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Hard to Choke Down

What Does the Worst Restaurant in Federal Way Have to Do with the Republican Party’s Race Problem?

Hard to Choke Down
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The Godfather's Pizza in Federal Way is in a stand-alone building in the parking lot of a strip mall. Walking in, you're immediately struck by a horrible musty stench (possibly emanating from the browning ceiling tiles in the corner by the bathroom) and the sense that the place hasn't been renovated since the 1980s. There are outdated video games along the far wall of the restaurant, and everything is done up in some putrid shade of brown. Even the Godfather's Pizza website copy feels like it was written in a time before the discovery of nutrition: "Suddenly, salads don't seem so bad," they say, adding that their pizzas are "just like mom used to make, only much, much bigger!"

A friend and I arrive half an hour into the all-you-can-eat pizza dinner buffet. The restaurant is empty. The teenage girl takes our $6.99 apiece—refillable drinks are extra—and shows us to four pizzas shimmering under bright yellow heat lamps. If you prefer your food to be cheap and in huge quantities, if health and flavor simply don't matter to you, this is your Shangri-la, a bottomless fountain of fat and carbohydrates, kept slightly above room temperature for six solid hours—from 11:00 a.m. to 2:00 p.m. and from 5:00 to 8:00 p.m. every day. Iceberg lettuce beckons from the salad bar, along with quivering bowls of creamy slop. Every flat surface in the place is sticky.

Herman Cain, the CEO of Godfather's Pizza in the late 1980s and early '90s, made his name by turning failed fast-food franchises around into profitability. And now he's running for president. In current presidential politics, the platform barely matters; a campaign lives or dies based on the candidate's story. In a May Gallup poll, Cain ranked higher than any other Republican presidential candidate in terms of "positive intensity," a term identifying how strongly supporters stand behind a candidate (Mitt Romney came in second to last, just a hair in front of poor, doomed Newt Gingrich). And last weekend, in the first credible poll of the 2012 primary season, the Des Moines Sunday Register placed Cain in a very strong third place, behind a neck-and-neck Romney and Michele Bachmann, but way in front of Gingrich, Ron Paul, and supposedly more respectable candidates like Tim Pawlenty and Jon Huntsman.

What is it about Cain's biography that makes him so compelling to Republicans? As a Pillsbury vice president, he made a group of 400 Burger Kings in the Philadelphia area profitable, and then got put in charge of Godfather's Pizza and made that profitable, and then bought Godfather's Pizza from Pillsbury with some other investors in 1988 and ran it until 1996, when he decided to get into politics. His one senatorial campaign ended after being drubbed at the primary level, though he has had more luck as a behind-the-scenes figure; in its September 19, 1994, issue, Newsweek credited him with a large role in the derailment of Hillary Clinton's universal health care plan. And for several years, Cain hosted a popular right-wing talk radio show in the Atlanta metro region, which accounts for his tendency toward blowsy, insubstantial thinking; he's got the undisciplined opinions of a man who's accustomed to filling two solid hours a day with hot air.

Which is to say that every time he opens his mouth, something stupid falls out. He said he believes that Barack Obama was raised in Kenya. He proudly declared that he will refuse to sign any bill longer than three pages. In a Fox News Sunday interview with Chris Wallace, he was blindsided by a simple question about what right of return means for the Palestinian people. When Sean Hannity later asked about this stumble, Cain said he didn't anticipate the question. He then tried to turn his lack of understanding into a strength by talking about himself in the third person: "The thing that you're gonna learn about Herman Cain: If he doesn't know something, he's not going to try and fake it or give an answer he doesn't know what he's talking about." (Of course, Cain did try to fake it when Wallace asked the question, and his bumbling quickly erased any doubt—even among the friendliest Fox News viewers—that he had no idea what he was talking about.)

He has proudly announced that no Muslims will be allowed to work in a Cain administration. Let's set aside the illegality of that for a minute and admire the shit that Cain backed into when asked about his no-Muslim policy at the second Republican presidential debate:

First, the statement was "Would I be comfortable with a Muslim in my administration?" not that I wouldn't appoint one. That's the exact transcript. And I would not be comfortable because you have peaceful Muslims and then you have militant Muslims, those that are trying to kill us. And so when I said I wouldn't be comfortable, I was thinking about the ones that were trying to kill us.

Translated: He can't tell the difference between someone who wants to kill everyone in America and a normal human being. Replace the word "Muslims" with "African Americans" or "Asians" or, hell, "Scientologists," and you have a media hurricane of career-ending proportions. But because Cain attacked the bogeyman of the moment, every presidential candidate on that stage, with the exception of Romney (who issued self-interested boilerplate about religious freedom), let his statement stand unchallenged.

Cain also admitted in an interview with John J. Miller for conservative newsmagazine National Review that he doesn't know anything about the wars in Libya and Afghanistan; our free trade agreements with Colombia, Panama, and South Korea; or what George W. Bush's immigration policies were. That last hole in Cain's knowledge is especially problematic because he has praised Bush's administration as practically flawless—when pressed to name a single mistake George W. Bush made, Cain said that Bush should have moved forward on his stated desire to privatize Social Security. (Obviously, if our Social Security accounts were tied up in stocks during the economic collapse of 2008, old people would have been diving headfirst into traffic.)

Even the policies that Cain touts on his website are stupid: He is in favor of reducing regulations and corporate taxes across the board, eliminating the income tax, and instituting a 23 percent sales tax. In debates, he sounds like an isolationist—again, not a very consistent position for a man who thinks 2000–2008 was the golden age of American political history. If there were still teabaggers—a few deluded morons still cling to the "movement," even though the Tea Party dissolved the minute Republicans stopped needing it as a rebranding tool, in November of 2010—this would be their platform; it's contradictory, delusional, and built upon a foundation of fear.

Though Pillsbury doesn't own Godfather's Pizza anymore, it's still written into the DNA of the chain: Specifically, the crust of all the pizza could have been rolled out of a Pillsbury tube. It's flabby and pale and tastes like a few drops of artificial baked-bread flavoring were added to fifty thousand gallons of the stuff, long ago in a factory far away. Ketchup would make a better tomato sauce. The cheese is kind of cheese-colored and covered over in a greasy blanket of beef pellets, "sausage" crumbles, and off-tasting bacon. I can get only a few bites down before my gag reflex kicks in. The breadsticks, served with cold trays of "tomato" "sauce," are edible.

More trays of pizza are pushed out under the lamps.

Because I'm here for journalistic purposes, I feel we must sample as wide a variety of the product as we can. We hide the remains of the first round under napkins and go sample the new flavors. (When we return, the napkins will be a translucent, radioactive orange.) Somehow, the taco pizza is the best of the lot; at least the "taco sauce" tastes like something, though the towel-like dough soaks it up before I can get more than a few bites in. Worst of all is the chicken pizza with "white sauce," which my friend says tastes "like garlic took a shit." The dessert pizza-sticks (which online reviews rave about as the single best part of the Godfather's Pizza experience) are just repurposed Pillsbury cinnamon rolls without the cinnamon, basted in a chunky, lardy sugar sauce.

In order to salvage something from the experience, we decide to play a few video games, but there's no fun to be had there. All the buttons and joysticks are gummy with years' worth of children's mucus, machines eat quarters indiscriminately, and we discover after feeding quarters into the air hockey table that somebody stole the puck. We leave as a large Hispanic family settles in for their meal; they're the only other people who've walked into this Godfather's in an hour.

The Pizza Man's pizza is inedible, unless you are an idiot or desperately poor. While it's true that Herman Cain made the company financially stable and independent, he clearly didn't provide any sort of plan for a thriving future for the organization; there's a whiff of death around Godfather's Pizza. (The whiff is quite literal in Federal Way.)

What can Cain fans possibly expect their man to do to the American economy? Will he cut costs again and again, until we're left with whatever is the national equivalent of that meal that I tried to choke down? If Cain is proud of his connection with the pizza chain, he clearly doesn't care about the lack of quality attached to his name; he's just concerned with the spreadsheets, the bottom line. Do Cain fans really want someone who would treat the economy like some sort of a video game—who'll keep working the numbers until unemployment gets as close to zero as possible, with no concern for the quality of the jobs that Americans are forced to get, or until the economy booms to never-before-seen levels of prosperity, even if the quality of life for 95 percent of the population plummets?

If that's what they want, he's their guy.

But I don't think that's why Republicans are excited about Herman Cain.

There's something much more insidious than that about the Cain candidacy, and it's such a delicate subject that most members of the media are too polite (or frightened) to mention it. To untangle the secret of Cain's success, we first have to start with teabagger House freshman Joe Walsh, a Republican from Illinois, and his comments to Salon about Barack Obama late last month:

Why was he elected? Again, it comes back to who he was. He was black, he was historic. And there's nothing racist about this. It is what it is. If he had been a dynamic, white state senator elected to Congress, he wouldn't have gotten in the game this fast. This is what made him different... [The media] was in love with him because they thought he was a good liberal guy and they were in love with him because he pushed that magical button: a black man who was articulate, liberal, the whole white guilt, all of that.

Nobody is really color-blind; it would be idiotic to suggest that race had nothing to do with the man who Barack Obama has become. But some right-wing radicals really do believe that Obama became president based solely on his blackness. Consider all the right-wing jokes about President Obama's reliance on teleprompters, even though every modern president has used teleprompters when giving prepared speeches, and even though Obama has proven time and again—particularly on January 29, 2010, when he nimbly debated congressional Republicans about health care and the economy with no teleprompter in sight—to be a gifted extemporaneous speaker. Consider the conservative pundits—including best-selling right-wing mudslinger Jerome Corsi—who believe that Barack Obama's memoir, Dreams from My Father, was ghostwritten by white academic (and 1960s revolutionary) Bill Ayers. Consider the insane, and thankfully discredited, crusade to prove that the president of the United States wasn't even an American. Republicans refuse to give Obama any credit as his own man; they believe he coasted to the presidency because of the color of his skin.

That's why Republicans keep pushing men like Michael Steele and Herman Cain for prominent positions. They believe that voters—especially black voters—will get confused if they're faced with more than one black guy on a ballot. (A similar line of thinking led to the fiery ascendance of Sarah Palin: McCain staffers believed that putting a woman on the ballot could confuse female voters upset over the failure of Hillary Clinton's campaign.) And not only is Cain a black guy, but he's a black guy who came out of virtually nowhere to run an outsider's campaign, couched in the language of Martin Luther King Jr. and propelled by a media praising him for the high quality of his public speaking. (The 1994 Newsweek article that credited Cain with a role in torpedoing Hillary Clinton's universal health care plan also unfortunately referred to Cain as "articulate.") Sound familiar? He's a twisted mirror image of Obama riding high on the cresting wave of a bunch of white folks who can't manage to believe they lost the election in 2008 to a black man. Cain's candidacy is ultimately powered by nothing more than ignorance and hate.

Looking on the bright side, Cain's explosive popularity is good news for Democrats. Considering the volatile economy, Republicans would probably be able to take Obama on if they were willing to recognize his formidable talent, but institutional racism could conceivably prevent them from making that realization. If the party can't refute the stupid things Cain says, they will have proven that they can't get past this issue. If they can't turn their backs on a candidate as laughably bad as Herman Cain, the 2012 elections will be all about race. And when the Republican Party leads a conversation on race, the Republican Party always loses. recommended

 

Comments (60) RSS

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1
That's some serious butt hurt you got going there, Paul.
Posted by Cletus on June 29, 2011 at 8:59 AM · Report this
2
Republican is the politically correct term for politically correct racists.
Posted by I'm a stranger on June 29, 2011 at 9:13 AM · Report this
3
Way to be objective Stranger...This article was the liberal print equivalent of a Glenn Beck episode...Thanks for wasting everybody's time
Posted by flounder on June 29, 2011 at 9:48 AM · Report this
JF 4
I won't go solely on his blackness, but I'll go 50% on his blackness.
Posted by JF on June 29, 2011 at 10:03 AM · Report this
5
Its the Stranger, flounder. If you care so badly, go back to Free Republic or Townhall. Or UnSound Politics, where you can gripe about queen christine and the dumbocrats ad infinitum forever and ever amen.

Nice article, particularly the 1994 part, I had no idea. So screwing with our health care has been a Republican project for decades. Figures. When will democrats grow a backbone and stand up to these punks? We elected Obama to get Single Payer accomplished, he's done so little in that regard, and now probably won't. Thanks in no small part to unamerican creeps like Cain.
Posted by certaindoom on June 29, 2011 at 10:15 AM · Report this
freesandbags 6
Thanks, now I'm not hungry. Just a glass of water please.
Posted by freesandbags on June 29, 2011 at 10:21 AM · Report this
7
You can like obama as president without wanting to lick his butthole as badly as this article seems to want to. What does pizza have to do with politics? Absolutely nothing, it's a bad analogy. Writing so poorly about politics is irresponsible.
Posted by eggsontoast on June 29, 2011 at 10:47 AM · Report this
8
@5 I just want to see a political article that appears to have been written by a professional journalist and not a mud-slinging tunnel-visioned harpy. This is O'reillyesque pandering and i'm probably delusional, but i'd like to believe that it's possible to write an article like this without name-calling and debasing the intelligence of the reader.

BTW - I'm a left-leaning independent and i'm not trolling the ultra-liberals here. I really would like to see this article re-written by somebody without such an obvious agenda.

Posted by flounder on June 29, 2011 at 10:49 AM · Report this
9
What Does the Worst Restaurant in Federal Way Have to Do with the Republican Party’s Race Problem?

Why subtitle with that question if there is no attempt in the article to answer it or explain what you think the race problem even is?
Posted by cliche on June 29, 2011 at 11:10 AM · Report this
10
This is why we need to run someone like Amy Klobuchar or Claire McCaskill in 2016. A bit more liberal and just as confusing to the Radical Regressives in the Republican party.
Posted by Just like Sarah Palin... or not. on June 29, 2011 at 11:35 AM · Report this
John Horstman 11
@3, 8: Given that everyone has an agenda, isn't it better if it's obvious? Attempts to appear "objective" are always disingenuous (because objectivity is impossible - everyone's actions are influenced by one's positionality, and your interpretation/understanding of everyone's actions is always influenced by your positionality), and really just serve to obfuscate bias, which tends to make it more insidious and damaging (bias is a bigger problem when it's treated as though it isn't bias). The Stranger is a postmodern journalism organization: the writers mix reporting with humor, narrative, (sometimes subtle) sarcasm and parody, and overt political stances, and they reject many of the more ridiculous conventions of 'traditional' journalism (e.g. censoring 'offensive' words like "fuck" or "asshat"). Complaining that The Stranger isn't something that it has never claimed nor aspired to be is exactly trolling; if you want reporters' bias made less obvious, I suggest CNN, NPR, the BBC, or AP dispatch.

Great article Paul!

@9: Okay, so the Godfather's Pizza franchise serves as an analogy for Cain's political platform - a breaking-even-to-profitable bottom line, but doesn't do anything useful for anyone. That makes him a terrible candidate on his own merits, but he's doing relatively well anyway because he's Black. The Republican race problem is the reason that Cain's skin tone has him doing well in spite of his total lack of qualification.
Posted by John Horstman on June 29, 2011 at 1:40 PM · Report this
12
The Republican Party has a race problem. The Democratic Party has a queer problem. And Paul Constant has a problem with whoring for the Democrats.
Posted by Zepol on June 29, 2011 at 1:59 PM · Report this
13
I agree with Mr. Horstman on this. Everyone has an agenda, and nothing is "objective". Obviously, the only effect of an article like this is to get people pissed off; liberal-folk pissed that the republicans would even consider running a man like Cain, and not-so-liberal people pissed that someone is bashing one of their guys. Look, say what you will, but this is exactly the type of rhetoric we NEED as a political party; we need to quit holding our tongues, smelling our own farts, and acting like the republicans aren't really that bad. BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD. They have absolutely no idea what's going on in this country (neither do most people from seattle, BTW), they have political ideas and agendas that are hundreds of years old (read: conservative), and they genuinely hate a large majority of Americans. Besides, this is an article in the stranger, what do you expect? You read the stranger for strong opinions backed up with solid journalism, laced with humor, and targeted towards, oh what really, the average seattleite.
People who didn't understand this article or the point of this article, are, uh.. Well, I don't understand you. Read more, maybe
The race issue, btw, is a very thorny one, and it is often better to simply say that it exists as opposed to trying to delve deeply into it. That's a quagmire, and one that's best left at the simple statement that "there is a race issue". There has always been, and will always be, a race issue; it will just become less important as more Americans pull their heads out of their asses and realize that our country needs some serious leadership and some serious changes. Obama is going to get his second-term, and most presidents are more effective in their second term, for reasons that SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.
Posted by smitsmckey18 on June 29, 2011 at 2:44 PM · Report this
14
I agree with Mr. Horstman on this. Everyone has an agenda, and nothing is "objective". Obviously, the only effect of an article like this is to get people pissed off; liberal-folk pissed that the republicans would even consider running a man like Cain, and not-so-liberal people pissed that someone is bashing one of their guys. Look, say what you will, but this is exactly the type of rhetoric we NEED as a political party; we need to quit holding our tongues, smelling our own farts, and acting like the republicans aren't really that bad. BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD. They have absolutely no idea what's going on in this country (neither do most people from seattle, BTW), they have political ideas and agendas that are hundreds of years old (read: conservative), and they genuinely hate a large majority of Americans. Besides, this is an article in the stranger, what do you expect? You read the stranger for strong opinions backed up with solid journalism, laced with humor, and targeted towards, oh what really, the average seattleite.
People who didn't understand this article or the point of this article, are, uh.. Well, I don't understand you. Read more, maybe
The race issue, btw, is a very thorny one, and it is often better to simply say that it exists as opposed to trying to delve deeply into it. That's a quagmire, and one that's best left at the simple statement that "there is a race issue". There has always been, and will always be, a race issue; it will just become less important as more Americans pull their heads out of their asses and realize that our country needs some serious leadership and some serious changes. Obama is going to get his second-term, and most presidents are more effective in their second term, for reasons that SHOULD BE OBVIOUS.
Posted by smitsmckey18 on June 29, 2011 at 2:46 PM · Report this
15
Even though Federal Way is one big strip mall, there are many good restaurants there, due to Federal Way's non-lily white diverse community. Why the hell would you eat at Godfather's, and support the company that asshole Herman Cain was once in charge of?
Posted by Smell on June 29, 2011 at 3:14 PM · Report this
balderdash 16
@8, Can you spell out a little more precisely what it is that you want? This is an editorial piece. Do you know what that means? It means it is not intended nor obligated to be "fair and balanced." Candidate endorsements are editorial. Would you prefer that no one be allowed to offer opinions in print, or what?

Or is it just that you don't like the content? It really seems like you're uncomfortable with something in this story and you'd just like to have it rewritten for you in blander, easier-to-ignore terms.
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on June 29, 2011 at 3:19 PM · Report this
JF 17
@14 My only problem with this type of writting is that the Stranger is setting the rules on what is considered a good ribbing and what is considered bigoted. And more times than not, if the Stranger is talking shit about the other guy it's just that: shit talking that needs to be taking in stride. And I'm cool with that, it's all good. But to then put a boundry around the badmouthing is complete self serving bullshit.
Posted by JF on June 29, 2011 at 3:25 PM · Report this
18
Slight correction: the pizza is hanging around for 3 solid hours, not 6, not that it's a big deal but you're going overboard with your obvious hostility. Just sayin.
Posted by ReBeLcake on June 29, 2011 at 3:34 PM · Report this
Spicy McHaggis 19
You had to go all the way to Federal Way to find a Godfather's that is still open. Then you point out that Cain was also involved with Burger King another restaurant chain that's in the shitter but not quite as bad as the first.

Since Cain has no elected office experience he tries to pass himself off as a successful businessman. His so called success is pretty marginal and that has nothing to do with race.
Posted by Spicy McHaggis on June 29, 2011 at 5:12 PM · Report this
Rinelle Boomtown 20
Outdated video games are the shit!
Posted by Rinelle Boomtown on June 29, 2011 at 8:01 PM · Report this
balderdash 21
The fact that so many people still think that private sector expertise is a good thing in an elected official never ceases to baffle me. Do you REALLY want more Enron in your government? Are you all retarded?
Posted by balderdash http://introverse.blogspot.com on June 29, 2011 at 10:33 PM · Report this
22
Oh. My. God. Guys, Paul Constant is not "whoring for the Democrats" or "licking Obama's butthole". The only positive thing written about Obama in this piece was: "formidable talent". Which, having won the presidency, isn't unreasonable. You. Are. Projecting. And Herman Cain is an obviously shitty candidate. As Paul has written (much more eloquently). Duh.
Posted by RL is too lazy to log in on June 29, 2011 at 11:12 PM · Report this
23
Outdated video games that work are the shit.

Outdated video games that are gummy with years' worth of children's mucus are just shit.
Posted by bringbacktheaveandbwaygodfathers on June 30, 2011 at 12:15 AM · Report this
24
@21: I'm not. I'm as frustrated as you are.
And DAMNED glad Dino, the "DO iiiiiiit!" Godfather of Pork, Rossi ISN'T our Governor!

Posted by auntie grizelda on June 30, 2011 at 12:23 AM · Report this
25
The Republican Party ITSELF is hard to choke down without rancid, artery-clogging lard....

Oh, wait. That's already 95% of Southern-fried oil-soaked Goldman-Sachs bailed-out Congress.

Maybe we should ship them off to a deserted island hellhole in the middle of nowhere and let them fry in their own grease.

By the way...is that big ugly shithole Dickhead Cheney FINALLY dead?
Posted by auntie grizelda on June 30, 2011 at 12:40 AM · Report this
26 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
27
You ate at a mediocre franchise for journalistic purposes? Was it for a food review or so you could make a weak connection to a candidate?
No doubt that Cain is the affirmitive action candidate just like Obama was for the other party last election - but tying a corporatist CEO and a shitty store with franchise rights is not the best way to go.
Better to do two seperate articles and avoid making beck-like leaps in logic.
Posted by h8f8kes on June 30, 2011 at 4:51 AM · Report this
28 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
super manga/anime/videogame/movie e.t.c expert 29
Hey,fuck that shit! i agree outdated video games ARE THE SHIT!! and HALFthe article sounds like the time i went to chuck e chease as a kid!! (JUST ADD CRAPPY ANAMATRONIC CHARATORS ,A RAT MASCOT, PEDAFILES AND TICKETS COMMING OUT OF THE VIDEO GAMES...)LOL... The other half SOUNDS LIKE POLITIC BULLSHIT...I THINK THIS PAPER IS JUST HATEING FOR THE SAKE OF HATEING..OH AND ONE MORE THING: in 1997,guess what WAS THERE, right on broadway,across the street (where they are bulding the link light rail)from where pete's coffee shop is now? that's right...you guessed it:GODFATHER'S PIZZA!!! LOOK IT UP BEFORE YOU SHOOT YOUR MOUTH!!!
Posted by super manga/anime/videogame/movie e.t.c expert on June 30, 2011 at 7:00 AM · Report this
30
In a twisted way I would almost like to see one of these nut jobs such as Cain or Bachmann as president just to see how much of an national embarassment they could become. Then again, after that whole wacky WMD thing that's going to end up costing $3 trillion and a whole lot of lives, maybe not.
Posted by MacGruber on June 30, 2011 at 9:37 AM · Report this
31
As a hard working (33 yrs) union member it makes me all the more thankful that I do not depend on "employment" such as Cain promotes. Until Americans band together, he and his ilk will always be viable canidates and corporate heads.
Posted by donspangler on June 30, 2011 at 11:11 AM · Report this
dirac 32
Ke$ha review was way better.
Posted by dirac on June 30, 2011 at 12:28 PM · Report this
gtk 33
Piece of shit piece, grow up and write a real article.
Posted by gtk on June 30, 2011 at 2:52 PM · Report this
gtk 34
Total piece of shit. Growup and write something adult.
Posted by gtk on June 30, 2011 at 3:11 PM · Report this
ballard dude 35
Aside from the politics, I had no idea that Godfathers was still open. I personally haven't seen one since the Cap Hill one closed in the late 80's.
Posted by ballard dude on June 30, 2011 at 3:19 PM · Report this
36
I can't think of Herman Cain without thinking about these guys:

http://www.youtube.com/user/Homemovie1?b…

Posted by clint on June 30, 2011 at 3:46 PM · Report this
37 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
38
"In current presidential politics, the platform barely matters; a campaign lives or dies based on the candidate's story."

Wow! Two insightful sentences in The Stranger. Next time you see Dan ask him how he likes the way his war on Iraq is going. Has the body count surpassed his dreams?
Posted by Blethen on June 30, 2011 at 6:12 PM · Report this
39
The Republican party will never, ever nominate a black presidential candidate. So why even bother talking about this guy?
Posted by montex on June 30, 2011 at 8:56 PM · Report this
seatackled 40
@39, probably not, but don't forget that the time before the last time they went against Barack Obama they imported a black guy from Maryland to run against him in Illinois.
Posted by seatackled on July 1, 2011 at 8:50 AM · Report this
41
I don't care what ya'll say. This article was off the motherfuckin' hook.
Posted by I'm Black! Really! on July 1, 2011 at 11:21 AM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 42
I keep pointing out, and will continue to point out, that Godfather's started in Omaha, and was great pizza. It grew, and was still good. Then they sold it to Pillsbury, and it got really gross, really quick, and has not recovered. In fact, I'm surprised it's even still in business at all.

Herman Cain, the ex-Pillsbury executive who is the supposed genius behind Godfather's, is the perfect example of a corporation unloading a poor performing brand, and the executive who actively made it poor performing, at the same time.

If Cain were a Democratic candidate, the talk would be about how an "affirmative action" executive took a fine, upstanding brand and drove it into the ground. But he's a conservative republican, so we are all expected to believe that he "went rogue", and bought this terrific brand from a fine upstanding company and made it even terrific-er.

Only in America.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on July 1, 2011 at 5:51 PM · Report this
43
Why can't I "Like" @42's response? Excellent analysis Catalina.
Posted by fenster on July 2, 2011 at 9:31 AM · Report this
slade 44
I think a greasy spoon fast food pizza joint is rather a sweet comparison for the likes of Republicans? Once more a Black French fry slinger is about the cream of the Republican crop in my weary eyes but none the less he wears the Republican concrete shoes so let him swim in them. Out of date out of soap out of brains choke and pukes are many from the American road of horrors.

Takes all kinds of critters to make Republican fritters! welcome to Motel hell!
Posted by slade http://www.youtube.com/user/guppygator on July 2, 2011 at 1:18 PM · Report this
45
Cain left BK in 1985, godfathers in 1994. Can hardly be blamed for current performance. they were both rockin when he ran them. A shitty franchisee is Federal way, he can't be held accountable for, 18 years later.
Posted by Queenie2 on July 2, 2011 at 4:35 PM · Report this
Catalina Vel-DuRay 46
Fair enough, Queenie. But do you remember the Broadway Godfathers? That place was dismal - worse than the buffet at Neighbours, or the dining room at The Brass Connection - and how long has that been gone? Atleast five years, probably ten.
Posted by Catalina Vel-DuRay http://www.danlangdon.com on July 2, 2011 at 5:27 PM · Report this
47 Comment Pulled (Trolling) Comment Policy
48
I grew up in the midwest and moved to Seattle a few years ago. I *liked* Godfather's Pizza as a kid and actually went to that location. It had been 10 or 20 years since I had it. Decent enough. The same as I remember it. Seems like you are unfairly maligning a particular franchise location to tangentially attack it's *former* CEO. But you didn't delve into what Cain (supposedly) did to make their pizza so "bad".

You could have dumped the first two paragraphs...

I know newspapers, blogs, and the media machine have to fill space and time so the notion of "If you don't have something good to say, say nothing at all" is quaint.

I left Seattle less than year after arriving (Why? See above remark or read Seattle shmeng).

If you don't like the pizza/city/politican choose an alternate. I wonder how many people know *they* can do it better (whatever it is) but rarely do it. I guess it's easier to criticize...

Posted by Event_Horizon on July 3, 2011 at 7:44 AM · Report this
49
So, Cain is bad because, seventeen years after he handed over reins of the whole company, a particular Godfather's franchise sucks? I think you might have to work a little harder to create a decent argument out of that.

Maybe Republicans only like Cain because he's black, and they resent the supposed fact that Obama was elected due to white guilt? If you're going to try for that argument, I think it's a bit more subtle: Obama is a Harvard-educated lawyer who taught in a law school, while Cain is from Georgia and had a successful business career. Which one do you think Republicans are more likely to embrace, regardless of race? Cain walks around in a cowboy hat and boots, talking about freedom from taxes and coming across for all the world like someone's cheerful old granddad. He has an appealing authenticity as a Republican that most of the GOP primary field lacks, before race even comes into the picture.

If you want to argue that Cain advocates crazy ideas and was not quite the business genius he claims to be, I agree with you. But the fact is, he succeeded at running businesses, he was on the Federal Reserve board in KC, and he argues forcefully and charismatically for all the core conservative positions. Why WOULDN'T they love him, even if he were white?

In short, attacking Cain's popularity as race-driven is just as disgusting as what you're alleging, if not moreso.
Posted by Suzy on July 3, 2011 at 2:16 PM · Report this
50 Comment Pulled (Spam) Comment Policy
51
Hear hear, Suzy! I suspect you might not agree with Herman Cain as I do, but it certainly seems like you've hit the nail on the head: The fact that he's black has nothing to do with why Republicans like him. Is it a political bonus? Assuredly so. But he's a solid conservative, and that's why conservatives like him.
Posted by B to the L on July 4, 2011 at 11:25 AM · Report this
slade 52
Republicans don't like the Economy (see the way they are and have been helping since RFK was mixing the pot

Republicans don't like Gays or the EPA or the poor or the homeless or the hungry or schools or hospitals or solving problems and the truth is Republicans only like two things. being lieing criminals and starting wars all over the place with no objectives or reason.

Republicans are not white black brow or yellow as they are just evil disgusting eww icky ucky Eeeee nasty worms.
Posted by slade http://www.youtube.com/user/guppygator on July 4, 2011 at 2:16 PM · Report this
MythicFox 53
Sorry, lost interest in the article about the time you pretty much said "And I'm a legitimate journalist, because I feel it's important to let you know I actually tried the pizza."
Posted by MythicFox on July 4, 2011 at 2:51 PM · Report this
54
You're a smart guy, Paul, so it's hard to believe you're being anything but intentionally disingenuous when you write that Republicans "believe that voters—especially black voters—will get confused if they're faced with more than one black guy on a ballot." You surely have to know that some black voters did vote for Obama solely or primarily because his skin color matched theirs, just as some women voted for Ms Clinton in the 2008 Democratic primary solely or primarily because her genitalia matched theirs. By choosing a black candidate, what the Republicans are doing is erasing that advantage--levelling the racial playing field, as it were. If you have any justification whatsoever for the "confusion" motive you allege, I'd like to hear it.

(And sure, there were some racists in 2008 who voted for McCain because of his skin color, but in a black vs black contest, those people are not going to turn around and vote for Obama, or for a third-party candidate, in large enough numbers to make a difference. So there is little downside to running a black man, if the Republicans think the candidate's skin color could be a deciding factor in 2012.)
Posted by Louverboy on July 4, 2011 at 7:53 PM · Report this
55
Cain is a clown: Obama has become a mass-murderer, i.e. drone attacks in afghanistan and somalia, bombs in libya. Cain is a dummy, but Obama is a lawyer with no professional paper trail (no publications at harvard or chicago), but who bought into the whitest-of-white mythologies with an Oedpial auto-bio that reads as if cribbed from the out-takes of Clinton's wheezed out memoir. How about some investigative journalism: why are so many pizzas sold in Seattle schools, and what does that say about a bureaucracy-psychology of mass containment of students?
Posted by poom on July 5, 2011 at 12:35 AM · Report this
bennett 56
Uhh... @54. African Americans have been voting in solid numbers for the Democratic Party since the civil rights era, unsurprisingly. In the 2000 elections approximately 90% of black voters voted for Gore. In 2004 approximately 90% of black voters voted for Kerry.In 2008 approximately 90% of black voters voted for Obama. While I'm sure many of those voters were absolutely thrilled to be pulling the lever for a black candidate, it did not substantially alter the black voting demographic, nor –except in the deep south– even lead to unusually high voter turnout. Thus, I think Paul's point is much less disingenuous than you seem to think...
Posted by bennett http://bennettabroad.wordpress.com/ on July 5, 2011 at 4:31 PM · Report this
57
This article is sandwiched between two columns of ads of people looking to hook up. Instead of practicing journalism and investigating those actually in power, Mr. Constant has their backs. He is trashing anyone that is a threat to them. The article is therefore, well placed.
Posted by taz111 on July 7, 2011 at 7:14 AM · Report this
Slam1263 58
"he's got the undisciplined opinions of a man who's accustomed to filling two solid hours a day with hot air."

Nothing like butt hurt jealousy to bring out the irony.
Posted by Slam1263 on July 7, 2011 at 10:13 PM · Report this
Sandiai 59
Thank you Paul. That was wonderful.
Posted by Sandiai on July 12, 2011 at 2:43 PM · Report this
60
"Pizza Man's pizza is inedible, unless you are an idiot or desperately poor."

John Constant- you are a racist and a classist. And I am done with you.
Posted by Redbaron on September 26, 2011 at 2:04 PM · Report this

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