Queer Issue 2014
Hulloooomosexuals! Queer-mos! Les-mos! Bi-mos! Trans-mos! And every-mo-fo in between! And welcome! Welcome to Seattle GLBTQRSTUVWXYZ Pride—the Greatest Pride in the Known Universe™! You are in for a remarkable adventure. Seattle Pride boasts miracles and wonders undreamed of by inferior cities' so-called "Prides." (For example? CHER. And GEORGE TAKEI. Boom.) Indeed, we've got millions of super-gay celebrations to tempt and sate any and all queer palates: from the most depraved of club nights to the most Lutheran of pancake breakfasts (an annual tradition!). So please discover them all below, exhaustively compiled for you, ad infinitum. Happy Pride, beautiful, glorious freaks! (Good luck finding parking.)
Pride Bloodlust @ Pony
We begin our prideful journey with a certain amazing little dive bar called "Pony," because IT'S THE BEST DAMN GAY BAR IN THE COUNTRY. (Widely documented fact. Google that shit.) It's small, it's meticulously seedy, it's got a disturbing glory-hole clown that will give you dark feelings (FEED THE CLOWN!), it's crammed with hot guys of all sorts (it's a sausage fest, sorry ladies) and the kind of hipsters you really WANT to fuck (srsly). Tonight, Pony gives us a Pride edition of its monthly goth/deathdisko/industrial night, featuring Dee Jay Jack and Freddie King of Pants. Happy hour all night long! Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Unicorn Pride Kickoff Party
The Unicorn is what would happen if a circus tent had intimate relations with a drunk clown. And tonight it celebrates Pride with deep-fried Snickers (it's on the menu!) and DJ Disco Vinnie, undisputed master of delicious retro '80s vibes. Unicorn, 1118 E Pike St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Write with Pride
This is a creative writing workshop with no DJs or drag queens whatsoever. That's all. Calamus Auditorium at Gay City, 517 E Pike St, 7 pm, no cover, all ages.
Pulse and the Mr./Ms./Miss TEEN Seattle Pride Pageant
Three incredible drag artistes (Isaac Scott and Jessica Paradisco and Drew Paradisco of the Seattle Paradiscos) join RPDR's Jessica Wild, a ridiculously hot local so-called porn star called Alex Vaara, and DJs Dirty Bit and Trent Von for a night of surprises, drag, and flesh—BUT WAIT! There's also the TEEN Seattle Pride Pageant! At Seattle's oldest gay dance club. History! Neighbours, 1509 Broadway E, 10 pm, $5, 18+.
Steamworks is Seattle's only bathhouse worth mentioning (or so I've been told—SHUT UP), and tonight they are hosting the Pulse after-party. Cast the first stone. I dare you. Steamworks, 1520 Summit Ave, midnight, $5 membership fee, $10–$46 rentals, 18+.
YOU MUST DO THIS, DAMN IT. It's one of the most crucial parties of the season. Featuring (OMG!!) RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6's Miss Congeniality, Seattle's amazing BenDeLaCreme! A treasure. Oh! And adorable Josyln Fox! (It's like a RPDR reunion up in here, whomp-whomp!) Seriously. Don't miss this thang, miss thang. With performances by Le1F, Cakes Da Killa, Ben and Joslyn (of course), Purple Crush, Boy Funk and Rap Girl, Olivia LaGarce, DieAna Dae, Amo A Nia, Cherry Sur Bête, Mama Tits, the brilliant Cherdonna Shinatra, Cucci Binaca, and Ade. Brought to you by Nark Magazine. Neighbours, 1509 Broadway E, narkmagazine.com/pride, 8 pm–4 am, $30/$70 VIP, 21+.
The Totally Gay Sing-Along
The funnest group karaoke experience you will ever have—this adorable little theater/restaurant shows "gay" music videos while the crowd drinks, eats, and sings along... loudly. Drunken dancing in the aisles guaranteed. Central Cinema, 1411 21st Ave, central-cinema.com, 8 pm, $10, all ages.
R Place Presents Jujubee, Coco Montrese
Favoritey favorites from past seasons of RuPaul's Drag Race come to perform your face off because PRIIIIDE! Tonight they bring us the amazing Coco Montrese and the unforgettable JUJUBEE! R Place, 619 E Pine St, 9:30 pm, $6, 21+.
Dyke March OutDancing
Dancing with the dykes! You know you want to. Century Ballroom, 915 E Pine St, 7:30 pm, $10 suggested, 21+.
The Lisbon Traviata
This is a very gay play. You like theater, right? Pffft. Yeah. Thought so. Hugo House, 1634 11th Ave, theatre22.org, 8 pm, $22, all ages.
PrideFest "Turn Back Time" '70s Party
PrideFest's '70s party is raffling off two honest-to-goddess tickets to two honest-to-goddess gay goddesses: Cher and Cyndi Lauper! Swoon. Hosted by that sassy drag chanteuse Robbie Turner. W Hotel, 1112 Fourth Ave, pridefest.org, 8 pm, $10, 21+.
Revolution Thursday: Pride Edition
The biggest every-Thursday dance party in town with a Pride twist: It's the Blacklight Party! Hosted by Donatella Howe and Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. Baltic Room, 1207 Pine St, 10 pm, $5, 21+.
Nasty at the Eagle
The Eagle's traditionally nasty Pride kickoff event at Seattle's dirtiest bird. Eagle, 314 E Pike St, $7, 21+.
Rainbow City Band Summer Concert
Enjoy the soaring strains of the Rainbow City Band. Fremont Abbey, 4272 Fremont Ave N, rainbowcityband.com, 7 pm, free, all ages.
The Very Super Special Feelings Show
A caburlesque revue that would make the devil blush. "What if your angsty youth could have its own private dancer?" Let's find out. With superstar vocalist Adra Boo, Billy Scream, EmpeROAR Fabulous!!!, and more! Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, sinnersaintburlesque.com, 7 pm, $15, 21+.
Gender Fierce Youth Pride Variety Show & Dance Party
Lifelong AIDS Alliance's HEYO (Health Education Youth Outreach) and C89.5 FM give us this night of music and dancing hostessed by Seattle drag star Aleksa Manila. A huge lineup of performances. Fred Wildlife Refuge, 128 Belmont Ave E, 6:30 pm, free, all ages.
Three Dollar Bill Cinema Presents Flash Gordon
Have you ever SEEN the 1982 campfest Flash Gordon!? So hilariously unintentionally gay, no joke. Seattle's LGBT film group is behind this one. Hosted by the brilliant Mark Mitchell. Northwest Film Forum, 1515 12th Ave, nwfilmforum.org, 7:30 pm, $11, all ages.
Pride Edition Hero Worship—PRINCE!
We're back at Pony for the Pride edition of their once-a-month party Hero Worship, this time focusing on the music of the Artist Who Must Not Be Named: Prince! Featuring DJs Toast, King of Pants, and Dee Jay Jack, with live performances by the glorious Ade and Scott Shoemaker. Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 9 pm, free, 21+.
Wildrose Does Burlesque
Seattle's only lesbian bar brings us a night of sexy burlesque with some of the most beautiful and flexible women in town: Fuchsia FoXX, Shanghai Pearl, Tamara the Trapeze Lady, and more! Wildrose, 1021 E Pike St, 9 pm, $10, 21+.
Seattle Gay Scene Pride Kickoff
The Lobby’s wallpaper alone is worth a visit. Tonight, they and their fancy wallpaper host the Seattle Gay Scene (never heard of it: seattlegayscene.com) for their big Pride party featuring live performances, DJ Tony Burns, and the ever enchanting Lily Armani! The Lobby, 916 E Pike St, 7:30 pm, free, 21+.
Trans* Pride Rally and March
Meet at the north end of Seattle Central Community College at 5 p.m. to rally and march for our amazing trans* community! The march will end with a big ol' hootenanny at Cal Anderson Park! SCCC, transprideseattle.com, march 6 pm, festivities 7–10 pm, free, all ages.
Dickslap Pride Edition
If you live in Seattle, you know that Dickslap is the most dearly beloved pageant of perversion and naughtiness in the city, and if you don't, well, you still know that now because I just told you. Produced by Nark Magazine and always crammed to its crusty crannies with superstar DJs (in this case Jimi Jaxon, Cakes Da Killa, and Nark himself), special hosts (Cucci Binaca), and the sexiest go-go boys who ever worked a pole (Dave Raring and Rich Kelley). Highly recommended. Eagle, 314 E Pike St, 9 pm, 21+.
Steamworks is where the serious horndogs will be after Dickslap. Where else? Saunas, showers, nooks, crannies, and a whole mess of willingness. Steamworks, 1520 Summit Ave, midnight, $5 membership fee, $10–$46 rentals, 18+.
Pride at Neighbours
Oh, Neighbours, where so many millions of ex-boyfriends have risen and fallen. (Mostly just mine.) This is Seattle's oldest dance club/meat market, and they tend to throw an epic Pride. Tonight the event is hosted by three of the most talented queens in town, Aleksa Manila, Gaysha Starr, and Isaac Scott, and features the sexy, sexy Seattle debut of Andrew Christian models Noah Wright, Topher DiMaggio, and Pablo Hernandez! (Um, yum.) With DJs Richard Dalton and Trent Vaughn. Prepare to get SO laid. Neighbours, 1509 Broadway E, 8 pm–4 am, $12, 21+.
T-Shack Seattle Pride Edition
This is a big one! (Mmm, a big one.) San Francisco's legendary sleazefest hosted by the infamous Heklina Heklina (of course) returns to Seattle to seriously mess you up. Featuring the talents of Sylvia O'Stayformore, Jackie Hell, and Amo A Nia. Can you handle the "T"? Unicorn, 1118 E Pike St, 8 pm–2 am, $5, 21+.
Underwear Dance Party
Hot guys in their underwear: What else could you possibly ask for? Sponsored by Grindr. So, you know. Slutty. Baltic Room, 1207 Pine St, 9 pm, $10, 21+.
Le Faux @ Julia's
Julia's is the electric hub of all things drag in Seattle (Jinkx Monsoon was hosting before she ran off to win RPDR), and their weekend celebrity impersonation show, Le Faux, is a sure bet for an amazing time. (Trust me, I'm there every week.) Hosted by the effervescent Kristie Champagne! Julia's, 300 Broadway E, 10 pm, $25–$50, 21+.
Suburban Relapse @ Pony
Tonight our beloved Pony gives the big Fuck You to Top-40 diva house, AND ISN'T THAT A RELIEF. (Whew.) They promise an overdose of punk, electroclash, and grave wave with resident DJ K-Kost. Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 9 pm, $5, 21+.
Bush Gardens at Wildrose
Pffft. "Bush Gardens." (Hilarious!) Every day Pride weekend! Seattle's only lesbian bar has been around for a quarter of a century, and they've learned how to throw one bleeding hell of a party—15,000 square feet of dancing, contests, and dranx, with five bars, three beer stations (did I mention dranx?), DJs, a photo booth, and wall-to-wall women. Featuring DJs Colby B, Tony Burns, and Lady Jane, plus a first annual Booty Shakin' contest! Twerk. Wildrose, 1021 E Pike St, 1 pm–2 am, $12, 21+.
Derrick Barry Joins RPDR's Coco Montrese and Jujubee LIVE at R Place!
Superstar drag artiste Derrick Barry is famous for her spot-on Britney Spears impersonation (among other things), and she has appeared everywhere from The Tonight Show to an Eminem video! Tonight she joins RPDR stars Coco Montrese (she competed in Season 5 against our Jinkx) and Jujubee (who was in the Top Three in Season 2) on the R Place stage—live performances from some of the best in the draggy biz! Plus the go-go boys, La Saveona Hunt (the host of Thirsty Thursday,) and DJ Flow, of course. R Place, 619 E Pine St, 9:30 pm, $25–$45, 21+.
Pride Shabbat at Temple Beth Am
Seattle's Jewish community invites you to join this year's citywide Pride Shabbat, open to everyone. Music, guest speakers, gnosh, and more! Feh! Temple Beth Am, 2632 NE 80th St, 6:15 pm, free, all ages.
Seattle Storm Pride Party Game
Lesbians have nothing to do with professional basketball. That's all an egregious stereotype. KeyArena, 305 Harrison St, wnba.com/storm, 7 pm, $15–$170, all ages.
Lick! Pride Edition
Lick! is Seattle's touchstone for queer dance-your-ass-off parties, now in its seventh year! With DJs Dewey Decimal, Res, and Mathematix. Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, 7:30 pm, $5, 21+.
Tommy Gun: Get Goosed!
Extended happy hour at Seattle's only lesbian-owned craft cocktailer, featuring Goose Island brews and Chicago-style hot dogs! Giveaways, too. Tommy Gun, 1703 E Olive Way, 5–8 pm, no cover, 21+.
GLSEN Youth Pride Dance
The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network's big yearly dance for gay youth. With music by DJ Puerto Roc and makeup by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence! Belltown Community Center, 415 Bell St, 8 pm, free, 21 and under.
Changes in Wallingford Celebrates "40 Years of Pride" with Cher
Changes in Wallingford is reveling in several appropriately Pridey shenanigans every night this weekend with different events, all unified by the theme, "Celebrating 40 Years of Pride." And tonight! They are giving us a great big gay tribute to CHER, because DUH. And it's all about the drag: The best Cher look-alike wins cash monies (of an indeterminate amount as of press time). Featuring DJ Ericket, the audio mixologist. Changes in Wallingford, 2103 N 45th St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Blacklight Party at the Lobby
Performances on the hour from some amazing local queens, hosted by the ever-wonderful Drew Paradisco. With DJs Lightray and Kymest. Lobby Bar, 916 E Pike St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Pride Weekend at the Cuff
I once wrote that the Cuff was the queer club you could take your mother to—if she had no religion and you were born under a table at Hooters. I cannot at this juncture possibly improve upon that description. This place is just huge, gets just packed, and tonight features DJs Rob Hall and Tracy Young. You'll end up here. Everyone does. The Cuff, 1533 13th Ave, 10 pm, $10, 21+.
Midnight Pole Cabaret: Pride Edition
You're a total night owl who's addicted to pole dancers and cabaret, yes? I knew it. Can Can, 94 Pike St, midnight, $25–$35, all ages.
Sport Your Pride/Mischief
Have you been to that new World of Beer place on Capitol Hill yet? Do you get into sportsball—or, more precisely, dudes in sportsball uniforms? I knew it. This is a dual event by Sinfinite Productions. “Sport Your Pride” is a free pre-funk party for another party called, “Mischief” at Re-Bar, and they’ve put together quite a program: live music, raffles, cheap boozes, and then guess what! They’ll give you discounted admission wristbands for entry to Mischief, where things really go bananas: go-go boys (“The Men of Mischief”), DJs Blacklow (from LA) and Bret Law (from here), giveaways, and the hotties from Seattle Quake Rugby will shoot Jell-O shots, right into your filthy mouth. Discounted admission for wearing team jerseys, sports attire, or come decked out in pride colors! Sport Your Pride: World of Beer, 500 E Pine St, 7 pm, no cover, 21+; Majestic: Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, $8 before 11 pm/$10 after, 21+.
This Party Is Fucking Gay
Fabulous local freak Beau Splitin’ Saperstein gives you the Highline’s big Pride event featuring lots of live music from Antique Scream, Loud Eyes, Wolfhammer 3, and more! Highline Bar, 210 Broadway E, 9 pm, free, 21+.
Derrick Barry, Coco Montrese, and Jujubee LIVE at R Place!
You know Coco from Season 5 and Jujubee from Season 2 and Derrick Barry for her amazing Britney Spears, and R Place is bringing all three of them to the stage tonight in a grand and glittery culmination of their R-Place-y Pride shenanigans. With the sexy-schmexy go-go boys and DJ Flow. R Place, 619 E Pine St, 9:30 pm, $6, 21+.
Seattle Dyke March
This always makes me so happy! The march winds all around Capitol Hill sprinkling dykey joy to all in its wake before returning to the Seattle Central Community College Plaza. Come make some noise for the dykes! Broadway and Pine St, seattledykemarch.com, 5 pm rally, 7 pm march, free, all ages.
PrideFest Family Day
Bring the kids! Drag-queen story time, kids' music, and games. Cal Anderson Park, 11th Ave and Pine St, pridefest.org, noon–5 pm, free, all ages.
PrideFest Street Festival
A great big gay party in a great big gay park named after Seattle's great big gay legislator. Food trucks, beer garden, DJs, and bands. Cal Anderson Park and 11th Ave north of Pine St, pride fest.org, 4 pm–dark, free, all ages.
Capitol Hill Pride Festival
Food, vendors, doggie drag contest, music, and the old dude known most commonly as "The Scarf Fairy." You'll know him when you see him. Broadway between Roy and John, capitolhillpridefestival.info, 11 am–10 pm, free, all ages.
Nark's Pride Cruise
My favorite! Trapped on a boat with tons of hot menz and alcohols? YES, PLEASE! I live for this each year. Hosted by DJ Nark of Nark Magazine (undisputed master of the best Pride events ev-ahr) with DJs Trinitron and Jens Irish. Islander Yacht, 1611 Fairview Ave E, strangertickets.com, 3–6 pm, $25, 21+.
25th Annual Pride Breakfast
Pancakes! Central Lutheran Church, 1710 11th Ave, 8 am, $7, all ages.
Family Pride Day @ MOHAI
The Museum of History & Industry is a wondrous place for adults and kids alike, with all-day activities, performances, and more! Kid safe. 'Mo approved. MOHAI, 860 Terry Ave N, 10 am–5 pm, $14, all ages.
PrideFest Cyndi/Cher Welcome Party Featuring Heklina
Heklina is hostessing this Cyndi/Cher welcome party. I wonder if Cher will show up? She won't return my calls... Seattle Center, east of KeyArena, 3–8 pm, free, all ages.
Cher: Dressed to Kill Tour Pre-Function
Everyone is doing Cher stuff! They've reserved R Place's entire third floor for this drag-rich and most Cher-full event, and proceeds go to Inspire Youth Project. Hosted by Lady Chablis. R Place, 619 E Pine St, brownpapertickets.com, 5–7 pm, $75, 21+.
Cher and Cyndi Lauper: Dressed to Kill Tour
Chyeah... you're never going to get tickets now. KeyArena, 305 Harrison St, keyarena.com, 8 pm, $45.50–$156, all ages.
Kristine W at Neighbours
And back we go to Neighbours! Tonight they are bringing us a very special treat (squee!), the international recording diva Kristine W! Hosted by Aleksa Manila, Gaysha Starr, Isaac Scott, and Andrew Christian, who is very kindly bringing three of his hottest models with him. (Rawr.) Neighbours, 1509 Broadway E, 8 pm–4 am, $12, 21+.
Battle of the Divas at Lobby
Performances hourly from Seattle queens, hosted by Donnatella Howe. With superstar DJs Skiddle and Tony Burns. Lobby Bar, 916 E Pike St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Rock-n-Roll Queer BBQ @ Pony
In the afternoon (not to be confused with the "evening" or "tonight"), Pony brings us DJs Gin and Tonic and Toast, the alluring talent Ade Connere, and delicious eats from WHISKEY DICK BBQ! Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 3 pm, no cover, 21+.
Stiffed @ Pony
And then! During the "evening" and/or so-called night, the fabulous freaks of Pony (still picking the barbecue pork out of their teeth) give us cosmic disco delights featuring resident DJ Derek Pavone and guest Pretty Baby, hosted by Queen Mookie! More go-go studs, more debauchery, more out-of-control gaiety. Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 9 pm, $5, 21+.
Maxim's Unity Ball: Tuxedos and Gowns
All are welcome, but the dress code is strictly enforced! Maxim's, 5608 Rainier Ave S, brownpapertickets.com, 6 pm, $10–$25, all ages.
Anything but Clothes Art Show and Dance Party
Well, now THIS is interesting: They encourage you to get creative and "wear ANYTHING but clothes!" Balloons? Spray-paint? Aluminum foil? Jell-O? Let your imagination go crazy! Highline Bar, 210 Broadway E, 6 pm live art, 9 pm dance party, $15, 21+.
Aerial performances, music from underground legends, face paint, wigs, and glitter. With Recess, Spaceotter, and more. COSTUME REQUIRED! Fred Wildlife Refuge, 128 Belmont Ave E, 8 pm, $20, 21+.
Talcum: Pride Edition
Rare Northern soul with a Pridey twist. Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, 8 pm, $5, 21+.
Sketch Disko at Kremwerk
Another event from Nark Magazine (that's how you know it's good). After the yacht party, come grab a(nother) drink (go ahead! They're cheap!) at this comic-style pop-art-themed event—but wait! Don't bother getting ready ("come as you are," as we say around here for some reason), because they've got makeup artists ready to glam you up. Hosted by Tina Tokyo and dance-floor beats by DJ Trouble (aka Dan Savage's husband... shhhh...) and Futurewife. Kremwerk, 1809 Minor Ave #10, strangertickets.com, 9 pm–3 am, $20, 21+.
Seattle PrideFest Presents X
Their 10th and final Pride party, featuring DJ Brian Gorr and DJ Bret Law in one of the most famous music venues in town. Mmm... Soak in that Seattle-y history! Delicious. Neumos, 925 E Pike St, neumos.com, 9 pm, $20 adv/$25 DOS, 21+.
Bait Shop Pride Party
Happy hour from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. (plus "festive straws... if it's gonna be that kinda party"?!) for your Pride partying convenience. Bait Shop, 606 Broadway E, 11 am–6 pm, 21+.
Julia's on Broadway's Day of Drag
All day at Julia's, they will be immersing us in the world of drag. It begins with their big block party, hosted by Kristie Champagne, the prodigal shock-queen Ursula Major, and the potty-mouthed genius Wendy Ho, all the way from LA! Julia's, 300 Broadway E, noon, no cover, 21+.
The Face Finale
Next, Julia's gives us the grand conclusion of their monthlong amateur celebrity impersonator competition and crowns the newest cast member of An Evening at Le Faux! Julia's, 300 Broadway E, 10 pm, no cover, all ages.
Le Faux @ Julia's
Later tonight, Julia's gives us Le Faux, and they are joined by the inimitable and astonishing Wendy Ho, who is gonna sing that place BLUE! (That woman's mouth—like a sailor, I swear.) Julia's, 300 Broadway E, 10 pm, $25–$50, 21+.
Bush Gardens at the Wildrose
Every day Pride weekend! Featuring DJs Crispy, Boy Meets Girl, and Betsy Olson, with Glitterbang and Khai! Wildrose, 1021 E Pike St, 1 pm–2 am, $20, 21+.
16th Annual Rainbow Women's Health Fair
Free mammograms! Free pap smears! I told you Seattle Pride had everything... DID I STUTTER? All Pilgrims Christian Church, 500 Broadway E, 1–5 pm, free, all ages.
Tryst at Tommy Gun
I love little Tommy Gun. For Pride, they will offer a special craft cocktail menu and hourly giveaways, just for the ladies. (Well, that's a lie. Everyone can come, but especially the ladies.) Tommy Gun, 1703 E Olive Way, 8 pm, no cover, 21+.
Changes in Wallingford Celebrates "40 Years of Pride" with Disco
They've brought in a vocalist/DJ all the way from Iceland called DJ Haffi to "take you back to that uber-gay and disco-rich decade called 'the 70s.'" Changes in Wallingford, 2103 N 45th St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Lambert House Slumber Party
Lambert House is Seattle's GLBT Youth Services, so you gotta be youth, GLBT, and, um, in need of services. Tonight they want you to grab your sleeping bag and no drugs or alcohol and come on down for an overnighter filled with friends, fun, games, and did I mention no booze or drugs? Yeah. That. Lambert House, 1818 15th Ave, 4:30 pm, free, 22 and younger only.
Bears, Baths and Beyond Pride Edition
Guys hook up. It's not my problem. Also: Ooooh! BEARS! Steamworks, 1520 Summit Ave, midnight, $5 membership fee, $10–$46 rentals, 18+.
The Ladies of Libertine
The Pride edition of this new night for the dancey and dandy LGBT crowd. Our good friend DJ Colby B flies in all the way from her glamorous life in NYC for this one—plus it’s the official Dyke March after-party! (Mmmm, lesborrific!) But Colby’s not the only talent; we’ve got Kid Amiga, Trinitron, Michael Manahan, and your hosts Irene and Julia to round out the bill. Re-bar, 1114 Howell St, 8 pm, 21+.
Schwanky! George Takei–rich! Pride Brunch features Tom Douglas's famous Strata Breakfast: "Wild mushroom & assorted greens in a layered casserole (strata); served with fresh citrus & fruit with Greek yogurt, and Bavarian-style meats & bacon." Fancy! But the best part, of course, is that it features this year's celebrity grand marshal, George Takei, and you get to meet him! Yogurt and strata and Sulu, ooh myy! Palace Ballroom, 2100 Fifth Ave, 8:30 am, $57.50, all ages.
Our interminable Pride Parade snakes its way through drowsy downtown at the ass-crack of Sunday morning when there is NO EFFING WAY YOU'VE SLEPT IT OFF YET. But you have to go this year, throbbing head (and liver) be damned—our celebrity Pride marshal is legendary space-'mo and superstar Facebooker GEORGE TAKEI! Downtown on Fourth Ave, 11 am, free, all ages.
You know the drill: Seattle Center after the parade. There will be food, live music, and performances all over the place. And the best part: naked guys running through the fountain. Heaven. Seattle Center, noon–8 pm, free, all ages.
PrideFest Closing Concert
Steve Grand and Chely Wright perform; proceeds benefit marriage-equality nonprofits. Mural Amphitheatre, Seattle Center, pridefest.org, 7:45 pm, $25 adv/$30 DOS, all ages.
KEXP Pride Party
KEXP is probably the best radio station on earth, and they throw one hell of a Pride party. This is a daylong event in historic Tilikum Place Park, just outside the 5 Point Cafe, in front of the statue of Chief Sealth hailing a cab. (TAXI!) Soundtrack provided by KEXP DJs, a beer garden, and even a pig roast! Poor pig. Featuring the famous DJs Riz Rollins, El Toro, and Alex. Tilikum Place Park, 10 am–6 pm, no cover (pig roast $15), 21+.
The Cuff Pride Day Street Party
Prepare to find yourself drowned in an endless and naughty sea of man-flesh—everyone (slutty) in Seattle goes to this (I swear), and it's always the Pride Sunday party to beat. Featuring Mama Tits, Disco Vinnie, and tons of live performances, dancing, and beer. And did I mention beer? The Cuff is all about the beer. With Cakes Da Killa, Vassy, Jade Starling (Pretty Poison), Jessica Sutta (Pussycat Dolls), and more! Check out "The Dog Run." It's always extra-special fun today. I promise. The Cuff, 1533 13th Ave, noon–8 pm, $20, 21+.
Bush Gardens at the Wildrose
Wildrose wraps up their massive Pride weekend with their first-ever annual Beefcake contest (mmm, delicious lesbian beefcake!). DJs Mary Charming and J-Dub keep you dancing all day, and finish off with the Wildrose GO-GOs! And did I mention the Wildrose Beach Club? They plan to section off a spot for a few cute cabanas and beach umbrellas on top of some real, honest-to-ocean SAND (weather permitting)! Lesbians are so cool. Wildrose, 1021 E Pike St, 1 pm–2 am, donation, 21+.
Queer as Fuck Pride Party
Presented by 'Mo-Wave, Seattle's famous indie music and arts festival, and featuring Silly Goose, Sashay, Chastity Belt, Needle Craft, and Diversions. Chop Suey, 1325 E Madison St, chopsuey.com, 5 pm, $7, 21+.
Pony's World's Tiniest Tea Dance
Doesn't finishing out the weekend at THE BEST GODDAMN GAY BAR IN THE COUNTRY'S world-famous tea dance sound just perfect? Of course it does. Pony, 1221 E Madison St, 6 pm, free, 21+.
Changes in Wallingford Celebrates "40 Years of Pride" with Karaoke
Changes completes its Pride weekend program with KARAOKE because DUH. (So gay.) Featuring Black Nails Productions. Changes in Wallingford, 2103 N 45th St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Where the Wild Things Are
The Lobby's Pride closing night party with DJ Marty Mar and DJ Kutt from Movin 92.5 FM. Lobby Bar, 916 E Pike St, 9 pm, no cover, 21+.
Pride at OutWest
OutWest opens early, so you can celebrate Pride in western style in West Seattle. OutWest, 5401 California Ave SW, 4 pm.