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The trailer for The Blind Side went around the internets the other month as a hee-larious meme. Remember? Was it for real, we wondered? Surely it was joking. Surely some WASPy bitch didn't just say to Sandy Bullock, "Honey, you're changing that boy's life!" and then double-surely Sandy B. didn't just whisper all misty-in-the-eyeballs, "No. He's changing mine." Who wrote that? The Original Kings of Comedy? The court jester? Of Chuckletown? The court jester in the throne room, standing before the Original Kings of Comedy, lord regents of Chuckletown, capital city of Laffsylvania, world's leading manufacturer of shoulder pads, double-breasted yellow suits, military defoliant, and the patented Steve Harvey Mustache Fluffer™!? Nope. A real-life screenwriter wrote it. On real-life purpose. To mimic real-life human speech and emotions. REALLY.
That magical quote serves as a handy distillation of this entire movie—a based-on-a-true-story story about Michael Oher, a very large and very homeless black teenager who is plucked from the streets of Memphis and adopted by some very white and very pleased with themselves white people, led by a raving lunatic named Mrs. Benevolent White Lady (the aforementioned Sandy B.), who is either a creepy fanatical football booster for Ole Miss or is achieving the impossible (apparently): learning to love a very large and scary black person.
Stranger Personals
The thing is, this actually happened. (Interesting! So make a fucking documentary, dickbuckets!) Michael Oher is a real person and so is Mrs. Benevolent White Lady, but their on-screen dramatic representations are about as far from real people as you can get without being, like, a fern. And the racial stereotypes (oooh! Dark, roiling nest of inner-city drug dealers!) are as nasty and dated and unconsidered as anything since white people first discovered black people. But instead of making a movie in which real humans do believable things—you don't always have to redecorate the facts to make them fascinating—The Blind Side, unsurprisingly, takes the nonsensical, manipulative emotional boilerplate route. Huzzah.
Michael stares, bewildered and bitter, at a Norman Rockwell book.
Michael has to hear Sandy B. say the words "$10,000 couch." Michael is
easily distracted by balloons. Michael doesn't understand the rules of
football unless the white lady reframes them as a condescending family
metaphor (before every game!). Michael has to put his face real close
to Tim McGraw's hairpiece. Also included: a precocious child, many
mentions of "the Christian thing to do," near-constant having of each
other's backs, Tim McGraw giving a soulful reading of The Charge of
the Light Brigade, and a Ferdinand the bull analogy so unchewable
it's like a mouthful of sawdust and crayons and ham rinds. Frequently,
Mrs. BWL will say a sassy thing, and then later in the movie, Michael
will say it back to her, only slower
(slowness = meaningfulness).
At the very end, out of nowhere, Sandy B. says TO HER ADOPTED SON, "If
you get a girl pregnant out of wedlock... I will cut your penis off."
It's the Christian thing to do. What. The fuck. 
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1
Hahaha...glad to hear I'm not the only one who thought the woman is nuts. The book by Michael Lewis, however, is interesting and worth reading.
2
Lindy, you are white. Really, really white. Blacks are not amused with your
anti-superwhitewomanhood.
anti-superwhitewomanhood.
4
It's not your fault that your white, Lindy. It's okay to review a movie without pulling double-duty in the Hyper Vigilant Stereotype Watchtower. Truth be told, I don't know what to make of this film based on your acerbic spew. Chill the fuck out.
6
Lindy's movie reviews: I laugh my ass off every time. Spot on. Love 'em. Change nothing.
Commenters: Write a better review for this shit sandwich of a movie. Especially "Blacks are not amused..." give me a fucking break.
Commenters: Write a better review for this shit sandwich of a movie. Especially "Blacks are not amused..." give me a fucking break.
8
Patronizingly racist as all get out--african americans can't take care of their own kids so whitey has to step in and clean up the mess.
9
Yeh she's hilarious, yeh we should always be conscious of racism but white folks using humor to point out racism can be a bit flippant, its not as easy for some to laugh at racism when their experience with is has been directly hurtful. So chill out about "STFU, cracker's" post, I'd like to think Lindy West is cool enough to take some critique.
11
Holy Cow!! #10 is dj riz. Cool. Lindy watches this type of movie so we don't have to.....EVER. God Bless You.
13
These reviews really make it uncomfortable to walk around Seattle daily. It's like what are these people really saying about me or thinking about me. All because of my skin color, am I being identifyed as the Blacks?
14
I loved this review. We saw the preview for this film and thought surely it must be a satire, and yet, sadly, no. Thanks for calling it out for what it is.
16
This review, although at times funny, seems to be misdirected. Intead of attacking the intentions of the person that the movie is based on, attack the banality of yet another uninspired bio-pic. Whenever a "truth" based movie comes out, I always think to myself, what would I have done? Would you, Lindy, while driving in the freezing cold, wonder why a boy is walking in only a T-shirt? From this review, I gather you would be too scared to stop. Also, I think it is irresponsible for a movie reviewer to attack a preview. This preview moved me a bit and your review made me want to see it even more. I sincerely hope that I don't become jaded or dismissive as Lindy.
17
It's funny when white people hate white people in order to seem more intelligent and as the brothers say, down. Did I say funny, I meant retarded.
18
Also, white people hatin' on white people is the new it thing to be, like saying your afraid of clowns or are really into zombies, robots and pirates.
19
@steakhaus
You forgot sexy teen vampires and Indian werewolves.
I give this review a C+, with minus points for failing at comedy. Good job though of illustrating how the aura of dubiously intentioned and paternalistic charity surrounding the Tuohy's is sickening enough to discredit the movie.
As far as the drug and gang activity in Memphis being an obvious stereotype--sure it is. But if you've been to that part of Memphis, as I have on several occasions, you know it's actually pretty accurate. You don't even need to go there to see it, though...you can watch The First 48 on A&E and it won't be long before you see Memphis homicide in that part of town conducting a murder investigation. They do it pretty much every day.
You forgot sexy teen vampires and Indian werewolves.
I give this review a C+, with minus points for failing at comedy. Good job though of illustrating how the aura of dubiously intentioned and paternalistic charity surrounding the Tuohy's is sickening enough to discredit the movie.
As far as the drug and gang activity in Memphis being an obvious stereotype--sure it is. But if you've been to that part of Memphis, as I have on several occasions, you know it's actually pretty accurate. You don't even need to go there to see it, though...you can watch The First 48 on A&E and it won't be long before you see Memphis homicide in that part of town conducting a murder investigation. They do it pretty much every day.
20
I read the book "The Blindside" by Michael Lewis and its a great book. But when I saw the previews for this movies a month back or whatever, I thought, "wow, they took this great story and turned it into a stereotypical piece of shit." Read the book people!
21
Hey @8 East Coast Cynic. Read the book: nobody had any idea how to help this kid in a meaningful way and he wasn't going to be helped. Black folks were helping some with a rotating roof and maybe some food, but he wasn't amenable to any other ideas. He was very very likely to spend his adult life as a chronically homeless man identified as "stupid."
Actually, he got a weird break even before the white people realized he was worth millions of dollars as a protector of the blind side - some white religious people, as a result of some very odd coincidences, enrolled him in their religious high school before the realized how totally and literally uneducated he was.
After reading blog discussions of how obviously stupid this movie was going to be, I was still drawn to the book because I was fascinated by the story when I found out it was based on real life events.
After reading the book, I really got the feeling the white family that helped him became genuinely interested and attached to him as a person. These kinds of relationships, going many different directions, aren't wholly uncommon. They are meaningful and teach us a lot about being a human being, but do very little to address wider stereotypes and structural racism.
I recommend reading the book by Michael Lewis. I will not be seeing the film.
Between this movie and Precious, a lot of black people are going to be shouldering a new rash of weird projected stereotypes...
Actually, he got a weird break even before the white people realized he was worth millions of dollars as a protector of the blind side - some white religious people, as a result of some very odd coincidences, enrolled him in their religious high school before the realized how totally and literally uneducated he was.
After reading blog discussions of how obviously stupid this movie was going to be, I was still drawn to the book because I was fascinated by the story when I found out it was based on real life events.
After reading the book, I really got the feeling the white family that helped him became genuinely interested and attached to him as a person. These kinds of relationships, going many different directions, aren't wholly uncommon. They are meaningful and teach us a lot about being a human being, but do very little to address wider stereotypes and structural racism.
I recommend reading the book by Michael Lewis. I will not be seeing the film.
Between this movie and Precious, a lot of black people are going to be shouldering a new rash of weird projected stereotypes...
23
I liked this movie. Not because it's particularly well made, or brilliantly acted, but because people take care of other people, whether you like their method or not. Lee Anne Tuohy did something almost nobody on this planet would have done. NOT because he's black, but because almost nobody would adopt a homeless kid, nurture him, and hope for the best. FURTHERMORE almost NO homeless kid would come from a past filled with violence and abandonment and be able to achieve ANYTHING. It is miraculous. I work with teenagers...and it is nearly impossible to teach a student with very little education to learn well, and forget the failure and destruction caused by so many idiodic parental figures. So, yes, the movie comes off a little "Dangerous Minds," but only because She's white, and he's black, not because a story about REAL altruism is impossible or cheesy. It happens. Please don't let cynicism get you to the point where no positive human output is worth anything but a sarcastic barb. "Oh, that IDIOT just talked to that bum for a half hour, and then gave that bum a dollar, what a MORON, he's only going to use it to buy meth!" "Oh, that baby squirelle is lying all alone on the street with a broken foot, and instead of kicking it, that IDIOT took it to a vet's office. Let's stone them!" "Oh I just saw that cool Stranger writer that I look up to get in a car accident, but she would have laughed at me if I stopped to help, so I just drove over her severed leg. Hopefully someday she writes a column about how cool and funny I am!"
25
This kind of POS movie is sure-fire awards bait. I'm sure Ms. Bullock will think of this review as she accepts her Academy Award...
26
i fucking hate white people, and seattle is full of some white fucking people. the kind of people that are always staring at thier cell phones, driving and not paying any attention or rushing down the side walk and expecting you to get out of the way.. the kind of white people that are so fucking oblivious to the fact that the world doesn't revolve around them and whatever dumb shit they need to get done over their lunch break or before they have to pick the kids up from soccer practice. those white people suck... white culture in america sucks.. look at fox news and the tea baggers and gun nuts and the religious freaks.. poor white people suck, rich white people suck.. the only ones left are the middle class and they are disappearing... i fucking hate white people.
28
@26 re: reality
you're not helping. seriously.
@8 re: the book
the film looks like a poor adaptation of the book. the true life people involved in this story are conflicted between their selfish desire of putting together a winning football team and taking advantage of homeless disenfranchised youth.
no, its not racist. big mike really was black. and his mom was really a crack whore. and he was really adopted by white people. and these said white people openly adopted him because he was worth lots of money to football.
admit you have a prejudice view of the world and read the fucking book.
you're not helping. seriously.
@8 re: the book
the film looks like a poor adaptation of the book. the true life people involved in this story are conflicted between their selfish desire of putting together a winning football team and taking advantage of homeless disenfranchised youth.
no, its not racist. big mike really was black. and his mom was really a crack whore. and he was really adopted by white people. and these said white people openly adopted him because he was worth lots of money to football.
admit you have a prejudice view of the world and read the fucking book.
29
Steakhaus (17, 18) kinda nailed this. It's the one-cool-white-guy syndrome and every dumb-ass pseudo-liberal in the Western hemisphere is afflicted. What is this? You dreaming of a reverse "Oh, she's one of the good ones".
30
Gee, how enlightening all these comments are. I had no idea white people are no longer allowed to criticize things white people do. We're kind of lucky that way - we're our own sacred cows!
31
Don't be inane. Everyone's open to criticism. But people like you have become the newest cliche. You're the 2009 version of the white guy who tells every black person he meets that he has a "black friend". It's the easiest and laziest way out of any meaningful discussion about race. (Plus, you kind of sound like a smug Seattlite douche).
33
Book was great. What an amazing story. Might as well be Slumdog Millionaire.
When I saw the trailer it made me sad, because the movie should be about the kid. But the trailer made it seems like it was about the mom.
The mom is an important character in the book. But she is not the main character. Michael Oher is. Sad to see that get lost.
What an amazing life he has had so far. What an amazing story about the possibility a person growing and flourishing with the right kind of help.
In any event, the adoptive parents were already very rich. I don't think they particularly needed whatever money Michael Oher will make in the NFL. It is true that they had the ties to Ole Miss. But I can't imagine anyone would have gone to that much trouble on behalf of this kid just to get him to play football at their college. It's bigger than that.
When I saw the trailer it made me sad, because the movie should be about the kid. But the trailer made it seems like it was about the mom.
The mom is an important character in the book. But she is not the main character. Michael Oher is. Sad to see that get lost.
What an amazing life he has had so far. What an amazing story about the possibility a person growing and flourishing with the right kind of help.
In any event, the adoptive parents were already very rich. I don't think they particularly needed whatever money Michael Oher will make in the NFL. It is true that they had the ties to Ole Miss. But I can't imagine anyone would have gone to that much trouble on behalf of this kid just to get him to play football at their college. It's bigger than that.
34
Book was great. What an amazing story. Might as well be Slumdog Millionaire.
When I saw the trailer it made me sad, because the movie should be about the kid. But the trailer made it seems like it was about the mom.
The mom is an important character in the book. But she is not the main character. Michael Oher is. Sad to see that get lost.
What an amazing life he has had so far. What an amazing story about the possibility a person growing and flourishing with the right kind of help.
In any event, the adoptive parents were already very rich. I don't think they particularly needed whatever money Michael Oher will make in the NFL. It is true that they had the ties to Ole Miss. But I can't imagine anyone would have gone to that much trouble on behalf of this kid just to get him to play football at their college. It's bigger than that.
When I saw the trailer it made me sad, because the movie should be about the kid. But the trailer made it seems like it was about the mom.
The mom is an important character in the book. But she is not the main character. Michael Oher is. Sad to see that get lost.
What an amazing life he has had so far. What an amazing story about the possibility a person growing and flourishing with the right kind of help.
In any event, the adoptive parents were already very rich. I don't think they particularly needed whatever money Michael Oher will make in the NFL. It is true that they had the ties to Ole Miss. But I can't imagine anyone would have gone to that much trouble on behalf of this kid just to get him to play football at their college. It's bigger than that.
35
I don't think Lindy's review is attacking the subject matter. She is saying this film took a complex story and gave it the Hollywood whitewashed, feel-good movie treatment, and in that sense it is offensive.
I haven't read this book, but just finished "Friday Night Lights," which this reminds me of. That book addressed the issues of race and football in Texas and how black high school football stars were only as valuable as their scores on the field but as soon as they suffered injuries, they were blatantly referred to as "just another dumb n***er" and basically disposed of by the majority of white people in the town, many of whom did not even consider themselves racist.
I'd imagine that this kid dealt with the same kind of treatment, but from this review it doesn't sound like the white characters were portrayed as anything but selfless & benevolent.
I haven't read this book, but just finished "Friday Night Lights," which this reminds me of. That book addressed the issues of race and football in Texas and how black high school football stars were only as valuable as their scores on the field but as soon as they suffered injuries, they were blatantly referred to as "just another dumb n***er" and basically disposed of by the majority of white people in the town, many of whom did not even consider themselves racist.
I'd imagine that this kid dealt with the same kind of treatment, but from this review it doesn't sound like the white characters were portrayed as anything but selfless & benevolent.
36
lindsay shows her ignorance with comments like this: So make a fucking documentary, dickbuckets!
umm... you can't make a documentary about something that already happened. it doesn't work that way.
umm... you can't make a documentary about something that already happened. it doesn't work that way.
37
lindy shows her ignorance with comments like this: So make a fucking documentary, dickbuckets!
umm... you can't make a documentary about something that already happened. it doesn't work that way.
umm... you can't make a documentary about something that already happened. it doesn't work that way.
39
giygas: i am serious. once an event is done, you can't document it. you can talk to people who were there and look at pictures but at that point, you're making a documentary of memory and human record. a reflection into the past but not actually the past.
41
A movie shot as events happen it not actually the past either, darling. Like a reconstruction, retrospective, or a reenactment (to name a few documentary approaches), it is only a reflection of the past, not the actual past. The only thing that is actually the past is the past. And like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. Gone forever.
Really shitty movies, too, are soon gone forever, but not soon enough.
Really shitty movies, too, are soon gone forever, but not soon enough.
42
Lindy,
Obviously, you're not a racist. You wouldn't be working for the Stranger if you were. I have no intention of seeing this film. Largely because it appears to be a family friendly feel good movie that just doesn't seem believable but is apparently based on true events. Probably happened but not likely to. Sorta like "The Pursuit of Happyness". Just not my fare. And that doesn't make me a racist. I did like your review BTW.
Obviously, you're not a racist. You wouldn't be working for the Stranger if you were. I have no intention of seeing this film. Largely because it appears to be a family friendly feel good movie that just doesn't seem believable but is apparently based on true events. Probably happened but not likely to. Sorta like "The Pursuit of Happyness". Just not my fare. And that doesn't make me a racist. I did like your review BTW.
43
plagypusrex256: Guess we'll have to break the news to all the would-be documentary filmmakers out there that unless they were on the scene filming the event live as it happened they're shit out of luck.
You can't be serious.
You can't be serious.
44
Great book, and if they had just told the story straight up it could be a great movie. But we're hardly surprised that Hollywood would strip out all nuance and take the "manipulative emotional boilerplate route," as you say.
But you need to get off the white guilt thing. These were in fact good people who happened to be white. They weren't always acting totally selflessly (we're talking about a big, strong football player, after all), but to reduce them to stereoptypes is unfair.
But you need to get off the white guilt thing. These were in fact good people who happened to be white. They weren't always acting totally selflessly (we're talking about a big, strong football player, after all), but to reduce them to stereoptypes is unfair.
45
@44,
Um, hello?
Lindy is saying the MOVIE reduces them to stereotypes. Read the entire review, people.
Um, hello?
...but their on-screen dramatic representations are about as far from real people as you can get without being, like, a fern.
Lindy is saying the MOVIE reduces them to stereotypes. Read the entire review, people.
46
@33: "In any event, the adoptive parents were already very rich. I don't think they particularly needed whatever money Michael Oher will make in the NFL."
Rich people love making more money.
Rich people love making more money.
48
so i snorted like 18 grams of k-nip and injected 10 mg of k-hole and then i puked all over the headboard and the hallway
just what cats do sometimes so i partied all nite with 2 big ole siamese and regretted it in the morning but luckily i learned that all the people want to do is burn us black kitties but girl i wear protection i wont get burned by you or any white thang
you think just because im a smallish blacker type dumpster born alley cat i cant be law and order about it
at night you cant see me and i watched the episode of cribs with you in it so i know the floorplan and security system you had no bent you had no bucket thus you aint no big dog and smallish type dog animals just cant stand how proud i tend to be
just what cats do sometimes so i partied all nite with 2 big ole siamese and regretted it in the morning but luckily i learned that all the people want to do is burn us black kitties but girl i wear protection i wont get burned by you or any white thang
you think just because im a smallish blacker type dumpster born alley cat i cant be law and order about it
at night you cant see me and i watched the episode of cribs with you in it so i know the floorplan and security system you had no bent you had no bucket thus you aint no big dog and smallish type dog animals just cant stand how proud i tend to be
49
I just hate White Messiah movies. All of them.
I am not sure this is one of them, but it has all the symptoms, including the fact that the trailer doesn't even tell you who the fuck the black kid is.
I am not sure this is one of them, but it has all the symptoms, including the fact that the trailer doesn't even tell you who the fuck the black kid is.
50
My friend and I saw the preview and turned to each other and said almost simultaneously "Sandra Bullock in White Woman's Burden!" It seems to take every offensive trope of colonialism and repurpose them for after Thanksgiving/Post-Christmas family friendly viewing. Of course she learns as much from the "noble savage" as he learns from her!
Maybe the movie itself is better, but the trailer is pretty damn offensive.
Maybe the movie itself is better, but the trailer is pretty damn offensive.
52
I grew up in Memphis, and I can assure you Lindy that what you think is a stereotype is actually reality. It would take a tremendous amount of courage to cross racial lines as depicted in the film, and yes, in real life not everyone has an English degree and can spout out pithy sayings to meet your standard. Maybe you simply missed the point - and perhaps you should get out of your ironic hipster postmodern bubble and see what the rest of the world is really like before making light of it.
53
@36, 43:
Yeah, I can't really get how 36 playtex doesn't think any documentary has ever been made about any event that already happened. I'm pretty sure a lot of documentaries are historical in nature.
That being said, thanks for the review, Lindy! Good piece of writing. And I'll probably skip this movie, it's not worth the $6 -err- $14 by any means. The preview does a pretty shitty job of selling it (and they're trying!), but Lindy's review kinda puts the last nails in the coffin.
If it's on a cable, maybe I'll stop on it for a couple minutes before switching to the Daily Show. If it happens to be good, maybe I'll keep watching. But I certainly won't pay for it.
...WHY THOSE AND NOT THESE??
Yeah, I can't really get how 36 playtex doesn't think any documentary has ever been made about any event that already happened. I'm pretty sure a lot of documentaries are historical in nature.
That being said, thanks for the review, Lindy! Good piece of writing. And I'll probably skip this movie, it's not worth the $6 -err- $14 by any means. The preview does a pretty shitty job of selling it (and they're trying!), but Lindy's review kinda puts the last nails in the coffin.
If it's on a cable, maybe I'll stop on it for a couple minutes before switching to the Daily Show. If it happens to be good, maybe I'll keep watching. But I certainly won't pay for it.
...WHY THOSE AND NOT THESE??
54
Just saw the movie, appx. 100 people at movie everyone very vocal and LOL t/o movie. 3 white people in audience. not sure why everyone loved the movie when these comments are saying blacks will not like it.
maybe the critics should see the movie first, not just the trailor. see how the audience responds.......
maybe the critics should see the movie first, not just the trailor. see how the audience responds.......
55
Why does it automatically have to be "White Woman's Burden"? I agree that it's got the whole Hollywood Feel-Good paint job over it, but in essence, this homeless kid needed a family, and this well-off family (who just happened to be white) saw a need and gave it to him. Why does everyone have to read ulterior motives? Projecting much?
And the reason you see movies like this and not the reverse (black family taking in a homeless white kid) is because that just doesn't happen in real life (or the movies or TV, for that matter). I know several families (some in my family and on my block, ftm) who are white and have adopted black children (granted, they weren't homeless teenagers, but stay with me). These people wanted children. These children needed families. Why does everything have to be about race? Why can't it be about families providing homes to children who need them?
Granted, there are still a whole bunch of prejudiced people out there (of all races, not just whites), but it's fucking 2009, for Pete's sake! Can't a movie just be a movie? Must we read ulterior motives into everything?
(And btw, the book is always better than the movie. It's a natural law.)
And the reason you see movies like this and not the reverse (black family taking in a homeless white kid) is because that just doesn't happen in real life (or the movies or TV, for that matter). I know several families (some in my family and on my block, ftm) who are white and have adopted black children (granted, they weren't homeless teenagers, but stay with me). These people wanted children. These children needed families. Why does everything have to be about race? Why can't it be about families providing homes to children who need them?
Granted, there are still a whole bunch of prejudiced people out there (of all races, not just whites), but it's fucking 2009, for Pete's sake! Can't a movie just be a movie? Must we read ulterior motives into everything?
(And btw, the book is always better than the movie. It's a natural law.)
56
You know the whole point of the movie is to show those who are less fortunate that there is hope. I happen to be a former foster child and I happen to come off the same streets as the guy in the movie. I found the movie very appealing for someone who has been through the same things. I am a christian and coming from a christian the things said in the movie are "The christian things to do" As for blacks and whites who cares! I am white and similar things happened to me if I had a movie about my life as a white person do you think everybody would be talking about black and whites I dont think so. Who cares what color the person is. I think it is pretty judgemental the things that people have said. I was simply looking up different things about the movie because I saw it an hour ago and I saw this article. Please People show more respect.
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