Anna Minard claims to "know nothing about music." For this column, we force her to listen to random records by artists considered to be important by music nerds.
In the Court of the Crimson King
(Island)
Stranger Personals
I tried. I TRIED! I listened to this album over and over again. I took breaks and then went back to it. I looked up what other people had to say about it. I know how "seminal" this "prog" is. I asked to write about it. But at the end of the day, all my brain has to say about King Crimson is "Oh my god, is this song still playing? My commute is almost over." The songs are so, so long, and the part Kanye sampled a few years ago is the best part. Three separate times, I listened to it on the bus and had the exact same moment where I realized that I was still on the first track and three neighborhoods had gone by already. And I wasn't interested yet.
It sounds like the worst elements of the Beatles and Led Zeppelin had an orgy with some weird shit from the '90s and they had a deformed music baby. And in general, musicians who like to screw around by throwing cutlery and playing one individual note on 12 different instruments in no particular order—I don't really want to listen to your jazz-band rehearsal, okay? You're not "jamming." You're just being weird for the sake of being weird, like teenagers. That is not interesting.
The album cover, while horrifying, is at least fascinating, inspiring nausea, terror, and nonstop staring. Every time I look at it, I can feel my guts flinch, like that gobliny face is a cocked fist.
Some research backs up my hunch that they are inflated dopes. Exhibit one: They like to spell things stupidly—guitarist Robert Fripp calls his spin-off projects "ProjeKcts"; King Crimson called an album The ConstruKction of Light. GROSS. (Also, from the Wikipedia: ConstruKction sounds "similar to the work of contemporary alternative metal bands such as Tool." HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!) But other research, like the looks of delight on people's faces when I tell them I'm listening to KC, seems to point to this being one of those times where I just don't get it. I'm okay with that.
"Moonchild" pisses me off the most. It's a four-minute song that's totally fine—not my favorite, but plenty of old-school fun. Then it attaches onto itself a fiery comet tail of stupid noise, doodle-oodle-doo-oo-oo, lullaby harp, cat-walking-across-piano, oops-I-dropped-my-drumsticks, listen-to-my-aunt's-new-wind-chime, and on and on. By the time it reaches its conclusion eight minutes later—yes, that's right, one-third is a song and two-thirds is childish POOPERY—I am so annoyed with the whole thing that I can't finish the album. Which is a shame, because the last track is really good! It's the title track, and I'd love it, but I've only been able to make it all the way there one time. Siiiigh.
I give this a "kids these days" out
of 10. ![]()
You sound like music has to be exactly the way you expect it to be or you have a Nuclear Meltdown... I think that's weirder than the music... :)
And then, go listen to 'Lizard'
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Trey Gunn
Seattle
King Crimson alumnus
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Trey Gunn
Seattle
King Crimson alumnus
When one wants to *listen to* music, one does not turn on thei MP3 player whilst commuting.
One stays home, cool, calm and collected and *listens*, that is pays attention!
Now, if you cannot grasp Progressive music, fine. There are bazillions of pop bands to choose from.
M A D
A Progressive music lover and a King Crimson fan.
Hello, Mr. Gunn! :D
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But that does not make them qualified reviewers. You might as well say that you read Shakespeare but didn't like all the long sentences and old fashioned words. That is not a review.
From Paris, France
Hard to say better than Trey...Anna is a monument!!!
Perhaps is it better for Anna to to try Any other music except Bieber....Even too hard Perhaps.
You made my Day TOO
;)
Richard Pinhas
I feel the same way you do, but about Kanye's music... and much of what else passes for popular art/music these days as well. Your review is refreshingly humorous though, and although you are listening to it and reviewing it in the context of 2013, it really was groundbreaking & highly influential in the context of 1968 when it was released, and for generations of musicians since. Meh - yea I can see how the "cat walking across the piano" will definitely become annoying 7 minutes into a 4 minute song - but remember it was a bunch of 23 year old musicians trying to assimilate and push forward ideas/influences taken from stodgy old farts playing something called "free jazz" (which to me even today sounds like a people playing instruments while simultaneously furiously masturbating with a free hand). In today's context, with all the genre mixing that has happened in the meantime - its not quite as impactful as it was back then.
This one album though started the music careers of Greg Lake, Ian McDonald, Robert Fripp & Peter Sinfield - influencing and impacting music in very surprising ways. Sinfield wrote lyrics for several artists and bands - the most famous being Celine Dion, Cher, Cliff Richard. Robert Fripp played with Peter Gabriel, David Bowie, Brian Eno, David Sylvian... Ian McDonald was a founding member of Foreigner as well as King Crimson, and Greg Lake one third of ELP.
Thanks for the review, loved it despite the vitreol and hate you show for having had someone impose such a challenging listening exercise on you.
Robert Svilpa
Snoqualmie, WA
Such were the times that people could actually make a buck playing original music that did not exist before. And its ok to be where we are these days. Just don't fell that because you don't get something it is, ultimately, "a "kids these days" out of 10". Because I bet anything that there's way more than 10 kids out there that get this.
I guess it’s like the difference between having a meal on fine china vs. a paper plate. Some things are made to last and add a certain class and value to an experience while other things are simply massed produced for immediate consumption with the knowledge and forethought that it was meant to be thrown away.
I’m guessing she’s a big fan of paper plates too.
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@19 - "Isn't it sort of like weighing 360 pounds and entering a swimsuit competition"
@ 20 - "It’s like the difference between having a meal on fine china vs. a paper plate."
@ 22- "That would be like someone who only draws stick figures with crayons, knowing nothing about art at all, and yet trying to review how much the Mona Lisa sucks."
Please go on, WHAT ELSE is it like? Are you gonna do the Play Doh versus Statue of David one? Or no, wait, how about finger paints and the Sistine Chapel?? IS IT LIKE SOMEONE WHO LIKES HOT DOGS EATING A STEAK??
Anna is brilliant, y'all are tired.
I love that album, but I have to say the review was pretty humorous, even if it did paint a fairly depressing picture of dwindling attention spans and successive generational cognitive decline.
Kids these days...
Has she done any krautrock yet? Yeah, I know, I just said it was a favorite column, so I should know.
Daniel K
ex-King Crimson Webmaster
You'd better try this 2012's version of I Talk To The Wind.
youtube.com/watch?v=MEK10_WHSKM
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Do you greasy twits have a Google Alerts set for King Crimson? Jusus Christ, I am a big prog fan. In particular this album, but give it a rest.
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Anna, it takes a lot of guts to put yourself out there like this - Yeah, I get that it's a humor column, but still. Thank you!
I DO like prog, and I do like King Crimson, but no, it's not for everybody.
Just one request: do Butthole Surfers next!! Psychic... Powerless... Another Man's Sac or Locust Abortion Technician. Pleeeeeeeze???? Pretty please, with sugar on top??? :-D
Also, was that really Trey Gunn for real? That's fantastic. Made me laugh out loud. I had no idea he was in Seattle now.
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I had the same experience trying to listen to Bruckner's eighth symphony on a bus once. It was horrible.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4ouPGGLI…
indeed crimson is hard to digest, but you cannot ignore the fact that they'r awesome. have you even heard 21st century schizoid man?????!!
oh.. i effin love tool, but you had it wrong somewhere.. crimson influenced tool, and in some weird way that went on a loop.. so yeah, in a sense you'r right, still its out of context. it just sucks that you rely on wikipedia for facts than mere obsession with music, all music, even the ones you hate and dont understand.
so.. yes. i am avidly waiting for your next column and hopefully i learn something interesting.. more interesting than the methodology of your mp3 auricular mastication.
Next, maybe I can write about brain surgery. I've heard other people talk about it, and even know a few people who've done it. Maybe they'll let me try it with them next time. I'll post my comments afterwards!
However, I loved the album cover art. It was just weird enough for my taste. I kept the album cover propped up on a windowsill for its decorative value. What can I say? I was very, very young.
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That said, the main reason it is important to understand prog rock is so you can grasp what a breath of fresh air punk rock was after all that nonsense.













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