I’m a 20-year-old lesbian in a loving relationship and I have a problem. I’m crushing on one of my close friends—and she’s seriously dating someone. In high school I would always just store these feelings away under the assumption that whoever I was crushing on wouldn’t reciprocate and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us. No one wants a friend crushing on them because then things get awkward, especially after you throw homosexuality into the mix. (I was closeted until about two years ago.)

But now things are different. This girl is bi so she and I weren’t outside the realm of possibility before she started dating someone. And it’s fair to mention that my partner and I are in an open relationship. We love each other, but she wants to explore and feel like she’s not tied down. Me, I want to be able to kiss people at parties and get more experience because my partner’s the first girl I’ve dated. We’ve agreed casual sex is fine, but we haven’t discussed dates with other people. To me, dating someone else would mean things could get serious in a betrayal-like way.

What do I do with these feelings I have for my friend? I don’t want to mess things up between her and her girlfriend, but it feels weird to constantly be checking my actions so that she won’t know I like her. I feel like I’m betraying my girlfriend by admitting I like this friend, but I do. I just don’t want to lose my girlfriend in the process of me following my feelings, because I really do love her.

Should I keep hiding these feelings away and continue being friends with my friend that I'm crushing on? Or should I stop talking to her to remove the possibility of me making things awkward? Or is there a third option I should take?

Lesbian Of Split Thoughts

You know what's awkward? Being cut out of someone's life without explanation—so if it's awkwardness you want to avoid, LOST, don't stop talking to the friend you have a crush on.

Zooming out for a moment...

You're a twenty-year-old lesbian, LOST, who basically just came out of the closet. Based on what I know of lesbian sex-and-dating culture, I'd say odds are high that you'll wind up dating the friend you have a crush on, the girl she's with now, the girls both of these women will date after dating you, and at least two of your future ex-girlfriend's future ex-girlfriends. Lesbian love lives are like that. I also predict that all seven of these women—your current GF, your crush buddy, her current GF, their subsequent GFs—will come to your wedding someday. You might even wind up marrying one or more of them.

So take a deep breath and enjoy the girl you're with now, the time you get to spend with the girl you have a crush on (whose relationship could very well be open too—have you asked?), and all the possibilities coming your way.