REVENGE OF THE ARK Party foul punishment. Paul Constant

Sat July 23

Capitol Hill

The residents of this house have dubbed their party "Rager of the Lost Ark." First thing, the hosts burst through a false wall carrying an ark, nearly demolishing one of Party Crasher's plus ones in the process. Inside the golden chest are tablets bearing the Ten Party Commandments: Thou shalt not smoke in the house, fornicate, spill beer on the floor, etc. If any of the commandments are broken, the offender will be sent to the Snake Pit, a corner of the room where rubber reptiles are tossed on the heretic. Many will taste the novelty-grade-venom before the night is through.

Ground rules out of the way, things at first carry a bit of a too-hip vibe—at the keg, a woman loudly asks her conversational victim, "Are you a movie watcher, or a film watcher?"—but people are soon eating Vegan Brains out of a huge papier-mâché monkey head. The much-touted Maximum Dance Mix, festooned with '80s hits, fills the living room with people dancing as unselfconsciously as children, particularly while bouncing on a trampoline to "Jump."

As the bars let out—the gutsy hosts actually fliered their house party—the room swells past capacity. Ironically, during "Fight the Power," the police arrive, investigating a noise complaint. People fly into the back alley, shouting, "Oh, no! It's the po'!" And that pretty much makes this a scientifically proven rager, especially when you also consider the fact that Party Crasher swears he heard a couple loudly breaking the Fornication Commandment in the bathroom just before the po' showed.

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