We've made it a policy to take it easy on the cast and crew of Real World Seattle, partly because they did such a great job on the new turf at Cal Anderson, and partly because it's not like anything matters anymore now that Donald Trump is about to be president and anyone foreign, Muslim, Jewish, Black, foreign, or wearing glasses is going to be rounded up and murdered before this time next year. Fortunately, some people are keeping their wits about them, including Seattle artist, merry prankster, and longtime Stranger contributor Derek Erdman, who has a very funny story about accidentally crank calling one of the RWS cast members—actually, the Real World guy called him (and got a little insensitive, if Erdman's story is to be believed)—up at a blog called Lucky Peach. A wee excerpt:

Campbell: Yeah, who is this?

Me: This is the Safeway on Lincoln.

Campbell: This is a Safeway?

Me: Yes sir, how can I help you?

Campbell: Somebody just called me from this number.

Me: It could have been any of our departments, sir.

Campbell: This is a Safeway in Chicago?

Me: Yes sir, on Lincoln.

Campbell: What is your name?

Me: Todd.

Campbell: Todd what?

Me: Todd [pause] Milton.

Campbell: That sounds like you just made that name up.

Me: It’s the name I was given at birth, sir.

Campbell: Well, your name sounds retarded as shit.

Me: Sir, I’m sorry if somebody called your number on accident.

Campbell: See, that’s the thing: I don’t think this was an accident. I think my number has been leaked on the
Internet.

Me: Sir, I could transfer you to some other departments to see if they called you.

Campbell: Okay, transfer me.

Me: Okay, one second. [Three-second pause, then, in the same voice:] Pharmacy.

Campbell: Yo, you didn’t transfer me. This is the same dude … Todd Milton.

Me: Sorry, sir, this is the pharmacy.

Campbell: Yo, you sound like a lame.

There's more. It's good. And it eased my dread about the coming actual war with the final flare-up of bovine America and the end of the American experiment, and the agony of watching those fuckers get to be in charge, for like six to eight minutes. WHICH I WILL GLADLY TAKE.

(Interesting fact: This is not Erdman's first story involving a Safeway.)