Shotgun Window/Capitol Hill/Tues March 23/5:30 pm: When Officer Welborn responded to the corner of East Boston Street and Broadway Avenue East, he made contact with the victim. The victim explained to the officer that he was selling items door to door for the Sierra Club, which, rumors have it, is currently being infiltrated by neo-Nazis. But that is a whole uninvestigated matter, which would require much more space to determine than I have in this weekly column. Back to the report. The victim said that when he came to the house on Broadway, he walked up to the doorstep and knocked, and a female voice asked who he was. He stated his name and that he worked for the Sierra Club. Now, really, what would neo-Nazis want with this influential environmental organization? Does it have something to do with conservation? Both groups are very concerned with conversation: the environment, in the case of the Sierra Club; the purity of the white race, in the case of the neo-Nazis. Maybe? But let's get back to the police report.

Upon hearing the victim's response, the female voice said, "Okay," and left the door. Officer Welborn reports: "The victim believed that the woman was doing something inside the house and would return in a moment. After a minute or two, no one had come back to the door and the victim was about to leave the doorstep. Suddenly the blinds on a window in the center of the door opened, and the barrel of a dark-colored shotgun poked out. The shotgun was racked and waived about, but never was directly pointed at the victim. The victim left the porch and called the police." Now here is an idea: Let's say the neo-Nazis simply care about the environment. The fact that they hate blacks, Jews, Mexicans, and Asians does not mean they hate nature. But, again, I don't have the space or time to speculate on or test the substance of this very strange rumor.

His House in Iran/Sand Point/Sat April 10/9:22 pm: Officer Vahle reports: "An Iranian man called 911 to report that his mother and grandfather were in a verbal argument. When I arrived at the scene of the dispute, the suspect [Mr. K] was sitting in a chair with his arms folded, staring at a wall. Witness one [Mr. F] told me that about six years ago [Mr. K] gave his house in Iran to [Mr. F's] father. The father then gave this house to his wife [Mrs. G, who presently lives in Seattle], and [Mrs. G] gave the house to her mother, who is now living in the house. Last week, [Mr. K] decided he wanted the house back, and threatened to starve himself to death if the house was not returned. Today, [Mr. K] said he was going to kill [Mr. F] or his mother, [Mrs. G], if he didn't get the house back.... We told [Mr. K] that it was against the law [in America] to make threats of harm and called AMR, who transported [Mr. K] to Harborview Medical Center for an involuntary mental evaluation. I was concerned that he might hurt others and himself."