Goin' Gay with Dr. Dre
by Dr. Dre, Ph.D.
For the fledgling homosexual, no activity is more important or challenging than the psycho-social ritual known as "coming out." Revealing same-sex desire to friends and family requires bravery, self-possession, and preparation, but even the most prepared homosexuals should be braced for some surprises. The friend you've regarded as the most liberal may turn out to be the one most freaked out by your homosexuality. Others may accept it intellectually, but will become uneasy when confronted with tangible evidence of your gay life, such as a valentine from your homosexual lover, or surveillance-camera footage of you sucking dicks in the Arby's men's room.
For example, when I chose to disclose my homosexual tendencies to my friend, protégé, and honky homeboy Eminem, he immediately puked, then threatened to beat me to death with my own severed arms. However, slowly but surely, Em came to see that I'm the same Dre he's always known, and next month he'll be performing "Evergreen" at my commitment ceremony with Nathan Lane.
So follow my lead. Take the leap. Closets are for clothes. Word.
Next week: Wax Your Back with Fleetwood Mac!