Now that the holidays are in our rearview mirror, we can brusquely shove aside Babies Jesus and New Year and focus on whatâs REALLY important: new and returning TV shows to watch! WHOOP-WHOOP! HOLLA BACK, YOUNG âUN! And while Iâm squirting little droplets of pee in anticipation of returning favorites such as the final season of Justified (FX, Tues Jan 20), The Americans (FX, Wed Jan 28), and House of Cards (Netflix, Fri Feb 27), Iâm just as psyched over some brand-spankinâ-new watchables, such as the Rainn Wilson grouchy-detective show Backstrom (Fox, Thurs Jan 22) and the Breaking Bad spin-off Better Call Saul (AMC, Sun Feb 8).
HOWEVER! Like me, you want everything NOW-NOW-NOW, right? Thatâs why Iâm going to shove you in the direction of this weekâs must-watch debut, Marvelâs Agent Carter (ABC, Tues Jan 6, 8 pm)âan eight-episode spin-off of the Captain America movies, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and the seemingly bottomless âMarvel Universe.â
The year is 1946, and after successfully kicking some Nazi bottom (and romancing hunky Captain America), badass Agent Peggy Carter (the comely Hayley Atwell) is taken off the front lines and dropped back into the steno poolâbecause⌠misogyny! Naturally, typing memos is far beneath Peggyâs vast skill set, and so sheâs secretly commissioned by inventor Howard Stark (future Iron Manâs daddy) to prove he hasnât been selling weapons of mass destruction to the highest bidder. Along with Starkâs stiff butler Jarvis (and future Iron Man computer voice), Peggy sets off on a globe-trotting mystery, involving a lot of suspense, intrigue, and super-villain nut-busting. Oh, and she does all this while hiding her secret from her coworkers in the steno pool and the United States governmentâwho will happily toss her in prison for treason if they ever discover her sexy secret. (Again with the misogyny! BOOO!!)
Anyhoo, along with hot 1940s fashions and drop-ins from other Marvel Universe characters, Agent Carter is one of the very few superhero/sci-fi series in quite awhile to feature a strong, independentâand well-developedâwoman protagonist. In case you havenât noticed, itâs been waaaay too long since the glory days of evil-slaying leading ladies, such as those in Buffy the Vampire Slayer,Alias, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Xena: Warrior Princess, and Veronica Mars. So hopefully a successful Agent Carter will open the door for even more kickass gal characters in future series. Oh, you need some examples? IâM SO GLAD YOU ASKED.
Thank you, Fox network, for Gothamâbut where exactly is my Batgirl TV series? (Does it not matter to Hollywood that Iâm such a Batgirl fan, Iâve dressed up like her for Halloween on three separate occasions?) And what about Marvelâs Black Widow? Iâd happily pay Scarlett Johansson an extra $27 per week if she would reprise her role for TV. (Call me, Scar-Jo!) Iâm also a big fan of the Fantastic Fourâs Invisible Womanâbut donât get it twisted! Just because you canât see her working, it doesnât mean you can pay her half as much as a man! And what about a TV show starring She-Hulk? (BTW, I get it that sheâs Hulkâs cousin⌠but they donât call him âHe-Hulk,â do they? AGAIN WITH THE MISOGYNY!! BOOOO!!)
WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 31
8:00 ABC DICK CLARKâS PRIMETIME NEW YEARâS ROCKINâ EVE WITH RYAN SEACREST 2015
Know what that title needs? MORE WORDS.
8:00 FOX PITBULLâS NEW YEARâS REVOLUTION
A New Yearâs Eve party hosted by the rapper (not the testicle-eating dog).
THURSDAY, JANUARY 1
5:00 ESPN THE ROSE BOWL GAME
Celebrate the New Year with steroids and concussions.
8:00 CW IHEARTRADIO MUSIC FESTIVAL
Part two of the annual concert featuring Iggy Azalea, Ed Sheeran, Lorde, and⌠Train??? (BOOOOO!!!)
FRIDAY, JANUARY 2
8:30 FOX BROOKLYN NINE-NINE
Jake invites his girlfriend on a work trip. (Cue romantic implosion in three⌠two⌠oneâŚ)
SATURDAY, JANUARY 3
8:00 ABC HAIRSPRAYâMovie
(2007) In this remake of the John Waters classic, a teenager fights racism with dancing! (Yayyy dancing, boooo racism!)
SUNDAY, JANUARY 4
8:00 ABC GALAVANT
Debut! A musical comedy series about a prince trying to win back the love of his princessâan evil king is apparently involved.
9:00 PBS DOWNTON ABBEY
Season premiere! Season five opens with the Downton ladies having an awesome day (which quickly goes awry).
MONDAY, JANUARY 5
8:00 FOX GOTHAM
As Gordon reports for duty at Arkham Asylum, the Penguin continues to build his super-army of villains.
9:00 FOX SLEEPY HOLLOW
Ichabod and Abbie meet a helpful angel. (Spoiler alert: ITâS A TRAP!!!)
TUESDAY, JANUARY 6
8:00 ABC AGENT CARTER
Debut! Peggy is demoted from nut-buster to secretary, and then promoted back to nut-buster!
9:30 FOX THE MINDY PROJECT
Mindy attends a fellowship class at Stanford University; Stanford is less than impressed.
WHOOP! WHOOP! HOLLA BACK, TWITTER! @WmSteveHumphrey