THURSDAY MARCH 18

LOUDERMILK, SUBMINUTE: RADIO, SLOW GAS HEATER
(Velvet Elvis) I'm soooo excited that Loudermilk is finally going to play at a club where I can go see them. My Aunt Kathleen loves them because they play really hard and scream and pound their instruments into the stage, and I like that too. And they dress really cool like gangsters and the drummer breaks his sticks almost every song because he hits so hard. I talked to him once when he was standing outside of Gibson's, where Loudermilk was playing, but because he's still a teen-ager he has to stand outside until two minutes before he goes on stage. Then another time, I talked to him again when he was standing outside of the Crocodile, before he played there. I wanted to ask him to go on a movie date or something, but I didn't. The singer smashed his guitar at the end of that show. He told Aunt K. that he did it because he knew he was getting a new one and he couldn't bear to see his old faithful just sit there and gather cobwebs. Now it hangs on his wall like art. I think that's very sensitive and respectful. See, Tommie, your boring old Sunny Day Real Estate isn't the only band with feelings.--Alex Pickett, age 12.

ZONY MASH, FLATLAND
(Rainbow) If forced to categorize Zony Mash, I'd create a new bin: "American Music." Their spirited melting pot incorporates some distinctly homegrown vibes--from the earthy grandeur of The Band, to the visceral acid-blues of the Quicksilver Messenger Service, to the dancing freedoms of Cecil Taylor. Wayne Horvitz and Zony Mash hark back to the days before the music industry and its superflamesuous marketing labels; as does Flatland, a fine young Miles- inspired foursome from Portland. If you dig sly original tunes and cooking improvisations, but have grown tired of today's over-hyped jazz hippie-rock retreads--this is just the heady new kick you've been waiting for.--James Kirchmer


FRIDAY MARCH 19

FREE SPEECH SEATTLE BENEFITW/ THE CATHETERS, THE REPORTS
(Hi-Score Arcade, 612 E Pine) Yet another reason Seattle isn't nearly as cool as it seems to the outside world is the stupid poster ban imposed on the city in 1994. We can have ugly Chihuly art hanging everywhere in town, but God forbid an artful poster offering solid information should avert your eye for a second from that reason why Seattle isn't nearly as cool as it seems. Tonight at the Hi-Score Arcade you can watch bands (The Catheters, The Reports), play pinball, and consume lots of delicious snacks and sodas while helping Free Speech Seattle raise money and gather signatures for I-46, an initiative to repeal the poster ban and say Fuck The Man.--Kathleen Wilson

MUDHONEY, HOVERCRAFT, THE SPEEDHOLES
(Crocodile) I like movies as much as anyone--especially clever animated ones like Antz, which was like a grown-up film with Woody Allen and Sharon Stone, if only anyone had been smart enough to realize it--but the films that Hovercraft show behind themselves when they play just aren't right. For starters, they don't make any sense, just being a random collection of images they clearly took off the Discovery Channel. And they clearly got bored with watching the Discovery Channel after a while, because they keep repeating them! That's not exactly original, is it?! Also, people say they're "dance," but they aren't exactly the Beastie Boys or Fatboy Slim ("Rockafeller Skank," remember?) are they?! Plus, they play their music far too loud. Actually, if you're interested, I have a theory about bands who play their music too loud. I think the reason they do that is for the same reason people invented curry sauces--to hide the fact that nothing's there.--Everett True


SATURDAY MARCH 20

THE DRINK HOUSE BAND
(The Drink) The best defense this group of musicians had for themselves was the claim that they don't actually constitute a "band." In fact, the only person I found who would call them a band was the bouncer, as in, "ya gotta pay five bucks to see the band." The problem is, it doesn't take Ralph Nader to know that paying a cover charge should entitle you to hear a band-like effort, at least. That kind of effort was lacking with this group--despite the solid bass grooves, the funk/soul jams were disjointed and unfocused. Particularly distracted was the denim-clad vocalist, who seemed like he mistook cracker bad attitude for soulfulness. I guess that's what I get for partying on Eastlake.--Nathan Thornburgh

SEAWEED, SEVERNA PARK, POLECAT
(Velvet Elvis) I'm so fed up with bands who scream loudly and pretend to be all strong and macho on stage and drink alcohol, when we all know the reason they're doing that is because they're only trying to scare us. Well, it doesn't work! I'm not scared of any band who thinks it's cool to hang out in shacks with smelly hippies and goes kayaking. It's not big and it's not clever to do that--or to play your guitar loud and fast and look like Henry Rollins. Anyone can do that. You need to be deep as well, write lyrics that reflamesect your inner turmoil and social angst. Or so Billy Corgan said recently in an Internet interview. I like Billy because he's a real tormented poet. He's been ridiculed by the media because they don't really understand the real him--much the same way my freaky cousin Alex ridicules me because she doesn't understand the real me--but Billy doesn't care. I don't either, no matter how much other kids make fun of my "William Goldsmith is King" lunch box. My friend K. J. says that the only reason Seaweed is still playing is because they've obviously all got secret trust funds stashed away somewhere, and they think they're still at school. They're not! They're sooooo old, man! Anyway, if I came from Tacoma, I'd stink too!--Tommy Pickett age 9 1/2


SUNDAY MARCH 21

THE JUNGLE BROTHERS, THe FREESTYLERS, STYLES OF BEYOND
(ARO.space) See Live Preview, page 25.


TUESDAY MARCH 23

BATTLESTAR DYSLEXICA
(700 Club) The biggest difference since saxophonist Skerik left this band (formerly known as Crack Sabbath) is that there's more room to watch the show now. That's no joke at the 700 Club, which can get so crowded that just getting a drink requires a nasty five-minute swim through seas of leather-clad asses. The crowd may be smaller for the time being, but the eclectic sound remains "music for music's sake"--everything from smooth soul to grinding experimentalism. The only problem is that although they're likely to hit on a style you dig, you can be sure that the very next song will be something completely different. Never mind--if that happens, just sit back and check out bass player Keith Lowe's killer Klingon moustache, by far the best this side of UPN 11. --NT

LO FIDELITY ALL-STARS, BOOM BOOM SATELLITE
(ARO.space) See Calendar Box, page 49.


WEDNESDAY MARCH 24

LATIN PLAYBOYS
(ARO.space) See Calendar Lead, page 39.

TEDIO BOYS
(Crocodile) Portugal's Tedio Boys play greased-up rockabilly and dirty American garage like they were born to it. Too bad they don't deliver their lyrics in Portuguese, however, because we might have had one more show to recommend this week.--KW