I Regret What's Happening to This City

I Regret What's Happening to This City

I know condos represent urban density and that pro-city-slicker bullshit. I know that after Dale Chihuly blew into Seattle Center, I just didn't "fit in" anymore. I probably looked (and definitely smelled) like a sweaty, filthy GG Allin in a sea of Justin Bieber–looking tourists. But I'll say this, and mark my words—you're gonna miss me in 2013, fuckers! You might not miss seeing my big goofy clown head leering at you when you drive down Fifth Avenue—but when it comes time to see a real, rowdy rock 'n' roll show, where are you gonna go? No other Seattle club is gonna let your new scrappy (totally unknown) band play on the same bill as that big, crazy, awesome band from out of town. No other club is gonna let you play wearing just your dirty underwear while you smash beer bottles on your own head and make out with some hot chick in the front row. What other bar is gonna let you install a fucking skate ramp for your fundraiser? Where are you gonna have your pizza-eating and wet T-shirt contests? Where are you gonna play basketball while a punk band plays 15 feet away? I was legendary. I was Seattle's own CBGB. But like NYC, Seattle is getting wiped squeaky clean by rich bores and corporate whores. Enjoy your 150 billionth new condo, Seattle! And like GG Allin (RIP) once said, "Death is a very important part of life." recommended


Comments (29) RSS

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We already miss you a lot, Funhouse, for exactly the reasons you stated. While it is fun and interesting to see others work at picking up the pieces, the institutionalized awesomeness is hard to do without.
Posted by Chris Jury on January 2, 2013 at 10:05 AM · Report this
Funhouse notwithstanding, that horse left the barn 20 years ago.
Posted by mint chocolate chip on January 2, 2013 at 10:32 AM · Report this
Remember RKCNDY, The Offramp/Graceland, and the dozens of other landmark venues shutdown?
Posted by Tommyfoolery on January 2, 2013 at 12:02 PM · Report this
I still miss the Storehouse (
Posted by Tony D. on January 2, 2013 at 12:34 PM · Report this
Bauhaus I 5
The other regrets made me laugh. This one makes me a little weepy. Something else to file away in my treasured Seattle memory chest. I knew it couldn't stay 1993 forever. But it sure was fun. And I sure do miss it.
Posted by Bauhaus I on January 2, 2013 at 12:39 PM · Report this
Yeah, we'll thanks for reminding me what I already know Funhouse. Especially right after New Years Eve where I've spent the last 9 years inside of you kissing lovely ladies as fireworks went off overhead. There is even more to miss than this article snidlely let's on to...obviously NOT directed at those who already miss it.
Posted by Spooky on January 2, 2013 at 1:03 PM · Report this
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh GOD I just don't know Seattle anymore.....sigh.
Thanks for the memories.
Posted by auntie grizelda on January 2, 2013 at 1:45 PM · Report this
Thanks Funhouse for letting us set up a mobile studio in your green room during business hours to record some screams for our record! Who else would have said OK to that? You will be missed! -Love, Argonaut
Posted by Argonaut on January 2, 2013 at 2:19 PM · Report this
Cascadian Bacon 9
I miss the Funhouse, looks like the vomit is the last of the old Seattle punkrock bars.
Posted by Cascadian Bacon on January 2, 2013 at 4:56 PM · Report this
dan10things 10
Where else am I going to wrestle in mashed potatoes and gravy, dressed as Santa Claus, against a rollergirl dressed as Mrs. Claus? It's a crying shame I tell you.
Posted by dan10things on January 2, 2013 at 4:58 PM · Report this
uuuuhhhh, besides the basketball part you can do all those things at The 2 Bit Saloon in Ballard
Posted by themetalprofessor on January 2, 2013 at 5:00 PM · Report this
dan10things 12
The 2 Bit and Kraken are definitely carrying on the torch, although they are North of the channel, so completely off the Stranger's radar. Also neither snag quite the caliber and diversity of bands Brian Foss did at Funhouse. I can't see The Avengers, The Freeze, etc. playing either.
Posted by dan10things on January 2, 2013 at 5:12 PM · Report this
"Everything dies, baby, that's a fact, but maybe everything that dies someday comes back."
Posted by jmendenhall on January 2, 2013 at 5:38 PM · Report this
Dan, I saw the Freeze play the Morgue once. Maybe they'll do it again.
Posted by Kayluh on January 2, 2013 at 5:49 PM · Report this
Yeah, don't do anything about it, just weep and pretend like it's out of your hands. Perhaps this incident was, but the future holds much, much more disappointment. But of course, rioting/marching/voting/attending zoning committee meetings/doing something about our problems will always be against the seattle way. Keep gettin high seattle, you'll never get off your ass anyways.
Posted by 2Old_Fred3 on January 3, 2013 at 9:47 AM · Report this
What @12 said, although the Kraken seems like more of a place for "cool" crusty punks to hang out and be cool than it is to actually have a welcoming, spectacle-laden good time. The 2 Bit has more of that vibe, but the location does indeed leave something to be desired (come on, Ballard really is a pain in the ass to get to if you don't own a car).
Posted by Juris on January 3, 2013 at 11:55 AM · Report this
Cascadian Bacon 17
Seconding that bit about the Kraken, as an ex-crustie myself it is far too late for crust punks to still be relevant.
Posted by Cascadian Bacon on January 3, 2013 at 5:23 PM · Report this
I think those rich bores, corporate whores justin bieber tourists need to be beaten up and robbed same with Dale Chihuly.
Posted by AnonamousAndy on January 3, 2013 at 6:02 PM · Report this
I didn't go to a TON of shows in you but I always had fun when I did... and working across the street it was so disheartening the first day the head was taken down... fuck condos
Posted by ChrisHootHoots on January 3, 2013 at 7:00 PM · Report this
hey #15 - when the word went out that they wanted to tear down the funhouse's building there was a lot of proactive attempts by funhouse supporters to keep the place alive, including getting over 100 people out at a building design review meeting in support of the funhouse.
but it boiled down to money - the building was sold in the range of $2 million dollars, i guess that meant the value of the property outweighed the value of the club?
but people went all out to try to save the joint - including pushing for landmark status.
but in the end money won out.

but in the end it wasn't a failure, i'm alive, i learned a lot & i was overwhelmed by the support of my community.

i just gotta find a building i can actually buy and open a new club in that, then no one can kick me out again.

brian foss
funhouse co-owner
Posted by BrianMyFatAss on January 3, 2013 at 8:46 PM · Report this
dude I would prefunk at the funhouse before key arena events or going into the imax theater or pretty anything I was doing nearby and wanted to be buzzed for. funhouse was always great. I remember getting drunk, kicking the basketball in a game of HORSE over the backboard onto the roof. I ended up getting on the roof from around back by stacking two trashcans on eachother. getting on the roof was much easier than getting down because I wasn't looking down. ended up getting the ball but I couldn't get off the roof it looked way too scary. ended up just shimmying down or something and ended up falling into one of the two trash cans. messed up my threads. smelled like crap, blood on my pants from a gnarly cut. ah man it was shitty but I was a hero for getting that damn ball back so it was worth it. rip funhouse.
Posted by furnacefuneral84 on January 4, 2013 at 9:04 AM · Report this
I regret being so old I never dared go to a show at the Funhouse. Best to you in your hunt for a safe haven, Brian.
Posted by gloomy gus on January 5, 2013 at 9:00 AM · Report this
I miss and loved the funhouse!
Posted by Rubyrosa on January 6, 2013 at 3:02 AM · Report this
Music is not directed towards me anymore! I don't understand movies the way I used to! Places that I used to go to are no longer cool! In my day candy bars cost a nickel!

My fellow aged hipsters still desperately trying to cling to relevancy - come on. Let's age with a little bit of dignity. We've been rocking the cardigans and flannel for two decades now. It's no longer ironic. It's just comfortable. I'll be sitting by the fire in a comfy chair while petting a stray cat while you guys moan that things you don't like happen and everything changes all the time.
Posted by johnjjeeves on January 7, 2013 at 7:40 AM · Report this
Yeah that's the way Seattle, just keep letting those selfish rich fucks run you all outta town with ugly-ass cookie cutter condos that anybody who ain't an imported corporate whore can't afford. Just keep on letting 'em steal your last remaining urban joy, from the Sonics to the Stooges' favorite dive.

Oh yeah, don't forget to let the fatcat $$Billionaire plutocrats keep on stealing your city public land, and the taxes right out of your wallet, by sticking you with all the bills-Key Arena, Vulcan-SLUT, Gates foundation land grabs,Ballard Sunset etc etc remember??

Now get off your apathetic asses and start nuking their bullshit, before the skies fill with corporate police-state drones spying on all of us to intimidate everyone into true serfdom. Otherwise, in 4-5 years you all will be squatters in all those condoplexes abandoned by the same corporate looters.
Posted by IggY on January 7, 2013 at 11:06 PM · Report this
LEE. 26

that you are an ex-crust punk is telling. maybe Mister G is an ex-SHARP then? I can't wait to find out.


what in god's good name are you talking about?
Posted by LEE. on January 8, 2013 at 10:06 PM · Report this
ean 27
I loved the Funhouse and I love Brian.

Whoever owned the Funhouse absolutely had a right to sell it, it belonged to him! We should be thankful that Seattle's not a shithole like it was in the 70s and and 80s. Unfortunately that also means that divey downtown buildings aren't cheap enough to house shows, practice studios, actual dive bars, oddball galleries, and etc. So we are better off and worse off too. Denser neighborhoods are a good thing all around, so mixed use and yes condos (sigh) are progress, like it or not.

I'm still left wondering if the process is self defeating. If Seattle is attractive because of it's culture, and everybody moving to Seattle makes it economically viable to knock down all the funky little places that sustained the culture, will people still want to live here? If Ballard becomes just like Belltown, or even Bellevue, what's the point of moving out to Ballard? And didn't we just destroy something unique and replace it with something you could find anywhere?

I am a little sad reading this article. :(
Posted by ean on January 9, 2013 at 9:31 PM · Report this
pinksoda 28
@ 27 - And therein lies the problem. Add to that: the density we are currently building in our city is rarely the density that encourages affordability, so we are creating instead little homogenous communities that resemble each other in more ways than they are different.

There's little diversity of architecture, there's even less diversity in the financial demographic that the condo/apt. builders are trying to attract....

Even the retail offered at the ground level of these developments lacks originality: it's always some combination of yogurt, pizza, yoga studio (I have no idea why), etc.

The very elements that make each of our neighborhoods unique are being priced out of the areas, meaning by the time you move in, it's a little bit less interesting than it was before you were there.

It sucks because it doesn't have to be this way. Surely we could simultaneously support higher density developments and some real neighborhood public benefits that include incentives to maintain diversity of housing, architecture and small/local business ventures?

Tax credits for property owners of older properites so they can weather out the increase of property value created when gentrification (under the guise of density) comes via 'Vulcan-like developments.

It seems many people are torn up about the current flux of demolish/develop we see in the city. As Brian noted, over 100 folks rallied to try to save the Funhouse. Many were long time Seattle residents who have seen this type of "progress" happen again and again. I'd love to see that number grow, and for some real change to come out of this!

RIP, Funhouse. Good luck, Brian, in finding a new spot!
Posted by pinksoda on January 13, 2013 at 1:37 PM · Report this
@27 "We should be thankful that Seattle's not a shithole like it was in the 70s and and 80s."

Please clarify. I entered adulthood in Seattle in the 70s and 80s and, while is was smaller than it is now, "shithole" doesn't remotely describe my firsthand experience with it. Seattle was - and is - a remarkable city with an inexplicably creative atmosphere.

Posted by Yum Yum on January 23, 2013 at 2:24 PM · Report this

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