FEROCIOUS MEMORIES HOOKS UP WITH A FIERCE QUEEN

We Seattley gaymosexuals have so much going on, I need a Ritalin and a martini just to parse it all. (Don't try this at home! At dance clubs is far more fun.) We've got BenDeLaCreme tearing it up on RuPaul's Drag Race every... single... week (thrill!), and the pursuant Monday viewing parties hosted by the Queen of the Hour Herself (7:30 p.m., Century Ballroom, no cover!). SIFF is like three weeks away (opening-night red carpet is on May 15), and it shall drag all of its usual glittering gay delights and parties and celebrities behind it like a caveman does a girlfriend. We've got Pride barreling at us like a runaway LGBTQLMNOP train on a lubed-up track, and fagnificient events featuring dazzling headliners are already being announced. It's almost enough to make one want. To take. A fucking. NAP. Almost! But there certainly is no rest for us, wicked little things that we are, and tonight we shall find our dizzy gay asses at Neighbours. Yes, Neighbours! Can you believe it? The oldest girl on the big gay block where a million ex-boyfriends have risen and fallen. And what would make us want to do such a thing? Why Kevin Kauer, of course. Much like the old Eagle, which Kevin's parties basically pulled from the brink of painful extinction, he brings new crowds and pee-your-pants-off amazing performers and breathes new life into that old cadaver on the reg. Tonight is the combination of two parties: Ferocious Memories and Fierce Queen, a superstar DJed dancetravaganza featuring live talent (including LA's Hi Fashion! Google them immediately!) and a ferocious and lippy lip-synch competition for new drag queens, respectively. All rolled into one party! With drag judges Amo A Nia, Urethra Franklin, and Cherry Sur Bête, plus DJs Futurewife and Nark—who is Kevin Kauer, of course. Is there anything that boy can't do? Neighbours, 10 pm, $16, 21+.

DANCING WITH THE TEA

The so-called tea dance comes to us from the French "thé dansant," which translates as "a bunch of drunk faggots dancing on a Sunday afternoon expressly to piss off our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ." What fun! Our dear Pony keeps this fine French, God-hating tradition alive with DJ El Toro (Kurt B. Reighley), DJ Freddy King of Pants (Freddy Molitich), and a bunch of drunk faggots dancing on a Sunday afternoon expressly to piss off our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. So it's pretty much perfect. Pony, 4 pm, free, 21+.