Paul Constant

Sat Dec 3



Our hosts have redecorated their home to look like a frat house, the fictional Phi Alpha Gamma, and have invited their friends to attend dressed as stereotypes from college: the nerd, the frat boy, the jock, etc. The party is almost entirely frat-happy, and our Plus One explains why: The vast majority of the partiers are gay men and "the gays all want to do the frat boys—it's our secret fantasy." The décor, particularly a dried plant dubbed "the mistleturd" and a Christmas tree decorated with crushed Black Label cans and a worn pair of white Calvin Klein boxer briefs, adds to the Greek allure.

Several people do impressive two-cans-of-Miller-Lite-in-two-seconds hits off the ridiculously long beer bong on the back porch, while one poor celebrant does an impressive two-cans-of-Miller-Lite spit-take over everyone in a 10-foot radius. "That's not like swallowing come at all," the nauseated man groans. Indeed, though the look is sweatshirts and baseball caps, the feel of the party is quite different from Animal House. For one thing, there are all the frat-brother make-out sessions going on, and for another, one man ends an argument about music by shouting, "Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!"

The hosts show off their LEGO room, with miniatures of REI and their house meticulously re-created. A woman who had flashed us earlier explains her rationale: "I was the first woman here. I want you to print that. I was the one pair of breasts in the middle of a hundred hot guys." She sniffs at the air in the basement, then comments: "It's very musky down here."

Want The Stranger to hear how "I'm so drunk I wanna start a fight with a lesbian" at your house party? E-mail the date, place, time, and party details to