Music

Party Crasher

Bambi vs. Drunkzilla

Paul Constant

Do you know who throws the best parties? Restaurant workers throw the best goddamned parties! They stay up late, they drink like alcoholic fishes, and they're great conversationalists. Despite the fact that it's a dreary, cold Monday evening, this fancy dress party, which our host has named Bambi, is no exception to that rule. Employees from restaurants like Poppy and Sitka & Spruce have brought delicious food: Someone insists that I eat a little puff pastry called a "ferret pie," which I do, and which tastes delightfully like turkey (later, someone corrects me: It's pheasant). There are also succulent venison meatballs and yummy cheese-'n'-broccoli tarts.

Someone in the kitchen is mixing the best whiskey sours in the world. Other people are discussing the thematic elements of Bambi, which include posters of Grace Jones everywhere and a real severed deer hoof with a telephone cord sticking out of it. Someone who identifies himself as "the only straight man here" takes shots of Maker's Mark like a real butch guy. Someone else gives tips on the best books to buy if you're a novice interested in learning about quantum physics.

A very drunk man shoves his hands down my pants on the dance floor. Luckily, a gorgeous, energetic lesbian pushes in between us and dances me away. Later, the party will head to Bush Garden and our host will own the bar with his version of "Take Me to the River," but for right now, the whole house is a sweaty dance floor of straight and gay men and women who are young and beautiful and happy to be alive. recommended

Want The Stranger to admire the vintage headdress that was once owned by Hedda Hopper at your house party? E-mail the date, place, and party details to partycrasher@thestranger.com.

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Comments (6) RSS

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1
"I eat a little puff pastry called a "ferret pie," which I do, and which tastes delightfully like turkey (later, someone corrects me: It's pheasant). There are also succulent venison meatballs and yummy cheese-'n'-broccoli tarts."

I seriously want to go to the parties you're invited to. The best I usually get is cheese and Ritz. And Miller Lite.
Posted by YUM... on December 27, 2008 at 7:08 PM · Report this
2
What are the books about quantum physics? Seriously.
Posted by Disintegrator on December 27, 2008 at 8:08 PM · Report this
3
All good parties end at Bush Garden.
Posted by Joh on December 28, 2008 at 1:54 AM · Report this
4
There's nothing wrong with a little sexual assault!
Posted by richard on December 28, 2008 at 12:40 PM · Report this
5
what fucking real man would waste delicious delicious Maker's Mark by taking *SHOTS* of it??! that is neither making good choices for oneself or for the delicious Maker's.
Posted by Jim Bexley-Speed on December 29, 2008 at 3:02 PM · Report this
6
yeah, maker's is actually mad decent. sorry, jim.
Posted by spesh on January 1, 2009 at 8:40 PM · Report this

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