Columns

I, Anonymous

Squirm, Bitches

You've met me. I work as one of those "direct" fundraisers downtown. We're rewarded for getting in your space, forcing you to shake hands, and doing or saying whatever it takes to get you to give a complete stranger on the street your credit card or bank account number. Most of you don't even really seem to understand how much or how long you're going to pay—you're just so goddamned grateful to get away from me without feeling like a heartless, kitten-drowning, baby-starving, greed-riddled asshole. Why do I do it? Because I LOVE it. I love getting paid to make people uncomfortable. I love forcing my will on another human being. I love that I get to wrap my sadistic longings to control others in a blame-free shroud of sanctimonious self-righteousness and there's nothing you can do about it. The money's okay, I guess, but the truth is that I get this unbelievable rush every time one of you does exactly what I want. See you today, sucker!

—Anonymous

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Comments (84) RSS

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1
This is why my girlfriend and I ignore you. Good luck with imposing your will. What a lousy philosophy to go through life with. Here's hoping you learn that life gives you what you give it.
Posted by kbstranger on August 1, 2012 at 9:15 AM · Report this
2
This was the ACLU girl at Bite. The minute she said credit card I walked.
Posted by Bean on August 1, 2012 at 9:19 AM · Report this
3
Reminds me of the HRC.
Posted by Pinkerton on August 1, 2012 at 9:34 AM · Report this
4
Thanks for showing us the bottomless hole where your soul used to be. I suddenly don't feel so fucked up after all.
Posted by twinkie223 on August 1, 2012 at 9:49 AM · Report this
AmyC 5
The artwork is PRICELESS.
Posted by AmyC on August 1, 2012 at 10:02 AM · Report this
6
Give money or don't: but get over your little role playing fantasy.
Posted by Kinkymax on August 1, 2012 at 10:06 AM · Report this
Spiffy D 7
"You've met me."

Nope. I can't meet you if I utterly ignore your existence.
Posted by Spiffy D on August 1, 2012 at 10:11 AM · Report this
8
Guess what anonymous? I work at a "cafe" downtown. My fellow coworkers and I all hate you fucking douche bags very much. So at every opportunity we like to add "special" ingredients to your coffee and food orders. Has your coffee tasted like shit lately? Did your sandwich have an odd musky flavor to it?

Why do I do it? Because I love it. Payback's a bitch. Bitch. Oh yeah...See you today, sucker!
Posted by citizen joe on August 1, 2012 at 10:27 AM · Report this
Mittens Schrodinger 9
Well, on a positive note, I would like to say that you have done an amazing job of aligning your work with your personal interests! Good job, Anonymous!
Posted by Mittens Schrodinger on August 1, 2012 at 11:16 AM · Report this
10
Fake.
Posted by ZacF on August 1, 2012 at 11:19 AM · Report this
11
Maybe you should investigate 'Consensual BDSM'...
Posted by subwlf on August 1, 2012 at 11:27 AM · Report this
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn 12
Fake.

A real person who had this talent, and enjoyed it, would be making big bucks in sales. Probably in pharmaceuticals.

This letter is just what some passive aggressive victim thinks is going on in the chugger's mind.
Posted by Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn http://youtu.be/zu-akdyxpUc on August 1, 2012 at 12:47 PM · Report this
13
This asshat clearly consumes way WAY too much COCAINE and MALT LIQUOR. Dude.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on August 1, 2012 at 12:57 PM · Report this
Dougsf 14
I'm inclined to agree with @12. Also, WHO GIVES THESE PEOPLE MONEY!?

Ignore them... if they get you riled up or somehow make you feel bad, you sure as hell need a thicker skin. Smile or nod, "no thanks" and be on your way.
Posted by Dougsf on August 1, 2012 at 12:59 PM · Report this
Laurence Ballard 15
@12
Yep.

However. I was back visiting not too long ago and a Dialogue Direct canvassers wished to directly dialogue with me saying, "Want to save...?" I civilly said, "No. Leave me alone." and began to walk away. He turned and started to follow this potential donor. I stopped, turned, looked him in the eye and calmly stated, "Take another step toward me and I will punch you in the mouth."

Probably illegal--on my part--but it worked like a charm.
Posted by Laurence Ballard http://laurenceballard.com on August 1, 2012 at 1:02 PM · Report this
16
These are the same assholes who are paid to collect signatures on petitions. KILL THEM ALL.
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on August 1, 2012 at 1:07 PM · Report this
17
Fake.
Posted by Save the Children LaRouche Krishna on August 1, 2012 at 1:12 PM · Report this
18
Convert to LDS, jerk
Posted by zerk on August 1, 2012 at 1:13 PM · Report this
19
@15 - speaking of fake.

*They're not allowed to follow you down the street
*You've committed assault, and the fellow would've been within his rights to press charges.

If you want to share your passive aggressive fantasy with the rest of us, do so in IAnon.
Posted by johnjjeeves on August 1, 2012 at 1:14 PM · Report this
sirkowski 20
Unless someone is in need of medical attention, I usually ignore strangers on the street. I love how people get pissed when their mere presence isn't ackownledged, so the joke's on you.
Posted by sirkowski http://www.missdynamite.com on August 1, 2012 at 1:22 PM · Report this
BostonFontSnob 21
When I give to a charity, I give *directly* to a charity, not to the agency that employs you. That way they get all my money, not 10%. Go fuck yourself you grinning little twerp.
Posted by BostonFontSnob on August 1, 2012 at 1:24 PM · Report this
22
This is why I am unpleasant to you when you step in my way. No one has the right to delay me in my travels for their own gain. And acting like I just ate your baby when I say no, thats just icing on my cake asshole.
Posted by woofy on August 1, 2012 at 1:33 PM · Report this
23
I walked past one trying to get me to shake her hand last night and she raised her voice as I passed so that she was shouting into my ear "HAVE A NICE DAY". The anger in her voice was palpable. Creepy as fuck, they're getting.
Posted by gloomy gus on August 1, 2012 at 1:39 PM · Report this
24
there are different third party agencies that have people downtown. Some have internal company policies about following/harrassing people, others merely state the laws RE: street harassment and say "don't break them."

I think this I anon is fake, projected.
Posted by gi on August 1, 2012 at 1:46 PM · Report this
25
I love the ones who start with "Do you care about children?"

I look directly at them, smile and say "No" while I'm walking with my daughter in her stroller.
Posted by Nic in Greenlake on August 1, 2012 at 1:51 PM · Report this
26
This could be fake, but the lesson is there for the rest of us. We're all too freaking NICE. I live in PDX... are they really doing this is Seattle? Thank God I don't go anywhere. But they come right to the door, too...
I work in my home office, upstairs, sometimes leave my front door open so the dog can go out on the porch (locking gate). Some asshat with a clipboard came right on in, stepped over the gate (Pooch is clearly not a guard dog). Told him I was working, didn't want the free estimate and I had to get back upstairs. Inching away, saying, "Not interested, don't have time," as he tried to hold me at the door with his smile and inanities. When he saw I wasn't caving, he got pissed.Which is lovely, since I'd treated him like a human being; but he couldn't respect me or my position. I think this letter writer makes a good point... it's about winning. It takes an asshole to do this kind of job, or at least stay in it. To not respect someone's desire to get the hell away from you is, in a way, bullying. If we give in, we're weak.
Fuck sales, and fuck salespeople (pushy ones). Remember... coffee is for closers.
Posted by portland scribe on August 1, 2012 at 1:54 PM · Report this
johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt 27
had one of these bass-tards on my porch one and wanted my credit card.. never got it.. but boy they are agressive!
Posted by johnjacobjingleheimerschmidt on August 1, 2012 at 1:58 PM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 28
They've been swarming Pike something awful as of late. I was walking down the streat enjoying a lovely apple the other day when one of 'em tried to rope me in with her cute girl smile but munching away I politely offered "sorry, I'm enjoying my apple" , holding up the half masticated fruit as proof, at which point she attempted to manuever in front of me talking at me some jibber jabber that I could not make out over the chomping of my very pleasantly crips apple to which, having percieved that she was about to encroach apon my enjoying of said apple, I firmly reiterated "I am ENJOYING MY APPLE" leaving her utterely flabergasted and hopefully a little rebuked. Moral of the story is Canvaser people that if you see a happy smiley man walking down the sunny streat eating a delicious looking apple leave him the fuck alone. He is most likely ENJOYING HIS APPLE!
Posted by knobtheunicorn on August 1, 2012 at 2:01 PM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 29
Man, I love a good apple.
Posted by knobtheunicorn on August 1, 2012 at 2:03 PM · Report this
Laurence Ballard 30
@19

Sorry, Charlie. "not allowed" and what he did, was not the same. Didn't say my response wasn't rude, crude, or legal.

Simply said it worked. No fantasy required.
Posted by Laurence Ballard http://laurenceballard.com on August 1, 2012 at 2:12 PM · Report this
31
I love and hate this one.

I'm the one that says "fuck off chugger" to each and every one of you chuggers every time one of you approach me. I get the same little kick out of it that you do when I see the look on your face and hear your phony, broken hearted replies.

But reading this IA makes me realize what an infantile dickbag I'm probably coming off as. Oh well. Fuck off chuggers.

Posted by HektorKamacho on August 1, 2012 at 2:17 PM · Report this
32
I scrolled down to leave a comment that it was fake only to see everyone else beat me to the punch, damn. ha ha
Posted by kittysnake on August 1, 2012 at 2:21 PM · Report this
33
I scrolled down to comment that it was fake and saw that everyone had beat me to the punch, damn. ha ha
Posted by kittysnake on August 1, 2012 at 2:23 PM · Report this
More, I Say! 34
@15 I'm with you. There's nothing like having a particularly miserable day when one of these asshats gets in your face, asking you to smile because "it's not so bad!"

I once blurted "you take another step toward me and I will beat you with my umbrella." That one surprised us both.

Honestly don't know why everyone thinks this is fake. It seems to fit the profile of a lot of the downtown clipboard beggars, who I've seen get malicious with me and others.

Also, @31 I agree with everything you have to say. Makes me stop and think, but I'll probably keep verbally abusing the fucking chuggers.
Posted by More, I Say! on August 1, 2012 at 2:26 PM · Report this
pfffter 35
I fucking hate these people and hiss in their fucking faces every time they try to talk to me.
Posted by pfffter on August 1, 2012 at 2:47 PM · Report this
36
Upon reflection, I admit I don't tell all of the chuggers to fuck off. You can tell the meek newbies and see the conflict on their faces. I feel like some of them are probably genuinely caring people torn between furthering their cause and simultaneously realizing they've chosen a horrible way to do it. They're not pushy people by nature. I'm guessing most of these types don't last long as chuggers.

Those who succeed as chuggers are the truly extroverted, obnoxious, tea party, car salesman types. They're persistent, pushy and clearly don't give a fuck about the cause they're pushing or anything other than themselves and their desire to get you to do what they want. Plus they're too fucking to stupid to put that energy and effort into a real sales job where they'd actually make money and not have to stand on a street corner all day like a cheap whore.

I save my venom for the real chuggers and encourage others to do the same.

Posted by HektorKamacho on August 1, 2012 at 3:22 PM · Report this
37
Where did this term "chugger" come from? I've never heard it before.
Posted by catsnbanjos on August 1, 2012 at 3:39 PM · Report this
38
Hang on - is it a combination of "charity" and "mugger"? If it is, I guess I win a prize.
Posted by catsnbanjos on August 1, 2012 at 3:40 PM · Report this
39
ding ding ding, catsnbanjos, you win a prize! chugger: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.ph…
Posted by anon12345 on August 1, 2012 at 3:51 PM · Report this
40
@12 Exactly what I was thinking. Most people who take shit jobs like that are desperate to find work.
Posted by fake fakerson on August 1, 2012 at 4:16 PM · Report this
bleedingheartlibertarian 41
I've also been somewhat inclined to feel sorry for these people. (Don't get me wrong--I won't fucking talk to them.) I can't imagine a much shittier job for a remotely decent human being. It never really occurred to me that there might be someone out there who actually enjoyed it.

That said, I suspect @12 is right.
Posted by bleedingheartlibertarian on August 1, 2012 at 4:24 PM · Report this
42
Most likely fake. If not, well, scum like you are why we can't have nice things, not even smiles and handshakes. ESAD.
Posted by Prettybetsy on August 1, 2012 at 5:22 PM · Report this
43
Lot of smarmy, better-than-you comments around here. No sympathy for low-wage workers or any knowledge whatsoever of the contribution of direct fundraising to extremely useful non-profits and advocacy groups. These posters are typical Seattle: snooty, reflexively self-important, in a hurry to nowhere, ostensibly polite (though no doubt frowning) while passive-aggressively wishing others the worst. This I Anon was fake, but useful in that it brought out the Seattle apathy and misanthropy pretty well.
Posted by Jizzlobber on August 1, 2012 at 5:48 PM · Report this
long-time reader 44
Hypothetically speaking--if I were to respond to an aggressive chugger's question with a question of my own, "How'd you like to suck my dick?"--which one of us would be the bigger asshole in this scenario?
Posted by long-time reader on August 1, 2012 at 5:57 PM · Report this
45
@28 Your comment made reading this whole thread worthwhile - thanks!
Posted by Limey Rick on August 1, 2012 at 6:30 PM · Report this
46
#43 - Better than a piece of shit chugger for sure buddy. To call a chugger a "low wage worker" is probably true but also truly comic. Most of them look to be priveleged, community college suburbanites hung up on "social justice" without really having any idea what they're talking about. They all run the same scripted schpiel and tactics. Not much different from the kids that Amway or the knock off cologne guys suck in.

You're right about one thing though. Seattleites are overly polite and don't appreciate assholes hassling them on the streets. I see plenty of aggressive in here and not a lot of passive and I like it.
Posted by HektorKamacho on August 1, 2012 at 6:43 PM · Report this
47
One more thing about your post #43...

Replace "posters" with "chuggers" and whaddya know? Fits just the same.
Posted by HektorKamacho on August 1, 2012 at 6:56 PM · Report this
48
This is an obvious troll letter written by someone who doesn't like these people.
Posted by I have always been... east coaster on August 1, 2012 at 6:57 PM · Report this
Free Lunch 49
I used to wait for the bus at 6th and Pike. Because of these guys, i don't any more. I don't mind the ones who approach me as I walk by, but it seems pretty low to accost people held captive by Metro.
Posted by Free Lunch on August 1, 2012 at 7:10 PM · Report this
50
@21 - Agreed. I suspect even these kids don't grasp that the charity they're soliciting for is using a good chunk of the cash they bring in to pay the agency that employs them (and that probably doesn't pay them all that much).
Posted by Electric Maenad on August 1, 2012 at 7:52 PM · Report this
mtnlion 51
It's been a good long while since I've felt at all guilty for saying "no thank you" to this shit, right off the bat. And who are these weak people who *do* feel guilty? Most of these fucking places are bullshit non-charities that keep a bunch of your money and/or are just using the charity for a tax write-off. You have to research the places you give to, and actively give to the ones you personally deem worthy of your money.

They can live and breathe or not live and breathe; it literally makes no difference in my life.
Posted by mtnlion http://radicalish.wordpress.com on August 1, 2012 at 8:05 PM · Report this
52
Chuggers don't make me squirm, so I guess they lose, I win?

Posted by brendan on August 1, 2012 at 9:18 PM · Report this
treefort 53
Fake. I did this briefly. There were people who were great at it and enjoyed it, but not because they enjoyed being shitty - because they had a righteousness that let them convince themselves that they weren't shitty and they had a right to be out there and collect money for such a good cause. Also, the one i worked for took CC only, certainly not bank account numbers, which makes me think fake as well unless the others are different. Maybe whoever wrote this enjoys masturbating to thoughts of an evil canvasser preying on them.
Posted by treefort on August 1, 2012 at 9:54 PM · Report this
growler 54
Fake or not, the easiest and most efficient way to deal with anyone asking for something like this (be it on the street or the grocery store to donate with your purchase, etc...) is to say " I SIGNED/DONATED YESTERDAY". Bam. They're done with you, and you with them. Forgotten a second later.

You can save the "fuck off" for that douche who took 2 parking spaces in the parking lot. OOOOOOO THAT BURNS MY BACON!
Posted by growler on August 1, 2012 at 11:57 PM · Report this
55
OK people, this is a game. You get three points for making these "people" wilt without saying a word. You get two points for saying "no" one time and they turn away. You get one point if you have to say more than no but are otherwise polite. If you have to say "fuck off" or lie or otherwise demean yourself, you get no points.

If you can make a LaRouchie drop her literature and stand there lip quivering without saying a word, it stays with you like your first high school touch down. Sure, it helps if you are big and buff with a shaved head, a stubble beard, a nasty facial scar and a keffiyeh, but anyone can do it!

So let's practice our war faces, kids. It's the opposite of a poker face. The face becomes an amplifier, a pure conveyance of your emotion. It's all within you. If you are a little bit intimidated, your face will look like cotton candy. If on the other hand, you well up inside with pure contempt, a bubbling mass of revulsion and a burning desire to see this person's dead body bloating in the summer sun, then your face will say all that needs saying.

Street theater! What fun!
Posted by Paddy Mac on August 2, 2012 at 8:17 AM · Report this
56
@46: So...are they salespeople like any other, or are they into social justice?
Posted by Belle Starr on August 2, 2012 at 8:17 AM · Report this
57
And I love walking past each and every one of you assholes on the street, acting as though you don't exist while you call after me, "Miss, can I have a moment of your time?"
Posted by suddenlyorcas on August 2, 2012 at 9:06 AM · Report this
8Way 58
@2 Never ever give th ACLU your credit card. They take the liberty of double charging you and ignore requests for refunds. My father got on a montly donation plan to them -- we had to cancel the card to stop it...no other way.
Posted by 8Way on August 2, 2012 at 9:19 AM · Report this
59
The next guy that approaches me with a clipboard on Pike St is getting kicked square in the nuts!!!
Posted by Chinga you on August 2, 2012 at 11:54 AM · Report this
60
Die in a fire, anon.
Posted by Flashheart on August 2, 2012 at 8:33 PM · Report this
61
I work downtown by the market; the constant heckling is borderline harassment. My best tactic (probably works best since I'm a woman in her early 20's) is to look at them like I'm going to cry and whisper "Not today." It's vague enough to be eerie when combined with the almost-crying.
Posted by aaz on August 2, 2012 at 9:52 PM · Report this
knobtheunicorn 62
@45 Nae bother. Man alive, I do indead enjoy a good apple!
Posted by knobtheunicorn on August 3, 2012 at 1:56 AM · Report this
63
The last time this happened to me, I whipped out a pair of exam gloves, snapped 'em on and started walking twards the "chugger", who quickly walked away with a alarmed look...
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on August 3, 2012 at 9:47 AM · Report this
64
Ok, this brought me back. Allow me to reminisce for a moment…

Back in the summer of 2004, I had recently quit a job and had feelers out for what to do next. My sister, taking the quarter off from college, needed something to do as well. So we signed up to collect money for the Democratic National Committee for the upcoming election. We both absolutely hated the idea of soliciting for money, but I guess it sounded like a fun and ridiculous noble cause at the time.

We lasted two days. The first day, we stood across from each other on 4th and Pike, making a game out of our task. Who could get money from the hottest person? The craziest looking person? Who could get money from someone who didn’t speak English? I didn’t follow the script they gave us to use. I couldn’t. So I just said things like “Hey, the Democrats need some money to defeat Bush. You in?” I was surprised at how often that worked (twice!). Then again, in 2004, just about everyone in Seattle would have agreed to that pitch.

The second day, my sister and I stood in the heart of Lower Queen Anne on what would be our final day of solicitation. Like any good older brother, I acted as a mildly intoxicated bodyguard, reading bits of interesting articles to her from The Stranger while she (always such a hard worker) kept plugging away. It was a bonding experience.

My two days of “effort” netted me a check for $3.00. It literally bumped me into the next tax bracket and cost me $47 on my refund check (true story!). End.
Posted by Not the job for me on August 3, 2012 at 2:27 PM · Report this
Fortunate 65
I'm with those who say this is a fake one.

That said, I hate chuggers. I know, some are probably nice people who just are making a living. Just like telemarketers.

I don't care.

They choose to take a job that is basically centered around annoying people for a living, they take what comes at them.

I generally just ignore their existence. Just once I went off on one. I was leaving work walking rather fast just because, and apparently had a rather stern look on my face. One of these chuggers, as I approached, mimicked my expression while marching in place like a wooden solider.

I guess she thought it was cute to mock someone she wanted to ask money from. I walked right up to her and asked what the hell she was doing. She started to go into her spiel and I cut her off and said that I knew what she was doing out on the side walk, I wanted to know what she was doing making fun of me when she was going to ask me for money.

I asked if they taught them that mocking potential marks was a good way to real someone in, because I really didn't think that would work. That she not only wasn't going to get a fucking cent from me but that I was also going to make note of the organization that she was panhandling for and be sure to never give them a cent again (WWF).

I also sent an email to the WWF to tell them about the incident and to inform them that I was never going to give them a cent because of their fund raising tactics.

Not that I think they care one bit. If this crap didn't work they wouldn't pay people to annoy strangers on the street.

So really, I am pissed at all you guilt ridden saps who are stupid enough to give these leaches money on the street. If it weren't for all of you these organizations wouldn't pay money to hire nitwits to annoy strangers just trying to get the fuck home from work.
More...
Posted by Fortunate on August 3, 2012 at 3:30 PM · Report this
66
#56 - already covered that, see #36.
Posted by HektorKamacho on August 3, 2012 at 4:11 PM · Report this
67
Why be nice to any stranger that talks to you on the street,and why feel bad or feel like you have to make an excuse or pretend you are crying? Lame. So easy to defeat these people. I'm at the market most days on my lunch hour, you might recognize me... i'm the one who throws the palm up in their face and making a LOUD buzzer sound 'EHHHHT!' and walking right by without missing a beat, every single time. Face!
Posted by bringerofthepain on August 3, 2012 at 10:25 PM · Report this
68
Why be nice to any stranger that talks to you on the street,and why feel bad or feel like you have to make an excuse or pretend you are crying? Lame. So easy to defeat these people. I'm at the market most days on my lunch hour, you might recognize me... i'm the one who throws the palm up in their face and making a LOUD buzzer sound 'EHHHHT!' and walking right by without missing a beat, every single time. Face!
Posted by brignerofthepain on August 3, 2012 at 10:27 PM · Report this
69
#64, perhaps you need to learn the difference between marginal tax rates and effective tax rates. A $3.00 check is not going to diminish anyone's tax refund.
Posted by Anita Dickens-Hyde on August 4, 2012 at 2:03 AM · Report this
70
Naw, I don't hate these asshat chuggers, I actually like seeing them going about their business, clipboard in hand. Most of them are chuggin' the dough for some lefty organization or other, global warming, girls kissin' girlz-make it legal-I like to watch. Or maybe I'll just stand there and chat up the newbie asshat chick, the one with the sweet ass that doesn't need a hat for cover.
Posted by ironvic on August 4, 2012 at 7:20 AM · Report this
71
I brushed you off like dandruff...
Posted by Where_Is_John_Galt on August 4, 2012 at 8:07 AM · Report this
72
My daughter worked for one of these companies, signing people up for the ACLU. I watched her work one day. She was friendly and open, saying hi but not being pushy.

But the company she worked for was a slimeball. They pay the kids dirt until they "meet quota" then, when they "meet quota", since they have to pay them a decent wage, they replace them with someone else who has to then, "meet quota".

It's a racket.

I always politely say, "no thank you, I contribute directly," and keep moving.

They usually get it.

One didn't. He said, rather loudly for everyone to hear, "so you don't want to support [whatever the cause was, I forget]??!"

I turned on my heel and headed right back to him. I think he thought it was going to have to have his clipboard surgically removed from his ass.

I thought the girl standing next to him was going to wet herself.

Nose to nose with him I calmly said, "don't you ever yell at me or make any assumptions about me. You don't know me. You owe me an apology."

"I'm...I'm ... ssssorry," he stuttered.

"Louder. Just as loud as you yelled at me."

There was a crowd by now.

"I apologize. I'm sorry for yelling at you."

"I accept. Thanks for having such nice manners."

And just as fast I turned and left.

Free speech is all well and fine. It doesn't excuse you from being a dick and doesn't absolve you from the consequences of your words.

And, to the original "I, Anonymous."

I'd love to meet you.
Posted by blackjenner on August 4, 2012 at 11:12 AM · Report this
73
How's this for passive aggressive: every time I see one of you guys with your clipboard blocking passersby near Westlake Center, forcing your handshake or high-five on everyone, I quickly slide my hand down the back of pants, take a nice, sweaty wipe and happily shake your hand. Have a nice lunch!
Posted by meso on August 4, 2012 at 5:59 PM · Report this
74
"Excuse me, may I have a moment of your time?" You already have, and it was too long. Catch me during PMS...I dare you.
Posted by cattycat on August 5, 2012 at 1:41 AM · Report this
75
I've taken to being as absurd as possible recently just to avoid being bothered (turn the tables). My most recent interaction went like so
(at red light waiting to cross street):

Them: Hello, can you talk to me?
Me: Nope
Them: Why?
Me: (quickly making something up) I'm afraid of clipboards
Them: (puzzled) why?
Me: My father was killed by a clipboard
Light changes, and... scene.
Posted by ManDrone on August 5, 2012 at 5:08 PM · Report this
76
@44 ' Hypothetically speaking--if I were to respond to an aggressive chugger's question with a question of my own, "How'd you like to suck my dick?"--which one of us would be the bigger asshole in this scenario? '

That depends on how you are using that phrase.

If you're merely asking how they feel about the fact that you'd probably enjoy your interaction with them more if your dick was in their mouth, then they continue to be the bigger asshole.

If you're merely trying to out-asshole them, then I guess you win.
Posted by Tiger Man McCool on August 6, 2012 at 11:17 AM · Report this
Madge 77
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the ACLU. The A-C-L-U???!!! I wrote off Greenpeace and Sierra Club decades ago, but to find out the ACLU engages in this nonsense...well it just hurts my heart. Worse yet, they have some sleazy middleman outfit exploiting both the beggars and their intended victims. I grew up in a card-carrying ACLU household - my own father was on the state board. I think he just turned over. Insert frown emoticon here.
Posted by Madge on August 6, 2012 at 1:19 PM · Report this
78
#28 had me at "half masticated fruit." :-)
Posted by mickey on August 6, 2012 at 5:27 PM · Report this
79
I volunteered with Approve Ref 71 a few years ago, which unfortunately meant getting people to sign that utterly useless "decline to sign" form in the early summer. It was a decent avenue for talking to people about the Referendum process and why we wanted to keep the Referendum off the ballot, but then vote to APPROVE it if it made the ballot... Very confusing.

But good lord people avoided talking to me... Except the other canvassers, who kept offering to sign mine if I signed theirs, so we'd each get closer to quota. Goddamnit I was volunteering! For a cause I actually believed in! Those kids were getting paid...

Yeah, I'm still annoyed.

Approve 74 this Nov!
Posted by lblah on August 6, 2012 at 8:37 PM · Report this
80
anyone that falls for your tactics is stupid enough to pay for it..they deserve it.. Me on the other hand enjoys making you feel like the little piece of dog shit that i couldn't get out of the sole of my 200.00 flip flops. because that is all you are, is a small piece of feces that ,should you come to my door or impinge on me and my family as we walk down the street, will know what it feels like to be that insignificant!!
Posted by esp on August 7, 2012 at 12:33 PM · Report this
81
Sorry, but if you ask me for my credit card number and signature on the street, I'm going to turn you down.
Posted by happy time on August 7, 2012 at 6:08 PM · Report this
ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! 82
While Children International may be a worthy cause, it is really a jobs program for teens.

Posted by ALWAYS Clear Your Cache!!! on August 8, 2012 at 8:02 AM · Report this
83
Find something better to hate. Its not like they are all evil demons from hell. So if this guy really exists he probably wont have a job forvery longif he hasnt already quit or been fired. Anyway its sad to see so many people so passionately against an entire line of work that has progressed these charities and allowed them to do wonderful things. No thank you is all you need to do to get out of it. Hate the fact that kids all around the world are mutilated and sold for peoples personal gain. Hate that the kids next door to you are abused on the daily. Hate proactively because all you are doing is finding anything you can to complain about and passing judgement on everyone who does is which is childish and you should be embarresed to present yourself in such an ignorant and judgemental manner
Posted by My response on August 13, 2012 at 9:58 PM · Report this
84
Anyone who gives their credit card information to an unverified source is a fool.
Posted by montex on August 19, 2012 at 11:53 AM · Report this

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