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There are four or five hundred thousand emails in my inbox from straight guys asking why assholes get all the girls, why they keep getting friend-zoned, and why the girls who really should like them (because they're nice!) always seem to pick some other guy (who was either an asshole all along or was suddenly perceived to be an asshole once the girl picked him). I would dig through my inbox for a good & representative example of one of those emails and post it here—to uphold the honor of the SLLOTD format—but I'm about to get on a plane and I'm in a hurry.

Anyway...

Those letters came to mind this morning as I read this terrific tweetstorm of advice for guys who complain about friend zones and assholes:








































The reader who brought Xavier's tweetstorm to my attention thought it was a nice compliment to an answer I gave years and years ago to a lonely, horny, hard-up teenage boy who wanted a GF. I've been asked to rerun that printstorm of advice few times:

But don't despair, HUTB. Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here's what you need to do: Worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you'll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you're interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.

Probably wouldn't include that lookist/body-fascist bit about joining a gym if I were responding to that kid today—because all bodies are equally irresistible (but still, exercise is good for you!)—but the rest of it stands, especially the "actually be interesting" part.

I wasn't following the writer and director Xavier Burgin on Twitter before I read his tweetstorm today—but I am now.

UPDATE: I want to second what Alice Dreger says here...


Yes, it's important to be interesting. It's just as important to be interested. In my experience interesting people are interested people and vice-versa.

"Women want guys who care what's going on in their lives and minds," Alice continues, "both [interesting and interested] make a real package!"

Agreed!