Matt Brown

Remy, Tiffani, and Jason are a year older; it's time to celebrate! Everyone is hanging out at Ouch My Eye, a cute little Sodo art gallery. This party has it all: tables with buckets of licorice, cheese and salami plates, fortune cookies, and lots of art on the wall, although no one seems to notice the art. Everybody has a drink—ranging from fancy mixed cocktails to good old Rainier—in hand.

Jason is around here somewhere in his sequined sombrero and denim vest. Later on, he'll switch over to something resembling a Carmen Miranda hat. Not many people can pull off the fruit-on-the-head look, but he does it with such grace. More people begin to show up and the lights get dimmer. Someone thinks that this would be a good time for a Savage Garden song, and we all relive our eighth-grade experiences.

The line for the bathroom has moved no more than two feet in the past 15 minutes. A filmmaker named Becker tells me that I could "so get laid tonight" if I just play "the Stranger card." We both agree that Los Angeles sucks. "Rhythm Is a Dancer" starts blaring from the speakers, followed by "Groove Is in the Heart." Have we permanently gone back to the '90s? It doesn't matter: People are loving it and dancing their asses off, and a well-dressed guy is attempting to "get with" the DJ. Dude, with that suit, you are SO in. Just when we wonder how the party could be any better, someone produces the answer: firecrackers! recommended

Want The Stranger to play our getting-laid cards at your house party? E-mail the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.