Regrets

I Regret Those Girls in Roslyn

I Regret Nothing

What You Think About When You Think About Chile

A Guide to the Jokes in This Issue for the Staff of Gawker

Hands Off My Leeks

The cover of The Stranger's Regrets Issue last year featured a bronze sculpture of a banana peel by the artists SuttonBeresCuller, whom we failed to credit. We regret the error.

In the January 7 issue of The Stranger, Mayor Mike McGinn was quoted saying that on New Year's Eve he watched a few minutes of TV and then, "I went bed." We regret the error.

In a July 1 review of a comedy show by right-wing watermelon-smashing has-been Gallagher, The Stranger's Lindy West wrote about "watching Gallagher during my 1980s childhood (Comedy Central was my third parent)." In fact, according to an online commenter, Comedy Central wasn't founded until November of 1989, rendering this statement impossible due to the constraints of the space-time continuum. Lindy West does not particularly regret the error because Jesus, who cares. She meant early '90s. So what. Chill.

The Seattle Police Department regrets that brown people are just so fun to kick, punch, and kill.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor of The Stranger, and Lindy West, film editor of The Stranger, do not regret attempting to ask Dave Reichert about the health of his head at the big Republican fiesta at the Bellevue Hilton on election night, nor do they regret being issued an in-house restraining order from a Hilton employee vis-à-vis Dave Reichert, nor do they regret riding the elevator up to the top floor to hide from security behind an ice machine, nor do they regret drinking Four Loko behind said ice machine, nor do they regret attempting to get Slade Gorton to hold a can of Four Loko for a commemorative photograph, nor do they regret being ejected from the big Republican fiesta for "causing problems for parties."

On a related note, Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor of The Stranger, truly regrets the Four Loko ban. Four Loko lets a shy reporter do what needs to be done.

David Schmader regrets that in The Stranger's November 25 issue, in the "Seattle's Best Booths" roundup, a sentence that was supposed to describe the booths at Loretta's Northwesterner being "close enough to the bar to order another round without standing up or screaming" was changed during the editing process to "close enough to the bar to order another round by standing up and screaming." This is just wrong. Reordering at Loretta's requires no standing or screaming.

In the April 22 issue, associate editor Charles Mudede wrote in a feature on the Hanford Site (titled "The Landscape of Irony") that Nine Canyon Wind Project is on Horse Heaven Hills. This is not correct. Nine Canyon Wind Project and Horse Heaven Hills are miles apart. We regret the error.

In the October 28 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled restaurant owner Taichi Kitamura's name in a photo caption. We regret the error.

Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets using the pages of The Stranger this summer to beg Congressman Jim McDermott to be his "daddy." (Regarding a "tunnel project"! Which makes it even worse!)

Stranger arts editor Jen Graves regrets asserting, in a story in the December 2 issue, that the Duwamish have fishing rights on the Duwamish River. They do not. Ms. Graves further regrets that the Duwamish do not have fishing rights because the tribe itself is not federally recognized and only when they are federally recognized can a tribe be granted fishing rights, never mind that it's THEIR FUCKING RIVER.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger and cofounder of the It Gets Better Project, regrets not going to a professional TV studio to shoot the original "It Gets Better" video with his boyfriend partner husband, Terry Miller. If he had known the video would be viewed by Barack Obama plus one million one hundred seventy two thousand other people, he wouldn't have filmed it in a bar filled with gray light. Mr. Savage looked 10 years older than he actually is in that video, and he's already pretty fucking old.

On a related note, Mr. Savage regrets looking like hell in all those Skype interviews he did for television news programs when the It Gets Better Project exploded and the national media came calling and Mr. Savage was temporarily residing in Bloomington, Indiana, a city without a reliable satellite uplink. Mr. Savage realizes that worrying about how one looks during a Skype interview on CNN about LGBT youth suicide—one looks like one has CANCER—is shallow and vain, but Mr. Savage can't help himself.

Dominic Holden, news editor of The Stranger, regrets taking that call from the woman at Red Bull because she keeps calling. Dear Red Bull woman: Mr. Holden will never write an article about Red Bull no matter how many times you call.

Stranger music staffer Dave Segal regrets that he will never engage in another exceedingly pleasurable and nerdy discussion about music with the late Sub Pop employee Andy Kotowicz.

Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets every painfully wooden interview Seattle Arts & Lectures executive director Linda Bowers has conducted with visiting authors in the past two years—including Jonathan Franzen and Junot Diaz, both of whom were moved to comment onstage on her abrasive awkwardness.

Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger and a six-foot-four human being, regrets whatever he said to compel Seattle Arts & Lectures to start seating him miles away from the stage in some tightly walled balcony chamber full of umbrellas and old ladies' knees, even on nights with plenty of empty seats in the front of the house. Actually, you know what, no he doesn't—Seattle Arts & Lectures' executive director is icy, antagonistic, unimaginative, and haughty, and if she can't take hearing that, screw her.

On a related note, everyone who doesn't get to waltz in free to Seattle Arts & Lectures events like Mr. Frizzelle regrets that he is such a world-class complainer.

In a December 9 Data Breaker column, Stranger music writer Dave Segal mistakenly wrote that WD4D won the 2009 Laptop Battle. He in fact did not even advance beyond the first round of the Laptop Battle. We regret the error.

Megan Seling, a music writer at The Stranger, regrets that to this day she can't spell "guarantee" correctly.

In the January 28 issue of The Stranger, Eli Sanders wrote that the South Park Bridge is "the only route that residents of the hardscrabble neighborhood of South Park have for getting across the Duwamish River and into the rest of the city." That is not true. We regret the error.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets agreeing to have his picture taken with a fan who recognized him at Pony, a gay nightclub on Capitol Hill. Mr. Savage expected to pose for a quick cell-phone picture with one admirer but instead wound up crammed into Pony's retro photo booth for way too long with four Seattle University students who stank of cigarette smoke and couldn't, between the four of them, figure out how to make the photo booth take photos.

In the May 6 issue of The Stranger, we recommended skipping rocks at the fishpond at the Japanese Garden in the Arboretum. As Thomas Hargrave of the Seattle Department of Parks & Recreation later pointed out, such projectiles could hurt the koi, low-flying birds, or passersby. We don't much care about passersby, but we regret possibly causing koi and low-flying birds any problems. They've got enough to deal with.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets not being able to clone himself so he can see more theater performances every week and still have a life. He also regrets not having figured out a way to train his eyes to read in the darkness of the back row. If he could read during boring plays—if he could figure out something to do besides feel his life ebb away—he'd never have to leave a show at intermission.

Grant Brissey, editor of The Stranger's music and nightlife blog, Line Out, regrets drunkenly walking out on his tab at Big Mario's three different times and then having to pay $64 when he went in one day to buy a slice and a tall can of Rainier.

In August, news editor Dominic Holden wrote that out of 172 people referred to the city attorney's office for pot possession, 25 of them had pot in addition to another charge. In fact, 40 had pot in addition to another charge. We regret the error, as well as our ridiculous laws.

Downtown streets regret that the deep-bore tunnel will divert nearly two-thirds of the existing viaduct traffic onto them and neither the city nor state has any plan to deal with it.

The headline "An Untoward Destination" ran above books editor Paul Constant's column in both the April 22 and April 29 issues of The Stranger. No one on staff ever noticed this error, proving regretfully yet conclusively that nobody on staff reads the book section.

In the September 16 syndicated version of Savage Love, a man wrote in worried about catching something after drinking a bartender's pee during a night on the town. Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, responded: "Drinking urine presents no risk of HIV infection and low to no risk for just about everything save cooties. Hepatitis is blood-borne, and if there wasn't any blood in your bartender's urine—and if you didn't have any cuts or open sores in your mouth—then you probably don't have anything to worry about." Not all hepatitis is blood-borne, and you can get hepatitis from all sorts of places. We regret any diseases you might have caught following his advice.

Despite the fact that she figured out how to bake a goddamn miniature pie into a cupcake, Megan Seling regrets she still hasn't been invited to be a guest on The Martha Stewart Show.

Stranger music staff writer Dave Segal regrets Friday nights because Friday's when the entire week's worth of sleep debt hits him like a fatigue sledgehammer and forces him into a disco nap before going out, a nap that has been known to last until 3:13 a.m., by which point the entire evening's festivities have come and gone without Mr. Segal, causing a huge sadness to descend upon Mr. Segal, which spurs thoughts of Mr. Segal trying to obtain the most potent trucker speed on the market, a prospect that further exhausts him.

In the September 9 issue of The Stranger, we asserted that the Icarus Kid recorded his first album for Pleasure Boat Records. Actually, he recorded it for his Electrowookie Records imprint. We regret the error.

Megan Seling, a music writer at The Stranger, regrets that These Arms Are Snakes, Bronze Fawn, Patrol, and Loving Thunder all broke up in the last year.

Megan Seling, a music writer at The Stranger, regrets that Dashboard Confessional, Take That (seriously?!?), Stone Temple Pilots, and Faith No More have gotten back together in the last year.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor and food critic of The Stranger, regrets that the pea vines served to her at Madison Valley restaurant Luc were so advanced in age they had to be chewed and chewed and chewed and still turned into sort of a cud, at which point she had to pretend to point something out to her dining companion and then, while his head was turned, spit out the pea-vine-cud and hide it under a piece of bread.

Dan Savage, author of the column Savage Love and editorial director of The Stranger, regrets—for the fourth year running—proposing that the paper's website feature a group blog (which Mr. Savage decided to call Slog) as it instantly transformed what had been a pretty sweet three-or-so-days-per-week gig (being on staff at a weekly publication) into a round-the-clock, your-work-is-never-done nightmare.

Associate editor Eli Sanders regrets taking film editor Lindy West to a makeshift racetrack and enrolling her in a made-for-the-media demonstration on why texting while driving is dangerous because he almost died.

Beef bottom round regrets that it doesn't make as nearly a juicy roast as a pork shoulder.

In the June 24 issue of The Stranger, we published the word "revue" when we meant "review." We regret the error.

Stranger staffer Kelly O regrets drinking three vodka sodas, two shots of Jäger, and one and a half pints of beer at Dina Martina Christmas Show, and then not being able to shut her goddamn yapper. She LOVES Dina and would never, ever have become a heckler if her brain hadn't been floating around in a big bowl of booze soup.

The Stranger regrets that Initiative 1098, which would have created an income tax for the richest people in the state to fund health care and education, failed thanks to undereducated Tea Partyers and the "progressive" greedy fucks like Paul Allen, Jeff Bezos, and Steve Ballmer. Seriously, fuck those guys.

The Stranger regrets that Mayor Mike McGinn didn't listen to our warnings about John Diaz.

In Stranger Suggests on Monday, May 24, The Stranger recommended going to Full Tilt Ice Cream and enjoying its chocolate-covered ice-cream bars in two flavors: salty caramel and peanut butter bacon. However, every Full Tilt location is closed Mondays. We regret the error.

Stranger associate editor Charles Mudede regrets he did not commit his life to the study of termites and other social insects because they work together so well.

Dan Savage, a frequent guest on MSNBC and CNN, regrets that he can no longer stroll around the Fremont Market hungover on a Sunday morning without being stopped by people who only want to tell him that they saw him on TV. Mr. Savage is aware that he was on TV.

Stranger staffer Megan Seling regrets that she always says Loggins when she means Rogers.

Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets every meal that doesn't include Wilson Fish's smoked salmon from the Ballard farmers market because it's the tastiest goddamn thing she's ever put in her mouth.

The Stranger news department regrets that organizations hold their wonky breakfast meetings before the break of dawn and don't serve Bloody Marys.

In a January 14 column, Stranger music writer Dave Segal called the dubstep producer/DJ Dubtek "Jerry Loller." In fact, his name is Kyle Schaub. Jerry Loller was a pro wrestler from the '80s and Schaub's use of his handle on his MySpace page was a joke. We regret the error.

On Friday, February 12, Stranger books editor Paul Constant announced that a reading by Walter Jon Williams was happening at the Richard Hugo House. In fact, it was happening at University Book Store. Those two venues have absolutely nothing in common and are separated by several neighborhoods and a body of water. We regret the error.

The Stranger regrets that the Seattle City Council spent a month pondering a do-nothing, anti-panhandling law to pander to downtown businesses instead of figuring out how to fill hundreds of thousands of square feet of vacant downtown office space, which would actually help downtown businesses.

Gillian Anderson, The Stranger's copy chief, regrets the un-hot summer weather this year that resulted in so many unripened tomatoes.

Brendan Kiley regrets giving a radio interview about the second article in his investigative series on tainted cocaine ("The Cocaine Trade," November 4) without having the story in front of him. Mr. Kiley gave the interview on his cell phone while pacing up and down an alley near the Seattle Repertory Theatre where he'd just seen a Sunday matinee. When the journalist in Texas asked, "You wrote that, in the course of working on your article, you learned three important things: Can you summarize those for us?" Mr. Kiley couldn't remember what those were, which made him sound like a buffoon.

In the August 26 issue of The Stranger, Dan Savage wrote: "For his own sake, your roommate shouldn't allow your dog to lick his open sores (who does he think he is? Job?), herpes-related or not." But it was Lazarus, not Job, who had his sores lapped by dogs. We regret the error. We also regret the image you now have in your mind.

Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets comparing Mayor Mike McGinn's ass to two honey-baked hams in a Slog post. Sorry about that, Seattle.

In the September 30 issue of The Stranger, in the Back to School Guide, we included "Spoiler Alerts for the Big Novels so You Can Flirt with English Majors as if You've Already Read Them"—but we got the ending of The Great Gatsby wrong, even though The Stranger's books editor and editor in chief read and reread that sentence as that issue was being prepared and both have read and reread The Great Gatsby more times than they can count. Sorry if that fucked with your game.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor and food critic of The Stranger, regrets that movie popcorn is not available in places besides the movies.

Stranger film editor Lindy West has something to get off her chest. Two and a half years ago in her column Concessions, Ms. West wrote, "Then my dad went back to his job at the quarry where they mixed cement in the beak of a dinosaur pelican," a Flintstones reference she was convinced she made up and of which she was rather proud. Later, upon obsessively relistening to old recordings of Office cocreators Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant (and Karl Pilkington) on Britain's Xfm radio, she realized that the Flintstones mixing cement in a dinosaur pelican is a favorite reference of theirs—a joke she must have internalized, forgotten about, and then "wrote" in her "original" column. Ms. West recognizes that this is a rare but inevitable occurrence in the fuzzy ether of the creative life, but she still feels an inordinately deep and crushing shame over it and, as a result, has never told anyone before ever. Like, seriously, she sometimes wakes up in the night and feels sick.

Grant Brissey regrets this hangover.

In the January 14 issue of The Stranger, the New York City information line was said to be 331. In fact, it's 311. We regret the error.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor of The Stranger, does not regret calling the Starbucks on Olive Way the very first Starbucks to serve beer and wine even though, technically, yes, the Starbucks in Madison Park did so at some point in the past and maybe another one did as well. You people are such nitpickers.

Dave Segal, a music writer at The Stranger, regrets that Four Tet's February 23 show at Chop Suey was marred by some of the worst sound ever to hamper a headliner.

Dominic Holden, news editor of The Stranger, regrets that after writing an article in January about the racial disparity of Seattle police operations to bust drug dealers—blacks are arrested more than whites, even though whites sell most of the drugs—the online comments revealed what racist pieces of shit some folks are.

On Friday, February 12, Stranger books editor Paul Constant listed author Kevin Sampsell as "Kevin Sempsell" in the readings calendar. We regret the error.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley soft-pedaled a review of Nietzsche! The Musical at Unexpected Productions in the May 20 issue of The Stranger, writing that it was "undeniably, exuberantly fun." We regret the error.

The Stranger's music critics regret musicians who illogically don't label their MP3s, creating chaos in our iTunes libraries. This is totally a first-world problem but that doesn't make it any less irritating.

The Stranger regrets that Mayor Mike McGinn, while correct about many transportation issues, has bungled the strategy to implement transportation solutions.

David Schmader regrets missing the Arcade Fire show at KeyArena. He'd seen them on the Neon Bible tour and loved them, and for some reason thought this meant he didn't really need to go to the KeyArena show, and now he'd give a lot of money to have been in that room when that band was making that racket.

In her February 18 column, film editor Lindy West abbreviated the film Percy Jackson & the Olympians: The Lightning Thief to PJ&TO:TLF because she thought abbreviating it would be funny. However, in English, "thief" begins with a t and not an f, and therefore, the correct abbreviation is obviously PJ&TO:TLT. We regret the error.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets that he does not believe in reincarnation because that means he can't be a dance belt in his next life, although even if he did, he's not sure if someone can be reincarnated as an inanimate object. Furthermore, Mr. Savage is aware that believing in reincarnation isn't enough to ensure that he would come back as a dance belt: Reincarnation would have to be true, not just something that Mr. Savage believed to be true, and he would have to be very, very good to come back as a dance belt, and Mr. Savage is very, very bad.

Dave Segal's ulcer regrets that Stranger music editor Eric Grandy decided to take a two-week vacation in December.

Megan Seling, a music writer at The Stranger and the host of a weekly local music show on 107.7 The End, regrets taking too much Benadryl before one of her radio shifts over the summer. Her allergies were acting up is all, and she didn't want to go on air sounding like Professor Frink from The Simpsons, but thanks to the stupid Benadryl she babbled like an idiot, played the wrong song twice, and at one point might've sneezed into the radio mic while still on air (it's kind of a blur).

In the May 13 issue of The Stranger, we mixed up Unicorn co-owners Adam Heimstadt and Paul Blake. We regret the error.

This campaign season, Stranger news editor Dominic Holden reported that Ed McKenna knew his campaign for judge received $1,600 from Citizens for Judicial Excellence, a group of DUI attorneys. In fact, McKenna didn't know the group had given him the money. We regret the error.

In the June 24 issue of The Stranger, managing editor and food critic Bethany Jean Clement asserted that Seattle's defunct Oceanaire Seafood Room was part of a fancy seafood chain out of Texas. In fact, Oceanaire Seafood Room was part of a fancy seafood chain out of Minnesota that was later bought by a restaurant conglomerate in Texas. We regret the error, but just barely.

Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets lying to that homeless guy about being barren just to one-up his story about being homeless.

Dominic Holden, news editor of The Stranger, regrets that Seattle City Council president Richard Conlin took such offense to a headline asking whether he was "a chicken or a dick" for refusing to debate Mayor Mike McGinn on the deep-bore tunnel. It was supposed to be funny, alluding to Conlin's support for increasing the number of backyard chickens, to the standard diminution for Mr. Conlin's first name, and to the fact that he is both a chicken and a dick.

Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets having only three Potrero Hill Martinis with San Francisco Bay Guardian publisher Bruce Brugmann during their March interview for the feature "The Great West Coast Newspaper War," even though that third one resulted in Mr. Sanders having to publish a bunch of mysterious, ellipsis-riddled sentence fragments from Brugmann such as: "A guy comes up to me at a cocktail party a couple weeks ago... These are heavy-duty things here... Boom boom boom, like Sherman's march to the sea..." Um. What?

The Stranger regrets that the Seattle City Council is so rabidly gung ho for the deep-bore tunnel, a project so plainly overpriced and inefficient that it should never be built.

In the July 8 issue of The Stranger, Paul Constant implied that Gene Kelly was the performer of the "Make 'Em Laugh" number in Singing in the Rain, when in fact it was Donald O'Connor. In his defense, Mr. Constant is a straight male, so his movie-musical knowledge is impaired, but there are more theater fags up in this joint than a goddamn spring musical, any of whom should have been able to catch that error.

The movie The Expendables regrets requiring Sylvester Stallone to run on film because he runs like an injured goat these days, his veins seemingly rupturing, his pained muscles trying to escape his own body for the sake of mercy, his face seized in the same Botoxed rictus of an expression that he will probably wear at the moment of his death. This is a man who did not adequately prepare for the future, and now is forced to dance for his supper like a 20-year-old.

Grant Brissey, editor of The Stranger's music and nightlife blog, Line Out, regrets not working at a bar anymore because the money was really good.

On a related note, Line Out editor Grant Brissey does not regret not working at a bar anymore.

The Stranger regrets not writing enough about Mad Rad, Vampire Weekend, Shabazz Palaces, or this huge new genre called chillwave this year. We'll try to give them some attention in 2011.

Staff photographer Kelly O regrets eating a whole Philly cheesesteak by herself at Calozzi's in Pioneer Square when she was there to take a photo for a recent food review, not because it wasn't delicious—it was—but because when she went to see super-fucking-funny funnyman Solomon Georgio at the Comedy Underground afterward, she sat next to a vegan and every time she laughed, she burped—big old onion-and-meat burps.

In the February 18 issue of The Stranger, we published film critic Roger Ebert's name as "Robert Ebert." Good lord, that's embarrassing. We regret the error.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets that the perfect freelance writer to cover opera does not exist in this town. The people who know about opera aren't great writers, and the people who are great writers aren't good at critiquing opera.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets that he can't tell you what "sluckolband" means.

Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets stating to Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, that rape doesn't exist among chimps because chimp sex happens much too quickly—seven seconds, two or three thrusts, and it's over—and, as Mr. Mudede stated, "rape is all about time." Rape is not imposed sex plus some amount of time; rape is always rape, at any speed or length. Jesus, what is Mr. Mudede's fucking damage?

On Slog on February 13, Paul Constant attributed a Gahan Wilson reading to Elliott Bay Book Company, when the reading actually took place at Fantagraphics Bookstore. Counting the previously detailed mistake about University Book Store and the spelling of Kevin Sampsell's name, that's three idiotic and obvious mistakes Mr. Constant made within 24 hours this year. We regret the errors and, like you, don't quite know why Mr. Constant still has a job.

The Stranger regrets thinking Stan Rumbaugh had a shot at the state supreme court.

Eli Sanders regrets misspelling the name of Amnon Shoenfeld, director of King County's mental health services, because come on, that name is crying out for double-checking.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor and food critic of The Stranger, regrets all hamburgers that cost more than $10 and further suggests that you go try the Pike/Pine Original cheeseburger at the Unicorn on Capitol Hill, which is an un-oversized, In-N-Out-inspired thing of awesomeness made with Thundering Hooves beef and costs $5.

Lindy West regrets that pretty much nobody went to see Legend of the Guardians: The Owls of Ga'Hoole, because it was SERIOUSLY TOTALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD, YOU GUYS.

In a December 9 article on Wall of Sound record shop, music staff writer Dave Segal erroneously stated that co-owner Jeffery Taylor curates compilations of 7-inch records for the Dust to Digital label. In actuality, it is Taylor's Climax Golden Twins bandmate Robert Millis who works on compilations for Dust to Digital, and the source material consists of 78s, not 7-inches. We regret the errors and will totally understand if you want to stop taking Segal's word for anything.

David Schmader regrets the closure of the South Park Bridge, though he appreciates the consolation-prize off-leash dog park and relative quiet at the now-bridgeless section of the neighborhood.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets the Seattle parents who complained about a Dutch puppet show at Seattle Children's Theatre because it featured a puppet-divorce. Guess what, you atavistic freaks? Most children of all ages are all too aware of divorce as a fact in the world, and besides The Brady Bunch let that horse out of the stable 40 years ago. Get over it.

The Stranger's music department regrets the dearth of satisfactory synonyms for "funk" and "funky."

Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets not watching the credits in Toy Story 3. Had he done so, Mr. Mudede would have seen that the socialist dystopia he bitched about in the December 2 review of the movie is actually transformed into a socialist utopia run by Barbie and Ken. The dystopia is in the main part of the film, the utopia is in the credits—rendering his review not only bizarre but wrong.

Cienna Madrid, staff writer at The Stranger, regrets spelling Emily Heffter, Robert Nellams, and Casey McNerthney's names wrong. They are all swell people, and there is no excuse.

Strangercrombie editor Paul Constant kicked off the 2010 Strangercrombie catalog with a declaration that this year's charity auction would end on Tuesday, December 14, at 5:00 p.m. In fact, it ended on Wednesday, December 15, at 5:00 p.m. Mr. Constant is haunted to this day by the eyes of the abused infants he visited at Childhaven because his stupid mistake probably sacrificed thousands of dollars in Strangercrombie proceeds that could have gone toward helping those infants live a better life.

Kelly O regrets drinking that second can of warm Busch Light in the first 20 minutes at The Gathering of the Juggalos. It forced her into a long line of dirty clowns waiting for the porta-potty at the exact moment that Tila Tequila hit the stage, which was the same moment Juggalos started hitting Tequila with rocks, firecrackers, and human turds. Ms. O's philosophy of photography—and life in general—is to always, ALWAYS be in the worst place at the best time. We regret her error.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets that actor Ray Tagavilla doesn't work more—he's such a meticulous, unflinching actor and a joy to watch. Mr. Kiley further wonders what the deal is: Does Tagavilla not want to work more? Will big houses not hire him? What's the fucking deal?

The Stranger regrets that not a single staffer attended any of the parties at SIFF this year, but only because it made the really nice SIFF people mad at us. We do not regret missing the parties, which mostly just consist of standing in line for cheese.

David Schmader regrets that one of the Seattle restaurants he reviewed and enjoyed in 2010 was soon after identified by a professional exterminator as the site of Seattle's roachiest, rattiest kitchen.

Chelsea Handler's vagina regrets 50 Cent's cock, but probably not as much as 50 Cent's cock regrets Chelsea Handler's vagina.

In the May 6 issue of The Stranger, we listed a Sonny Rollins show as happening at the Moore, when in fact it happened at the Paramount. We regret the error.

Theater editor Brendan Kiley regrets not seeing Taphonomy, the inaugural production by the Boom! Theater Company, until closing weekend. It was a lively, scary, site-specific world premiere about the apocalypse, and he would've promoted the hell out of it if he'd only seen it sooner.

Lindy West regrets gin.

In the December 2 issue of The Stranger, in a Stranger Suggest item for a talk at Seattle Art Museum about Picasso's famous anti-war painting Guernica, we published the sentence "Whence those politics now?" which makes no sense. We regret the error.

Miss Otis regrets that he had it coming.

Dave Segal regrets Joy Division bassist Peter Hook's fauxhawk. Always a dubious choice for a 54-year-old.

Arts editor Jen Graves regrets a-pile-of-gigantic-paintbrushes sculpture. Every time.

Kelly O regrets that she didn't take more photos the first time she saw Jimmy Lee Lindsey Jr., aka Jay Reatard, play at the Sunset Tavern in 2007, or the time he and his bandmates crashed on her floor after playing his last big Seattle show at the Crocodile—not because she wants to do that creepy "I was friends with him" ownership thing that everybody does when someone dies, but because Jay was fun and funny those nights. He wasn't always an asshole. Ms. O will miss him and his music very much.

Dominic Holden regrets that there is a film crew shooting extra footage for a scene in the movie Grassroots around his desk while he is writing his regrets.

Charles Mudede, a film critic, regrets writing "Gianni has to take care of three grannies" in his April 29 review of Mid-August Lunch. Gianni had to take care of five grannies, as anyone actually paying attention could plainly see.

In the July 29 installment of her Underage column, Megan Seling misspelled Jeremy Bushnell's name and mistakenly credited Brian Skiffington as being a co-owner of the Viaduct, an all-ages venue in Tacoma (now defunct), even though he wasn't. We regret the errors, although not the homemade cupcakes Ms. Seling brings to the office whenever she fucks up real bad like that.

David Schmader regrets that Bethany Storro was not approached by a stranger who threw acid in her face.

Stranger music staff writer Dave Segal regrets drinking that free can of orange-flavored energy drink called Relentless. Ominously subtitled "FIRE" and emblazoned with the tagline "NO HALF MEASURES," the beverage was the most repulsive liquid Mr. Segal has ever put in his mouth. He emptied most of the contents on the pavement outside of Neumos, which then burned a crater into the earth.

Earlier this year on Slog, The Stranger's news and arts blog, associate editor Charles Mudede got the title of Charles Darwin's classic On the Origin of Species wrong. We regret the error, even though it pales compared to all his other misfires on Slog this year.

In the March 11 issue of The Stranger, in a story about Tim Burgess's proposed aggressive-solicitation ordinance, we cited a poll as saying one-third of downtown residents were concerned about aggressive panhandling. In fact, it was two-thirds. We regret the error.

The Stranger regrets those "barefoot" shoes with separated toes.

A June 10 feature on the band Indian Jewelry was headlined—wait for it—"Uzi and the Banshees." We regret the error.

Bethany Jean Clement, managing editor of The Stranger, regrets that she cannot tell the difference between Slater from Saved by the Bell and Christian Slater, but she doesn't regret it very much.

Stranger staffer Kelly O regrets being so nervous while interviewing Harmony Korine, director of Kids and Trash Humpers, that her neck broke out in hives and she couldn't remember her questions. What the fuck is this, journalism-kindergarten?

The Stranger regrets Slats's passing.

Jen Graves, arts editor of The Stranger, regrets that time when an artist who took issue with something she'd written physically pushed her at the Genius Awards, because she should have kneed him in the balls, and certainly fucking will the next time.

In the April 15 issue of The Stranger, in a piece about the silent reading parties at the Sorrento Hotel, we said the book Exile on Main Street was by Robert Greenberg when in fact it's by Robert Greenfield. We regret the error.

Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets that his last name means "corn that's not yet ripe."

In the March 18 issue of The Stranger, we asserted that Sebastian Junger's The Perfect Storm was about "longshoremen who wound up on the wrong end of badass weather." The characters were fishermen, not longshoremen. We regret the error.

Every intelligent human being regrets that anyone still listens to anything Mark Driscoll says. Sigh.

Against Me! circa 2002 regret Against Me! circa 2010.

Maura Kelly probably regrets nothing. Regrettably.

Eli Sanders, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets not actually being related to outgoing state supreme court justice Richard B. Sanders, because shit—having a relative who once went to a party dressed as a Nazi and who ruled against gay marriage because the gays are too promiscuous and their relationships are too unstable (while being, himself, a twice-divorced dater of multiple simultaneous women) would make for some really amazing Passover seders.

Grant Brissey regrets whiskey dick.

In the February 4 issue, chef Seth Caswell of emmer&rye was misquoted as saying, "I feed goat to my girlfriend and leave the leftovers to my dog." Mr. Caswell does not have a girlfriend; he does have a wife. We regret the error, and that this misquotation appeared in the paper the day of Mr. Caswell and his wife's eighth anniversary.

Music writer Dave Segal regrets forgetting to include coverage of dubstep maverick Appleblim's November 10 show at the Baltic Room. He will never hear the end of it from the maverick-dubstep mafia.

Stranger arts editor Jen Graves does not regret having kept the location secret of the Sodo graffiti installation she wrote about on April 22, even though she so badly wanted to tell you it was in the Sunny Jim building, which has since been demolished.

The Stranger regrets oil-covered birds.

The Stranger regrets the state of reading comprehension in general and, specifically, that some people thought staffer Kelly O was a "spoiled, rich, upper-middle-class tourist" and/or a "racist" after reading her May 27 piece "Things I Remember About Detroit." Ms. O loves Detroit and will celebrate New Year's Eve 2010 by eating pierogi and drinking potato vodka in Hamtramck and then driving through Highland Park at 11:55 p.m. to see if people still shoot guns at the sky at the stroke of midnight.

Stranger arts editor Jen Graves continues to regret the planned closing of Western Bridge in 2012, despite accusations that she is being pre-nostalgic.

The Stranger regrets the death of J. D. Salinger. Even though he was a recluse, we took comfort in the idea of him being out there.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, can't believe that this is The Stranger's 1,000th issue, and regrets he has nothing pithy to say about being The Stranger's last remaining original editorial staffer. recommended

This article has been updated since its original publication—the word "and" was unintentionally omitted in the online version of the subhead by Grant Brissey, such that it read "A Year of Blatant Inaccuracies, Stunning Lapses, Errors Obvious Oversights" for nearly a week. We regret Grant Brissey.