PM · Report this
62
Is this what it's like to be born with a silver spoon up your ass? Maybe you'd like the world of iheartpalestine better - rockets not santa down the chimney.
Posted by Plop on January 4, 2009 at 10:46 AM · Report this
63
I was in a retail store yesterday and they were still playing Christmas music! On January 3rd! Now, that's just not playing fair.
Posted by Heather on January 4, 2009 at 7:21 PM · Report this
64
Arlo's Mama, you made me LOL!
Posted by science chick on January 5, 2009 at 2:54 PM · Report this
65
Actually, the 12th day of Christmas was just yesterday on the 6th, so I'm actually impressed that someplace was "up" on things enough to celebrate through Epiphany. My sister works for Starbucks, and their Muzak thing was PROGRAMMED to switch off the holiday music on the 26th. Scary.
Posted by dback on January 7, 2009 at 9:11 PM · Report this
66
I agree with you to an extent. Im a catholic and while I do enjoy the christmas lights (despite the fact that they must murder the fuck out of our energy), the seasonal coffees/deserts, and of course the gifts; I fucking hate the music. My hatred began when I started working at a Vons (Safeway) Starbucks. The music began to saw in into my brain. First softly, then violently leading me to give dickheads decaf coffee and a little bit of other nasties in their drinks. There is a hidden mood that exists during christmas season. I recognized this especially during my work at starbuck. But you see it in all the department stores. Anyone who works retail can tell you how big of assholes people are during the season. What I say is that music in stores should be entirely instrumental. I love christmas music and the mood it brings without the lyrics. I find comedies and "punk rock" covers of christmas music just as cheesy and lame as the regular.

P.S. Treat your baristas nicely. Your next one might be me.
Posted by ITCHO BOY ROB on December 13, 2009 at 3:41 PM · Report this
Rev.Smith 67
Nonchrist/non-xmas xmas songs that keep some of us sane after been submerged in Bing/Manilow/Connick Jr land:

Save Ferris's cover of the Waitresses' Xmas Wrapping is good for two listenings.
Adam Sandler's Santa I've been a bad boy & the 3 Channukah songs.
Vandals. Bears repeating: VANDALS. Sugarplum fairie rock out comes to mind.
Matt and Trey / South Park Xmas. (Isaac Hayes singing 'what the hell child is this.' FTW: "He's whiiite, so he cannot be minnnne." Close second: Kenny & Mr Hankie's song "You can suck all the dick you want, and still be a Virgin, ...Mary.")
Charlie Brown special: Mr. Schultz had xmas angst DOWN before anyone else.

Yeah, yeah it's immature and pure fantasy. But so is [thinking that Jesus' mom wasn't hiding an affair from Joesph?] shopping and hoping to be able to buy happiness. We all get our cheer from different sources. Prefer to concentrate on that fact, rather than all the things I could list under "dislike".

@16: you cannot simultaneously make an argument against the commercialization/excess of Xmas AND complain there aren't enough jewish greeting cards (taking up space, for sale, using up trees), at the same time. Pick a cause and LIVE it.
Supply and demand rules though: so long as suckers keep buying stuff, retailers will keep pumping the xmas pump harder and earlier & earlier in the year.
@6: seems that way in regards to comedy, sometimes, doesn't it? Guess jews have more to laugh it. The christians inadvertantly provide SO much material...
Posted by Rev.Smith on December 14, 2009 at 10:37 AM · Report this
68
You are 1% of the countries population. If everyone catered to every 1%'s needs there wouldnt be anything left. STFU and quit whining.

This is the most cliche thing you could have possibly written. I feel like your must have wrote it on purpose just to get a rise.

Go back to Egypt if you dont want to hear christmas music.
Posted by Jehovah on December 18, 2009 at 4:11 PM · Report this
69
Bring us the dessicated heads of Burl Ives and Bing Crosby on pikes so we can scare the not-so-innocent little kiddies at Halloween into being good little angels with twisted tinsel mayhem.

No, wait, there's a better way.

Adam, would you be offended if we exhumed seven more of these ancient crooners so we could stick all their heads on a menorah instead of pikes? Or would the commercialness of the hanukkah horror be too much schtick and not enough carrot?

Some of us believe in a cruel Santa that gives everyone what they deserve, not what they want.

Merry Christmas, Adam. Christmas music hates you back.
Posted by Iago, The Vengeful Santa on December 19, 2009 at 6:15 AM · Report this
70
I hate Christmas. Went to a cowboy nativity play last night, and heard the Archangel Gabriel with his "magic guns" tell Mary that she's going to be pregnant...implication was a forced spiritual rape.

I hate Christmas. Joseph in the play threatened to kill his teacher a month ago...

I hate Christmas. Gross consumerism - and we're broke.

I hate Christmas. The worst s-o-bs that I have ever known loudly proclaimed their Christianity. I live in East Texas.

Nuff said.
Posted by easttxisfreaky on December 20, 2009 at 12:38 PM · Report this
71
I hate jews and catholics and christians and mormons and every other fucking dumb ass religion. i wouldnt celebrate christmas if it wasnt for my parents and girlfriend. Jesus wasnt born on christmas, christmas is just some bullshit that that followers of jesus made up to convert pegans from their winter solsitce. religions based on jesus are a complete scam. the bible starts with 2 people but for pagans the world ends with 2 people. the bible is just a sequal to the pegan religion. I though of making a new religion like the people who wrote the bible did so we can make it a trilogy. anyway back to christmas, its so fucking commercialized it makes me want to puke. the poor get poorer just to please their children on christmas day. religion and religious holidays piss me off just as much as obama and is "democratic" ideas cough socialism cough cough.
Posted by chuckP on December 24, 2009 at 8:16 PM · Report this
72
It wouldn't be so bad if the onslaught of Christmas music only occurred over two or three days. When grocery stores play all Christmas all the time for a full month, the "Christmas comes but once a year" argument wears a little thin.

Also, religion has very little to do with it. Personally, as a Jewish atheist, I find the traditional carols a lot less annoying than Rudolph and Deck the Halls. Also, I've taken to expressing my sympathy to the people working behind the counters, who have to listen to these songs all day. They tell me the songs drive them crazy. I don't ask them about their beliefs, but it's likely that at least some of them are Christian.
Posted by cinderkeys on December 27, 2009 at 2:00 PM · Report this
73
Haha, okay, I kind of understand how that can be frustrating, and if I hated Christmas music or Christmas in general and had listen to it everywhere I went, it would probably drive me mad as well. There are a lot of annoying things about Christmas because it's so commercialized. To me, the season of Christmas no longer is really related to the religious celebration of Christmas. Truth is, Christmas isn't supposed to be about material items or Santa or Rudolph for that matter! So perhaps you can keep that in mind when bashing the Christian religion in general in regards to Christmas...because there are a good amount of Christians out there who feel the same way about the commercialization of what's supposed to be a much more selfless holiday. Oh well.
Oh and by the way, I work at Starbucks and they keep playing the same CDs over and over again. Haha. I'm grateful for my abundance of patience otherwise I might be writing a similar blog. :)
Posted by elise on December 9, 2010 at 5:35 PM · Report this
74
I hear Israel has room. And no Christmas music.
Posted by Christ-Mass on November 21, 2011 at 8:38 AM · Report this
75
There are a lot of good "Winter/snow songs" that shouldn't be played to death with the Christmas propoganda, while grass is still Green and no snow on the Ground
( I'm north of the 49th and we get winter almost 6 months of the year)... Does anyone out there know of any Radio Stations that are "non-Christmas friendly"?
Posted by Ikki on December 1, 2011 at 8:51 AM · Report this
76
I am wiccan and I just once want some one to tell me Merry yule! I work retail all I hear is merry christmas....I am not christian so I dont celebrate CHRISTmas.
Posted by Kittn16 on December 18, 2011 at 10:25 PM · Report this
77
dont celebrate shitmas. and i hate the shitty music played in december all the dumbass lights "OOH LOOK AT THESE ELECTRIC THINGS THAT LIGHT UP". not to mention the shitty experiance
Posted by Hello im here to kill everyone on December 21, 2011 at 6:14 PM · Report this
78
I agree - Mazel Tov! This Jew hates Christmas soo much that I can't watch tv or enter a store. The news is filled with the shit, now its the internet ads - I can't escape. Ya know, I get my family fill at thanksgiving - but christmas..shut the fuck up! I'm not an angry or bitter jew. I never wanted to be part of that nonsense growing up - I envy no christmas loving asshole. I feel sorry for them and they're stupid sweaters. I hate most holidays because they're bullshit - its all a guilt trip. Jews wjo hang Christmas decorations are scary, I stay away from them.
Posted by xs on December 23, 2011 at 12:41 AM · Report this
79
Well now. how can you justify the money made by non-christians every year at Christmas time? lots of jews, muslims, wiccans, athiests or whatever other drivel exists out there rake in most of their business income during this time of the year. Would you be willing not to make huge profits or are you going to shut up and endure it for the time being? quit being such a load of hypocrites... all of you!!!
Posted by depressed and angry on December 23, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
80
Good call! All this consumerist idiocy is sickening. We will slowly chip away at this, year by year. Change the traditions and refuse to participate!!!
Posted by Jaygo on December 25, 2011 at 2:28 PM · Report this
81
Coffee just spewed out my nose reading this article - here i am in a trendy downtown cafe, xmas music a-blastin away, thought i'd look online for fellow heathens and found this fantastic bit of journalism which put into words what churns in my gut this time each year... i hate christmas, i hate christmas music, i hate religion, and let's be honest i hate most people young and old.
Posted by bitter aging jewess on December 2, 2012 at 10:10 AM · Report this
Posted by Paxlotl on December 5, 2012 at 1:41 PM · Report this
83
Get over asshole.
Posted by Blue moon on December 20, 2012 at 11:23 PM · Report this
84
The reason there is no mention of Hanukkha is that only about 2% of the population celebrates it, if that. We don't mention Zoroastrianism very often either. So anyway, fuck you too Shecky, we're not interested in your shitty holiday. Move to Israel and take all your kin-folk with ya.
Posted by comet2011 on December 25, 2012 at 6:37 PM · Report this
85
This is exactly why Hitler should have won.
Posted by Paul Simon on December 1, 2013 at 5:57 PM · Report this
86
This is exactly why Hitler should have won. Dirty scumbag jew.
Posted by Paul Simon on December 1, 2013 at 6:04 PM · Report this
87
I hate cheesy Christmas songs like away in a manger and other shitty stuff from children's artist although I'm an old Atheist
Posted by Fuckoffawayinamanger on December 4, 2013 at 9:25 AM · Report this
inquiastador 88
Dude, I know what you mean, somewhat. However, you can play for one team and still like the other's fight songs. Also, many of the winter holiday songs have no a thing to do with Christmas. Lastly, want more non-christian songs? Someone needs to write some that are actually good Cous emec! Gut yontiff.
Posted by inquiastador on December 4, 2013 at 7:32 PM · Report this
89
Christmas is a retarded holiday. .and only brainless individuals could believe in an invisible overlord that watches their every move...oh pleeeese
Posted by vanita on December 16, 2013 at 1:08 PM · Report this
90
I work in the back of a bakery in one of Galen Weston's money machine stores. we've had the unfortunate xmas carols piped in since the end of November. after deaths in my family I can say I'm not into this so called festive season anymore but I try to deal as best as I can - and have several drinks when I do get home from work. but honest to Christ -this fucking music brings out the worst in me - like I'm suddenly a devil. I am short with people and today I completely broke down in tears because I simply couldn't take it anymore. I'm a peon and have no say. how embarrassing that this shit brings me to tears - I need a fucking psychiatrist! why the bombardment?? - it's a total ear rape! a co worker said he can't even focus on the job at hand as a cashier - because the music is SO FUCKING LOUD! AND said people come here to shop - not dance to at a Christmas disco ball! that actually made me laugh. I hate christmas. thank you for letting me rant and letting me read all these comments I pretty much agree with.
Posted by hideinaholefordecember on December 24, 2013 at 2:11 PM · Report this
91
Way to bring religion into it, when we all know this corporate holiday has nothing to do with Christianity anymore. Sounds like someone is just sad they missed out on Christmas as a child.

I know your type... you would rather complain and wish the world will feel sorry for you.

You don't even try to overcome the situation. Yeah i hate the music too, but that's why you put on headphones. Then again you probably have earbuds in most of the year anyways so what are you complaining about? It only happens once a year so either deal with it or GTFO.

BTW no one here feels sorry for you. get over yourself. merry christmas you grinch.
Posted by P&A on December 29, 2013 at 9:51 AM · Report this
92
Way to bring religion into it, when we all know this corporate holiday has nothing to do with Christianity anymore. Sounds like someone is just sad they missed out on Christmas as a child.

I know your type... you would rather complain and wish the world will feel sorry for you. FYI the majority don't care about how you feel. we may agree, but we don't care.

You don't even try to overcome the situation. Yeah i hate the music too, but that's why you put on headphones. Then again you probably have earbuds in most of the year anyways so what are you complaining about? It only happens once a year so either deal with it or GTFO.

BTW no one here feels sorry for you. get over yourself. merry christmas you grinch.
Posted by P&A on December 29, 2013 at 10:01 AM · Report this
93
You get that Santa Claus is really Odin, right? And that your little asswipe article incites the wrath of more or less all European history for the last 50,000 years? I'm not even joking - the old European religion is more ancient than you neophyte kikies could ever imagine. You have insulted it. Bad decision. I won't see you on the other side of eternity.
Posted by althing on May 13, 2014 at 9:52 PM · Report this

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