Party Crasher

All the Single Ladies

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After a downright apocalyptic month on Capitol Hill—shootings at a hiphop show, terrorist threats to gay bars—it's a wonder anyone feels like leaving home. Instead, our hosts are combining both targets: It's a lesbian hiphop party at a beautiful three-story house its tenants refer to as the "Heartbreak Hotel." Ladies pour through the front door one after the other to be greeted with raucous cheers and bear hugs. Nobody seems scared of ricin or bullets.

In the living room, Lady Jane DJ is blowing them away; there's old-school hiphop mixed with the new stuff, and it's all seamless, even when a couple of drunk women decide to try scratching on LJDJ's turntables. All the single ladies rush the floor for "All the Single Ladies," and from then on out, it's a sea of drunken, bumping bodies.

Out front, standing by a fire, there is a band of army boys. They've made a point of taking weekend trips to the Heartbreak Hotel—or, as they refer to it, the Lesbian House—for the past month and a half. "These chicks really know how to party," one says, awed. Someone else suggests that one of the hostesses is "the dopest Hawaiian in the motherfucking world." Nearby, someone is doing a birthday keg stand. After that, it's balls to the wall: One after another, the ladies are lifting their friends to the sky. One woman does a full minute of upside-down beer consumption. Post-stand, some stagger over to the bushes to vomit. Then they rush back to hit the keg again. They're indomitable, happy, and drunk—and nothing is going to ruin this party.

Want The Stranger to overhear you taunting someone as a "Sensitive Sally" for not doing a keg stand at your house party? Send date, place, and party details to


Comments (9) RSS

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Some friends and I were drunkenly walking home when we decided to walk into this random, crazy house party. It was probably the best party I've been too in a long time.
Posted by Richard on January 31, 2009 at 1:03 PM · Report this
Huh. I guess sucking down beer, vomiting, and then repeating it must be fun for some people. But for the life of me I can't figure out why. The rest of it sounded great, though!
Posted by Balt-O-Matt on January 31, 2009 at 4:27 PM · Report this
Are there any pictures of lesbian tits or anything good like that?
Posted by woahsrslyfokes on January 31, 2009 at 7:27 PM · Report this
@woahsrslyfokes - hey, I've got plenty of those pics. But then again, I'm not a skeevy straight man, so people are fine about showing their tits to me (and letting me touch them, which is *more the point*)

And Balt-O-Matt, couldn't agree more. Yuck, if you barf it, you waste it.
Posted by Trix on February 1, 2009 at 3:43 AM · Report this
@Trix: I'm not a skeeeevy straight man... Believe me..
Posted by woahsrslyfokes on February 2, 2009 at 12:54 AM · Report this
Posted by FREAK on February 2, 2009 at 12:06 PM · Report this
Glad the Stranger came to our party, it was a blast. Watching all the drunkies from behind the bar as I served them drinks. Dancing to loud ass music, and cops. Sorry some must've missed out on the tits, cause I seen plenty that night :p. -J
Posted by vjrunner on February 5, 2009 at 1:51 PM · Report this
I always have a great time at the Heart Break Hotel! I hope that they have me back soon! :)
Posted by ladyjanedj on February 9, 2009 at 3:22 PM · Report this
Watch out, these Lady Jane DJ lez house parties can get straight up out of control. They know how to get it done.
Posted by DJ Law on February 10, 2009 at 2:20 PM · Report this

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