One Wife, Double Life
For the past year, you have dated two guys without them knowing about each other. You often joke that you want to convince them to be "brother-husbands." You're a hot woman with lots going for you, but you're so fucking delusional.
You say guy #1 is "romantic, physically fit, funny, but just not the social caliber" you need, and guy #2 is an "East Coast socialite, witty, but not so hot." You say that you just need a little more time to decide which one you want to be with. "Do I want private jets with a husband always on the road or a humble life where I'm a working mom?" Reality check—you will get NONE, because lies don't last forever.
I've been there through the past year of bullshit excuses, and I deserve to be there when the chips fall and both guys leave you. I've earned the right to witness this spectacle. I just want to see the breakdown when you realize your "magic pussy" can't save you this time. When a whole year of karma slingshots back at you like jizz in the eye. Oh, this is going to be good! Someone pop some popcorn.