Thurs, March 16

8:00 22 CHARMED

When the sisters go up against some brain-sucking demons, they find that not having brains works to their advantage.

10:30 FX NEW MOVIE SHOW

Debut! Chris Gore of Film Threat magazine hosts this half-hour cinematic discussion show that makes Roger Ebert look like a fat old fart.


Fri, March 17

9:00 am 4 REGIS & KATHIE LEE

Don't miss Kathie Lee (who's leaving the show in June) as she goes out in a hilarious, loud-mouthed blaze of glory!

10:00 4 20/20

Barbara Walters interviews John and Patsy Ramsey about the death of JonBenet, and surprisingly, they deny killing her!


Sat, March 18

8:00 4 WHITE SQUALL

(1996) Jeff Bridges, Scott Wolf, and Ryan Phillipe star in this touching homoerotic tale of teens sailing around the world with their shirts off.

10:00 HBO BOXING

Super-featherweight champ Floyd Mayweather (17 KO's) defends his title against knock-out artist Goyo Vargas (27 KO's).


Sun, March 19

9:00 5 THE GHOST AND THE DARKNESS

(1996) Macho shitheads Michael Douglas and Val Kilmer get their jollies shooting lions in Africa.

9:00 22 JACK & JILL

Hilarity ensues when Jack and Jill move in with each other. (Oh, waitasecond... that's another show in which hilarity ensues.)


Mon, March 20

8:00 5 FREAKS & GEEKS

Nick's pot problem escalates, while Bill gets food poisoning and vomits a lot in this episode entitled, "Tokin' and Chokin'."

9:00 13 ALLY McBEAL

Billy begins to suffer hallucinations. (Hey Billy! Those aren't hallucinations! You're actually getting fired from the show!)


Tues, March 21

8:00 22 BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER

Sunnydale is struck mute by some creepy demons called "The Gentlemen," in the greatest Buffy episode EVER! Super-Duper Recommended!


Wed, March 22

9:00 5 THE WEST WING

The President (Bill Clinton) puts his foot down when his daughter (Chelsea Clinton) wants to date a black man (Alan Keyes).