There's no point to radio anymore. It's a cultural institution, sure, and we tolerate it, keep it around for posterity. But radio offers nothing to the music world that can't be found elsewhere at pretty much the same price. I recently spent 12 full hours absorbing everything it has to offer, starting from the bottom and working my way to the End (yeah I know, they thought of it first). The only conclusion I came up with is that the act itself—actually turning a dial—is sweetly nostalgic, but it gets you nowhere.

I'm sure there are some die-hard Seattle radio listeners (to the people who call in and actually win things—who are you?), but the rest of us have gone digital. We troll blogs instead of frequencies, and "new music" on air has been leaked on OiNK (R.I.P.) for months. Video killed the radio star and Last.fm spit on its grave. America has moved on to playlists, podcasts, online streaming, and satellite radio.

Which is why the first thing I had to do was buy an AM/FM Walkman at Value Village (price: $2.99). For my first two hours, I took a good, long dose of KEXP 90.3. I caught the tail end of an in-studio by a good band, followed by a steady stream of newer, obviously indier tracks: songs that reflect the DJ's personal taste and knowledge of music as opposed to a rigid rotation schedule. I'd probably still listen to radio if KEXP didn't nix Tacoma's 91.7 simulcast in 2005.

After commercial-free KEXP, I was stuck in commercial-full hell. Every Clear Channel or otherwise corporate station played its ads at the exact same time, with "Hey There Delilah" by the Plain White T's chasing me around the dial. (Another example of radio's cultural lag: That song was already overrated in 2005, when some kid at my high school actually ventured to sing it a cappella at an assembly. Suddenly it's "new music"?) The only actual music I could find was religious, and that was selling Jesus. I tried to listen to the worship pop without judging (WWJD?), but it was impossible. And they, too, broke for commercials.

I hovered between Movin 92.5 (station motto: "It makes you feel good!") and the Old Skool Lunch on KUBE (station standby: "I Got Five On It," every time, foolproof) for a while because the fly jams of yesteryear are still fly. Then KUBE's new-music rotation kicked in with a steady stream of mid-'07 hits. It's way too obvious to me that Rhianna will never be Brandy, and T-Pain's "Buy U a Drank" can't touch Next's "Too Close." Those "Rhythmic Contemporary Hits"—as Wikipedia describes KUBE's direction—have plateaued, though Kanye's "Stronger" kills me every time.

Billie Holiday came in over a mysterious low-frequency jazz station (KPLU?), and I found a grainy recording of "Folsom Prison Blues" somewhere in the mid-90s. This was after enduring an hour of girl-stole-my-truck-my-dog-and-my-heart "modern country" (aka "the worst shit ever") on KMPS.

The End, 107.7, was disappointing. From the station I used to use to make mixtapes, I got nothing but irritating DJs playing a potpourri of non sequitur "alternative" songs that felt disjointed and out of place. The station's glory days have passed. It still has a local music show, but the End just isn't as Seattle-centric as it once was. Of course, they still play a Nirvana song almost every hour. Some things will never change.

Star 101.5 and Warm 106.9 are pure dentist office. KZOK is still perfect for multiple Tom Petty hits in a row. KISS will always be the music of fifth-graders or the thirtysomething singles crowd (read: Club KISS at Trinity). And 103.7 The Mountain will always be the final resting place of UW frat bros rolling deep on their annual pilgrimage to see Dave Matthews at the Gorge.

So here's the catch-22 of radio: There's no real strategy for listening. You can lurk in one spot for hours or sift through the muck looking for gold, but neither guarantees hearing something you like. It's free, but the commercials are maddening. Why wouldn't you just dial in online to find exactly the music stream you're looking for? After a marathon 12 hours, I was Top 40'd out and was looking to save 15 percent or more on car insurance for the car I don't have. I also seriously wanted to take T-Pain up on his offer.