8:00 ABC ARE YOU HOT? Debut! In a show based on the popular website, contestants try to convince you that their muscles, tattoos, and nipple rings are attractive.
8:00 CBS SURVIVOR: THE AMAZON Season premiere! It's "girls vs. boys" when tribes get split up along gender lines in the Amazon!
8:00 TVLAND THE BRADY BUNCH Peter uses his exact double to trick the family. Look out, Brady family! That there is an evil clone!
10:00 TLC FACELIFTS FROM HELL Unfortunate cosmetic mishaps and their hilarious ramifications.
8:00 ABC A CHARLIE BROWN VALENTINE Charlie Brown chooses from 20 beautiful bachelorettes, who are unaware that he's actually a bald, self-conscious loser who always wears the same shirt.
11:30 NBC SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE Featuring Beck and Alias star Jennifer Garner! Arrrrroooooo! Pant! Pant! Ka-boinggg! Ahhh-OOOH-GAH!
8:00 ABC THE MUSIC MAN--Movie (2003) The rather loathsome Matthew Broderick stars in this remake of my favorite musical of all time (and yes, I hated Ferris Bueller's Day Off, too)!
9:00 FOX MARRIED WITH CHILDREN REUNION SPECIAL The cast reunites and remembers their greatest jokes. Including: the "boobies" joke, the "erections" joke, the "erections" joke, and the "boobies" joke.
9:00 FOX JOE MILLIONAIRE Series finale! It's the moment America has been waiting for! Evan confesses, and his new girlfriend waves goodbye to the gravy train.
10:00 NBC MICHAEL JACKSON UNMASKED Oh... he was wearing a mask this whole time? Well, gee, that explains everything!
8:00 UPN BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER After losing one of their own, the Slayerettes must regroup to fight the "Big Bad."
9:00 ABC THE BACHELORETTE Trista makes her final choice, saying, "Mmmm... I think I'll take the one who isn't high on cocaine."
9:00 FOX AMERICAN IDOL: THE BEST OF THE WORST Featuring your favorite outtakes from the most ear-splitting, tone-deaf auditions!
Send spinoff suggestions to steve@thestranger.com.
