Columns

I, Anonymous

There Are Limits

  • comments (19)
  • Print
+ Enlarge this Image
STEVEN WEISSMAN

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, FUCK YOU! I stuck by you when you told me you were trans, through counseling, hormones, telling your parents, telling my parents, telling everyone else. I stuck around while you were telling me that your sex drive was suffering because of dysphoria—you, who'd been a proud "manwhore" when we met. I gave you the benefit of the doubt—you did a good job of coming through with reassurances that I was still attractive to you, it's your problem not mine, on and on. And now, while I'm still wrestling with all the crap from that, you turn around and tell me oh, hey, look, your libido's back—and then you tell me about this new girl you have a crush on and want to bring in on our relationship. First, all the facial feminization surgery and hormones haven't made her look like less of a horse's ass. Second, she's fucking intolerable—she calls our mutual friends retards, attempts to grope people without their consent, and blames it all on "Oh, I have no filter." NEWS FLASH: A filter is not some horrific cis-scum imposition, it's part of being a decent fucking human being. This chick does not need a pat on the back—she needs to get a fucking grip.

I know, I know, I'm not perfect, either. I've struggled with my own insecurities and given you plenty to worry about, too. That's why you, after ALL this crap, still get one more fucking chance. Fuck it up, though, and that wonderful, supportive girlfriend everyone tells you how lucky you are to have? She's going to toss you out on your ass.

—Anonymous

Submit your unsigned confession or accusation here. Please remember to change the names of the innocent and guilty. One submission will be published in the paper and online every week.
 

Comments (19) RSS

Oldest First Unregistered On Registered On Add a comment
Theodore Gorath 1
Not sure if I followed this word salad all the way through, but if you are that pissed off, why not just dump the loser instead of writing about how bad you want to dump him/her?

Weird, man.
Posted by Theodore Gorath on December 19, 2012 at 8:57 AM · Report this
Posted by kitschnsync on December 19, 2012 at 9:20 AM · Report this
3
As Dan Savage would say: "Dump the motherfucker already."
Posted by Gay Movie Fan on December 19, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
4
Newsflash: he's not going to stop hanging around the other girl. You either need to suck it up or DTMFA.
Posted by suddenlyorcas on December 19, 2012 at 9:27 AM · Report this
debug 5
If you're phone starts ringing it's probably Jerry Springer ....
Posted by debug on December 19, 2012 at 11:29 AM · Report this
6
Easier to say DTMFA than to do it, ya'll. As Seinfeld would say, a break-up is like a coke machine. Sometimes you have to rock it back a few times before you can push it over.
Posted by portland scribe on December 19, 2012 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Anthropomorhpise Me 7
I will vote for cheeseburger!
Posted by Anthropomorhpise Me on December 19, 2012 at 1:12 PM · Report this
8
I'm a little confused. Is the fact he stopped having sex with you, then wanted to have sex with someone else the real issue here? If so, I can see why.
Posted by Cletus on December 19, 2012 at 2:47 PM · Report this
9
Can somebody please translate this ?
Posted by joemomma on December 19, 2012 at 9:22 PM · Report this
10
@3: I second that! Eesh.
Posted by auntie grizelda on December 20, 2012 at 12:36 AM · Report this
11
Tldr
Posted by dumptruckfrumpypants on December 20, 2012 at 3:07 PM · Report this
12
"As Seinfeld would say, a break-up is like a coke machine. Sometimes you have to rock it back a few times before you can push it over."

Maura: "I refuse to give up on this relationship. It's like launching
missiles from a submarine. Both of use have to turn our keys."

George: "Well, then, I am gonna have to ask you to turn your key."

Maura: "I'm sorry, George, I can't do that."

George: "Turn your key, Maura. Turn your key!"
Posted by David in Shoreline on December 20, 2012 at 5:41 PM · Report this
13
#2 this is why I have no respect for the social justice movement. It's more about people wanting a 'get out of being an asshole' free card then actually helping people with real problems.
Posted by msanonymous on December 20, 2012 at 6:48 PM · Report this
yucca flower 14
Dear Anon,

You're not her girlfriend anymore that's why you're not getting laid. Please move on.
Posted by yucca flower on December 20, 2012 at 8:02 PM · Report this
TVDinner 15
Good lord. Somebody needs to grow a pair.
Posted by TVDinner http:// on December 20, 2012 at 9:52 PM · Report this
doloresdaphne 16
Firstly; Love the classic I Anon opening line. Second; "cis scum" (more homage to the tradition of I Anon as the place for haters).

Thirdly.... I'm confused. I think I anon is probably a transwoman, and the "manwhore" is a transwoman, who is now seeing another transwoman...
but that's only a wild guess. so confusing!
Posted by doloresdaphne on December 22, 2012 at 1:59 AM · Report this
17
Tranny cat fight!

Get it on film, ladies, and post it to XTube of XHampster...
Posted by Arthur Zifferelli on December 24, 2012 at 12:39 PM · Report this
18
"blames it all on "Oh, I have no filter.""

Don't be friends with sociopaths.
Posted by problem, solved on January 17, 2013 at 7:35 AM · Report this
19
@ 16, its unlikely the poster is a transgirl. its implied that she was with this fella before he was trans.
Posted by stevejones on March 5, 2013 at 3:07 AM · Report this

Add a comment

Most Commented in Columns