MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 23
The week begins with the worst story in the history of the world (or at least since that Carmelite nun was raped and strangled with her own rosary beads). The new atrocity occurred down in Tacoma, where a 10th-grade girl at Stadium High School was gang-raped in a school bathroom during school hours. Today's Seattle Post-Intelligencer dished up the details of the grisly attack, which occurred shortly before 11:00 a.m. last Friday, when the 15-year-old girl went to the restroom during her lunch break. Just after the girl entered a stall, the lights went out, and she was attacked. After 20 minutes, the rapists departed and the girl reported the attack to a teacher, giving authorities a description of her assailants before being taken to Tacoma General Hospital. Yesterday, Tacoma police arrested two Tacoma boys, ages 14 and 15, on charges of first-degree rape. Authorities are still investigating the possible involvement of a third party, who may have served as a lookout while the 20-minute gang rape took place within dodge-ball-throwing distance of the school's gymnasium. (To quote Andy Partridge: Dear God.)
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 24
In much lighter news, nothing happened today.
WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 25
Speaking of nothing happening: Nothing happened today, either (unless you count the buttload of stories about the arrest of the producers of Bumfights, the horrifying mail-order video sensation in which real-life hobos beat the shit out of each other at the behest of sickos with camcorders).
THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 26
At long last, today brought the happening of something, in the form of a beguiling Hot Tip from mysterious Hot Tipper Sean. According to his e-mail, Sean was enjoying a late-night cigarette at the corner of James and Broadway at 1:00 a.m. on Monday when he saw "this Capitol Hill-ish couple" (male/female) park their car and retire to an apartment. "A couple minutes later," Sean writes, "all Hell breaks loose in the apartment. The blinds are rattling, furniture's moving, and the girl is just letting loose. Whatever this dude was doing to her, she liked it." Even more impressive, when Sean went for a smoke a few hours later, they were still going at it (or had fortuitously timed their encore performance with Sean's cigarette break). "Now the girl is wailing and keeps saying, 'Perfect!'" Sean writes. "I started referring to her as the Perfect Girl." Sadly, Sean's flattering moniker proved short-lived, as two nights later, Sean saw his Perfect Girl "sucking tongue on a different dude at the goddamn B&O." Thanks to Sean for sharing, and congrats to the Perfect Girl on her streak of good luck and/or sexual compulsion.
··Also: Today every news agency in the world reported that American Idol® Kelly Clarkson's crappy first single shot to number one on Billboard's pop chart.
FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 27
Last week, Last Days reported the creepy story of Kate, the Green Lake sunbather who had her right boob grabbed by a thin young man with his shirt over his face. Today brought not one but two Hot Tips from readers eager to comment on Kate's predicament. "The Green Lake melon picker sounds like the exact same guy who accosted me and my sister last year," writes Hot Tipper Supervixen. "Except we had the privilege of being flashed instead. He had his shirt over his face and quite a lot of 'hand action' down below." Even worse, Hot Tipper Casey says she was exposed to Skinny McShirtface's beat-off shtick while walking her dog in Woodland Park. "My gut feeling--the guy's a rapist-in-training," writes Casey. (SPD: Now that you've got the Creepy Penis Man in custody [It's true! See Sunday.], how about staging some park-stings? Not to be a nag, but Seattle chicks deserve grope-and-flash-free parks.)
SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 28
Tonight brought the thrilling conclusion of They Shoot Painters Don't They?, the Center on Contemporary Art's 10th annual 24-hour painting marathon, culminating in two live auctions of the participating artists' work. True to form, CoCA staggered to the stage with a ramshackle event of which yours truly was, mysteriously and temporarily, master of ceremonies. Thankfully, a more fitting auctioneer soon arose in the form of a rambunctious oldster who had the rat-a-tat patter down pat, and we gratefully handed over the mic and beat it. Our apologies to anyone left bewildered by the switcheroo; we have an unfortunately low threshold for theatrical disorder. (It's a German thing--you wouldn't understand.) Still, congratulations to the artists for producing a number of lovely works (our faves: David Lasky's Carter Family portraits and Jenny Beedon's suburban side-yards), and kudos to CoCA for providing the most gorgeous backstage area in the history of the world. (Confidential to David Lasky: Your country music series makes us swoon, and we would love to discuss the possibility of a swap. We're good at children's parties and streak-free windows.)
SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 29
Speaking of artists: Tonight Last Days had the pleasure of attending the brilliantly entertaining show by John Moran and Eva Müller at On the Boards. Showcasing a number of segments culled from Moran's numerous large-scale "contemporary music-theater works," and performed, uncharacteristically and quite beautifully, by Moran and German dancer-actress Müller, tonight's show was like an edifying trip to Mars, with Moran's amazingly dense and intricate "found sound" compositions serving as surreal audio portraits of life on Earth. We mean this as a compliment, which should be extended as well to OtB's new artistic director, Lane Czaplinski, the man who had the good sense to bring this amazing performance to our unworthy burg.
··Speaking of composers: Last Days extends happy-birthday wishes to Mike Post, whose Law & Order theme song ranks just after that bootleg super-mix of "Smells Like Teen Spirit"/"Bootylicious" in our list of the greatest songs of all time.
··And finally: Like a pervy moth to a flame, tonight the Asian Penis Man, the notorious creep who's repeatedly pressed his exposed-and-engorged wang against unsuspecting lasses at alterna-rock shows, slimed his way into the crowd at Sleater-Kinney's Showbox show--where the shrimpy fuck was promptly caught in the act by ace Stranger reporter Amy Jenniges and arrested by the SPD! For the full story, see page 12. Yay, Amy. You are the wind beneath our wings.
Thanks to all Tippers (and apologies to Trent Taylor). Send your Hot Tips to email@example.com.