None of the advertisements had mentioned the three crappy opening acts that we had to sit through. The Subdwellers reminded me of a bad talent show at Mercer Island High School. Five white teenagers trying real hard to be "rough and raw." I was surprised how loud the laughs and boos were. Next up, Oxygen. Run-of-the-mill, mainstream crap rap à la Ruff Ryders or No Limit. Utterly boring. The last opening act was Cave (pronounced "kah-vey"). The DJ skipped the records more than once on almost every song, couldn't get the

CD player to work, and basically ruined their whole set. When there was an exceptionally long period of silence, one of the MCs decided to drop some freestyle. But after four lines he ran out of rhymes. My dead grandma's corpse can freestyle longer than that.

In the middle of that pathetic display, somebody announced that Biz Markie was not going to perform. That was the last straw. So we asked some lady who worked at the theater about a refund, and she said, "No way."

Finally, Doug E. Fresh and Slick Rick came out and were good, but by that time I was so pissed that I could barely even enjoy them.