Party Crasher

Carnies Know How to Bring the Motherfucking Party

Party Crasher
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"These lights are totally gay," a woman on the darkened back porch says. Before you start getting all riled up about her linguistic subjugation of homosexuals, you should know she's just being honest: For some reason, all the strings of lights are missing their prongs, meaning it's a lesbian socket-only party out here. Fortunately, a man dressed as a lion strips the wires and brings illumination to the porch. Now everyone at the Magical Summer Circus Party can see each other.

Which is great news: Everyone in this crepe-paper-festooned house looks phenomenal. Our lovely hostesses are dressed as Siamese twins, although they're too polite to use the old freak-show terminology, instead referring to themselves as "conjoined," as in: "Let's do some shots and then we'll conjoin." There are two bearded ladies, five lions (three with flaming hoops), two clowns (one creepy and one sexy), one very helpful woman dressed as a box of popcorn, a gorilla, a sword-swallower, and a trapeze artist. It's an ideal summer party: The ladies are flirty, whip-wielding carnies, and the men are skinny contortionists in leotards.

Everyone dances to Jay-Z and Beyoncé, and a couple of girls make out in the kissing booth (which advertises "$1.00 KISS/$5.00 TONGUE"). Pyramids of Ding Dongs and elaborate cupcakes quickly disappear as partyers partake of the half-gallon plastic jugs of whiskey and vodka, and then at midnight everyone crowds onto the lawn to play with sparklers. The entire block fills with red and green smoke, and people just keep showing up; looks like the summer party season is going out in style. recommended

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Comments (6) RSS

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cmountain 1
This was the party of the century.
Posted by cmountain on August 26, 2009 at 5:35 PM · Report this
Travis Ritter 2
It definitely was...
Posted by Travis Ritter on August 26, 2009 at 10:31 PM · Report this
the shark head is still in the front yard.
Posted by alixundrah on August 28, 2009 at 12:10 AM · Report this
the shark head was confiscated and is now in the backyard. it was part of a seance.
Posted by yungrii mobliatri on August 28, 2009 at 10:39 AM · Report this
meowmeowkitty 5
Somebody spray painted "party" on a tree. Nice move.
Posted by meowmeowkitty on August 30, 2009 at 12:18 PM · Report this
I'm 85 Years Old 6
spray painting nature is always a classy move
Posted by I'm 85 Years Old on September 1, 2009 at 10:05 AM · Report this

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