Celebrating 23 Years of Distinguished Sports Coverage
• As soon as the Seattle Seahawks won the NFC championship last Sunday, approximately six billion people who'd been saving their legal-pot jokes up since the Denver Broncos won their championship earlier in the day got on Twitter to say: "So Seattle and Denver are getting together to smoke a super bowl????" and "Who is going to smoke a super bowl during the Super Bowl????" and "Guys, let's smoke a #SuperBowl!!!" and "Super Bowl? More like Smoke A Bowl." Even more hilariousness is surely on the way. Just keep checking Twitter.
• During a post-game rally outside Century-Link Field, socialist Seattle City Council member Kshama Sawant announced a new campaign to raise the 12th Man to 15 by 2015. Seahawks fans can join Sawant's "Fight for 15" at the website 15Now.org. Mayor Ed Murray immediately responded with a heartfelt Facebook post emphasizing his lifelong commitment to more men.
• This year's Super Bowl is being held at MetLife Stadium in East Rutherford, New Jersey, prompting New Jersey governor Chris Christie to issue a statement reminding fans to prepare for the region's notorious traffic. He added: "Plan ahead, leave early, and endorse my campaign. You think traffic is bad now? I can make the traffic stand so still, you'll swear Medusa's staring at it. You'll hear crickets pissing on the side of 95 before you hear one single Oldsmobile move two inches without my say-so. You think that's confrontational? All right, fine. I'll be confrontational. I'm confronting you being stupid, because I'm sick and tired of your crap. Okay?"
• In what is surely an advantage for the Seahawks and their youthful quarterback Russell Wilson, the Denver Broncos' Peyton Manning (age 37) would be the oldest quarterback to win a Super Bowl since John Elway won his second straight Super Bowl at age 38 back in 1998 for the, um, Denver Broncos. Oh.
• In further unfortunate news, no team named after a bird has ever won the Super Bowl. (The Ravens were named after a poem.) Luckily, there is no actual bird called a seahawk, so we might be okay. Science!
• The Seahawks signed star wide receiver Percy Harvin to a $67 million contract in March that paid him $14.5 million in salary and bonuses for the 2013 season. But due to injuries, Harvin has played only 20 snaps this season, catching four passes for 38 yards, plus a 58-yard kickoff return. That comes to $3.6 million a catch, or $151,041 a yard. Sweet!
• As you may have noticed, Seattle has been overtaken by a scourge of fair-weather Seahawks fans. They tout their brand-new Seahawks paraphernalia as they gallivant about collecting 12 percent discounts from local businesses. The Stranger has never before witnessed such a disgraceful display of bandwagon-jumping. It's seriously mind-boggling. For shame!