Amour on the Boulevard
5301 Southcenter Blvd, 248-5085

Every time I take somebody to the airport, I look at this gigantic store and wonder just how much porn it takes to fill such a big space. I mean, the place is HUGE—you can see it from the carpool lane on I-5.

It’s even bigger when you’re standing right in front of it. There are three floors, and the main floor is nice enough to take your mom to. No joke. There’s warm, soft lighting, and tons of shimmery satin and velvet everywhere—there’s even a fake fire crackling away in a fake fireplace, all decorated for Christmas. I usually go into these places just to giggle and stick my fingers in the tester sections of the pocket pussies, but this place is actually NICE. The lingerie was pretty and so was the super-pleasant sales girl. The prices were surprising too—a satin bra with bling-y rhinestones for $20? Shit, you can barely buy a grandma bra at Target for 20 bucks.

The top floor is an art gallery. Two words: Patrick Nagel. The bottom floor is where I spent all my money—in the “novelty” aisles. Did you know you can make a mean Jell-O shot in a penis-shaped ice-cube tray? NOW you do. The bottom floor also has all the bondage fun, the pocket pussies (try it!), DVDs, and more motion-lotions than you could ever shake your stick at. Oh, and magazines—Amour sells super-saver three-packs of “pre-viewed” porn mags (I know, right? But they’re so cheap!). The three-pack I bought had a weird old Biker magazine in the middle. SCORE.